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PARENTAL ALIENATION:
RESPONDING TO DELIBERATE
RUPTURES OF CHILDREN'S
LOVING PARENTAL
RELATIONSHIPS.
APS College of Counselling Psychologists
Conference 201528/02/15
©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 1
Profile
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 Stan Korosi M.Couns. HS Associate APS
 PA Counsellor, consultant and psychotherapist working mainly
with parental alienation, targeted or rejected parents, favoured
parents etc.
 At all stages of the alienation process
 PA Counselling and coaching
 I am a rejected/alienated parent
 Alienation independently assessed (2007)
 No intervention prescribed or ordered (2008)
 Editor-in-Chief ‘Parental Alienation International’ newsletter of the
Parental Alienation Study Group
 Reconciliation is possible even decades after a rupture
A Spectrum of Affiliation to
Alienation
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Alienated
Estranged
Aligned
Affiliated
Non-ambivalent relationship
Child estranged from one parent
Reaction against IPA or abuse targeting the child
Reaction against family situation hostile or indifferent to the
child
Protective parenting may be involved
Pathological alienation-Child abuse
Child influenced by alienating parent
Unreasonable, distorted
SUPERVENING and DOMINANT PROCESS-subsumes all
other processes
Positive relationship
Affiliated with both parents
Neither parent unduly influencing the child
Ambivalent relationship
Aligned with one parent but accepting of the other
Aligned parent not involved against non-aligned parent
What Are We Talking About?
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“Is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of
child custody disputes. Its primary manifestation
is the child's campaign of denigration against a
parent, a campaign that has no justification”
(Gardener, 1985).
“A disturbance in which children, usually in the
context of sharing a parents negative attitudes,
suffer unreasonable aversion to a person, or
persons, with whom they formally enjoyed normal
relations or with whom they would normally
develop affectionate relations” (Warshak, 2006).
What Are We Talking About?
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Critical aspects are:
 A child changes from having a previously good, warm,
healthy relationship and attachment, to rejection and aversion
of the formerly beloved attachment figure
 The child rejects or develops an aversion to others related to
the rejected parent (such as family members), and not only to
the parent.
 A secure attachment becomes highly insecure
 Unreasonable, irrational . E.g. otherwise inconsequential
issues result in disproportionate responses
What Are We Talking About?
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 A good-enough parent is rejected
 Emotional child abuse?
 Family violence?
 A favoured parent is the active agent who
causes the child to reject a ‘good enough’
loved parent
 Do children alienate themselves?
 Do they form extreme alignment as a maladaptive
means of dealing with parental conflict?
Parental Alienation (PA) versus
Parental Alienation Syndrome
(PAS)
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 PAS is not specifically defined in DSM V BUT DSM V now
contains a description of alienation
 Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is diagnosed in the child:
 determined by the extent to which efforts of the alienating parent
have been successfully manifest in the child, and not by the
parents efforts alone.
 Is it an abnormal family system presentation, a type of
serious attachment disorder (Childress.C 2014), a syndrome,
a shared delusional disorder?
 A. one of the above
 B. all of the above
 C. does it matter?
Parental Alienation and DSM V
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 DSM 5 Relevant Diagnostic Categories-Child affected by
parental relationship distress
 “when the focus of clinical attention is the negative effects of
parental relationship discord (e.g., high levels of conflict, distress,
or disparagement) on a child in the family, including effects on
the child’s mental or other physical disorders.”
 DSM 5 Relevant Diagnostic Categories-Child psychological
abuse
 “non-accidental verbal or symbolic acts by a child’s parent or
caregiver that result, or have reasonable potential to result, in
significant psychological harm to the child.”
 Supporting DSM 5 discussion on Parent-child relational
problem .
 “may include negative attributions of the other’s intentions, hostility
toward or scapegoating of the other, and unwarranted feelings of
estrangement.”
Useful Definitions-Parental
Alienation
 “Who expresses freely persistently,
unreasonable negative feelings and
beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection
and/or fear) towards a parent that are
disproportionate to the child's actual
experience with that parent. Entrenched
alienated children are marked by an un-
ambivalent, strident rejection of the
parent with no apparent guilt or conflict”
 Johnston (2005)
 Who expresses to their child/ren freely
persistently, unreasonable negative
feelings and beliefs (such as anger,
hatred, rejection and/fear) towards the
other parent that are disproportionate to
the other parent’s and child’s experience
of a loving relationship between them,
with the premeditated intentions of
rupturing the relationship between their
child and the other parent. Extreme
alienating parents are marked by a
dependent relationship between
themselves and the child/ren, lack of
insight or self-awareness of the effects of
their behaviour upon the child/ren, loss of
ambivalence and strident rejection of the
target parent whom they formerly loved,
lack of apparent guilt or remorse.
 Korosi(2013)
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©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
Alienated Child Alienating Parent
‘High Conflict or Parental
Alienation?
 A distinctive, complex family
response to divorce, which occurs
over time, and constitutes a pattern
of severe psychological abuse.
 A Favored Parent (FP) recruits the
children to form an alliance with the
FP in a campaign of denigration
against the rejected and hated
parent, the Target Parent (TP).This
may include the TP’s extended
family.
 The children become active
participants in the campaign of
denigration, declaring their devotion
and loyalty to the FP while rejecting
the TP.
 In high conflict divorce, the
children have a relationship
with both parents.
 Severely alienated children
only have a relationship with
the FP.
 In severe alienation the
animosity and denigration
spreads to the TP's extended
family. The child severs those
relationships as well. In high
conflict situations children are
more likely to maintain
relationship with extended
family
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©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
What is Parental Alienation?
What are the differences between
parental alienation and high conflict
divorce cases?
‘High Conflict or Parental
Alienation?
 The process between the FP and
children involves devaluing,
demoting and vilifying the TP.
 The reasons for rejecting/hating
the TP are irrational and out of
proportion to justify the intense
staunch relentless rejection of
the TP.
 The FP’s purpose - to sever the
physical, emotional, and
psychological relationship, and a
once mutual love bond the
children held with the TP.
 Alienated children may lie and/or
spy for the FP, and high conflict
divorce children avoid choosing
one parent over the other.
 Alienated children make false
allegations against the TP.
 In high conflict divorce cases,
children who have normal child
and parent conflicts, express the
conflict with feelings of
ambivalence.
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©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
What is Parental Alienation?
What are the differences between
parental alienation and high conflict
divorce cases?
Parental Alienation in
Australia:2012
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 22% of family law cases claimed parental alienation
 Doubled 2009 figures
 More mothers claim PA but (slightly) more fathers make
unsubstantiated claims
 20 Substantiated/28 unsubstantiated Mothers
 15 Substantiated/10 unsubstantiated Fathers
 The resident parent is more likely to alienate
 83% of alienating parents had residence of alienated child/ren
 2010 substantiated alienation
 11% had share care
 Bala.N 2012 AIFS
Bala.N 2012 AIFS
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Parental Alienation
Internationally
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 Illegal in Brazil
 Illegal in some states of Mexico including
Mexico city
 Legislative changes under consideration in
Puerto Rico
 What is illegal?
 Parental involvement in causing a child to reject
or refuse contact with a beloved parent
 Sanctions include change of residence
A (Brief) Review of Parental
Alienation
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 Evidenced based family relationship presentation more than 30
years old
 Developed by Dr. Richard Gardner 1980’s
 Reformulated at least 3 times
 1990’s a gender neutral approach-Dr. Richard Garner
 2001 Alienated child perspective –Kelly and Johnson
 2005 Differentiation between naïve, mild/moderate and extreme
alienation (Warshak.R, Baker. A.J et.al.)
 Intervention programme Family Bridges for Alienated Children (FBAC)
 2012 Family Reflections Reunification Programme (FRRP). Reay, K.
 2012 Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems approach to PA
(Gottlieb.L)
 2013-14 Attachment based formulation in process (C. Childress)
 Criteria for behavioural indicators of PA remain remarkably
consistent with Gardeners original formulation in the 1980’s
A (Brief) Review of Parental
Alienation
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 Generally considered to be a particularly egregious form of child
emotional/psychological abuse and family violence (targeting the
alienated parent).
 Family law often leaves alienated children in the care of the abusive
alienating parent because
 It simply does not know what to do when an alienated child (unreasonably
and harshly) refuses contact
 Misinterprets a child’s rejection and aversion as the child’s genuine response
independent of parental influence
 Misinterprets a childs bond with a favoured or alienating parent as secure
 Does not appreciate that the harm unreasonable contact refusal/rejection
causes is similar to child sexual abuse and family violence (Baker, A.J. 2007,
2009)
 Research (Baker, A.J 2007, 2009) indicates that outcomes for
alienated children are as compromised as for other forms of abuse
including sexual abuse.
Family Law Conflicted on PA?
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 The Kelly and Johnston model (2001) often referred to in Family
Assessments proposes that children refuse time with the other parent
because.
 The child experiences separation anxiety, preferring to remain with the "custodial"
parent. (Exploited by an alienating parent)
 The child copes/manages with severe parental conflict by minimising time with
one of the parents. (Alignment NOT Alienation. Conflict created by alienating
parent)
 ‘It only takes one to tango’
 The child is concerned about the parent's parenting style and has experienced
rigidity, rejection and insensitivity. (Alignment NOT Alienation)
 The child rejects the other parent because the child is concerned about the
"custodial" parent's emotional stability if they had time with the other parent. This
condition implies a degree of parentification (AND alienation when exploited by
the favoured parent)
 The child rejects the other parent's new partner because they are concerned
about their treatment by the parent's partner-how it is made out to them.
 Step family alienation-The ‘EX FACTOR”
Family Law Conflicted on PA?
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 Family Law assesses alienation using models that do
not consider alienation as material to a child’s
rejection!
 Kelly & Johnston model de-emphasises role of alienating
parent as a causative agent. Treats the child but the cause
remains
 Martindale and Gould (2007) -important to distinguish
between children who refuse to have time with a parent
because of a range of reasons from those who are
alienated.
 Most PA research and practice supports the view that
alienation occurs through the campaign of denigration
and demotion by an alienating parent to which a child
responds with unreasonable and irrational rejection
 Alienating parent is the causative agent in alienating a
child
Extreme Alienation
 Harsh, unreasonable
rejection
 May include extended family
 No ambivalence
 Unbalanced
 Reflexive support to favoured
parent
 May make unsubstantiated
allegations
 ‘Parroting’
 Independent thinker
phenomena
 Favoured parent uses a variety of extreme
techniques
 Mail interception
 Monitoring media of all types
 Legal, financial, administrative abuse
 Denigration
 Manipulating and/or destroying family history
and memories
 Encouraging the child to ‘demote’ the
rejected parent e.g.use of first name
 Breaching orders
 Passivity
 Co-opt the child into spying and intelligence
gathering
 Contact interference
 Creating a climate of fear and threat
 Recruit siblings
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©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
Alienated Child Alienating Parent
The Alienation Proposal
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 “I am the only parent who loves you and you
need me to feel good about yourself; the other
parent is dangerous and unavailable; and
pursuing a relationship with the other parent
jeopardizes your relationship with me.”
 Baker. A.J
PA Injury to Targeted Parent
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 “…that only the alienated parent suffers abuse
resulting from the PAS; and because they are
“big boys and big girls,” they are expected to,
“Just get over it and move on.””
 Gottlieb.L The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to
Amelioration p 209. Charles Thomas Publishers USA 2012
 Trauma
 Incomplete ambiguous loss
 Existential ‘assault’ and violation of cherished values
and beliefs
 Emotional and Empathic dysregulation
 Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
 Many alienated parents report at least one or more
symptoms
PA Injury-Child
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 The effects of losing not only the intact family, but also a
parent, hang heavily over children, touching them in ways
that can wreak havoc in many realms of life both in the
present and future. As adults, many victims of bitter
custody battles who had been permanently removed from
a target parent . . . still long to be reunited with the lost
parent. The loss cannot be undone. Childhood cannot
be recaptured. Gone forever is that sense of history,
intimacy, lost input of values and morals, self-awareness
through knowing one’s beginnings, love, contact with
extended family, and much more. Virtually no child
possesses the ability to protect him or herself against
such an undignified and total loss.
