Veil of Mysticism - Paths to enlightened Faith - Monika Petry

MONIKA PETRY

VEIL OF MYSTICISM
Paths to Enlightened Faith

Published by FROMM-Verlag
on 09th Nov. 2011
ISBN 978-3-8416-0236-7
– all Rights reserved –

English Translation by Monika Petry and Lawrence Sartorius
of the German Original Book:
'SCHLEIER DER MYSTIK – Wege zum Erleuchteten Glauben',
published on 7 July 2011 by FROMM-Verlag;
ISBN: 978-3-8416-0165-0

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This is a book about the evolution of my Love for God and His Human
Beings, according to the descriptions of St. Teresa of Àvila as a Mystic and
Doctor of the Church. Mysticism originally means the lighting up of the
mystery of life, the ultimate reality we call God.

A Mystic sees itself as a long-distance walker who follows the call of God
and always moves forward in order to satisfy his longing. Through the
perfection of his consciousness in Truth and Love, he becomes one with
God. This experience makes him happy and satisfied with the Divine
Providence. His confidence is always accompanied by a passion for God
and the acceptance of life. It is a way out of darkness into the Light.

I also was longing for this all my life and walked forward steadily. I sought
God, He found me, and since I am a wanderer between Heaven and Earth. I
want to infect you with my Love for Him and the people. Now the time has
come. Let us lift the veil of mysticism.

Brief Biography:

Monika Petry, born November 1955, formerly a Protestant, clerk,
translator/ interpreter. She was an atheist for 35 years and converted to
Catholicism in 2009. Since her mystical transformation she gave over her
life completely to the Divine Providence. She is a Christian Healer and
concerned with religion and spirituality.

2

Contents

Introduction: St. Teresa of Àvila

I. Absolute Trust - Basic Trust
What does absolute Trust mean, and how do I get it?

II. Providence
Life with Providence – a Life of Joy and Devotion
Providence rather than Wish-fulfilment
What is the Reaction of your Environment, if you turn to God?

III. GOD
Who or what is God?
Who or what are We?
How do we find God?
My God, why? – When we doubt and despair
The Doubt
The Despair

IV. The Holy Spirit
Who or what is the Holy Spirit?
The Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (Charisma)
The Twelve Fruits of the Holy Spirit
The Seven Consolations of the Holy Spirit

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V. Jesus
My Path to Jesus
Encouraging Words of Jesus for You

VI. Mary
Blessed Mother Mary
Sister Mary

VII. Enlightened Faith
The Light of God in Man
Mindfulness / Awareness / Enlightenment
Thoughts and Feelings

VIII. Prayer
The Types of Prayer
Levels of Inner Prayer

IX. Forgiveness and Liberation
Sin, Repentance and Penance

X. Healing through Faith and Prayer
The biggest Secret of Healing

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XI. Humility
“Take me as I am” or:
My Path through the Needle's Eye

XII. From Love to Enlightenment
Love
Dolorism
Ego
Awareness
Enlightenment

XIII. Mysticism
Do we need a new Mysticism?
Nice Words from nice People: What is Mysticism?

Literature

Appendix: Transverberation

Thanks

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Introduction
St. Teresa of Àvila

Teresa Sanchez de Cepeda y Ahumada was born on 28 March 1515 in
Àvila (Northwest of Madrid, in Castilla, Spain), her father was a Jew
converted to Christianity. To avoid the accusation of heresy, he accepted a
peerage. Teresa enjoyed a strict upbringing. For fear of marriage, she
finally came in 1535 into the Order of Carmelites in Àvila. Her health
deteriorated steadily, until she lay in a coma a year later and was buried
almost alive. During her three years of convalescence, she had the first
mystical vision. The more she grew in her spirituality, her condition
became better. Through many trials, Teresa found her way to God and
perfected her worship of Him. Her friendly nature, her natural authority and
her female wisdom helped her along the path to her own monastery of the
Discalced Carmelite Foundation, a more severe form of the Order. Other
convents of monks and nuns followed, overall, it was to amount to
seventeen convents.

Teresa's life was a ceaseless development of intellectual maturity and inner
strength, at the end revealing the mysteries of the Trinity, and she
eventually found her Soul within the mystical marriage, the perfect union
with God, her true peace. Teresa died on 4 October 1582. She left behind
numerous works: more than 400 letters, poems, documents for the
Inquisition about the trials of her confessors and the monastic foundations
and the spiritual gifts of her mystical experiences. She described her
maturation process of contemplation, transformation and enlightenment in
her books “Way of Perfection”, “Book of my Life” and “The Interior
Castle”.

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The mystique of this woman is an expression of absolute and unconditional
Love for God and Man; humble and grateful joy. Her devotion to God was
marked not only by this great Love, but characterized by an infinite trust
and the willingness to everything, absolutely everything to accept what
God had intended for her, always knowing that God meant well and had
transformed her from a rough to a dazzling diamond.

As had Saint John of the Cross and Saint Padre Pio, Teresa also
experienced the Transverberation, the transfixion of her heart. This event is
presented in the Appendix of this book. Teresa described it with great
sensuality. Her choice of words and the presentation of the transfixion of
her heart by the sculptor Lorenzo Bernini in a beautiful marble sculpture,
had left the impression that it was Teresa's way of expressing her eroticism.
It was the finale of her Divine heart opening, which she experienced
physically and mentally. On 4 July 1585 her coffin was opened – she was
found to be undecayed. In 1614 followed her Beatification by the Catholic
Church, and on 12 March 1622, her Canonization. Pope Paul VI. appointed
her on 27 September 1970 to Doctor of the Church.

*

I went over to Teresa of Àvila via Edith Stein, because on a large portrait of
Edith Stein something fascinated me that I had watched only for a short
time upon myself, a dark dot on the forehead above the nose. It was after
my own Catholic Confirmation in June 2009, when the Holy Spirit came
with great effect upon me. This Confirmation was a mystical experience,
which I reflected on that day in a strong dazedness and the even stronger

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desire for quietness. During the next three days and nights a great change
happened within me. In retrospect, since that day everything became
different.

