2. “We have two ears and one mouth so that we
can listen twice as much as we speak.”
~ Greek philosopher, Epictetus
“Good listeners stay out of the other’s way”
so they can learn what others think and feel.”
~ Listening expert, Robert Bolton
3. Top 4 Things that Irritate People about Listening.
Researchers from University of Denver found:
1. The other person interrupts me when I talk.
2. The other person doesn't’t look at me when I talk, so I
am not sure if he or she is listening.
3. The other person talks down to me.
4. The other person does distracting things when talking to
me (texting, picking fingernails, cleaning glasses,
fidgeting with pencils, looking at watch, etc.)
Other:?
6. Ways of Hearing
Most of us are all born with the ability to hear.
• People who have hearing challenges receive messages visually through
writing, lip reading, captions, American Sign Language (ASL), and use of different
types of hearing aids.
• Before ASL there was Helen Keller Sign Language.
7. Definition for Hearing
It is the active, complex process that consists of:
Being mindful; physically receiving messages,
selecting and organizing
messages; interpreting messages; responding;
and remembering.
11. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 2: Selecting and Receiving Material - We selectively attend to some
messages and not others.
1. Physical elements - What information your eye or ear takes in. Stimuli that
intense, loud, or unusual or stand out gets our attention.
2. Environmental elements – The major nongenetic causes of environment
elements can be exposure to noise, aging, ototoxic drugs (certain medications can
damage the ear, resulting in hearing loss, ringing in the ear, or balance disorders.)
viral and bacterial infections, and interactions between these factors.
3. Learned elements - Our interests, expectations, culture, personality, habit:
what filters we use to select what we take in and how we react to it.
13. 3nd Step – Interpreting/
Judging
As we listen, we interpret/judge what we
hear.
1) What prototype (Does the person represent are ideal of a good
friend, person in trouble, student, teacher do the
closely resemble.)
2) The personal constructs to define more detail (Is the person upset or calm, open
to advice or closed to it.)
3) Based on the construct of others, we apply stereotypes (how has this person
reacted in the past? How this situation similar to others?) that predict what they
will do.
4) We then apply the script (how the interaction should proceed, including how we
should act.)
16. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 6: Remembering
Short Term or Active Memory
• Information we are currently aware of or thinking about.
• In Freudian psychology, this memory would be referred to as the conscious mind.
The duration of short-term memory
• Most information will be stored for approximately 20 to 30 seconds.
• It can be just seconds if rehearsal or active maintenance is not done.
The amount of information that can be stored in short-term memory can vary.
• In an influential paper titled "The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two," from
psychologist George Miller suggested that people can store between five and nine
items in short-term memory.
• More recent research suggests that people are capable of storing approximately
four chunks or pieces of information in short-term memory.
19. Chunking Tips
1) Form an acronym
•Write the facts you need to remember.
•Underline the first letter of each fact.
•Arrange the underlined letters to form an acronym that is a real word word you can
pronounce.
Examples:
HOMES -The five Great Lakes: Huron, Ontario, Michigan,
Erie, and Superior
Order of Operations in Math
21. 5 Forms of Nonlistening
1) Pseudo listening
2) Monopolizing
3) Selective listening
4) Defensive listening
5) Ambushing
22. Forms of Nonlistening
1. Pseudo listening
• Pretending to listen.
• Happens when we are
bored, but want
to appear interested.
Indicators:
• Responses that don’t make sense.
• Confusion, when called upon in class.
• Asking to have message repeated, or asking
questions about information already given.
23. Forms of Nonlistening
2. Monopolizing
Focusing on ourselves
Instead of listening to others.
Tactics:
•Conversation rerouting –
Bringing conversation back to ourselves.
•Interrupting – questions and challenges to speaker to
divert conversation in another direction
24. Forms of Nonlistening
3) Selective listening
Focusing on particular parts
of a conversation.
Examples:
•If a professor says “this will be on the exam.”
•Things we aren’t interested in.
•Ideas or information we don’t agree with or make us
uneasy.
•Information that is critical to us or our loved ones.
25. Forms of Nonlistening
4) Defensive listening
Perceiving information as personal attacks,
Criticism, or hostility in communication that is
not.
• We read motives into whatever a person says.
• We perceive negative judgment in innocent comments.
• Other instances are over specific topics, vulnerable times,
or having low self esteem.
Tip: We can miss important information and can turn people off
from being honest with us.
26. Forms of Nonlistening
5) Ambushing
• Literal listening carefully for
purpose of attacking a speaker.
• Involves careful listening,
unlike the other forms of
communication.
• Intent to gather information to attack.
27. Auding - Mindfulness
BE HERE NOW
•We don’t let our thoughts drift.