 Clawar and Rivlin (1991) p. 105 in Gottlieb.L The Parental
Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative
Systems Approach to Amelioration p 209. Charles Thomas
Publishers USA 2012
Outcomes for Adult Alienated
Children
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 Feelings of remorse
 Regret for lost opportunities- particularly when rejected parent has
since died
 Suffer rates of depression, anger, anxiety, relationships difficulties,
substance abuse
 Report that they wish someone had intervened and NOT listened to
them as children
 Can be alienated from own children and family
 Have adult conflict with favoured/alienating parent
Baker, A. (2007). The Ties that Bind. New York: Norton.
Conceptions of Alienating
Parents
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 Highly plausible, high functioning. May present as the
target parent
 Present as rigid, defensive, moralistic, flawless and
virtuous, externalise responsibility and lack insight.
 Extreme personality traits such as histrionic, paranoid,
anxiety borderline and narcissistic disorders
 May be sub-clinical
 Reactive to separation, loss.
Conceptions of Alienating
Parents
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 Poor boundary between self and other
 Attachment injuries. E.g. Fearful-avoidant
 Never stop
 Become predictable and intensify their alienation
as their child gets older and asserts self-agency
 May lead to a fatal, non-recoverable rupture.
 May turn on YOU!
(Mis) Conceptions of Alienated or
Target Parents
 They are ‘bad’ parents
 Degree of parental
empathy-attunement
towards children
 Reactivity to alienating
behaviour can reinforce
alienation
 FALSE. Bad parenting
may result in alignment-
NOT alienation
 TRUE-will affect
remediation
 TRUE-Reactive to
alienation interactional
cycle
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©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
(Mis) Conceptions of Alienated or
Target Parents
 May react with passivity or
withdrawal reinforcing allegations of
abandonment, disinterest and poor
parenting.
 May be easily offended and react
with aggression and disrespectful
behaviour Little or no insight into their
own contributing behaviours .
 Confusing child’s needs with their
own
 TRUE- Alienated Parents simply
do not know what to do
 Bad advice: “The kids will eventually
come around”.
 FALSE. Rejected parents are
violated and traumatised-may drive
anger
 TRUE. Inadvertently collapse own
needs upon children & create
insecurity.
 Feeds alienation interactional cycle
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©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
(Mis) Conceptions of Alienated or
Target Parents
 May struggle with interpersonal
communication
 Parenting flaws contribute to
alienation
 May have unrecognised FOO
experience of alienation or alignment
 Have diagnosed their ex-partners
and may be waging their own
‘counter campaign’
 The loss of a child under alienating
circumstances is TRAUMATIC
 FALSE. No more than any other ‘
good enough’ parent
 TRUE where rejected parent
reinforces alienation
 TRUE. Psychodynamic aspect
‘blindsides’ rejected parents
 TRUE. Some alienated/rejected
parents lose sight of the children
 May result in EMPATHIC and
EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION
 PTSD
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©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
The Target Parent’s Dilemma
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 “Alienated parents generally find
themselves in a double-bind situation: if they
pursue a relationship with their resistant
children, they are labeled aggressive or
insensitive to their children’s feelings. But if
they do not pursue their visits, they are
accused of abandoning their children.”
 Gottlieb.L The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration
p 209. Charles Thomas Publishers USA 2012
Why ‘Traditional’ Therapeutic
Approached are Contraindicated for PA
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 Traditional therapeutic approaches can make PA worse; the
alienated child and favored parent may entrench their positions to
prove their point, thereby further entrenching their distorted views.
 Factors related to the failure of traditional therapeutic approaches
are:
 Initially, the therapist is likely to have an adversarial relationship
with some family members, including the alienating parent and
the alienated child (or children)
 The alienating parent and child (or children) attend reluctantly, if
at all and only if legally mandated. They may be poorly motivated
and deeply determined to undermine both the therapy and the
therapist
 Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely
Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2,
pp. 1-12, 2015
Why ‘Traditional’ Therapeutic
Approached are Contraindicated for PA
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 Factors related to the failure of traditional therapeutic
approaches are:
 Co-morbid psychopathology, particularly in the alienating
parent. Prevalence of personality disorders, such as
antisocial and borderline personality disorders, among
severely alienating parents. Such presentations are
resistant to intervention for PA, as such people they may
not react well to “looking in their mirror.”
 Psychotherapy may not address the primary underlying
problem in severe PA- the alienating parent’s problematic
thinking, emotional instability, and harmful behavior. In
severe cases, the alienating parent is too determined, too
disturbed, and too delusional to respond to intervention–
traditional or otherwise
 Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program
Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System.
American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
Toward PA Informed Practice
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 RED ALERT!
 It is NOT NORMAL for a child to reject a formerly beloved
parent/grandparent/extended family
 ASK HOW, WHY?
 Delusional constructs
 Children’s construction of reality and attachment may not be reliable
when under the influence of an alienating parental figure
 Child Exclusive practice. How much credence to put on children’s
views?
 Evidence shows that children WANT a loving relationship with the
parent they are rejecting (Baker.A.J)
 They secretly want YOU to intervene and protect them from
sanctions from the favoured parent
Toward PA Informed Practice
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 Evidence shows that children are emotionally/psychologically
abused by the process of alienation, especially if it results in them
rejecting a beloved parent
 Trauma markers
 Targeted parents are not perfect parents, they are ‘good enough’
but they have been abused and traumatised
 Rejecting a parent is traumatising
 This will dys-regulate and disrupt remediation and intervention
 Rejected/alienated parents have suffered emotional and
attachment injury
Toward PA Informed Practice
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 Attachment disorders
 Alienating parents are very plausible
 Personality disorders
 Disorganised attachment
-precursor to extreme personality traits or personality disorders
 Consider both children’s behaviour AND parents behaviour (passive
and active)
 DANGER! Child over-empowerment
 12 y.o children do not vote, do not drive, do not get to choose
which parent to love
Toward PA Informed Practice
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 High conflict as a possible marker of Parental Alienation
 Often advantageous to one parent
 One parent LOOKS like the perpetrator-but are they?
 Alienated parent has no choice but to fight for their children’s
welfare
 Alienating parent’s best tactic is passivity
 Watch out for the use of unsubstantiated allegations
 Keep it NON GENDERED
Assessment and Intervention
Principles
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 Humanistic-existential approaches contraindicated for PA
 Risk validating delusional reality
 Triangulation of therapist into delusional system
 Caution with family therapies that treat ‘the system’ without
considering PA dynamics-blaming the victim
 Alienated and alienating parents both need intervention
 Trauma, disenfranchised (target or alienated parent)
 Pathology, attachment injury, extreme personality traits
(favoured or alienating parent)
 An exclusion period, no contact between alienated child and
alienating or favoured parent MUST be considered.
Assessment and Intervention
Principles
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 Why consider an exclusion period, no contact between
alienated child and alienating or favoured parent?
 Loss of or fused boundary between self and other, between
alienating parent and alienated child is a key mechanism by
which an alienated child loses his/her sense of self-construction,
reality and individuality
 Children may not see themselves as independent (despite asserting
the contrary).
 Therefore there is no independent ‘self’ (child)who might relate with
an ‘other’ (target parent)
 The ‘self’ can only be reinstated in the absence of the enveloping
‘other’
 Alienated children may be ‘parentified’ into caring for an
alienating parent who is ‘vulnerable’ and ‘dependent’
 This is a harmful process where children’s developmental needs are
suspended
Assessment and Intervention
Principles
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 Why consider an exclusion period, no contact
between alienated child and alienating or favoured
parent?
 Children take ownership of alienated parents severe
anxiety and may be unable to separate, individuate
and differentiate appropriately in an anxiety mediated
relationship where they may have difficulty
experiencing their emotions separately from those of
the alienating parent.
 Alienated children’s distorted views and insecure
attachment cannot be reosolved within a relationship
that reinforces it
Assessment and Intervention
Principles
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 The rejected parent is the best therapist
 Alienated child and rejected parent MUST be placed
together
 Therapist as facilitator
 Challenge
 Direct-reality formation, basis for harsh and unreasonable
rejection, ‘unsafe’
 Indirect-’what we think we see may not be what we saw’
The fallibility of human perception and memory
 Discuss other situations that are similar or analagous to the
child’s and alienated parent, use metaphors or examples-less
threatening and more easily engaged with.
PA Systemic Strategic Empathy-
Empathic Strategy
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 Reunification seems to occur when rejected
parents focus upon their children,
 are seen to take a hit for them,
 focus on relational security,
 are not defensive,
 appropriately challenge false assertions,
 act protectively, (do not expose the child to
alienating parents sanction)
PA Systemic Strategic Empathy-
Empathic Strategy
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 Strategically ‘manage’ the favoured/alienating parent
 Allow them to expose themselves. Alienating parents are
entrapped by their personality
 Allay extreme anxiety/paranoia
 Constructive dialectic-child must experience internal
conflict to change
 The ‘irritant factor’
 Evoke loving memories,
 Make no emotional demands and at the same time
stand their ground
PA Systemic Strategic Empathy-
Empathic Strategy
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 Decouple from alienation interactional cycle
 Drive a positive ‘counter-alienation interactional
cycle’
 Hold adolescent and teenage alienated children
accountable and responsible for their choices
 Without blame
 Appeals to their next developmental level.
 Let go but do not give up
PA Structured Family Systems
Therapy
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 Disengage the PA coalition or ‘triangle’
 ‘Disrupt’ the negative interactional cycle
 Alienated child is the focus but not the problem
 Activate parent-child love (rejected parent-child)
 Alienated parent as ‘deprogrammer’
 Avoid validation of child’s distorted and delusional views of rejected
parent
 Does not require that the alienating parent attend
 Primary focus is on the negative delusional systems between alienated
child and rejected parent
 Gottlieb. L.J (2012). THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME: A Family Therapy and Collaborative
Systems Approach to Amelioration. Springfield. Illinois: Charles.C. Thomas Publishers
Intervention Programmes
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
44
 FBAC Family Bridges for Alienated Children (USA, Australia), Warshak.R, Rand.R
 Legal mandate
 Mandatory exclusion period between alienated child and favoured parent
 Since 2005-most researched
 Trained facilitators in Australia
 Overcoming Boundaries (USA)
 Voluntary
 No exclusion period
 Family Reflections Reconciliation Programme (FRRP) (Canada), Reay. K
 Analogous to FBAC
 Since 2012
 Efficacy study
 Intervention (Australia)
 Family Bridges (FBAC) trained facilitators/leaders
 Court ordered reportable therapy
Family Bridges (FBAC)
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
45
 The Family Bridges workshop replaces the structure
of traditional weekly 45-minute office sessions with an
intensive private four-day workshop intervention….
 The children’s reintegration with the rejected parent is
accomplished both through the process and the
content of the workshop… bringing parent and child
together, with the support of the court, to work
cooperatively on common goals helps lessen hostility
and prejudice.
 The syllabus covers the underlying processes that
contribute to parental alienation …exercises teach
how distortions in memory, perception, and thinking
occur.
Family Bridges (FBAC)
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
46
 The FBAC programme also teach how:
 negative stereotypes form under the influence of suggestion and
authority figures,
 how parental conflict harms children,
 how to think critically,
 how children can stay out of the middle of their parents’ conflicts,
and
 how the children and parent can better communicate and
manage conflict.
 Children learn how to maintain balanced, realistic, and
compassionate views of both parents
 Warshak, R.A (2014). Parental Alienation: What it is; How to Manage
it. University of Texas School of Law. American Academy of
Matrimonial Lawyers (Texas Chapter). Innovations ;Breaking
Boundaries in Custody Litigation. 12-13 June 2014. Dallas, Texas.
USA.