In the next few days, this impression was also visible externally by two
vertical red lines on my forehead. They appeared whenever I connected
with God, through prayers for others and for myself every day. These lines
became stronger, as well as the Holy Spirit restructured and refined His
grace that He had given me. I was informed by a former healing client of
the change on my forehead. For almost two months she came every day
and therefore had the opportunity to watch my progress. “Again there are
those lines on your forehead,” she often said after her treatment. It
reminded me of the Book of Revelation: “And they shall see His face, and
His name shall be on their foreheads.” (Rev.22, 4)

One afternoon I visited the St. Mary's Church in Bad Bergzabern to find
rest and recharge. There was a large picture of Edith Stein. I stood before
her and spoke to her. It took not long time and she began to glow, just as
the Virgin Mary is lit, when I am talking to her. So now I had become
acquainted with Edith Stein, and thus I was interested in this woman and
her story. I read some of it, but at that time it became too difficult to pursue
at this stage in my life.

Edith Stein died on 9 August 1942 in Auschwitz-Birkenau. Pope John Paul
II blessed her in 1987 and Canonized her in 1998. “Blessed are they which
came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes and made them
white in the blood of the Lamb” (Rev. 7:14). With these words Pope John
Paul II began his oration at the Beatification of Edith Stein in Cologne
1987.

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Edith Stein thus led me to her great Teacher and her role model: Teresa of
Àvila. When I read of her, I was captivated by her, and that has not changed
since. Teresa of Àvila had herself become one with God. She gave herself
entirely to be recreated by God. She was at the end to become a Being that
had refined and deified the Human condition to the highest possible level.
This is a state of being that is accessible to all of us Humans on Earth. It is
the proverbial Heaven on Earth.

From the worldly point of view considered, Teresa is through and through a
true woman, an enlightened woman. She was strong, intelligent, humorous,
sensual, passionate and devoted. Somehow I found myself in her: Every-
thing and nothing, never based on the opinion of others, but always at the
top, first and foremost, kind of involuntary, vaguely driven by my own
inner strength as well as the strength of people with their Soul I am
combined; nevertheless in absolute loyalty and devotion and humility
before the One composing all my life: God.

I was fascinated over Teresa's writings! I then found the courage to live
even today with a strong, powerful, dedicated, passionate and joyful
spirituality, and to confess to my own mysticism. Now I find that I want to
serve my fellow Man with my Love for the Infinite Love of God.

*
“Get to make me as lovely as possible to others.
I do not want to be a Saint – living with that
would be so hard – but to become an old curmudgeon
would instead be the crowning work of the Devil.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

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I.
Absolute Trust – Basic Trust

What does absolute Trust mean, and how do I get it?

The universal, irrevocable and indestructible trust is the basic confidence of
all persons, endowed by our Creator within our brain stem. It is the
willingness of a Human’s innate devotion to his Creator and to his fellow
men identified as brothers. However, we have the basic trust to be activated
in our consciousness by mental awareness – in contrast to the primal
instinct laid down in the subconscious. It is closely related to the energy of
life, the affirmation of life and sexual power. An energetic, powerful person
who enjoys life and always says yes to life, has the basic confidence. If this
basic trust is not given, the primal energy of life and the affirmation of life
are missing, and he must always take from the outside and others the power
to live.

The activation of basic trust is according to the in-depth psychology given
during the first year of a child. In my experience, the seed is placed for this
already in procreation: A welcomed baby begotten in deep Love and
devotion will always be a beloved child. Within this Love there is often a
year-long yearning for a child and the boundless joy when the woman is
finally pregnant. These feelings of longing, joy and Love are the energies
that are never dissolving, they remain stored in the hearts of the parents and
are transmitted to their child; this will be able to trust and love during all its
life, because that trust and Love is dwelling in itself. Therefore, this
confidence is irrevocable and indestructible. It may be shaken by a strong
disappointment in the short term – but it will never be extinguished!
Because it is always nourished by the Love of God, and this Love of God

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takes us through all difficulties as His consolations handle any
disappointment, allowing us to forgive and forget.

An 'accident' of parenthood will never know this deep Love, of course,
even though it may also be loved, but it is another form that does not
include those seeds of basic trust. My message to all those good “random
products” of parenthood: God has willed that you were conceived! He has
brought together your parents. You are inscribed in the Book of Life of
your mother and your father. Even if you were not planned: In their
subconscious hidden depths, your parents knew it.

If that was not quite enough to instill the basic trust, you can still learn and
practice it at any age. Perhaps you may never lose your distrust completely,
but eventually it might prevent you from any stupidities.

The best way to learn deep confidence is by believing in God. You can trust
Him unconditionally. Then you can believe in yourself, and gradually open
yourself to other faithful people. You then gain the confidence that these
people are serious about you and you will never be cheated by them. Of
course it applies to all people: They may come and go in our life. If you
have a tendency to cling to them, there is no fault if that person decides for
good reason to leave you. Trust means giving others the freedom to live
their own life. There can be only so much overlap with another as God
intended it for you both and how you may need it to last in order to develop
together.

Look confidently into the future, even if your life situation is uncertain. Do
believe in God, then you know that this will help, you can then safely jump

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into the cold water. This is life within Providence. Surrender to the power
of life and to say:

– “Maybe I'm at a turning point in life.”
– “Maybe I should lose this job because somewhere
a better one is waiting for me.”
– “Maybe I should go through with this disease,
in order to learn from it and grow in my life.”
– “Maybe I should ask for nothing, but just let
Providence make it happen!”

“So you simply let yourself drift like this and not even make a decision?”,
I'm sometimes asked. No, I do not let myself drift. Quite the contrary; I live
mindfully, attentively, aware, empathetic and gazing intensely focused on
everything I do and others do around me. I watch, open myself, admit,
surrender; I trust and know it's good, everything is in Divine Order. That's
the freedom which I mean.