•We do not focus on our
feelings and responses.
•We put away electronic devices
and or stop any activities that can
get in the way.
•We fully tune in (without imposing
our
ideas, judgments, biases, stereotyp
es, prejudices, values, and
feelings)
•It’s a choice to be mindful
“The present moment is filled with joy and
happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step:
The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life
29. 6 Barriers to Effective Listening
1. External obstacles
– Message overload – Too much information!(Class
information, emails, text message, voice mail, work)
We have to screen or prioritize.
– Message complexity – Complex messages/topics
(Science, economics, math classes. Technical
words, complex sentences with idioms or slang
expressions.)
– Noise – Physical noise can be a distraction (phone
conversations, phone ringing, arrival of
30. 6 Barriers to Effective Listening
2. Internal obstacles - Preoccupation – with our
own thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
3. Prejudging communicator or the
communication:
• You dislike or disagree with speaker
• You anticipate what the person will say and
then you tune them out.(Especially people
who hold different views from our own)
• You prejudge others based on
culture, religion, age, gender, sexual
orientation, race, etc.
31. 6 Barriers to Effective Listening
4. Reacting to emotionally loaded language – Words and
phrases that evoke a strong response, positive or
negative. We often attack the other person or tune out.
“You should,” “Liberal,” “Far Right,” “Family Values,”
“Everyone or Everybody”
What are your triggers?
– Lack of effort – It is hard to listen (especially when noise
and physiological conditions.)
When this happens tell person you are tired, or want to
discuss difficult topics later.
32. 6 Barriers to Effective Listening
5. Rehearsing a response - This barrier is perhaps the most
difficult to overcome.
• We spend time rehearsing what we will say before the other
person is finished speaking.
• One of the reasons is the Speech-rate-ratio: The difference
between speech rate and thought rate.
6. Failure to adapt to listening styles - Different skills for
different people, situations, settings, etc.
34. Steps for Being a More Effective Listener
Step 1 -
•Eliminate distractions so you can concentrate and give speaker
full attention.
•Be present (eliminate self talk)
Step 2 - Look:
•Listen to what isn’t being said as an additional component.
•Look for nonverbal clues (especially the face and tone of voice)
to help understand what the speaker is feeling.
35. Steps to Being a
More Effective Listener
Step 3. Active listening
(Different from hearing)
• Listen for what another person is “really” telling you.
• You may not always agree, but try to give them a chance to be heard.
• Match verbal with the nonverbal to decipher both the content and emotion of
the person’s message (Incongruence – Nonverbal and verbal don’t match –
past experience helps.)
• Practice confirming responses, not disconfirming responses.
37. Steps to Being a More Effective
Listener
Step 4 - Ask Questions: Help others to focus by using questions that clarify
perceptions.
Four purposes of questions:
1. To obtain additional information
2. To find out how a person feels
3. To ask for clarification of a word or phrase
4. To verify your conclusion about the person’s meaning are feeling.
Tip: Ask “How” not “Why” questions. “How do you feel about that?” vs. “Why
do you feel that way?”Or “How did that happen?” vs. “Why did that
happen.”
38. Steps to Being a More
Effective Listener
Active Listening
The goal of active listening is understand both the feelings and the
content of another person’s feelings..
1) Paraphrase Content:
• After the person is done talking (Don’t interrupt)
• Restate in your own words what you think the other person is saying.
(Different from parroting)
2) Paraphrase Feelings:
• You could follow your paraphrase with a comment on feeling, such as:
• “I imagine you must be feeling
______”(frustrated, confused, happy, sad, perplexed, etc.)
• Followed with “Is that true?”
Give the person a chance to respond to your paraphrase.
39. Practice Paraphrasing
• I think we’re seeing too much of each other
• (Do I hear you saying that you want some more space or time
for yourself?)
• I really like communication, but what can I do with the major?
• (I get the sense that you are struggling with career choices
now, is that right?”)
• I don’t know if Pat and I are getting too serious too fast.
• (I hear some hesitancy about your relationship with Pat, yes?)
• You can borrow my car, if you really need to, but please be
careful with it. I can afford any repairs and if you have an
accident, I won’t be able to drive home this weekend. (It
seems like your car is very important to you right now.)
41. How to listen better!
The “3D” Formula
• DDOT – Don’t do other tasks (cleaning
glasses, shuffling papers, doodling – one brain
process – can really only focus on one task at a time.
• DMP – Don’t make plans – Extra listening time gives
people the illusion the can make plans, shopping
lists, etc. – doing this directs the brain to stop
listening.
• DD – Don’t daydream – More powerful than DMP –
As soon as we start daydreaming the brain stops
listening. (It is enjoyable and beneficial – but not
when listening.)