Principles of FBAC
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
47
 Goals
 facilitate, repair, and strengthen the children's ability to maintain
healthy relationships with both parents;
 help children to avoid being in the middle of their parents'
conflicts;
 strengthen children's critical thinking skills;
 protect children from unreasonably rejecting a parent in the
future;
 help children maintain balanced views and a more realistic
perspective of each parent as well as themselves;
 help family members develop compassionate views of each
other's actions rather than excessively harsh or critical views;
 strengthen the family's ability to communicate effectively with
each other and to manage conflicts in a productive manner: and
 strengthen the parents' skills in nurturing their children by setting
and enforcing appropriate limits and avoiding psychologically
intrusive interactions
How Effective is FBAC?
 2010 US Study
 23 Rejected parent-alienated
children families
 All with prior failed experience of
counselling, family therapy, other
court ordered ‘family counselling’ or
other intervention
 22 of 23 (96%) Successful
reunifications, Positive
relationship restored.
 18 of 22 (82%) retained a positive
relationship after long term follow
up.
 Relapses due to premature contact
with favoured/alienating parent
 Warshak, R.A. (2010). Family
Bridges: Using Insights From
Social Science to Reconnect
Parents and Alienated Children.
Family Court Review. Volume
38. No 1. January 2010.
Association of Family and
Conciliation Courts.
 2014 US Study (in progress)
 57 alienated children
 40 of 57 >12 y.o
 22 >14 y.o
 33% rejected their mother
 Evenly divided by gender
 95% recovered a positive
relationship with rejected parent
 82% (47 0f 57) retained a positive
relationship after long term follow
up
 Relapses due to premature contact
with favoured/alienating parent
 Warshak, R.A (2014). Parental
Alienation: What it is; How to
Manage it. University of Texas
School of Law. American
Academy of Matrimonial
Lawyers (Texas Chapter).
Innovations ;Breaking
Boundaries in Custody
Litigation. 12-13 June 2014.
Dallas, Texas. USA
28/02/15
48
©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
Family Reflections Reunification
Programme (Reay, K.)
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
49
 ”The Family Reflections Reunification Program...is often utilized in
circumstances where traditional therapy has not proven successful
to foster a healthy relationship between children and a rejected
normative parent. “
 “The purpose of the FRRP is to reconcile children with their rejected
normative parent and to foster a healthy relationship between the
child and his or her rejected parent. “
 Court mandated: British Columbia, a court may order, under Section
40 and 41 of the Family Law Act, that the target parent (or some
suitable third party) shall have guardianship and parental
responsibility of the child to enroll and place the child in FRRP for a
period of up to one year.
 This includes aftercare services for the purpose of restoring the
child’s relationship with the target parent and his/her family.
 Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated
Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
FRRP Structure
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
50
 1. TRANSITION PHASE: The child and his or her
siblings initially attend the retreat without having any
contact with both parents.
 2. REUNIFICATION PHASE: The child subsequently
begins a psycho-educational program that leads to the
reunification process with the rejected parent
 The rejected parent arrives at the retreat shortly after the
child begins working with a psychologist in preparation for
a successful reunification
 Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic
Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their
Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43,
Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
FRRP Structure
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
51
 3. DEPARTURE PHASE: The child and rejected
parent engage in various psycho-educational and
outdoor experiential programs separately and
then together after they have successfully
reconnected with each other.
 The favored parent begins counseling with a FRRP
therapist.
 FOLLOW UP PHASE: A continuing care plan
supports the reunification process over the long-
term.
 Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic
Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and
Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy,
How Effective is FRRP? (Reay, K.)
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
52
 Preliminary studies show a “95% success rate in
re-establishing a healthy relationship within a very
short period of time between severely alienated
children/youths and their rejected parent”.
 The FRRP began in early 2012.
 Families were followed at 3-month, 6-month, 9-
month and 12-month intervals. .
 Two additional research studies underway.
 Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely
Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2,
pp. 1-12, 2015
What Next?
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
53
 Family consultants need to consider criteria for assessing PA
 Treat PA as child abusive
 Treat PA as a form of family violence
 Differentiate ‘high conflict’ and parental alienation
 Consider recommending a structured intervention programme in severe
cases
 Develop PA informed practice.
 Further workshops/training
 Psychological/social work/counselling
 Legal
References
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
54
 Altobelli, T. (2011). “When a Child Rejects a Parent: Why Children Resist
Contact”. Australian Journal of Family Law. No 185
 Baker. A.J. (2007). Breaking The Ties That Bind: Adult Children of Parental
Alienation Syndrome. New York USA. W.W Norton & Company.
 Baker.A.J, Sauber, R.S. (2013). Working with Alienated Children and
Families: A Clinical Guidebook. New York. USA. Routledge
 Baker, A.J, Bone, M.J, Ludmer, B. (2014). The High Conflict Custody Battle:
Protect Yourself and Your Kids From a Toxic Divorce, False Accusations
and Parental Alienation. USA.Harbinger Publications.
 Darnall. D.(2010). Beyond Divorce Casualties: Reunifying The Alienated
Family. New York. USA Taylor Trade Publishing
 Gottlieb. L.J (2012). THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME: A Family
Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration. Springfield.
Illinois: Charles.C. Thomas Publishers
 Gould, J.W, Martindale , D.A. The Art and Science of Child Custody
Evaluations, (2009). New York. USA. The Guilford Press
 Kelly, J. B., & Johnston, J. R. (2001). The Alienated Child: a Reformulation
of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Family Court Review, 39(3), 249-266.
 Lorandos.D, Bernet.W, Sauber R.S, (2013)Parental Alienation: The
Handbook for Mental Health and Legal Professionals. Springfield. Illinois:
Charles.C. Thomas Publishers
References
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
55
 Lowenstein, L. F. (1998). PARENT ALIENATION SYNDROME: A TWO STEP APPROACH
TOWARD A SOLUTION. Contemporary Family Therapy: An International Journal December,
20(4), 505-520.
 Lowenstein, L. F. (2007). Parental Alienation: How to understand and address parental alienation
resulting from acrimonious divorce or separation. London: Russell House Publishing.
 Lund, M. (1995). A Therapist's View of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Family and Conciliation
Courts Review, 33(3), 308-316.
 McIntosh, J. (2003). Enduring Conflict in Parental Separation: Pathways of Impact on Child
Development. Journal of Family Studies, Vol. 9(1), 63-80.
 McBride, J.(2012). Child-less Parent: Snapshots of Parental Alienation. USA. CCS
Communication.
 Moore,T. Please…Let Me See My Son: A Fathers Fight with Parental Alienation and the Family
Law Process.(2013). Guildford. UK. Grosvenor House Publishing
 Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat
Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy,
Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
 Reahy, M (2011). Toxic Divorce-A Workbook for Alienated Parents
 Warshak, R.A (2014). Parental Alienation: What it is; How to Manage it. University of Texas
School of Law. American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (Texas Chapter). Innovations
;Breaking Boundaries in Custody Litigation. 12-13 June 2014. Dallas, Texas. USA.
 Warshak, R. A. (2010). Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and
Brainwashing. New York: Harper Collins.
 Warshak, R.A. (2010). Family Bridges: Using Insights From Social Science to Reconnect Parents
and Alienated Children. Family Court Review. Volume 38. No 1. January 2010. Association of
Family and Conciliation Courts.
Resources and Links
28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
56
 International Parental Alienation Study Group
 www.pasg.info
 Overcoming Parental Alienation
 www.dialogueingrowth.com.au
 Family Bridges
 www.warshak.com
 Family Reflections Reunification Programme
(FRRP)
 www.familyreflectionsprogram.com
 kreaycounselling.com

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Responding to parental alienation for practitioners

  • 1. PARENTAL ALIENATION: RESPONDING TO DELIBERATE RUPTURES OF CHILDREN'S LOVING PARENTAL RELATIONSHIPS. APS College of Counselling Psychologists Conference 201528/02/15 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 1
  • 2. Profile 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 2  Stan Korosi M.Couns. HS Associate APS  PA Counsellor, consultant and psychotherapist working mainly with parental alienation, targeted or rejected parents, favoured parents etc.  At all stages of the alienation process  PA Counselling and coaching  I am a rejected/alienated parent  Alienation independently assessed (2007)  No intervention prescribed or ordered (2008)  Editor-in-Chief ‘Parental Alienation International’ newsletter of the Parental Alienation Study Group  Reconciliation is possible even decades after a rupture
  • 3. A Spectrum of Affiliation to Alienation 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 3 Alienated Estranged Aligned Affiliated Non-ambivalent relationship Child estranged from one parent Reaction against IPA or abuse targeting the child Reaction against family situation hostile or indifferent to the child Protective parenting may be involved Pathological alienation-Child abuse Child influenced by alienating parent Unreasonable, distorted SUPERVENING and DOMINANT PROCESS-subsumes all other processes Positive relationship Affiliated with both parents Neither parent unduly influencing the child Ambivalent relationship Aligned with one parent but accepting of the other Aligned parent not involved against non-aligned parent
  • 4. What Are We Talking About? 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 4 “Is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification” (Gardener, 1985). “A disturbance in which children, usually in the context of sharing a parents negative attitudes, suffer unreasonable aversion to a person, or persons, with whom they formally enjoyed normal relations or with whom they would normally develop affectionate relations” (Warshak, 2006).
  • 5. What Are We Talking About? 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 5 Critical aspects are:  A child changes from having a previously good, warm, healthy relationship and attachment, to rejection and aversion of the formerly beloved attachment figure  The child rejects or develops an aversion to others related to the rejected parent (such as family members), and not only to the parent.  A secure attachment becomes highly insecure  Unreasonable, irrational . E.g. otherwise inconsequential issues result in disproportionate responses
  • 6. What Are We Talking About? 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 6  A good-enough parent is rejected  Emotional child abuse?  Family violence?  A favoured parent is the active agent who causes the child to reject a ‘good enough’ loved parent  Do children alienate themselves?  Do they form extreme alignment as a maladaptive means of dealing with parental conflict?
  • 7. Parental Alienation (PA) versus Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 7  PAS is not specifically defined in DSM V BUT DSM V now contains a description of alienation  Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is diagnosed in the child:  determined by the extent to which efforts of the alienating parent have been successfully manifest in the child, and not by the parents efforts alone.  Is it an abnormal family system presentation, a type of serious attachment disorder (Childress.C 2014), a syndrome, a shared delusional disorder?  A. one of the above  B. all of the above  C. does it matter?
  • 8. Parental Alienation and DSM V 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 8  DSM 5 Relevant Diagnostic Categories-Child affected by parental relationship distress  “when the focus of clinical attention is the negative effects of parental relationship discord (e.g., high levels of conflict, distress, or disparagement) on a child in the family, including effects on the child’s mental or other physical disorders.”  DSM 5 Relevant Diagnostic Categories-Child psychological abuse  “non-accidental verbal or symbolic acts by a child’s parent or caregiver that result, or have reasonable potential to result, in significant psychological harm to the child.”  Supporting DSM 5 discussion on Parent-child relational problem .  “may include negative attributions of the other’s intentions, hostility toward or scapegoating of the other, and unwarranted feelings of estrangement.”
  • 9. Useful Definitions-Parental Alienation  “Who expresses freely persistently, unreasonable negative feelings and beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection and/or fear) towards a parent that are disproportionate to the child's actual experience with that parent. Entrenched alienated children are marked by an un- ambivalent, strident rejection of the parent with no apparent guilt or conflict”  Johnston (2005)  Who expresses to their child/ren freely persistently, unreasonable negative feelings and beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection and/fear) towards the other parent that are disproportionate to the other parent’s and child’s experience of a loving relationship between them, with the premeditated intentions of rupturing the relationship between their child and the other parent. Extreme alienating parents are marked by a dependent relationship between themselves and the child/ren, lack of insight or self-awareness of the effects of their behaviour upon the child/ren, loss of ambivalence and strident rejection of the target parent whom they formerly loved, lack of apparent guilt or remorse.  Korosi(2013) 28/02/15 9 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. Alienated Child Alienating Parent
  • 10. ‘High Conflict or Parental Alienation?  A distinctive, complex family response to divorce, which occurs over time, and constitutes a pattern of severe psychological abuse.  A Favored Parent (FP) recruits the children to form an alliance with the FP in a campaign of denigration against the rejected and hated parent, the Target Parent (TP).This may include the TP’s extended family.  The children become active participants in the campaign of denigration, declaring their devotion and loyalty to the FP while rejecting the TP.  In high conflict divorce, the children have a relationship with both parents.  Severely alienated children only have a relationship with the FP.  In severe alienation the animosity and denigration spreads to the TP's extended family. The child severs those relationships as well. In high conflict situations children are more likely to maintain relationship with extended family 28/02/15 10 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. What is Parental Alienation? What are the differences between parental alienation and high conflict divorce cases?