Once a person engages in his own life path, he is closing his great Book of
Life written by God, and opens his own where he can romp with free will,
that God has also made available to him. This becomes the Book of
Detours. He may be free to undertake countless detours, no question. But it
is not his life. Of course we may make decisions and draw conclusions, we
can even turn the world upside down and begin each day as if it were the
first day of our lives. The main thing is that we remain united to God, and
to know our true Book of Life. We also assume the responsibility to do so
and we must therefore take it on whole-heartedly.

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Imagine: God knows every hair on your head – so He already knows the
next step in your life. He knows your next Boss, your next home, your life
partner, and He knows who your child is to be. “He looked at everything
He had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). And you
know: The Creation has never been completed. God creates in every day of
our lives. He therefore takes a second look at everything that He has
created and He will always find everything to be good and correct.

Provided we bring Him what we have received from Him, constantly
present, so to speak, for inspection. “Look after that, does it still fit with my
current life or do we have to change something about it?” Let the energies
flow constantly, so that everything may adopt to your life, and never make
the mistake of being lazy and think: “Now, everything will stay the way it
is.” This is a dangerous illusion. Just as every cell in our body is constantly
changing, so, too, everything around us must change and adjust. This is
God’s will and care for as long as we allow Him to work with us, because
He has already completed our major network of life long ago and updates it
constantly. So it is important not to rely too much on the advice of our
friends and acquaintances or of the many professional life advisors.

I've also accompanied many people. Here I always try to make sure not to
directly alter their actions when they are seeking help. The solving and
goal-oriented support designated as 'coaching' is ideal. Here I address my-
self to your Soul. What does your Soul need, wherever does it take your
heart? This is telling me your subconscious, and I help you to perceive the
messages of your Soul, to respect and implement your wishes into reality.

You see it in nature: When Man intervenes, the climate goes out of balance.
Or if he is deleting an animal species, that can have a huge impact on the

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entire animal kingdom. The farmer spraying his fields to keep out the
weeds, is killing off the wild plants that serve as food for the insects, and
then the birds stay away, and so on. Once we begin to enforce things with
our own mind without being connected to God, we not only bring ourselves
out of balance, but also our environment because we are not isolated
Beings.

This carries over to our immediate environment and makes more and more
circles. When deciding on a new job, you are influencing your entire fami-
ly, and, so to speak, you are re-mixing the cards for your future and the
future of your family, your friends, your colleagues and in turn their future
– and so it goes on endlessly. Rely on your inner voice that comes from
God, and be ready for everything to come. He knows your Life’s Plan, one
in which not only you are involved but all other people.

Providing that you are not stuck in a time warp and may repeat your life
over and over like the actor in the movie “Groundhog Day”, experiencing
every day the same scene over and over again until he becomes, through
his self-education a better person, and finally one morning reaches a totally
new scene, so it will depend on you how you will come back to your Book
of Life. Here it will be written that you will meet on any given day a certain
person or a new job, which will lead your life in a determined direction.
These events are already waiting for you.

Which particular people did God probably write into your Book of Life?
Think about situations that were somehow special, where you felt: now
God has just laid the groundwork for a major new phase of my life. When
you first met your life’s Partner, for example, you probably felt you were
not just waiting simply for any Human that might come along, but for this

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particular person, this special Soul. You have your whole life long sought
each other unconsciously, until now you have found each other.

What was your age when the most important people in your life came to
you or when your life changed? There is the well-known Rhythm of Seven
in our lives, that is, certain periods which can be divided into the Seven
Ages of life, where major changes will come to you. Each of those stages
of life can be coupled with a certain period:

0 – 7: Toddler
7 – 14: Child
14 – 21: Puberty / education
21 – 28: Study / family planning / career
28 – 35: Profession / career / family
35 – 42: Established profession
42 – 49: Additional cultural activities
49 – 56: Rearranging life to a new phase
56 – 63: Reaping the seeds of life
63 – 70: Retirement / Becoming wise and at ease

The rest depends on how you have imagined your life. If you were talking
constantly of a retirement coming at the age of 65 years, it will very soon
be upon you, as you will have become used to this way of thinking. If you
were thinking: “I will die soon”, that will also soon become the case. You
will be constantly living as if you were already dead. If on the other hand
you take life in a relaxed way, you may reach a hundred years of age. In our
Book of Life the final day of our life is already written down. We can
determine through our thoughts how we achieve it, whether we feel young

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or old and used, whether we stay healthy or ill. For these life stages the
course and the cornerstones are set.

Of course we can ourselves make our own choice! Providing we always
remember that we are composed of a combination of Body, Mind and Soul,
everything is fine. Then the Mind is bringing forth nothing he has not
already discussed with the Soul. And the Soul is united with God. Ideally,
you are one with Jesus Christ. Ideally, the Holy Spirit is hovering above
you. As long as this ideal situation has not occurred, your Soul will
demonstrate this to you through so-called tragedies, bad luck, or by disease.
Then you will again be given a chance to find God and also to be found by
Him. You have the chance to find Jesus and Mary – God is very resourceful
when it comes to sending you His helpers. Maybe I'm your helper with this
book.

Now we come back to the people in your Life’s Book. After all, some of
these are the Divine helpers. In my Book of Life, there are some important
helpers. By a helper I mean a person who helps us in a positive way. Some
also help by simply doing nothing so that we are encouraged to rely on
ourselves. However, there are also people who are shaking us up, who are
hurting us at first glance, what – in retrospective – has put us back on track.
So they are indeed helpers, even though they are people to whom we do not
like to look back upon and whom we also have to forgive in order to get
ahead. These helpers are not written in our Book of Life. They are in the
“auxiliary books,” which we wrote for possible detours. They nevertheless
are helping us back on to track in our Book of Life.

