Chapter 2
The Development of Self
Definition:
•The self arises in communication with others.
•Who we are or aren’t is determined by
interactions with others from the beginning to
end of our life's.
•As we interact with others we internalize their
perspectives and perceptions.

The Development of Self
Family members are generally the first
influence on the development of the self.
Most Influential is:
- Perspective of particular others (family
members, day-care providers, relatives,
religious leaders, teachers)
- Perspective of the generalized other
(cultural aspects)

The Development
of the Self Concept – Particular Others
1) Direct definition
2) Reflected appraisal
3) Identity scripts
4) Attachment styles

The Development of Self
1)Direct Definitions: Communication that tells us explicitly who we are -- what is
value by others, becomes what we value in ourselves. (Woods 40 to 43)
•Labeling us and our behaviors. (You’re smart; You’re impossible)
•Positive messages enhance the self. (This promotes high self esteem, pride,
motivation, and high emotional intelligence)
•Negative messages demolish sense of self. (This promotes low self esteem, lack
of pride and motivation, and empathy for others is difficult.)
Andrew Vachss, children’s activist, “Emotional abuse is just as damaging as verbal
abuse.”

The Development of Self
2) Reflected appraisal – Our perception of another’s view of us. (Woods
42 to 44)
Particular others provide a mirror for us – We will often act how people
act toward us.
If others communicate we are smart, we are likely to reflect appraisal in
how we act and think of ourselves.
Teachers, bosses, co-workers and peers - if we are close to to them,
their appraisal will affect how we see ourselves.
Summary of reflected and direct definitions:
Expressed view of us can elevate or lower our self concept.
Positive interactions with family and friends can help us be our best.
If no support, will experience challenges that may require counseling,
etc. Often a supportive relationship can help heal.

The Development of Self
1.Uppers communicate positively about us and reflect
positive appraisals of our value as individuals. (accept us for
who we are.)
2.Downers communicate negative evaluation of us and our
self worth. Focus on our flaws, problems, and put down our
dreams and goals.
3. Vultures are extreme downers. (Beyond negative
evaluations and attacks on self worth) They attack and tear
us down – prey on our weaknesses (like a true vulture) –
We have a choices!

The Development of Self
3) Identity Scripts - Rules for living and identity.
Scripts define our roles, how are to play & relate to others.
Psychologists believe that basic identity scripts for our lives are
formed by age five.
Child unconsciously internalize the scripts others write.
Religion and culture can have a profound influence on scripts.
Examples:
Our family supports itself
We live by God’s word
We are responsible people
We don’t relate to others who are different
The Development of Self

What is your script?
• It starts with your values learned from
childhood to adulthood.
• It starts with the attitudes, behaviors,
communication etc., you hear, see and feel.
• Values exercise
• Script exercise

The Development of Self
4) Attachment Styles – Patterns of caregiving that teach
us who are and others are, and how to approach
relationships.

• The first bond shapes the child's
expectations for later relationships.
• Caregivers communicate respect,
love, acceptance and this affects
how we feel about ourselves in
relations to others.
• Caregivers also affect how secure or
not secure we feel in relationships
with others.
• Research conducted in the U.S.
The Development of Self

1) Secure attachment style
 Care taker is consistent in providing
attention/love.
 Child develops a positive sense
of self. ( I am loveable.)
 Child develops a positive sense of
others.
(People are loving and can be trusted.)
 Child can engage in intimacy with others
without depending on the relationship for
self worth.
Most successful relationship are couples
with a secure attachment style.
The Development of Self

The Development of Self
2) Fearful attachment style
First bond Caregiver is unavailable/negative, rejecting, and/or
abusive.
Child sees self as unworthy of love.
Child sees others as rejecting.
As adults, tend to be apprehensive
about being too close to others.
Adults may avoid others or feel insecure in relationships.
May have less hope, disclose less, and have less satisfaction in
relationships.

The Development of Self
3) Dismissive attachment style
•Caregivers who are disinterested and/or
rejecting.
•Child develops self as loveable, and rejects
caregivers of them as unlovable.
•Child will often reject others as
unworthy.
•Will often develop a defensive view of
relationships and regard them as
unnecessary or undesirable.