  • 11. ‘High Conflict or Parental Alienation?  The process between the FP and children involves devaluing, demoting and vilifying the TP.  The reasons for rejecting/hating the TP are irrational and out of proportion to justify the intense staunch relentless rejection of the TP.  The FP’s purpose - to sever the physical, emotional, and psychological relationship, and a once mutual love bond the children held with the TP.  Alienated children may lie and/or spy for the FP, and high conflict divorce children avoid choosing one parent over the other.  Alienated children make false allegations against the TP.  In high conflict divorce cases, children who have normal child and parent conflicts, express the conflict with feelings of ambivalence. 28/02/15 11 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. What is Parental Alienation? What are the differences between parental alienation and high conflict divorce cases?
  • 12. Parental Alienation in Australia:2012 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 12  22% of family law cases claimed parental alienation  Doubled 2009 figures  More mothers claim PA but (slightly) more fathers make unsubstantiated claims  20 Substantiated/28 unsubstantiated Mothers  15 Substantiated/10 unsubstantiated Fathers  The resident parent is more likely to alienate  83% of alienating parents had residence of alienated child/ren  2010 substantiated alienation  11% had share care  Bala.N 2012 AIFS
  • 13. Bala.N 2012 AIFS 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 13
  • 14. Parental Alienation Internationally 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 14  Illegal in Brazil  Illegal in some states of Mexico including Mexico city  Legislative changes under consideration in Puerto Rico  What is illegal?  Parental involvement in causing a child to reject or refuse contact with a beloved parent  Sanctions include change of residence
  • 15. A (Brief) Review of Parental Alienation 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 15  Evidenced based family relationship presentation more than 30 years old  Developed by Dr. Richard Gardner 1980’s  Reformulated at least 3 times  1990’s a gender neutral approach-Dr. Richard Garner  2001 Alienated child perspective –Kelly and Johnson  2005 Differentiation between naïve, mild/moderate and extreme alienation (Warshak.R, Baker. A.J et.al.)  Intervention programme Family Bridges for Alienated Children (FBAC)  2012 Family Reflections Reunification Programme (FRRP). Reay, K.  2012 Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems approach to PA (Gottlieb.L)  2013-14 Attachment based formulation in process (C. Childress)  Criteria for behavioural indicators of PA remain remarkably consistent with Gardeners original formulation in the 1980’s
  • 16. A (Brief) Review of Parental Alienation 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 16  Generally considered to be a particularly egregious form of child emotional/psychological abuse and family violence (targeting the alienated parent).  Family law often leaves alienated children in the care of the abusive alienating parent because  It simply does not know what to do when an alienated child (unreasonably and harshly) refuses contact  Misinterprets a child’s rejection and aversion as the child’s genuine response independent of parental influence  Misinterprets a childs bond with a favoured or alienating parent as secure  Does not appreciate that the harm unreasonable contact refusal/rejection causes is similar to child sexual abuse and family violence (Baker, A.J. 2007, 2009)  Research (Baker, A.J 2007, 2009) indicates that outcomes for alienated children are as compromised as for other forms of abuse including sexual abuse.
  • 17. Family Law Conflicted on PA? 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 17  The Kelly and Johnston model (2001) often referred to in Family Assessments proposes that children refuse time with the other parent because.  The child experiences separation anxiety, preferring to remain with the "custodial" parent. (Exploited by an alienating parent)  The child copes/manages with severe parental conflict by minimising time with one of the parents. (Alignment NOT Alienation. Conflict created by alienating parent)  ‘It only takes one to tango’  The child is concerned about the parent's parenting style and has experienced rigidity, rejection and insensitivity. (Alignment NOT Alienation)  The child rejects the other parent because the child is concerned about the "custodial" parent's emotional stability if they had time with the other parent. This condition implies a degree of parentification (AND alienation when exploited by the favoured parent)  The child rejects the other parent's new partner because they are concerned about their treatment by the parent's partner-how it is made out to them.  Step family alienation-The ‘EX FACTOR”
  • 18. Family Law Conflicted on PA? 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 18  Family Law assesses alienation using models that do not consider alienation as material to a child’s rejection!  Kelly & Johnston model de-emphasises role of alienating parent as a causative agent. Treats the child but the cause remains  Martindale and Gould (2007) -important to distinguish between children who refuse to have time with a parent because of a range of reasons from those who are alienated.  Most PA research and practice supports the view that alienation occurs through the campaign of denigration and demotion by an alienating parent to which a child responds with unreasonable and irrational rejection  Alienating parent is the causative agent in alienating a child
  • 19. Extreme Alienation  Harsh, unreasonable rejection  May include extended family  No ambivalence  Unbalanced  Reflexive support to favoured parent  May make unsubstantiated allegations  ‘Parroting’  Independent thinker phenomena  Favoured parent uses a variety of extreme techniques  Mail interception  Monitoring media of all types  Legal, financial, administrative abuse  Denigration  Manipulating and/or destroying family history and memories  Encouraging the child to ‘demote’ the rejected parent e.g.use of first name  Breaching orders  Passivity  Co-opt the child into spying and intelligence gathering  Contact interference  Creating a climate of fear and threat  Recruit siblings 28/02/15 19 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. Alienated Child Alienating Parent
  • 20. The Alienation Proposal 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 20  “I am the only parent who loves you and you need me to feel good about yourself; the other parent is dangerous and unavailable; and pursuing a relationship with the other parent jeopardizes your relationship with me.”  Baker. A.J
  • 21. PA Injury to Targeted Parent 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 21  “…that only the alienated parent suffers abuse resulting from the PAS; and because they are “big boys and big girls,” they are expected to, “Just get over it and move on.””  Gottlieb.L The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration p 209. Charles Thomas Publishers USA 2012  Trauma  Incomplete ambiguous loss  Existential ‘assault’ and violation of cherished values and beliefs  Emotional and Empathic dysregulation  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)  Many alienated parents report at least one or more symptoms
  • 22. PA Injury-Child 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 22  The effects of losing not only the intact family, but also a parent, hang heavily over children, touching them in ways that can wreak havoc in many realms of life both in the present and future. As adults, many victims of bitter custody battles who had been permanently removed from a target parent . . . still long to be reunited with the lost parent. The loss cannot be undone. Childhood cannot be recaptured. Gone forever is that sense of history, intimacy, lost input of values and morals, self-awareness through knowing one’s beginnings, love, contact with extended family, and much more. Virtually no child possesses the ability to protect him or herself against such an undignified and total loss.  Clawar and Rivlin (1991) p. 105 in Gottlieb.L The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration p 209. Charles Thomas Publishers USA 2012
  • 23. Outcomes for Adult Alienated Children 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 23  Feelings of remorse  Regret for lost opportunities- particularly when rejected parent has since died  Suffer rates of depression, anger, anxiety, relationships difficulties, substance abuse  Report that they wish someone had intervened and NOT listened to them as children  Can be alienated from own children and family  Have adult conflict with favoured/alienating parent Baker, A. (2007). The Ties that Bind. New York: Norton.
  • 24. Conceptions of Alienating Parents 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 24  Highly plausible, high functioning. May present as the target parent  Present as rigid, defensive, moralistic, flawless and virtuous, externalise responsibility and lack insight.  Extreme personality traits such as histrionic, paranoid, anxiety borderline and narcissistic disorders  May be sub-clinical  Reactive to separation, loss.
  • 25. Conceptions of Alienating Parents 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 25  Poor boundary between self and other  Attachment injuries. E.g. Fearful-avoidant  Never stop  Become predictable and intensify their alienation as their child gets older and asserts self-agency  May lead to a fatal, non-recoverable rupture.  May turn on YOU!
  • 26. (Mis) Conceptions of Alienated or Target Parents  They are ‘bad’ parents  Degree of parental empathy-attunement towards children  Reactivity to alienating behaviour can reinforce alienation  FALSE. Bad parenting may result in alignment- NOT alienation  TRUE-will affect remediation  TRUE-Reactive to alienation interactional cycle 28/02/15 26 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
  • 27. (Mis) Conceptions of Alienated or Target Parents  May react with passivity or withdrawal reinforcing allegations of abandonment, disinterest and poor parenting.  May be easily offended and react with aggression and disrespectful behaviour Little or no insight into their own contributing behaviours .  Confusing child’s needs with their own  TRUE- Alienated Parents simply do not know what to do  Bad advice: “The kids will eventually come around”.  FALSE. Rejected parents are violated and traumatised-may drive anger  TRUE. Inadvertently collapse own needs upon children & create insecurity.  Feeds alienation interactional cycle 28/02/15 27 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
  • 28. (Mis) Conceptions of Alienated or Target Parents  May struggle with interpersonal communication  Parenting flaws contribute to alienation  May have unrecognised FOO experience of alienation or alignment  Have diagnosed their ex-partners and may be waging their own ‘counter campaign’  The loss of a child under alienating circumstances is TRAUMATIC  FALSE. No more than any other ‘ good enough’ parent  TRUE where rejected parent reinforces alienation  TRUE. Psychodynamic aspect ‘blindsides’ rejected parents  TRUE. Some alienated/rejected parents lose sight of the children  May result in EMPATHIC and EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION  PTSD 28/02/15 28 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
  • 29. The Target Parent’s Dilemma 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 29  “Alienated parents generally find themselves in a double-bind situation: if they pursue a relationship with their resistant children, they are labeled aggressive or insensitive to their children’s feelings. But if they do not pursue their visits, they are accused of abandoning their children.”  Gottlieb.L The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration p 209. Charles Thomas Publishers USA 2012
  • 30. Why ‘Traditional’ Therapeutic Approached are Contraindicated for PA 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 30  Traditional therapeutic approaches can make PA worse; the alienated child and favored parent may entrench their positions to prove their point, thereby further entrenching their distorted views.  Factors related to the failure of traditional therapeutic approaches are:  Initially, the therapist is likely to have an adversarial relationship with some family members, including the alienating parent and the alienated child (or children)  The alienating parent and child (or children) attend reluctantly, if at all and only if legally mandated. They may be poorly motivated and deeply determined to undermine both the therapy and the therapist  Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
  • 31. Why ‘Traditional’ Therapeutic Approached are Contraindicated for PA 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 31  Factors related to the failure of traditional therapeutic approaches are:  Co-morbid psychopathology, particularly in the alienating parent. Prevalence of personality disorders, such as antisocial and borderline personality disorders, among severely alienating parents. Such presentations are resistant to intervention for PA, as such people they may not react well to “looking in their mirror.”  Psychotherapy may not address the primary underlying problem in severe PA- the alienating parent’s problematic thinking, emotional instability, and harmful behavior. In severe cases, the alienating parent is too determined, too disturbed, and too delusional to respond to intervention– traditional or otherwise  Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
  • 32. Toward PA Informed Practice 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 32  RED ALERT!  It is NOT NORMAL for a child to reject a formerly beloved parent/grandparent/extended family  ASK HOW, WHY?  Delusional constructs  Children’s construction of reality and attachment may not be reliable when under the influence of an alienating parental figure  Child Exclusive practice. How much credence to put on children’s views?  Evidence shows that children WANT a loving relationship with the parent they are rejecting (Baker.A.J)  They secretly want YOU to intervene and protect them from sanctions from the favoured parent
  • 33. Toward PA Informed Practice 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 33  Evidence shows that children are emotionally/psychologically abused by the process of alienation, especially if it results in them rejecting a beloved parent  Trauma markers  Targeted parents are not perfect parents, they are ‘good enough’ but they have been abused and traumatised  Rejecting a parent is traumatising  This will dys-regulate and disrupt remediation and intervention  Rejected/alienated parents have suffered emotional and attachment injury
  • 34. Toward PA Informed Practice 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 34  Attachment disorders  Alienating parents are very plausible  Personality disorders  Disorganised attachment -precursor to extreme personality traits or personality disorders  Consider both children’s behaviour AND parents behaviour (passive and active)  DANGER! Child over-empowerment  12 y.o children do not vote, do not drive, do not get to choose which parent to love
  • 35. Toward PA Informed Practice 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 35  High conflict as a possible marker of Parental Alienation  Often advantageous to one parent  One parent LOOKS like the perpetrator-but are they?  Alienated parent has no choice but to fight for their children’s welfare  Alienating parent’s best tactic is passivity  Watch out for the use of unsubstantiated allegations  Keep it NON GENDERED
  • 36. Assessment and Intervention Principles 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 36  Humanistic-existential approaches contraindicated for PA  Risk validating delusional reality  Triangulation of therapist into delusional system  Caution with family therapies that treat ‘the system’ without considering PA dynamics-blaming the victim  Alienated and alienating parents both need intervention  Trauma, disenfranchised (target or alienated parent)  Pathology, attachment injury, extreme personality traits (favoured or alienating parent)  An exclusion period, no contact between alienated child and alienating or favoured parent MUST be considered.
