Presented by Megan Houlihan & John Hernandez, Post University/University of Hartford Presented at a NEACUHO Conference www.neacuho.org

1. Confronting your Mean
Girls: Techniques in
Deescalating Conflict among
Residents
John Hernandez
Megan Houlihan

2. Learning Objectives & Outcomes
• Participants will decipher when to best use the student conduct
process as a tool when dealing with various types of escalating
scenarios.
• Participants will become familiar with current gender specific
deescalating techniques.
• Participants will further develop communication skills that can be
applied when working thru the situation with "involved" parents.
• Participants will gain working tools to better equip their living
communities to develop positive resident-based resolutions.

3. Mean Girls
Realities of Relational Aggression
What is Relational Aggression (RA)?
Relational aggression is described as any behavior that is
intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating
relationships with others (Crick & Grotpeter, 1995).
Unlike other types of bullying, relational aggression is not as
overt, or noticeable as physical aggression.
However, the effects can be long lasting.

4. Types of RA
There are two types of relational aggression:
proactive and reactive
Proactive relational aggression is when behaviors
are a means for achieving a goal.
For example, Sarah may need to exclude Cindy from receiving a bid to rush her
sorority in order to maintain her own social status.
Reactive relational aggression is behavior that is
in response to provocation, with the intent to
retaliate.
For example, Samantha’s roommate Jeri borrowed her Cashmere sweater and ruined
it by putting it in the dryer, so Samantha in-turn poured bleach in Jeri’s color load of
clothes in the washer.

5. Why Do Girls Engage in
Relational Aggression?
• The usual motivation behind acts of relational aggression is to socially isolate
the victim while also increasing the social status of the bully. Perpetrators
might be driven by jealousy, need for attention, anger, and fear of (or need
for) competition.
• One reason girls choose this type of bullying rather than more direct acts of
harassment is that the bully typically avoids being caught or held
accountable.
• Girls who appear the most innocent may indeed be the most hostile in their
actions. These bullies are often popular, charismatic girls who are already
receiving positive attention from adults. Because of their positive reputations,
these girls may be the least likely suspects. Thus it can be very difficult to
identify the perpetrators of acts of relational aggression, and victims can
suffer for long periods of time without support.

6. Methods & Motivation
• While relational aggression can take many forms,
some of the methods include:
Exclusion - Ignoring - Malicious gossip and rumor
spreading
Taunts and insults - Teasing - Intimidation
Manipulative affection - Alliance building -
Cyberbullying
• Motivation for relational aggression can vary as
widely as the methods. However, most motivation
includes:
Fear - Power - Control
Popularity - Security

7. Black & White
Student Conduct
• Length of Process
• Public Safety/Other Department involvement
• Who wins?
Questions
Do your campuses lump relational aggression and bullying together; are
these truly the same category of situation?
How does your campus address issues that arise in the classroom or off-
campus that may find their way back into the residential area upon the
student’s return?

8. Discussion
• Gender Specific Deescalating Techniques
• Parent Involvement/Overly Involved Parents
• Proactive environment for student success
• Effective programming

9. Resources
Mean Girls Grown Up - Cheryl Dellasega
12 Strategies That Will End Female Bullying-Girls Wars
Cheryl Dellasega & Charisse Nixon
References
Miller-Ott, A. E., & Kelly, L. (in press). Communication of female relational
aggression in the college environment. Qualitative Research Reports in
Communication.
Kelly, L., & Miller-Ott, A. E. (2012, April). Young women’s use of electronic
media to communicate relational aggression. Paper presented to the
Communication and Technology Interest Group of the Eastern
Communication Association.
Contact Information
John Hernandez, johernand@hartford.edu
Megan Houlihan, mhoulihan@post.edu