The Development of Self
4) The Anxious/ambivalent
Preoccupied – Common when
caretaker/parent is an addict, depressed, or
has some other psychological or physical
challenge.
•Most complex – as not consistent as those
above – (Loving one day, angry or ignoring
the next day.) Causes anxiousness. Person
believes they are unlovable, or the source of
any problem.
•As adults, will reflect this approach – Invite
affection – reject closeness.

How can we
Modify our attachment style
by challenging disconfirming
self-perceptions.
•Say “no” to bullying from “others”.
•Get help (Talk to someone older, utilize campus counseling.)
•Form or focus on relationships with others who are uppers,
healthy, and supportive.
•Romantic partners affect our attachment style. (Often we will
pick partners who reflect the caregivers approach.)

Positive Self Talk
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is
right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever
is admirable, whatever is excellent, or worthy of
praise, think of THESE things.”
•Positive thinking will not make lives perfect or make
all of our problems disappear, but…
•You are not stuck with a ‘script’ unless it fits your life
in a positive way.

Flip Your Attitude
• Attitude makes all the difference
in how successful we are in life.
• When a negative thought pops into your mind,
flip the script and find some gratitude and
remind yourself of all your blessings.
• Look for the good in your family, partner,
classes, instructors, friends, work, and most
importantly, yourself.

Generalized Others
• How does a self arise? George Herbert Mead, philosopher, introduces,
the generalized other.
• When children or adults take roles (These roles are in dyads)
• Children play games, which requires a complex sets of behaviors
required to participate. (Later for “life” as adults.)
• In the latter, we are required to learn not only the responses of specific
others, but behaviors associated with every position on the field. (Like
baseball.)
• These can be internalized, and when we succeed in doing so we come
to “view” our own behaviors from the perspective of the game as a
whole, which is a system of organized actions.
The organized community or social group which gives to the individual his
unity of self may be called “the generalized other.”

Generalized Others
1) We learn/develop our self concept as (we interact
with others, who have internalized cultural values
and pass them on to us.)
2) We learn them (through media and institutions
that reflect cultural values.)
3) The institutions that organize our society
(communicate them the values they expect us
uphold.)

Questions
 Sexism
 How many women have been wolf-howled, whistled at, or have
been yelled at “hey baby?”
• How many men have felt suppressed from their vulnerability (such
as crying or expressing softer emotions)?
Racism
• Have you ever been a victim of racial profiling for example being
stopped by an authoritative figure because of your skin color or
ethnicity?
• How many people have someone in their family who prejudice
towards certain groups of people?
• How many of you have made sexist or racist comments or told
sexist and/or racist jokes?
Heterosexism
• How many people have witnessed someone who used a derogatory
term such gay, queer, faggot, etc?
• How many people know someone who is from the LGBTQIA
community?

Social View of “Others” - Race
Race is considered a primary aspect of personal identity.
In the United States, Caucasians, have been privileged.
The history of how minorities, including Native Americans,
have been treated has not and is not positive.
Much progress has been made toward racial equality, but
more work needs to be done.
Q: Does your race influence your self concept?

Demographics of America

How do you identify yourself?
 Me – Heinz 57 – Because of all the different ethnic backgrounds my
family encompasses.
 Cablinasian – A term made up by Tiger Woods – It is a portmanteau
(combination of two more words)
Caucasian, Black, American-Indian, and Asian, which is his ethnic
make-up of a quarter Chinese, a quarter Thai, a quarter Black, an
eighth Native American and an eighth Dutch.

Social View of “Others” - Racism
• Racism in the United States would not have thrived if
institutions hadn’t perpetuated discrimination against
people of color for centuries.
• Racism has touched every institution in the United
States - (The armed forces, business, medicine, public
schools and universities and, yes, even the church.)
• After the civil rights movement, a number of religious
denominations began to racially integrate. In the 21st
century, several Christian factions have apologized for their
role in supporting slavery, segregation and other forms of
racial injustice.

Racism in health care
Racism has influenced U.S. health care in the past and continues to do so
today.
•U.S. government funding studies that allowed poor black men in
Alabama to succumb to syphilis or Guatemalan prison inmates, mental
health patients and soldiers to be afflicted with the disease and other
sexually transmitted infections.
•Government agencies also played a role in sterilizing black women in
North Carolina, Puerto Rican women and Native American women.
•Today, health care organizations appear to be taking steps to reach out
to minority groups, such as the Kaiser Family Foundation’s landmark
survey of black women in 2011.