  • 37. Assessment and Intervention Principles 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 37  Why consider an exclusion period, no contact between alienated child and alienating or favoured parent?  Loss of or fused boundary between self and other, between alienating parent and alienated child is a key mechanism by which an alienated child loses his/her sense of self-construction, reality and individuality  Children may not see themselves as independent (despite asserting the contrary).  Therefore there is no independent ‘self’ (child)who might relate with an ‘other’ (target parent)  The ‘self’ can only be reinstated in the absence of the enveloping ‘other’  Alienated children may be ‘parentified’ into caring for an alienating parent who is ‘vulnerable’ and ‘dependent’  This is a harmful process where children’s developmental needs are suspended
  • 38. Assessment and Intervention Principles 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 38  Why consider an exclusion period, no contact between alienated child and alienating or favoured parent?  Children take ownership of alienated parents severe anxiety and may be unable to separate, individuate and differentiate appropriately in an anxiety mediated relationship where they may have difficulty experiencing their emotions separately from those of the alienating parent.  Alienated children’s distorted views and insecure attachment cannot be reosolved within a relationship that reinforces it
  • 39. Assessment and Intervention Principles 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 39  The rejected parent is the best therapist  Alienated child and rejected parent MUST be placed together  Therapist as facilitator  Challenge  Direct-reality formation, basis for harsh and unreasonable rejection, ‘unsafe’  Indirect-’what we think we see may not be what we saw’ The fallibility of human perception and memory  Discuss other situations that are similar or analagous to the child’s and alienated parent, use metaphors or examples-less threatening and more easily engaged with.
  • 40. PA Systemic Strategic Empathy- Empathic Strategy 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 40  Reunification seems to occur when rejected parents focus upon their children,  are seen to take a hit for them,  focus on relational security,  are not defensive,  appropriately challenge false assertions,  act protectively, (do not expose the child to alienating parents sanction)
  • 41. PA Systemic Strategic Empathy- Empathic Strategy 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 41  Strategically ‘manage’ the favoured/alienating parent  Allow them to expose themselves. Alienating parents are entrapped by their personality  Allay extreme anxiety/paranoia  Constructive dialectic-child must experience internal conflict to change  The ‘irritant factor’  Evoke loving memories,  Make no emotional demands and at the same time stand their ground
  • 42. PA Systemic Strategic Empathy- Empathic Strategy 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 42  Decouple from alienation interactional cycle  Drive a positive ‘counter-alienation interactional cycle’  Hold adolescent and teenage alienated children accountable and responsible for their choices  Without blame  Appeals to their next developmental level.  Let go but do not give up
  • 43. PA Structured Family Systems Therapy 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 43  Disengage the PA coalition or ‘triangle’  ‘Disrupt’ the negative interactional cycle  Alienated child is the focus but not the problem  Activate parent-child love (rejected parent-child)  Alienated parent as ‘deprogrammer’  Avoid validation of child’s distorted and delusional views of rejected parent  Does not require that the alienating parent attend  Primary focus is on the negative delusional systems between alienated child and rejected parent  Gottlieb. L.J (2012). THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration. Springfield. Illinois: Charles.C. Thomas Publishers
  • 44. Intervention Programmes 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 44  FBAC Family Bridges for Alienated Children (USA, Australia), Warshak.R, Rand.R  Legal mandate  Mandatory exclusion period between alienated child and favoured parent  Since 2005-most researched  Trained facilitators in Australia  Overcoming Boundaries (USA)  Voluntary  No exclusion period  Family Reflections Reconciliation Programme (FRRP) (Canada), Reay. K  Analogous to FBAC  Since 2012  Efficacy study  Intervention (Australia)  Family Bridges (FBAC) trained facilitators/leaders  Court ordered reportable therapy
  • 45. Family Bridges (FBAC) 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 45  The Family Bridges workshop replaces the structure of traditional weekly 45-minute office sessions with an intensive private four-day workshop intervention….  The children’s reintegration with the rejected parent is accomplished both through the process and the content of the workshop… bringing parent and child together, with the support of the court, to work cooperatively on common goals helps lessen hostility and prejudice.  The syllabus covers the underlying processes that contribute to parental alienation …exercises teach how distortions in memory, perception, and thinking occur.
  • 46. Family Bridges (FBAC) 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 46  The FBAC programme also teach how:  negative stereotypes form under the influence of suggestion and authority figures,  how parental conflict harms children,  how to think critically,  how children can stay out of the middle of their parents’ conflicts, and  how the children and parent can better communicate and manage conflict.  Children learn how to maintain balanced, realistic, and compassionate views of both parents  Warshak, R.A (2014). Parental Alienation: What it is; How to Manage it. University of Texas School of Law. American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (Texas Chapter). Innovations ;Breaking Boundaries in Custody Litigation. 12-13 June 2014. Dallas, Texas. USA.
  • 47. Principles of FBAC 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 47  Goals  facilitate, repair, and strengthen the children's ability to maintain healthy relationships with both parents;  help children to avoid being in the middle of their parents' conflicts;  strengthen children's critical thinking skills;  protect children from unreasonably rejecting a parent in the future;  help children maintain balanced views and a more realistic perspective of each parent as well as themselves;  help family members develop compassionate views of each other's actions rather than excessively harsh or critical views;  strengthen the family's ability to communicate effectively with each other and to manage conflicts in a productive manner: and  strengthen the parents' skills in nurturing their children by setting and enforcing appropriate limits and avoiding psychologically intrusive interactions
  • 48. How Effective is FBAC?  2010 US Study  23 Rejected parent-alienated children families  All with prior failed experience of counselling, family therapy, other court ordered ‘family counselling’ or other intervention  22 of 23 (96%) Successful reunifications, Positive relationship restored.  18 of 22 (82%) retained a positive relationship after long term follow up.  Relapses due to premature contact with favoured/alienating parent  Warshak, R.A. (2010). Family Bridges: Using Insights From Social Science to Reconnect Parents and Alienated Children. Family Court Review. Volume 38. No 1. January 2010. Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.  2014 US Study (in progress)  57 alienated children  40 of 57 >12 y.o  22 >14 y.o  33% rejected their mother  Evenly divided by gender  95% recovered a positive relationship with rejected parent  82% (47 0f 57) retained a positive relationship after long term follow up  Relapses due to premature contact with favoured/alienating parent  Warshak, R.A (2014). Parental Alienation: What it is; How to Manage it. University of Texas School of Law. American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (Texas Chapter). Innovations ;Breaking Boundaries in Custody Litigation. 12-13 June 2014. Dallas, Texas. USA 28/02/15 48 ©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015.
  • 49. Family Reflections Reunification Programme (Reay, K.) 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 49  ”The Family Reflections Reunification Program...is often utilized in circumstances where traditional therapy has not proven successful to foster a healthy relationship between children and a rejected normative parent. “  “The purpose of the FRRP is to reconcile children with their rejected normative parent and to foster a healthy relationship between the child and his or her rejected parent. “  Court mandated: British Columbia, a court may order, under Section 40 and 41 of the Family Law Act, that the target parent (or some suitable third party) shall have guardianship and parental responsibility of the child to enroll and place the child in FRRP for a period of up to one year.  This includes aftercare services for the purpose of restoring the child’s relationship with the target parent and his/her family.  Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
  • 50. FRRP Structure 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 50  1. TRANSITION PHASE: The child and his or her siblings initially attend the retreat without having any contact with both parents.  2. REUNIFICATION PHASE: The child subsequently begins a psycho-educational program that leads to the reunification process with the rejected parent  The rejected parent arrives at the retreat shortly after the child begins working with a psychologist in preparation for a successful reunification  Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
  • 51. FRRP Structure 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 51  3. DEPARTURE PHASE: The child and rejected parent engage in various psycho-educational and outdoor experiential programs separately and then together after they have successfully reconnected with each other.  The favored parent begins counseling with a FRRP therapist.  FOLLOW UP PHASE: A continuing care plan supports the reunification process over the long- term.  Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy,
  • 52. How Effective is FRRP? (Reay, K.) 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 52  Preliminary studies show a “95% success rate in re-establishing a healthy relationship within a very short period of time between severely alienated children/youths and their rejected parent”.  The FRRP began in early 2012.  Families were followed at 3-month, 6-month, 9- month and 12-month intervals. .  Two additional research studies underway.  Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015
  • 53. What Next? 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 53  Family consultants need to consider criteria for assessing PA  Treat PA as child abusive  Treat PA as a form of family violence  Differentiate ‘high conflict’ and parental alienation  Consider recommending a structured intervention programme in severe cases  Develop PA informed practice.  Further workshops/training  Psychological/social work/counselling  Legal
  • 54. References 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 54  Altobelli, T. (2011). “When a Child Rejects a Parent: Why Children Resist Contact”. Australian Journal of Family Law. No 185  Baker. A.J. (2007). Breaking The Ties That Bind: Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome. New York USA. W.W Norton & Company.  Baker.A.J, Sauber, R.S. (2013). Working with Alienated Children and Families: A Clinical Guidebook. New York. USA. Routledge  Baker, A.J, Bone, M.J, Ludmer, B. (2014). The High Conflict Custody Battle: Protect Yourself and Your Kids From a Toxic Divorce, False Accusations and Parental Alienation. USA.Harbinger Publications.  Darnall. D.(2010). Beyond Divorce Casualties: Reunifying The Alienated Family. New York. USA Taylor Trade Publishing  Gottlieb. L.J (2012). THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration. Springfield. Illinois: Charles.C. Thomas Publishers  Gould, J.W, Martindale , D.A. The Art and Science of Child Custody Evaluations, (2009). New York. USA. The Guilford Press  Kelly, J. B., & Johnston, J. R. (2001). The Alienated Child: a Reformulation of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Family Court Review, 39(3), 249-266.  Lorandos.D, Bernet.W, Sauber R.S, (2013)Parental Alienation: The Handbook for Mental Health and Legal Professionals. Springfield. Illinois: Charles.C. Thomas Publishers
  • 55. References 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 55  Lowenstein, L. F. (1998). PARENT ALIENATION SYNDROME: A TWO STEP APPROACH TOWARD A SOLUTION. Contemporary Family Therapy: An International Journal December, 20(4), 505-520.  Lowenstein, L. F. (2007). Parental Alienation: How to understand and address parental alienation resulting from acrimonious divorce or separation. London: Russell House Publishing.  Lund, M. (1995). A Therapist's View of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 33(3), 308-316.  McIntosh, J. (2003). Enduring Conflict in Parental Separation: Pathways of Impact on Child Development. Journal of Family Studies, Vol. 9(1), 63-80.  McBride, J.(2012). Child-less Parent: Snapshots of Parental Alienation. USA. CCS Communication.  Moore,T. Please…Let Me See My Son: A Fathers Fight with Parental Alienation and the Family Law Process.(2013). Guildford. UK. Grosvenor House Publishing  Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A Promising Therapeutic Program Designed to Treat Severely Alienated Children and Their Family System. American Journal of Family Therapy, Volume 43, Issue 2, pp. 1-12, 2015  Reahy, M (2011). Toxic Divorce-A Workbook for Alienated Parents  Warshak, R.A (2014). Parental Alienation: What it is; How to Manage it. University of Texas School of Law. American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (Texas Chapter). Innovations ;Breaking Boundaries in Custody Litigation. 12-13 June 2014. Dallas, Texas. USA.  Warshak, R. A. (2010). Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing. New York: Harper Collins.  Warshak, R.A. (2010). Family Bridges: Using Insights From Social Science to Reconnect Parents and Alienated Children. Family Court Review. Volume 38. No 1. January 2010. Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.