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Think about who caused harm to you very much in your life, and who has
really hurt you. What did result from that, and how has it in effect changed
your life?

Many people have one major upheaval in their lives. This is usually caused
by a disease or affliction which can significantly change your life. In my
own experience, after having made many consultations, this usually hap-
pens between the 42nd and 49th years of age – and then it is often your last
warning. So it was with me. I was 48 years old when I had strained the
patience of God to the point where He gave me a serious lesson. My then
14 years old daughter and I lived together with our seven years old dog, a
cheerful and clever Border Collie named Timmi, and to this dog I owe my
life now. He sacrificed his life for me.

More of this tragedy I will not enlarge upon, but it is enough to understand
why it happened: I was not following my true Road of Life, nor did I not
have my plan of Salvation in sight. This was because at a young age I had
banished God from my life, on the assumption that He had sent me too
many disasters in my family, too many losses through their having all died
or moved away. And the worst thing was: I somehow felt guilty for this,
knowing that with my energy there was something wrong. I presumed that I
was perhaps adversely affecting those around me by constantly giving out
too much. Not in terms of the physical strength of my body, but an energy
that you cannot easily identify, which is felt internally and constantly
bubbling inside like a volcano. I just knew that I seemed to attract people
who had not long to live, people of all ages.

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Anyone who begins life with a near-death experience, finds a deep imprint
of God. So it was with my birth. God showed me on a Sunday afternoon,
exactly at 3 pm, at the time of St. Mary, His light and carried me back into
life which my parents and the midwife were fighting for at home and the
rest of my family was praying in church. This Light, which at that time I
did not consciously experience, but which is deeply imprinted in my sub-
conscious, I searched for all my life and found it again at my Catholic
Confirmation. The Holy Spirit enlightened me again, and it was all up with
me.

Perhaps this profound experience at birth was also the reason that when I
was a young child I was considered as something as a prodigy in the
matters of God and the Gospel. Mind you, as a Protestant child prodigy, as
I was born into my Father's Protestant household. It was thanks to my
Catholic Mother's family, that the Angels and Saints were integrated into
my life. But where did my strength in the Bible come from? There was not
a Bible passage that I did not know and could not quote, and of which each
was cross-referenced with the Author and Chapter. As a result I put quite a
stress on my religious Teachers and Priests, as I also wanted to learn more
about every reference and also to constantly discuss it.

Already by that time I knew that this could not be the answer to everything,
I was always aware that there had to be something more. I read and studied
and discussed, but no one spoke of the Love of God, and so no one reached
my heart. This carried on up to my Protestant Confirmation at the age of
thirteen, – the priest handed me the Bread and the Wine – and somehow it
was over. The Holy Spirit had not ignited the great flame within me, but
left it as the small smoldering flame burning within me since birth. The
Holy Spirit preferred to wait for a later time in the knowledge that I must

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meanwhile undertake my “life experiences” on my own. Self-employed,
alone, yet seeming to be knowing everything and capable of everything,
with a big mouth and waving too many flags through life's path and leaving
not a few traces of devastation behind me. Not many people did stand it!

*
“I'm just a wretched woman.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

So I walked through life for further 35 years without God, full of
confidence in myself – I always had the basic trust that I have mentioned in
the beginning. God was certainly there, but I did not overly concern myself
with Him. I had also always been fortunate. Of course it was not just luck,
it was the Providence of God, coupled with my own skills that I worked
within major German companies – I experienced their upheavals – and in
between I emigrated once to Paris and a second time to Brittany, but only to
return to Germany each time after a year recognising that French people
also put their pants in the same way and in Germany I could always find
better work.

This further trend continued: Wherever I went, I met people and situations
that were in a transition stage or on the verge of difficulties. God made it
impossible to just settle down somewhere comfortably. I constantly found
myself in a transitional situation, and became the expert in crisis manage-
ment in every respect. When anyone needed to know what to do next, I
came into my peak performance.

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Seven years ago, time had come, my fate had struck. Before the turn a
challenge happened I had never known before: I had to forgive the man
who had caused the biggest crisis of my life in killing Timmi, our dog.
Gradually I succeeded. God allowed me to recognize and accept my own
responsibility. So I could remove that resentment from my Soul. So I pre-
pared the way for the people who felt my strength and lead me into the
right direction. I became clear of that which is within me. I realized it was
God, although not entirely, but I knew: That's not me that was healing
people, removing through prayer the curses on homes or diverting storms
and doing other seemingly inexplicable things – that was God.

My first effective Lord's Prayer I did alongside a woman who also had
much infusion of the Holy Spirit. She was often asked to help when people,
animals and possessions were under a curse, as evidenced by their experi-
ences of recurrent disaster. At that time I found myself close by her when a
telephone call came to her from a family calling for help: their barn was on
fire!

She said: “Monika, come, we shall pray together”. I did not ask why and
did not hesitate, so I sat down beside her and prayed the Lord's Prayer for
the first time in 35 years. Again, and then a third time, and I still remember
that there was a great power rising within me and the attendant feeling of
compassion – not only with this woman who had just included me, prob-
ably knowing that God had brought me these seeds to germinate and which
were about to sprout, but even with these suffering people and their animals
in mortal danger. After an hour, the situation had calmed down and
resolved itself. The firefighters had done their bit, and the Fire-devil had
been defeated by God – we were sure!

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“That's it?” I thought at the time. “Just pray the Lord's Prayer? I can! If
there is no more that can be done, I still can!” At that time there was no
more that could be done but to pray. Even today there is nothing more
valuable than praying. It's the same for all situations at any level, although
for me there has also been a great Love story with God between then and
now.

*
“If I had known earlier
that the tiny palace of my Soul
is housing such a great King,
I would not have left Him alone so often.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

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II.
Providence

John 1:1,14 “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God
and the Word of God ... And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us,
and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten Son of God the
Father, full of grace and truth.” First there was silence. Jesus Christ existed
first as a thought of God and His Word in His providence, in His plan.
When the time was ripe, the word became flesh, and Jesus came as our
Savior on Earth. Salvation means enlightenment. Through Him we can let
God's Light shine through us and be a Light of God ourselves.