The Military and Race
World War II marked both racial advancements and setbacks
in United States.
•It gave underrepresented groups such as blacks, Asians and
Native Americans the opportunity to serve in the military.
•Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor led the government to
evacuate Japanese Americans from the West Coast into
internment camps for fear were loyal to the Japanese empire.
•Years later the U.S. government issued a formal apology for
its treatment of Japanese Americans. (Not one Japanese
American was found to have engaged in espionage during
World War II. )

Racial Profiling
• Everyday untold numbers of Americans are the targets of racial
profiling because of their ethnic background.
• People of Middle Eastern (especially after 9/11) and South Asian
descent report being routinely profiled at the nation’s airports.
• Black and Latino men have been disproportionately targeted by the
New York City Police Department’s stop and frisk program.
• In Ferguson, MO, Black men were targeted for traffic tickets that
earned money for the city of Ferguson.
• Arizona have faced criticism and boycotts for passing anti-immigrant
legislation that civil rights activists say has led to racial profiling of
Hispanics.

Racism and Native
Americans

Racism and Native
Americans
• I once wondered why we indigenous peoples of
North America must break it down when it comes to why
something is anti-Native American.
• On the whole, people can recognize what's anti-black, anti-
gay, anti-Latino, anti-Asian, and so on: But when it comes
to racism directed at Native Americans, we, the first
peoples of this continent, are left having to explain why
Indian mascots and painting your face red at a Cleveland
Indians game denigrate us.
• Years of studying and observing this situation have led me
to an unfortunate conclusion: People have been
conditioned to ignore racism directed at Native Americans.

What can be done about Racism?
1) Join the NAACP – Stop the Hate Campaign.
READ THE PLEDGE
• I believe all Americans have equal rights and equal value.
• I cherish the diverse cultures, beliefs, and values of America.
• I believe we can disagree without being disagreeable.
• I repudiate all acts of racism and hate, both in words and action.
• I have faith in the promise of America – a promise built on mutual
respect, common civility, and hope for a better tomorrow.
• I commit to building that better America by participating actively and
peacefully in the democratic process.
• We are one people. We are one nation. I’m an NAACP American

How to stop Racism?
2) Self-assess – Take stock of your thoughts about people from different
races and ethnic cultures. (What are your triggers? Be empathic.)
3) Research the topic – Inform yourself of the science of the minority
experience in our nation. (Movies, books, and television programs, mostly
on PBS about the American Experience, including all immigrants coming
to the U.S.)
Books: The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison, To Kill a Mockingbird
•http://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/anti-racist
Movies: Belle, The Butler, 12 Years a Slave, Cesar Chavez, Selma,
Dances with Wolves, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, Smoke Signals,
etc.

How to stop Racism?
4) Stop using racial slurs and or telling jokes –
(Sometimes have been integrated into our
vocabulary.)
Examples: Indian-giver, oriental, cotton-picker,
words to describe other races, such as the “N-word”
or others. (University of WA fraternity members
yelling slurs at Black Lives Matter protest; Fraternity
members at University of Oklahoma singing racist
word songs.)

How to stop Racism?
5) Avoid cultural appropriations (Don’t treat
others identities as costumes or fashion
accessories.)
Examples: Halloween, t-shirts, etc.

How to stop Racism?
6) Talk about Race – Talking to young
children and adults about race can increase
racial tolerance.
•Share your experiences.
•Treat other people of other races as
individuals, not as representatives of their
race.
•Work in a student group or other organization
that promotes tolerance.

How to stop Racism?
7) Seek out culturally diverse experiences.
•Attend festivals (Chinese and Vietnamese New Year, Dias de los
muetros, Armenian Independence Day,
Bangladesh Day Parade and Festival)
•Visit museums - Los Angeles Museum of the
Holocaust or The Los Angeles Tolerance
museums.
•Visit cultural areas in LA (Olvera Street, China Town, Watts Tower, etc.)
•Music, food, movies, etc.
http://golosangeles.about.com/od/fairsandfestivals/tp/Ethnic-Festivals-In-
Los-Angeles.htm; http://www.olvera-street.com/;
http://www.wattstowers.us/

How to stop Racism?
8) Attend a conference, join an
anti-racism group, attend a LAVC
celebration day or join an ASU
(Associated Student Union)
group or start your own.
Upcoming CLUB DAYS for 2014-2015
•October 22nd (Latino Heritage Celebration)
•February 25th (Black Heritage Celebration)
•April 15th (Armenian Heritage Celebration)
https://www.lavc.edu/asu/icc.html (For ASU
clubs)