  • 56. Resources and Links 28/02/15©Dialogue In Growth Pty. Ltd. 2015. 56  International Parental Alienation Study Group  www.pasg.info  Overcoming Parental Alienation  www.dialogueingrowth.com.au  Family Bridges  www.warshak.com  Family Reflections Reunification Programme (FRRP)  www.familyreflectionsprogram.com  kreaycounselling.com

Notas do Editor

  1. Welcome to this seminar on parental alienation and in particular today’s focus on our responses and interventions to the deliberate rupture of children’s relationships with a beloved parent. I am assuming that you are all here because you have some personal or professional interest in this area. You may have been confronted with situations in which you might have felt helpless about how to intervene. My work in this presentation has come about because matters are changing in Australia regarding how we conceive and formulate the situations I have described. In the past, we have not had any effective interventions in this area and whilst the situation is improving, we still remain conflicted and some extent confused about how we respond. Keep in mind that we have a visceral, disgust and revulsion about the notion of sexual abuse of our children, family violence towards parents and children. However we seem to have a muted, confused and conflicted response when a child’s relationship with a beloved parent is ruptured due to the actions of another parent. The parents do this effectively gaming you and our family law system and destroying family systems as we know them. Children are growing up to be adults with the notion embedded in them that the easiest way they can deal with people they do not like or with whom they have conflict is to simply cut them off.. So clearly, the intergenerational transmission of parental alienation is now becoming a feature judging by the alienation histories of the rejected parent of whom I work This might be a good time to take a straw poll and see who you are what your connection is with this subject. So, let us see some hands up for those of you who: Work with parents who have lost contact with their children or whose relationship with their children is under some kind of threat or tension that significantly affects the relationship? Work with children, teenagers and young adults or older adults who no longer have contact or relationship with one or more parent Are family consultants who operate within the family law system and/or provide assessments and recommendations, and reportable therapy We usually find there is quite a spread, that nearly everyone has certainly a professional connection and in many cases a personal connection. I will not ask you to put your hands up but it is very likely that some of you will have had the experience in your own family or amongst friends where relationships between a child and a beloved parent has been ruptured. You might want to reflect on the consequences of that to you, your friends family or children, about what worked for you, whether you are able to effect a reconciliation and where did you find your support. I emphasise the latter because I am often approached by professionals in our field who have struggled with their own situations. They feel that they can only remain silent in seminars such as these because they do not feel they have the support of their colleagues. This is something for all of us to reflect upon.
  2. So here is a bit about me. I have both a professional and personal interest in this field, having struggled to find any effective intervention with my own situation. The end result was outrageously tragic and tragically outrageous. I found myself and my children in a legal-psychological conundrum when no one could offer any particular insight nor any effective intervention when my daughters loving relationship with me was ruptured. Looking back now it seems remarkable that in my situation the assessment was made that loving relationship between me and my daughter was deliberately ruptured by the other parent, in this case the mother yet there was no support no intervention recommended. Many parents still find themselves in the situation today or ordered into interventions that either do not work or are counter-productive. Worse still, parenting orders are made that are either doomed to failure or have no hope of ever being enforced. This is the equivalent of saying that “well, we know your child is being sexually abused we have not really got a solution for why they do not want to be with you, so we are just going to leave them where they are so they can continue to be abused.” For example, if we give a 13-year-old adolescent the power to choose which parent they will spend time with, when they have already rejected one parent, which parent would they choose? Most of my work is with alienated rejected parents, parents and shared care situations with a relationship with the children is under constant threat and step families with a constantly have to deal with what we call the ‘EX factor’. Some of my clients pretending to reconnect with their children after decades of rupture.
  3. There are many reasons why the relationship between children and parents rupture, there are many reasons why children refuse to spend time with parents. I am only here to talk about one of those reasons. And that is parental alienation or what Kelly and Johnson called pathological alienation. Now I have taken Kelly and Johnson’s model for spectrum and have modified it to show the pathological alienation of the child to be influenced by a hostile favoured or alienating parent not emphasise this process is dominating process that supersedes all supervenes all other issues the child faces usually in the context of a high conflict separation and divorce We also know the children will quite rightly rejected parent who is being abusive towards them where they been involved in family abuse; estranged. Parents who restrict or withdraw their child in contact with an abusive parent call protective parents would draw a very clear distinction between protective parenting and alienation is not the same thing nor are they to be confused. We also know the children naturally form alignments with parents and sometimes these alignments could be superficially hostile driven by quite understandable All phenomena such as parenting styles personalities are anger and grief and confused emotional responses in the wake of separation and divorce yet such children maintain ambivalence towards the parent against whom they are aligned. And in particular the parent with whom they are aligned does not exploit that situation. Sometimes parental alienation and extreme alignment have been confused or conflated. To me this is an exercise in political correctness. Yes, children can be extremely aligned with the clear distinction as will discuss later is the role of a favourite or alienating parent in creating that alienation which is very distant date from alignment by amongst other things the loss of ambivalence and reflexive support of the favoured or alienating parent
  4. So let us start out with some simple definitions of what we talking about. First you will see Richard Gardner’s original definition in 1985 and then you see a more recent definition by Richard Warshak. Watching a hold on to the idea the central idea that the child develops negative attitudes, and versions or rejections of a parent or parenting figure with whom they would normally have enjoyed a loving and normal relationship that is really are starting point with a question start. Some definitions of Parental Alienation: “One parent deliberately damages, and in some cases destroys, the previously healthy, loving relationship between his or her child and the child’s other parent”. “A form of emotional child abuse where a custodial/residential parent belittles or vilifies the other parent to the child” “A set of strategies that a parent uses to foster a child’s rejection of the other parent”. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is determined by the extent to which efforts of the alienating parent have been successfully manifest in the child, and not by the parents efforts alone.
  5. I want to emphasise here that one of the most obvious markers of alienation is that the child not just has an aversion to, negative attitude or rejection of a parent but to the entire extended family of the parent whom they have rejected. Keep in mind that grandparents and other extended family members are the forgotten rejected parenting figures The other aspect we need to keep in mind is that children can have quite unreasonable irrational and harsh reasons why they are rejecting a parent and often have quite dramatic and disproportionate responses to relatively simple matters. So very small matters that might be otherwise an annoyance are then used as a reason to reject the parent. It could be anything from talking too loudly, chewing the wrong way or could be what otherwise might be a normal parent-child conflict particularly in adolescent and teenage years that suddenly results in rejection. Ordinarily these conflicts are a necessary part of growing up. It can be as simple as developing a management plan for using mobile phones and other devices at the dinner table or in bedrooms. Matters that would be otherwise considered normal domains for parental discipline and boundaries. In one case in which I was involved the father of a teenage boy 15 years old or so with whom he had shared care, instituted a rule about the use of mobile phones after dinner and in the bedrooms. These rules followed school policies. The teenage son, texted his mother during the night and arranged for her to pick him up. The teenager then secretly left the house met up with the mother and the two of them then proceeded to the police station where they made an allegation of assault.
  6. So we are left with these big questions are we dealing with child abuse family violence directed against both the child and the rejected parent, what are we to make of the situation where a parent who is good enough but not perfect (because none of us are perfect) is rejected. Let us consider the plight of our children locked into conflict they cannot possibly resolve, that makes them feel helpless and powerless and with a struggle to respond effectively without causing themselves emotional injuries and which seriously undermines their relational security. I want to emphasise a key point, more than just a matter of semantics. Children will align themselves with one parent against the other whilst maintaining an ambivalence towards the parent against whom they are aligned. We could say that this is a means of dealing with parental conflict maladaptive otherwise. However children do not alienate themselves. To be alienated the child needs to be influenced by a favoured parent. The process of alienation and alignment differ fundamentally both in this regard and in a loss of ambivalence in the former over the latter.
  7. I do not want to spend too much time on clinical diagnosis. It is certainly been a source of some controversy as to whether we have parental alienation or parental alienation syndrome. This is another presentation entirely. Discussion seems to turn on whether we diagnose the symptoms and the child only we consider the entire family system and maladaptive, pathological and abusive presentation of a coalition or triangulation. However, is becoming more and more important to have clear assessment criteria to differentiate parental alienation from other presentations where children reject a parent. One final point to which I will come back to is that it is way too simplistic to construe or formulate a child’s rejection of a loved parent as a reaction to or maladaptive response to parental conflict. This simply leads to blaming the victim principally the rejected parent. DSM 5 Relevant Diagnostic Categories Child affected by parental relationship distress “when the focus of clinical attention is the negative effects of parental relationship discord (e.g., high levels of conflict, distress, or disparagement) on a child in the family, including effects on the child’s mental or other physical disorders.” Child psychological abuse “nonaccidental verbal or symbolic acts by a child’s parent or caregiver that result, or have reasonable potential to result, in significant psychological harm to the child.” Supporting DSM 5 discussion on Parent-child relational problem . “may include negative attributions of the other’s intentions, hostility toward or scapegoating of the other, and unwarranted feelings of estrangement.” A very good description of a child’s view of the alienated parent? So What? How would a diagnosis change your situation ?
  8. So What? How would a diagnosis change your situation ? A very good description of a child’s view of the alienated parent?
  9. I have come up with my own definition that leverages the work done by Kelly and Johnston. Their formulation typically does not include the role of an alienating parent is an abusive agent. Their definition features prominently in family law where is the child’s presentation that is considered above the parental involvement in formulating their presentation
  10. As I said before, parental alienation and high conflict are often confused and conflated. Children’s rejection of a loved parent is formulated as a response to parental conflict Note the key differences between parental alienation cases and high conflict separation and divorce. Alienated children only have a relationship with a favoured alienating parent, and there is evidence of a favoured parent who recruits the child in alliance with them against the rejected or target parent.
  11. Alienated children hate the rejected parent (whom they have formally loved) with an intensity and to a degree that they become an active participant in a campaign against the rejected parent driven by the favoured or alienating parent. Children will repeat adult concepts in which they have been inducted without understanding what these concepts mean or formulate views and even allegations that they truly believe they have come up with all by themselves (independent thinker phenomena). Imagine, that your eight-year-old child returns home from a shared care visit and accuses you of not paying child support? Where did they get that idea from and what does an eight-year-old child understand about child support? How does your child then begin to formulate their relationship with you?
  12. Now Nick Bala, a well-known researcher in the field of parent child relationships and in particular parental alienation. He undertook a study of the Australian situation and reported in a presentation to the Australian Institute of Family Studies in 2012 The bottom line is that it is becoming an increasing presentation and certainly an increasing allegation. This means you really do have to focus on assessment and intervention. These figures dispel any notion that this is a gendered issue as well. I regret to say that men and women, fathers and mothers are equally bad at it. Dr Richard Gardner was much criticised for what would now be considered a gendered formulation of parental alienation as alienation by the mother against the father. This may have been the social context in 1985 when custody as it was then known was routinely awarded to mothers whilst fathers generally left the home and regrettably left their children’s lives. We now know this to be extremely damaging. Gendered notions of parental alienation are no longer relevant in the increasing shared care, equal parenting and stepfamily environment of the 21st-century.