As we ourselves also were starting in the silence of God in His Word and
His thought, so we go into the silence, and then create with our thoughts
and our words anew. We are the creator and sustainer of our health. Our
destructive thoughts can make our body become diseased. They can lead to
a destructive life. On the other hand our loving, forward-looking thoughts
can create a life of health and dignity. Love creates Love. It is entirely up to
ourselves, what we make of our lives. If we have not grasped the meaning
of life, we will have to suffer it. The meaning of suffering is to suffer. It
comes not from God. He has our plan within a grid placed in His hand.

The core of all created existence is made up of His Light and His Love.
God is joy and abundance – for all of time. We may well already enjoy in
this life His gifts, for only in this moment we are living consciously. The
past is gone, the future is before us, only in the present exists the
awareness, mindfulness, and only in the present now can we live
consciously and responsibly.

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Why has God given us this beautiful Planet Earth, if not for this life in the
here and now? So that we should use it. We have to ensure the preservation
of the Earth. We must also pay attention to develop ourselves with His gifts
and not to abuse them in an otherwise superficial life. We live with the
Body, Mind and Soul in this life in the here and now. Just as we wish it to
be. If we are completely at one with God and are also aware of it, we can
leave our thoughts and actions in turn wholly to Him, to live in certainty,
according to God's design in Love and abundance.

That comes through His preeminent Grace and with the cooperation of the
free will of rational creatures, as the term 'Providence' is described accord-
ing to 'Wikipedia': “A higher power that influences the fate of people and
the course of world history.” – “Providence is the almighty and omniscient
God, inasmuch as He in His advanced awareness is correcting the World’s
events and saving those from their own destructive actions. This can be
done in several ways: according to the Laws of Nature, through miracles,
through His preeminent Grace, through involvement with the free-will of
rational creatures, or by admitting our sins, but this excludes any of His
direct involvement...”

It was Divine Providence that brought me to the historic town of Lim-
burg/Lahn. I pursued this goal without question, just knowing that it had to
be! I had become aware in the year of 2008, that my life would continue to
decline significantly. By September 2008 I felt impelled to move to
Limburg on the River Lahn.

In the later Chapter entitled 'Blessed Mother Mary', I describe how I had
found the house in Limburg. It was so easy, I was led up to it. Two minutes
after praying to Mother Mary in the Cathedral of Limburg, I found myself

23

standing in front of the house in the little narrow street leading to the
Cathedral, and in November I moved there. I had hardly brought with me
any furniture, which was good thing as I could not have fitted more into
this small and narrow 550 year old half-timbered house with its three floors
leading up from a narrow twisting stairway. I had instead brought with me
my many statues of the Saints, and the house itself radiated a sacred
spiritual atmosphere.

This was to be the best event for me at the time, because it led me on a path
straight to God. I soon was to visit Him in the Cathedral, even several times
a day. Not only during religious Services but also the times in between.
This great Catholic temple attracted me like magic. There were moments
when I could feel the energy pulling me up the Cathedral hill, day and
night. God pulled me there, He wanted me in 'His Church'!

In 2008 I spent a wonderful Christmas and New Year's Eve involved in the
ceremonies of the Cathedral. In January 2009, I experienced the first Ponti-
fical Mass, and within that Mass it came to me: In the liturgy I sensed a
major spiritual force, I saw with my eyes closed a deep purple, indicating
the highest spirituality, the prayers went through and through me, and the
Cathedral Choir sang with an almost unbearable beauty.

And then, from an unexpected source, God sent forth me a helper,
Johannes, with whom I had a Platonic friendship. His life at that point had
not gone as planned, and when he phoned me from Berlin and told me that
he was not happy, my answer was: “Come to Limburg!” The next day he
was there and was to share my new home for a considerable period.

24

In previous times I had taught Johannes the virtues of trusting in God. He
was well versed in this thinking as he comes from a very Catholic family
which included two priests. Actually, Johannes had also wanted to be a
priest, and had practiced for this as a child in his sandbox busily distri-
buting home baked communion wafers to the delighted neighbourhood
women. However, in later life he preferred the boardwalks of the world to
an altar in the church. Well, that time was now over – and I reminded him
with my newly found passion for God and the Church of his own past as a
Catholic. Now it was his turn to teach me something, and he did.

“So you want to be Catholic?”, he laughed, “then we will practice.” He
took out a prayer book and began teaching:. “Hail Mary, full of grace, Thou
art Blessed among women ...” – “What does it mean?” I asked, “I don’t
know those words and will never be able to learn!”

No, that had not inspired me, I felt I wanted something more. Johannes
went with me to worship in the Cathedral. I wanted to sit down but he fold
down the foot bench, at least I did consider as such, and ordered: “Kneel
down!” I did it, oh, and it hurt. “This is too hard, I cannot,” I protested. ”If
you want to be Catholic, you have to kneel,” was his comment. And he
pressed me down off the kneeling bench. So I knelt and murmured to
myself, “I had thought it might be different from this.”

During the Mass, I was compensated. Now Johannes paid attention that I
was behaving like a Catholic. Getting up, then sitting down, getting up
again, kneeling, singing, praying, kneeling again, a very sensual experi-
ence. It was not boring: there was a lot of movement, the fragrant incense,
the beautiful impressions derived from the organ music and the choir and
the priests who looked so well in their colourful and beautiful robes. I

25

learned that not only does one become a Catholic with one’s Body, Mind
and Soul, but also with much Love in the heart!

I soon found that I wanted to be truly Catholic and belong to the Church!
And above all I wanted finally go to Communion. And so I made an ap-
pointment in the Priest's Office, had some preliminary meetings, and on 25
June 2009 I had achieved my first milestone: my Communion. Johannes
was to be my religious Godfather. He still raves about how “his hair stood
on end” by the force and energy that the Holy Spirit was pouring out on us
by the highly gifted Priest blessing me.