Some Thoughts
Martin Luther King
…I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where
they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of
their character…
~ I Have a Dream - August 28, 1963. Washington, D.C.
Cesar E. Chavez
• "Preservation of one's own culture does not require contempt or
disrespect for other cultures.”
Sources: mlkonline.net;http://www.ufw.org

Social view of “others”
Gender
Some others have strong
views of how males/females
are supposed
to act.
Children usually identify
themselves by their sex.
 We learn to “act” in ways
that are passed from our
particular others, institutions,
society, and media.
It starts with the color of
blanket.

Sexism
Definition: Negative attitudes
and beliefs about a about a
particular gender; prejudicial
attitudes and beliefs about
men or woman based on rigid
beliefs about gender roles.
Seen in:
•Media/Social Media
•Education
•Workplace
•Religion
•Sexist language

Examples of Stereotypes - Gender
Women:
• Submissive
• Emotional
• Quiet
• Neat/Clean
• Artsy
• A Housewife
• Child rearing
• Good communicators
• Caring
• Supportive
• Cooperative
Q: When women assert themselves or are
competitive what happens?

The labels were found on shirts for the Indonesian Super
League team Pusamania Borneo.
After Salvo Sports Apparel received backlash about the
controversial label, the company apologized on Twitter on
March 8.

Examples of Stereotypes - Gender
Men:
• Aggressive
• No emotions
• Loud
• Messy
• Athletic
• Math and Science Oriented
• CEO
• Bad communicators
Q: What happens if men go against
their culture/family view of their
gender?

Words can kill!
Unarmed People of Color Killed by Police,
1999-2014

Breaking Stereotypes

How to Reduce Sexism?
• Stop the use of sex-role
stereotyping.

Stop Sexist Language
• "Questions and criticisms of sexist
language have emerged because of a
concern that language is a powerful medium
through which the world is both reflected
and constructed. . . . Some have claimed
that the use of generics (such as 'mankind'
to refer to both men and women) reinforces
a binary that sees the male and masculine
as the norm and the female and feminine as
the 'not norm.' . . .

Gender Biased Language
Eliminate the use of “man” generically for
example words such as:
•Fireman
•Postman
•Chairman
•Freshman
•Policeman
What can you say instead?

Sexist Language
Words referring to the entire universe
•Mankind
Other
•Manpower
•Manmade lakes
•“Oh, man, where did I leave my keys?”
•“Manning” the table
•You Guys!
What can you say instead?

Words that HURT and WHY

Words can heal.

Words that are nonsexist (handout)
• Ancient man: ancient civilization, ancient people
• Authoress: author, writer
• Average housewife: average consumer, average
household, average homemaker
• Average man: average person
• Average working man: average wage earner or
taxpayer
https://radyananda.wordpress.com/2009/06/06/nonsexist-
alternative-language-handbook-for-conscious-writers/

Words that are nonsexist
• Man’s best friend: a faithful dog
• Man the booth: staff the booth
• Man the phones: answer the phones
• Manhood: adulthood, maturity
• Man-hours: hours of labor, hours
• Mankind: humanity, people, the human race
• Man-made: synthetic, artificial
• Manpower: labor, workforce, personnel, staff, human
resources, labor, labor force or work force, human
resources, personnel or staffing, combat personnel

A Stereotype of Me (See handout)
You thought you had me figured out
Before you knew my name
Cause you're you and you're not satisfied
That I am not the same
You'll never change the way I love
And you can fight for you're dominion
But I'm worth a million times the weight
Of a dogmatist's opinion
And I know that all that you can see
Is a stereotype of me
All that you thought I'd ever be
Is a stereotype of me
Did you ever think that you could see me
Past the prejudice you hold
Past the picture you created
And all the things that you were told
You're voice is long since dead to me
I won't even be provoked
When it hurt you to see me smile
The things you said went up in smoke
And I know that all that you can see
Is a stereotype of me
All that you thought I'd ever be
Is a stereotype of me

Socioeconomic Class is the study of the relationship between
economic activity and social life.
The socioeconomic class you are from can affects:
•How much money you make, what neighborhood you are
from or can afford to live in.
•What schools you go to.
•What restaurants you can afford.
•What type of job you have, etc.
Q: How doany of these things socioeconomic class affect
your self concept?
Social view of “others”

Heterosexism
Definition: Negative attitudes and
beliefs about gay men and
lesbians; the belief that all sexual
behavior that is not heterosexual
is unnatural and deserving of
criticism and condemnation.
•Heterosexism involves assuming
all people are heterosexual, and
also believing heterosexism is
superior than other orientations.
•Our society is believed to be
predominantly heterosexual.