  13. The situation across the world is changing with regard to parental alienation, thanks to more than 30 years of research and practice in this field. My presentation here would really be about a criminal matter in other countries. In particular I note in Brazil and Mexico legislation is formulated to consider a parent who ruptures a child relationship with another loved parent to be child abusive
  14. Evidenced based family relationship presentation more than 30 years old Developed by Dr. Richard Gardner 1980’s Controversies include Gender bias Theoretical foundations false attribution is about personal integrity The field is broadening and deepening yet the markers of parental alienation remain remarkably consistent to gardeners original formulation. The language changes but the meaning does not Just to emphasise, what we are talking about here today are the interventions, how do we restore loving a relationship and reunify parents and children
  15. The single biggest issue that alienated parents face when they appeal to you, when they appeal to family law to address the situation for their children is a lack of consistency and misinterpretation of a child’s rejection. In a well-documented and reported case in 2012 a federal magistrate ordered that an alienated child remain living with the parent who had alienated them from their loved father based upon a false allegation of sexual abuse based upon a clairvoyance predictions. In his reasons for judgment the federal magistrate considered in this case the mother to be the better parent, notwithstanding her false allegation and her stated and obvious intent to ensure that the children would have nothing to do with their father. GAYLARD and CAIN
  16. Alienated children do that most remarkable things. Imagine if your child insisted on calling you by your first name? In one case a teenage child reconnected with the rejected parent but only on the basis that they called the rejected parent by their first name. This became most disrespectful, and denigrating relationship in which the rejected parent felt that there will be recruited into an abusive relationship and that abuse, denigration emotion and insult were the only basis for their relationship. In another case, a teenager was caught by a parent with whom she was on a shared care visit secretly recording on her iPad video and photographs of the contents of the house whilst maintaining a running commentary, room by room to the parent with whom she was not resident at the time. Are very common type of alienation is contact interference. This ranges from arranging a meeting or drop-off that one location attending a different one, mixing up times, or more insidious and undermining constantly ringing a child while they are staying with one of their parents. Whose anxiety is this about? This approach totally disrupts the child’s capacity to have an uninterrupted relationship without being preoccupied by what is happening to the other parent. P Some of the worst alienators are older siblings. A diabolical combination I came across was a teenage daughter who actively recruited her younger brother against their mother. Social media can also be exploited. In one case I worked on, a teenager was recruited by non-resident parent entirely on Facebook. A disappeared one day without notice or warning and suddenly appeared at the other parents place. Technically this was a breach of court orders but then again did not the child choose this? This is why we need to assess parental alienation properly. A careful look at the chain of communication on Facebook would reveal the subtle recruitment process. Essentially, the alienating parent played on their dependence and the child’s feelings of guilt and responsibility for the parents plight parent
  17. This encapsulates the conditionality of the relationship that alienated children have with the favoured parent. This is what I bring out to the rejected parents with whom I work.. Their mission is to establish unconditionality with their children and in every way possible to affirm their children’s relationship with the other parent-whether they like it or not Alienated children are in an invidious position. They want a relationship with both parents, the research backs this up. However they are often forced into a position with the rejected the parent whom they love because their relationship with them is unconditional and because they construe that their parents will always be there for them. They do not have that assurance of that security with the favoured parent. This is exactly the type of maladaptive response and indeed disassociation of the love for the rejected parent that is harmful to children.
  18. So far focus very much an alienated children the some extent the favourite or alienating parent. However, more and more research is being done that shows alienating or rejected parents our abused in this process, traumatised not just by the incomplete and ambiguous loss of at loved child, but by the sudden harsh and unreasonable rejection by that loved child and an unrelenting campaign against them by an ex-partner whom they loved. This violates their cherished values beliefs. They are traumatised in particular by the reinterpretation and destruction of memories of a loving relationship with their child an even the physical destruction and the facing of family artefacts and photographs . They are also further abused and traumatised by institutionalised responses that tend to blame them and/or impose ideological lenses such as gendered notions
  19. I cannot add any more to this. Children do not understand what they lose by rejecting a parent, nor can they expect to understand or appreciate just how harmful this is to them and their future relationships.
  20. The single most important point you need to take away from this is no matter how hostile the child how rejecting they are, secretly they wish someone would intervene and stop this process, they wish that someone did not listen to them and brought them together with the parent whom they have rejected. Is almost like they are sucked into a vortex but unable to call out to help, as though the more they cry out for help the stronger the vortex is. With this in mind, you may be the only person standing up for them when they cannot speak for themselves or in particular when they speak with the voice of the alienating or favoured parent Research shows the parental alienation is at least as harmful the children as child sexual abuse and has similar long-term outcomes into adult life. Children have to dissociate themselves from the loving memories and experiences of the parent whom they are rejecting. It is an essential internal conflict they simply cannot resolve and which requires external intervention, in many cases against their will, to bring them into contact again with the parent whom they have rejected and with whom they now maintain an irrational and at times fearful relationship
  21. The most important thing to note here is that favoured or alienating parents will present very plausibly as high functioning individuals. They are revealed by their acts and omissions and their focus upon the other parent. Keep in mind that it is not normal parenting to deliberately sabotage or cause the rupture of a child’s loving relationship with the other parent any more than is normal to sexually abuse a child
  22. There is an interesting concept called narcissistic inflation. This is where a favoured parent essentially collapses their boundary of self over their child to make them and their child inseparable, as though they are their child and their child is them. Naturally this is harmful to the child because they do not develop their own sense of self, do not differentiate or individuate. Often the presenting behaviour is extreme anxiety, manifesting an overprotective actions, over-medicalisation for example towards their child in which they construe the other parent is a threat that the child eventually believes. What do you make of a parent who insists on photographing their child’s clothes before they let the child go to their shared care time with the other parent? How do you formulate the child’s reaction? What do you make of the parent who will simply keep bringing the child’s mobile phone constantly while they are with the other parent.
  23. Targeted or reject the parents are often blamed and held responsible for the children rejecting them. They will often develop PTSD or other traumatised responses to a situation that is beyond theirs or anyone’s appreciation. They naturally try to oppose alienation tactics and strategies and then find that this actually makes it worse and plays into the hands of legal and administrative processes instituted by the favoured parent. It is an enormous challenge for rejected parents the see through their children’s lenses and have some appreciation of their experiences. Yet this is the key to successful strategies for reunification
  24. Sometimes rejected parents are simply paralysed by their own pain and by the weight of legal and administrative actions against them. They simply do not know what to do ; this is very different from being passive. Rejecting parents are in such pain that they do risk confusing their needs with their children’s. There is a very big difference to a child perceiving the parents needs to see them for their own purposes, to alleviate their own feelings of loss from a child perceiving the parent wants to spend time with them because they do not want their children to miss out on them. In one case the child is an objective means to alleviate the parents bad feelings about the situation and in the other the child is important in their own right to the parent. Each of these two positions developed different tactics and strategies it is only the latter position that bypasses the child’s dissociation
  25. A common misconception lies in the formulation of so-called hybrid cases with a parent is seen to be contributing to the alienation of the child. It was in some cases this may be true due to inappropriate parenting but in many cases it is actually a misunderstanding about the nature of the child alienating responses to their parent. Unfortunately, some rejected parents deal with their dissociated and projected feelings of violation and loss by diagnosing their ex-partners (they are all experts of course) an waging a counter campaign. In one case a rejected parent presented with at least three family reports each increasingly critical of their parental response and their role in fomenting conflict. They insisted that parental alienation was family violence directed against them by the other parent. Whilst this may be true it did not lead to the sort of approaches and strategies that facilitated the child spending time with them. Instead this parent was maintaining a steady focus on the other parent instead upon their child. It sometimes comes as as a shock to rejected parents that when they stare into their human mirror they realise that they have had their own experience of alienation within their family of origin. This has the effect of blindsiding them to the alienation processes in their own families. Family violence can have the effect of forcing an alignment between a child and another parent. This may be a precursor step to their experience of alienation later on in their lives.
  26. Without an understanding of how parental alienation the store to child’s reality formulation, causes a pathological coalition or triangulation to form it is possible the conventional approaches bitterly those the humanistic-existential an affirming of one’s own lived experience I actually reinforce delusional reality. Are commonly repeated narrative is how reportable family therapy is sabotaged by an alienating parent, or alienating parent simply refuses to attend court-ordered interventions counselling or fabricates reasons why the child will not attend. Think about it is simply amazing how a parent will ensure that their 12-year-old child will attend school, eat their dinner, go to bed on time do the chores and somehow it becomes their choice to (and they cannot “make them”) attend an intervention. Alienating and favoured parents typically sabotage court-ordered interventions that require office attendance when they are outside the office and for as long as the alienated child is resident with them Many practitioners are unable to determine and discern the harsh rejection of a loved parent is actually harsh and unreasonable but simply take it on face value as the child’s view and experience. This then leads to the child’s views being given credence in family law that would not otherwise be the case if it were understood their views had been unduly influenced by the favoured parent. Antisocial personality disorder is notoriously resistant to treatment. Borderline personality disorder, though treatable, requires highly specialized treatment . Therapists who insist on a trial of conventional therapy (e.g., to “see for myself”) are exceedingly unlikely to succeed (Miller cited in Baker, 2013, pp. 15-16). The reality is that there are more reported treatment failures than successes when it comes to therapeutic intervention with some moderate and all severe cases of alienation (cited in Fidler et al., 2013). Moreover, empirical evidence is accumulating that documents psychological damage associated with alienation and estrangement (for example, Baker, 2005, 2006, 2007; Bernet, 2010; Fidler et al., 2013; Reay, 2007, 2011; Warshak, 2010).
  27. Without an understanding of how parental alienation the store to child’s reality formulation, causes a pathological coalition or triangulation to form it is possible the conventional approaches bitterly those the humanistic-existential an affirming of one’s own lived experience I actually reinforce delusional reality. Are commonly repeated narrative is how reportable family therapy is sabotaged by an alienating parent, or alienating parent simply refuses to attend court-ordered interventions counselling or fabricates reasons why the child will not attend. Think about it is simply amazing how a parent will ensure that their 12-year-old child will attend school, eat their dinner, go to bed on time do the chores and somehow it becomes their choice to (and they cannot “make them”) attend an intervention. Alienating and favoured parents typically sabotage court-ordered interventions that require office attendance when they are outside the office and for as long as the alienated child is resident with them Many practitioners are unable to determine and discern the harsh rejection of a loved parent is actually harsh and unreasonable but simply take it on face value as the child’s view and experience. This then leads to the child’s views being given credence in family law that would not otherwise be the case if it were understood their views had been unduly influenced by the favoured parent. Antisocial personality disorder is notoriously resistant to treatment. Borderline personality disorder, though treatable, requires highly specialized treatment . Therapists who insist on a trial of conventional therapy (e.g., to “see for myself”) are exceedingly unlikely to succeed (Miller cited in Baker, 2013, pp. 15-16). The reality is that there are more reported treatment failures than successes when it comes to therapeutic intervention with some moderate and all severe cases of alienation (cited in Fidler et al., 2013). Moreover, empirical evidence is accumulating that documents psychological damage associated with alienation and estrangement (for example, Baker, 2005, 2006, 2007; Bernet, 2010; Fidler et al., 2013; Reay, 2007, 2011; Warshak, 2010).
  28. The starting point here is that it is simply not normal for a child to reject a beloved parent regardless of the conflict. To put it simply in terms of revolutionary psychology, the unattached child dies, we see this in the animal world with abandoned babies cubs or pups. There are few instances of young animals rejecting their parents and their social group as such rejection is almost guaranteed death Keep in mind the child who rejects a loving and loved parent has developed a maladaptive, traumatic and dissociative response to a situation that fundamentally threatens their relational security. So do not listen to them! Listen to what they are not saying! Imagine what it takes for them to harshly and unreasonably reject a loved parent? Look out for secondary reactive responses to primary grief, violation and anger
  29. Also keep in mind that both alienated children and target or rejected parents may manifest traumatic responses that dysregulate their capacity for empathy and attunement. This traumatic dysregulation will impede any attempt at developing an empathic connection with their rejecting children. Rejected parents have to have the emotional resilience, flexibility and adaptability to keep coming back to their child in the face of constant rejection often in the form of total silence.