When I was finally confirmed, it all really then started for me. Every
church in the parish of “St. George” was to become my church. At a rough
estimate, I visited during the following year about seven hundred church
services, on average two times a day: the daily Morning Mass, the Mass for
women, the Evening Masses during the week, and the Friday evening
ecumenical Worship Service – this I soon gave up because of the missing
passion – even the final blessing was not strong enough. On the other hand
every two weeks there was the Mass in the Latin Rite, which touched me
very deeply. “The Soul remembers,” writes the Pope. Yes, my Soul remem-
bered very well, and first of all, I was so touched by this kind of celebration
that it almost tore my insides apart. Maybe it was because of the wonderful
officiating Priest, for his morning worship services in the Cathedral had the
same effect. As soon as he was there, Jesus was there, and this time I had a
very intense period of repentance that I had left Him and the Church alone
for such a long time.

On the weekends I attended the Vigil Mass on Saturday and the High Mass
as well as the evening Mass on Sunday. It all was adding up! In between

26

the Vespers and the Devotion of the Blessed Sacrament and the Rosary and
Stations of the Cross, and once a month, there was also the Marian Mass in
a small chapel in the Westerwald, which lasted up to four hours. Here, the
Priest blesses everyone with a small Monstrance – that was something very
special to me! (For all non-Catholics: A “Monstrance” (monstrare – “to
show”) is a precious liturgical display device with a window area in which
a consecrated wafer is exposed to reverence and worship, crafted with gold
and precious stones).

I could not get enough. The Catholic life captivated me, and I wondered
what was happening to me. I took on a complete internal transformation,
with sin, repentance, atonement, penance, forgiveness, and my innermost
Soul turned inside out and also inwards. Whereby I was not to forget the
joy! Likewise, my at that time still present inclinations towards the theat-
rics and passion I could completely unfold. “Johannes! How nice it was
once again! The organ, the music, the choir!” Such were my feelings when
I came home on Sunday noontimes after a Mass in the Cathedral. Some-
times I became totally withdrawn into myself and even unresponsive to
others, because I was still thinking over the meaning of the sermon.

I will never forget my first adoration and blessing of the Monstrance: I was
completely dissolved in tears, sobbing, shaking, trembling, I thought my
last hour had come. When I eventually succeeded in making the short way
home, I was not able to speak about it. It took a double brandy with
Johannes to completely to calm me down and to control myself. Now I
realise that my Soul had seen God and had gone totally out of control.
These conditions were repeated at every sight of the Monstrance, and only
abated slowly with time. It was a state of ecstasy, as Saint Teresa of Àvila
described in her book, “The Interior Castle.” However, we must be aware

27

that ecstasy is not always a happy state, it can also at times be the absolute
opposite.

Even when the period of euphoria was over and I could think clearly again,
my newly found passion for the Catholic being remained. I may have at
times criticized it and wanted to change much, even sometimes wishing to
give it all up because things did not move forward fast enough, or even
thinking I may be in the wrong place! Around Pentecost 2010 I stayed
completely away from the Church for five weeks, in order to check out
what would last.

And I realized that everything remained the same. I was also becaming
aware that I was being led through the Love for the Infinite Love that was
growing inside me – the Church as an institution did not influence it.
Nevertheless, deep down I felt I had always maintained my Love for this
great institution. I felt full of humility and gratitude that they had accepted
me, an outsider, with such open arms. I now firmly hold that the Church –
I am speaking now of the universal Church of God, not only of the Catholic
Church, although I personally prefer the Catholic Church – was created by
God / the Holy Spirit and is still under His protection, otherwise they
would not have survived the past 2,000 years.

*
“If there are many Mansions in Heaven,
there are also many ways to get there.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

28

Life with Providence - a Life of Joy and Devotion

The devotion to God makes me happy. That joy comes from my heart, it is
the joy of the faithful. Look at the true believers more precisely: We radiate
inwardly. We may have as many wrinkles as everyone else, but that does
not matter. We send out a Light, and it is the Divine Light. The greater the
spirituality – by that I mean the faith lived – the greater the perceived and
lived joy.

Sometimes it can be almost unbearable for others to put up with, that I
admit. However, I can also hardly bear to see the discontent around me.
The shallowness of society that lives only for its fun and entertainment has
long since proven a scourge to Mankind. This shallowness of being comes
over those who have no connection to God. In the not too distant future it
may all collapse and not be sustained.

The Czech writer Milan Kundera wrote about the excesses of those people
turned away from God, in a good book: “The Unbearable Lightness of
Being”, which was also made into a film. In this novel, Tomas falls in Love
with Teresa, who is serious in her feelings towards him, but Tomas has
nothing better to do than to escape into infidelity and other worldly
distractions. Then everything disintegrates and somehow they both die.

Life in the Love of God can surely be called as '”he Lightness of Being”.
Everything becomes simple, everything becomes easier. Even the toughest
trials of life and the most difficult parts of it are bearable with God on our
side and with Jesus Christ in our heart.

29

As long as I say no to God, I am limiting myself. In this limitation I am not
giving God the permission to give me what He wishes to give me. And as
long as I do not feel good enough within one field it is influencing all
others. This feeling of “not being good enough” is based on a lack of self-
Love: “I am not enough, so I am not worthy of it all.”

If I say yes to God, I then find myself in the vastness of an open space in
which everything happens. To say yes to God, is to accept everything He
provides. I open myself for all that He wants to give me. This is the fullness
we may live in. However, the more I may have in material possessions, the
less I need. If I do not live in sense of lack, I am happy with a few things.
How glad I am not dependant on material possessions. I may depend on
other Human Beings, but I never want to make anyone dependent on me.
This means the opposite: the claim of ownership, the need of possession,
the greed. No, I feel myself as being enough, I rest content within myself. I
have a relationship with God. It can never be that God will give us what we
do not need. God is Love, and so He gives us Love. He gives us Joy, He
gives us Peace. We can be sure it is exactly the right moment He is caring
for us. Because – as I said above – God saw that it was good. God knows
our true path of Salvation, He has our “Book of Life”; so He becomes the
Stage Director, He knows how it should continue onwards. That is my
conviction.