• Suicide and self-harming are higher for gay/bisexual men.
40.1% reported being physically harassed.
• 4.6% of LGBT students reported being verbally harassed,
• 18.8% reported being physically assaulted at school in the
past year because of their sexual orientation.
• 72.4% heard homophobic remarks, such as “gay” "faggot"
or "dyke," frequently or often at school.
• Nearly two-thirds (61.1%) of students reported that they felt
unsafe in school because of their sexual orientation
The above statistics are from the 2009 National School
Climate Survey.
Social view of “others”

September 24, 2014
•Changing Attitudes on Gay Marriage
•Public Opinion
•In Pew Research polling in 2001, Americans
opposed same-sex marriage by a 57% to 35%
margin.
•Since then, support for same-sex marriage has
steadily grown. Today, a majority of Americans
(52%) support same-sex marriage, compared with
40% who oppose it.

WASHINGTON, March 5 (Reuters) - The U.S. Supreme Court on
Thursday said it will hear oral arguments on April 28 on whether states
can ban gay marriage, addressing a hot social issue in what promises to
yield one of the justices' most important rulings of the year.
•The court will decide whether same-sex marriage bans are prohibited
by the U.S. Constitution's guarantee of equal protection under the law. A
ruling is due by the end of June.

How to reduce Heterosexism
Generalizing
•Assuming that one LGBT individual represents all of them.
•Conversely, completely separating one LGBT individual
you know personally by saying, "You're OK: you're not like
the rest of them." Over asserting your Heterosexuality
•Rushing to talk about your relationship when you meet an
LGBT individual to make sure s/he knows you are
heterosexual.
•Avoiding behaviors or dress that might cause suspicion
that you are not a "real man" or a "real woman."
•Avoiding touching or close friendships with people of the
same sex.
•Excusing other heterosexual people's heterosexist jokes or
comments.

How to reduce Heterosexism
Making Invisible
•Assuming that everyone is heterosexual until proven otherwise.
•Always asking women about boyfriends, and men about girlfriends.
•Assuming that marriage is everyone's goal.
•Keeping bisexuality/homosexuality invisible by not making it safe for
people to be "out" or by excluding people who are "out" from visible
positions where they might provide positive role models for younger LGBT
individuals.
•Denying that bisexuality exists.
•Assuming that heterosexism doesn't exist because you can't see it.
•Considering heterosexism less significant than other oppressions.

Social view of “others”
*Understand the LGTQIA community.
Lesbian – A female who is attracted romantically, physically or emotionally to
another female-identified person.
Gay – A male-identified person who is attracted romantically, physically, and/or
emotionally to another male-identified person.
Bisexual – A person who is attracted romantically, physically, and/or emotionally to
both men and women.
Transgender – A person who is a member of a gender other than that expected
based on anatomical sex.
Queer – An umbrella term which embraces a variety of sexual preferences,
orientations, and habits of those who do not adhere to the heterosexual majority.
Intersex – Someone who’s physical sex characteristics are not categorized as
exclusively male or female.
Asexual – A person who is not attracted to anyone, or who person who do
Ally – A person who does not identify as LGBTQIA, but supports the rights and
safety of those who do.
*Definitions from Tahoe SAFE Alliance. http://tahoesafealliance.org/for-lgbqtia/what-does-
lgbtqia-mean/

You Matter –
Create a self improvement plan
1) Make a firm commitment to personal growth.
2) Gain and use knowledge to support personal growth
 Learn to understand how your self-concept was formed.
 How does your race, gender, socioeconomic class,
sexual orientation affect your approach to relating to
others?
 Be more open with others.
3) Set goals that are realistic and fair for you. No self-
sabotage.
4) Seek contexts that support personal change.
5) Be more empathic.(See handout)

Self-Disclosure – Share more
• Revealing information about ourselves that
others are unlikely to discover on their own.

I am Poem