  30. Be vigilant for signs of what I call over empowerment. Is a marker of adolescents their children this developmental phase feel powerless and helpless react against that. Alienating and favoured parents at exploit this by giving them unprecedented power to choose what no child would ever have a choice about-which parent to love Teenagers in particular are prone to exercise power without responsibility. With rejecting teenagers and young adults I coaching and counsel rejected parents to bring home to their children the existential choice and responsibility associated with their decision, however rational or irrational it is. Lookout for signs of disorganised and chaotic attachment’s is the breeding ground for personality disorders or extreme personality traits
  31. It is common to misconstrue high conflict as situation or presentation gives which alienate the children formulator reaction. It is also common to misconstrue the rejected parent as the instigator of the conflict. The reality is that Alienating Parents can remain passive once they have alienated their children. This presents a status quo in a Family Law context that is very difficult to change except by change of residence and change parental responsibility-a highly challenging notion. This makes projected parents the ones who have to take action. The trap to them is that that more the action is ineffective the more action they take and this plays into the hands of the alienating parent. Unsubstantiated allegations of family violence or abuse are a major issue. Our legal system and the social context requires us to take every allegation seriously. alienating parents know this and therefore common tactic is to make an allegation which there is very little frantic evidence. It does not matter that the allegation is never dealt with or if it does go to trial is set aside. What matters is they have unimpeded access to their child to complete the alienation process wildly target parent is forced to defend themselves against the charge which there is very little evidence. In one case in which I was involved a target parent did actually verbally abuse their partner. Their partner then made an allegation to the police that they had been physically assaulted and co-opted an adult child to perjure themselves in an affidavit. The target parent was fortunate because they had been independent witness to this event. The case collapsed because the defendant, the target parent made it clear that they will cross-examine their own child in which the perjury would be revealed. This was a legalistic response to a false allegation in which the relationship was permanently ruptured. In another well-publicised case of the so-called Italian children in 2012. The Italian father was made out to be abusive and this was used as the basis for the parent to remove the children from Italy and bring them to Australia with the active collusion of her extended family. To the great detriment of the children this drama was played out in the public eye in which the father was set up as a fearful figure. The children had little option but to go along with the carefully orchestrated emotional responses from their mother. A careful look at the reasons for judgment show that there is no basis for this and therefore no protective basis for what amounts to be an unlawful abduction under the Hague Convention
  32. PA Family therapy focuses on a new family system. Disrupts the alienation interactional cycle
  33. PA Family therapy focuses on a new family system. Disrupts the alienation interactional cycle
  34. PA Family therapy focuses on a new family system. Disrupts the alienation interactional cycle
  35. Parental alienation plays upon children suggestibility and the emergence of early primitive concept formation and judgment. Children easily formed black-and-white judgments than not rationally based are informed by suggestion rather than their own construct of reality. The only way to reconcile rejected parent with a rejecting child is to bring them together whether the child wants to or not. This is the only way for the child to experience their formerly loved parent as very different from what they have come to believe about them Evidence over the long term in the US about parent-child reconciliations shows that many children reconcile their parents without any reflection on their past rejection. Sometimes is best not to reprise the past not insist that children appreciate or have insight into their rejection. Many alienated children feel shame and remorse for their rejection of their loved parent and this may inhibit their reconciliation. Children naturally want to avoid the emotional pain of confronting in themselves their rejection upon the other parent and any reflection of their internal conflict in doing so, especially since they have little understanding and appreciation what makes them do it. Rather than directly approaching this it is sometimes better to normalise a situation in the context of other situations and families that are removed from the child and by indirect example, stories movies etc. bring the child to an appreciation of the situation that has some parallels with theirs. This is far less threatening to them and is actually the key to intervention programs as we will discuss later. Work with extreme suggestibility Subjugation of self and personal agency-restore
  36. This is the approach that I use. A synthesis of emotion focused therapy and systems theory. I counsel and coach alienated or rejected parents to not directly respond to children’s statements or assertions but always turn them back to what it means for the child, and what the child has to do to respond in this way. A typical response might be “I am really sad for you that the only way you can deal with the situation is to not spend time with the parent whom you really love, this must hurt you a lot” “You know when I was your age I did not want to get stuck in anyone’s conflict either. It must be awful for you and I am really sorry if you feel that I played a part in this”
  37. It is vital that rejected parents develop an understanding and appreciation of their ex-partners personality. Often they are able to assuage extreme anxiety by constantly reassuring the other parent about just how important their relationship is to their child. Is also vital that they keep affirming the child’s relationship with the other parent because in many cases a child returning from shared care time with the other parent will be interrogated by the favoured parent as to their loyalty. Often such children feel the need to report that they had a “horrible time” because this is what they believe the other parent wants to hear. Naturally disappears in affidavits and presents constant dilemmas to family consultants in determining what credence they should put on the children’s views Whether we like and are not the only way out is through it. Or as Winston Churchill famously said “if you going through tough times then keep going”. In other words, the only way the children to keep their memories of a love parent alive is to evoke those memories. This places the children in what I call a constructive dialectic or constructive internal conflict. They are constantly confronted with the emotional experience that they have rejected a parent and they do love that parent, Obviously they tend respond maladaptively. However in the long run they will always remember that the rejected parent simply kept trying. I left with the contradictory and irreconcilable message that somehow they must mean something to the parent and they have rejected. Conversely if we do not activate dissociated loving memories than simply makes it easy for the child to dissociate and deal with their trauma by not dealing with. This is why I encourage rejected parents to be the irritant factor. Alienated children can have the most disrespectful, and denigrating relationship with the rejected parent entrapping the rejected parent in the only relationship they can have for fear of losing their child. In actual fact such children are in acting and alienation interactional cycle is actually quite borderline in its process. The rejected parent finds themselves engaged in a hostile abusive relationship with their child that then reinforces their child’s rejection of them that the child wants to impose upon their parent. This requires monumental strength from the rejected parent to take an appropriate stand whilst not making any emotional demands of their children. Rather than remonstrate or discipline their children it is better to say something like “ something awful must be happening in you for you to treat me this way”
  38. It is vital that rejected parents develop an understanding and appreciation of their ex-partners personality. Often they are able to assuage extreme anxiety by constantly reassuring the other parent about just how important their relationship is to their child. Is also vital that they keep affirming the child’s relationship with the other parent because in many cases a child returning from shared care time with the other parent will be interrogated by the favoured parent as to their loyalty. Often such children feel the need to report that they had a “horrible time” because this is what they believe the other parent wants to hear. Naturally disappears in affidavits and presents constant dilemmas to family consultants in determining what credence they should put on the children’s views Whether we like and are not the only way out is through it. Or as Winston Churchill famously said “if you going through tough times then keep going”. In other words, the only way the children to keep their memories of a love parent alive is to evoke those memories. This places the children in what I call a constructive dialectic or constructive internal conflict. They are constantly confronted with the emotional experience that they have rejected a parent and they do love that parent, Obviously they tend respond maladaptively. However in the long run they will always remember that the rejected parent simply kept trying. I left with the contradictory and irreconcilable message that somehow they must mean something to the parent and they have rejected. Conversely if we do not activate dissociated loving memories than simply makes it easy for the child to dissociate and deal with their trauma by not dealing with. This is why I encourage rejected parents to be the irritant factor. Alienated children can have the most disrespectful, and denigrating relationship with the rejected parent entrapping the rejected parent in the only relationship they can have for fear of losing their child. In actual fact such children are in acting and alienation interactional cycle is actually quite borderline in its process. The rejected parent finds themselves engaged in a hostile abusive relationship with their child that then reinforces their child’s rejection of them that the child wants to impose upon their parent. This requires monumental strength from the rejected parent to take an appropriate stand whilst not making any emotional demands of their children. Rather than remonstrate or discipline their children it is better to say something like “ something awful must be happening in you for you to treat me this way”
  39. The real purpose of this type of structured parental alienation oriented family therapy is to rekindle the natural love between child and parent and change the interactional cycle to a more positive parent-child loving based relationship between the child and the rejected parent. A child’s natural love for the rejected parent is held hostage by the self reinforcing coalition between the child and the favoured parent. Keep in mind the child is the focus but not the problem. The problem is the negative interactional cycle driven by extreme personality traits and often disorganised and chaotic attachments by a favoured parent.
  40. Now will quickly cover constructive intervention programs that operate and the family Court mandates in the US, Canada and soon in Australia. I am one of three trained facilitators of this program in Australia in Australia At least one of these programs has been running for quite some time and has been well research for efficacy. They all share the following common factors: They are residential programmes They are mandated programs and the child’s attendance is enforced The court mandate usually involves a change in parental responsibility and residence Released to these programs there is an enforced exclusion between the favoured parent and the alienated child. Where there is enforced exclusion, there is an after-care program that facilitates a different relationship between formally alienating parent and child The alienated child and the rejected parent are always brought together
  41. Family Bridges has been running for the longest period of time it is essentially a psycho educational-experiential program where rejected parent and an alienated child interact with teaching materials with a facilitator. These materials show children and indeed parents just how easy it is to distort reality or to believe what one thinks one sees when in fact there has been careful instruction as to what has to be seen and what not. This is a four-day residential program, with a 90 day exclusion period running concurrently.
  42. Family Bridges has been running for the longest period of time it is essentially a psycho educational-experiential program where rejected parent and an alienated child interact with teaching materials with a facilitator. These materials show children and indeed parents just how easy it is to distort reality or to believe what one thinks one sees when in fact there has been careful instruction as to what has to be seen and what not. This is a four-day residential program, with a 90 day exclusion period running concurrently.
  43. These goals tend to help children formulate a stronger sense of self and a better sense of their own boundaries, key development processes that are disrupted by the process of alienation. Alienating Parents essentially subjugate a child sense of self and impose their own boundaries, eliminating their child’s. Parents and children are taught about how to resolve family conflict, sometimes through the use of family meetings, negotiation and conflict resolution skills.
  44. This programme is highly effective in the long run. However what is interesting is that the research shows that the failures are entirely due to premature and at times unlawful contact usually instigated by the alienating parent.
  45. The Family Reflections Reunification Programme is analogous to family bridges. It is also a psycho educational-experiential and residential program
  46. In a vast majority of cases, the aftercare plan is established long before the child and rejected parent arrive at the retreat. As the on-site program draws to a close, clients work with their therapists to develop future plans of action. This ensures that the elements of a good recovery plan are in place before the family leaves. The plan may include individual and family therapy by a trained and certified FRRP therapist located near the family’s home or continued involvement via phone or Internet with the on-site therapists at the retreat The bottom line is as simple as bringing rejected parent and alienating child together.
  47. In a vast majority of cases, the aftercare plan is established long before the child and rejected parent arrive at the retreat. As the on-site program draws to a close, clients work with their therapists to develop future plans of action. This ensures that the elements of a good recovery plan are in place before the family leaves. The plan may include individual and family therapy by a trained and certified FRRP therapist located near the family’s home or continued involvement via phone or Internet with the on-site therapists at the retreat The bottom line is as simple as bringing rejected parent and alienating child together. Prior to exiting the program, the child and parent share the same large living quarters and enjoy a special celebration chosen by the child
  48. We need to have the courage to realise that parental alienation is child abuse and family violence and should evoke a similar visceral response in us as child abuse, child sexual abuse and family violence does. This should also lead us to the similar forthright institutional responses that are directed towards bringing rejected parents and alienated children together. We need to be a lot smarter and more forthright in our views about some of the tactics used to alienate a child and to be able to better discern whether a child’s views of a rejected parent are reasonably formulated by them or have been formulated for them. Just as your practice is now more trauma informed and we have a better appreciation of how trauma dysregulates attachment and empathy we need to be more parental alienation informed and have a better appreciation of how alienation also dysregulates a child’s attachment to a loved parent. It is this rejection that is the marker of a child trauma and maladaption to it.