*
“God will not grow tired of giving
and His mercies are infinite.
Let us not become tired of receiving.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

30

Providence rather than Wish-fulfilment

There is a new science in the great arena of Esoteric: the wish-fulfilment.
The intent was certainly meant well, but what people made of it was a new
kind of life of consumption: Now they are usually in a position to satisfy
their material needs. My house, my car, my boat – will now be imagined
and materialized, and new consumer goods are always being added.
Everything created according to the original secrets of visualizing one’s
wishes! They then call it luck and success.

The only mistake is that this materialization has nothing to do with our
liberation. Quite the opposite: it is counterproductive. We sought to create
the luck to find the wealth within ourselves and what was it? The new
garbage of prosperity that clogs us from outside, preventing our self-
fulfilment of the Divine within.

God – the Providence – has already created the wealth. When Jesus says,
“Thou fool, this night thy Soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall
those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure
for himself, and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12.20-21), He meant the
wealth of Love, of health, of inner peace, and it has nothing to do with all
the material possessions. Providence brings us even our income. Do not
worry, God knows the needs of our daily bread, and that includes not only
the daily Communion with the Body of Jesus, but also the cost of our
worldly life, and all that He cares for. In principle He is not interested in
providing us with the accumulation of material things, because that blocks
out our essential life and keeps us away from His Love.

31

You do not need now to resolve to give away your collection of antiques,
but it's good to think about it. As long as the preservation of old values is
important, there is certainly no objection to that. But if the collecting mania
becomes rampant, it can take on dramatic excesses, which I myself have
often observed and it has puzzled and worried me.

Let the energy flow in your life constantly. If you are blocked on one side
by a passion for collecting, you should ensure that there still remains a
healthy circulation of energy and you will not lose the joy of life.
Otherwise, you bury yourself.

*
“Those who can not enjoy,
become unbearable.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

32

How does your Environment react, if you turn to God?

You are not taken seriously anymore – as well as that, no one can really
comprehend. This is just a too high level for them! And your ascent to God
was probably made too quickly for them, and in the beginning they will try
to find out how serious you are. Once they understand your commitment,
they will tend to turn away from you – they become uninterested.
“Honestly,” they say, “do you really want to say that you do not want to
have any part in worldly life?” No one can imagine that you do not need it.
Nobody understands that you have a much greater wealth than you've ever
had in money, and that God is for you your first place partner, and that any
pos-sible life partner must then also qualify with a Love for God. “I cannot
be with anyone with whom I can not talk about God,” wrote Teresa of
Àvila. For me also, there is no other way.

Then there are those who are acting as if they were on the same wave
length as you. They speak of God as if they had experienced anything of
significance in their lives. They appear to be Bible readers and accompany
you to church, so they may have some influence with you. But you feel it's
not genuine. There are always some points they are bringing up against the
Church, they complain about the money the Church is taking in, the
scandals within the Church, as if the world had none of its own.

Does this concern you – you personally on your way to God, in your Love
for God? No! You may also get an earful of offenses listed against God,
listen to dumb jokes about Jesus or the like. This you quickly come to dis-
like, because it hurts you personally in your Soul. You also may have the
problem of getting your required time for prayer and retreat, because your
friends do not understand that you are no longer available every day for

33

hours of phone calls and you are no longer interested in the problems of the
“world”. You know them, because you have still your thinking mind. But
you know there is nothing to be gained by searching outside and nothing to
do. You can only find it in your heart.

Love does not mean to say “Yes and Amen” to everybody. It also needs
sometimes to be saying “No”. Separate yourself from people who want to
suck in your energies, consciously or unconsciously, and protect yourself
from negative outside energies. All that belongs to it. Because God gives us
obligations but also rights. And that includes the right of integrity of our
Soul and that of our loved ones.

I suggest to apply once a week the method I call “The Needle's Eye”, which
I describe in the later chapters. Give God everything, and wait for what He
gives you back. What you do not need any more, will not come back. For
this you will from now on only meet those people that belong to you. We
have all the time. But the world needs to have no more time wasted, to
make it a better place.

*
“There is something very great,
in having a free heart and a quiet conscience.“
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

34

III.
GOD

Who or what is God?

God is our Father in Heaven and on Earth
Heaven and Earth means to us this world we live in, and the afterlife in
which God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and all the Angels and
Saints live. Yet Heaven and Earth, the physical and the spiritual, is in every
Human Being. So we can say: God is in us, and He is outside of us. He
ignites in us the Love and Light, and He is outside the indescribable Love
and the overwhelming Light.

Teresa of Àvila wrote in her book: “The Interior Castle, 7th Apartment”:
“For as He has His abode in Heaven, so He probably has a place in the
Soul, where only His Majesty dwells, so to speak, a second Heaven.”
Teresa was very clever. There is God in the sky above us, so there's also the
equivalent in Man, in his Soul. 450 years ago Teresa risked to burn for this
doctrine openly on the stake – today people see their God, if they have a
God, enthroned in Heaven somewhere far above. Poor world!

God is transpersonal
God is in every form, the smallest atom and the Universe's largest, at the
same time He is formless. We must not make any images of Him, as He is
outside of any form. Form means incarnation, God is everything outside of
each incarnation. He is nothing of form, He is the emptiness outside the
form. Since any emptiness is existing, this is all God. God is the silence,
because only in this silence God is tangible and audible. Therefore, it is so
important to make churches again to places of silence.

35

God is personal
God is incarnated in Jesus Christ, His Son. Jesus is the form of God, His
Word became flesh. In Jesus Christ, the Anointed One, He became apparent
to the people and sent His Son for Salvation of all of us.

God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit
The Holy Spirit is the Word of God and the giver of life. Originally, the
Word of God was received through the Prophets and Evangelists and
written down in the Book of Books, the Holy Bible.

God is with us by His Heavenly Helpers
To the Heavenly Helpers of God we count all blessed and sanctified, the
Archangels and a large hierarchy of Angels with all the dead who have
found God.

Many people see Mother Mary as His principal assistant. For He made Her
the Mother of His Son Jesus, and without Mary everything is only as half
as beautiful.

36

Who or what are We?

We are the visible evidence of the presence of God on Earth. Our primal
substance comes from God. It is said that God created Man in His own
image. Since God has no form, we are in Spirit formless and shapeless. We
are not our bodies, we are not our thoughts and our feelings. We are truly of
Spirit. Because we, too, have the Divine in us, in our Self, our true Self,
which rises above our body and our thoughts and feelings. When we ask:
“Who am I?”, we are the questioner and not the one for which we ask. We
are pure Divine consciousness. Let's call it simply 'Divine' Soul'. If our
Divine Soul unites with God, then we are One with God, and this is the
greatest of all mysteries, because this can take place here on Earth. Jesus
speaks of this mystery in His metaphors and parables, because 2000 years
ago, He was not allowed to reveal it to the people because they were still
not ready to grasp it.

Our consciousness is ripe for the veracity, the truth and clarity. The Bible
speaks the Truth, everyone must divine it by his own. There is help for
anyone who seeks it, he will be led by Jesus (“I am the way and the truth
and the Life: no Man cometh unto the Father but by me!”).

*
“Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours“
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

37

How do we find God?

By going beyond all thoughts and feelings. By letting everything pass by,
the images and visions. Because these ideas are limited. Only when we are
completely open, He is there. He shows us, not vice versa. He decides
when the right time has come. If we still have blockages, fictions and guilty
feelings that are a hindrance, we must remove them. He let His light shine
through our Soul so that He can show us. God burns in every cell of our
body, and the longing for Him does never end.

This feeling is also described by people who had a near-death experience.
Once come into contact with God, having even seen the Light – and life is
another. The highlight is the Unio Mystica, the mystical union, the vision of
God, happening in absolute secrecy of the deepest Soul.

When I read the first revelation of God to the people, as described in
Enoch's vision: “Be still, know, I am God,” I was deeply shaken. These
words God spoke directly to me! For a long time I could not read through
these verses up to the end without being disturbed completely, and they
touch me still. How could I be so blind, so deaf, have been so stupid! How
could I not have known! I cannot believe it yet, how it may be possible that
we simply do not know: God is here! Why are we so insulated that we are
not perceiving God? We count the words of a poem and do not realize its
meaning.

Only when we are able to create within us a state of deep stillness, or better
put, if we find that space of silence within us, we are able to find God in
ourselves. Because only God can speak through the silence. Only through
the silence, a tone sounds, a word can be understood.

38

Please be quiet, in order that God may speak to you:

I speak to you.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I spoke to you
When you were born.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I spoke to you
With your first glance.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I spoke to you
With your first word.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

39

I spoke to you
With your first thought.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I spoke to you
With your first love.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I spoke to you
With your first song.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
Through the grass of the meadow.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
Through the trees of the forests.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

40

I speak to you
Through the valleys and hills.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
Through the Holy Mountains.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
Through rain and snow.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
Through the waves of the sea.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
By the dew of the morning.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

41

I speak to you
By the evening's peace.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
By the glow of the sun.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
By the twinkling stars.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
By the storm and the clouds
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you
By thunder and lightning.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

42

I speak to you
Through the mysterious rainbow.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I'll speak to you
If you are alone.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I'll speak to you
Through the wisdom of the ancients.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I'll speak to you
At the end of time.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I'll speak to you
When you've seen my Angel.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

43

I'll speak to you
In eternity.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

I speak to you.
Be quiet
Know
I am God.

(Source: The Gospel of the Essenes, complete edition book 1-4 The original texts from the Hebrew and
Aramaic, translated by Dr. Edmond Bordeaux Székely, Publisher Bruno Martin.)

The Aramaic version was found in the Dead Sea Scrolls and is certainly
datable to the period between 130 BC and 68 AD. The Chronicles of Enoch
(Henoch) were in the 4th Century ascribed to the Apocrypha by Church
Father Jerome, and thus declared heretical. So Enoch's vision was taken out
of the Bible, but all that is good, eventually comes back – and so it was
later discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls, thanks to God!

*
“God does not leave us in darkness.
Only when we leave Him,
We will perish“
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

44

My God, why? – When we doubt and despair

The Doubt

“Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” – “My God, my God, why hast thou
forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34; cf. Mt 27:46). According to Mark and
Matthew these were the last words of Jesus when He died on the Cross. It
is interpreted as a doubt. How could Jesus doubt His father if He and the
Father are one? Jesus knew God's plan for Him, He knew His mission, He
knew it already, when He as a twelve years old boy answered the teachers'
questions in the Temple in Jerusalem. “Did you not know where I must be,
about my Father's house?” He asked his outraged parents.

John was the only disciple of Jesus, who was present at His Crucifixion. He
describes Jesus' last words as follows: “After this, Jesus knew that
everything was done, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, He says, 'I
thirst!' There was a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with
vinegar and put it around a hyssop and held it to His mouth. When Jesus
had received the vinegar, He said: 'It is finished', bowed His head and gave
up.” (John 19.28-30). Of course, Jesus did not doubt. He was a man, and
He was God's son. Jesus came to Earth to teach us of Love in order that we
may find God! He loved with all His heart. He did not need to learn it.

The question is, can we ever open our hearts so far? Yes! Anyway, we must
firmly believe that God holds our plan of Salvation in His hands, and He
never loses neither the plan nor ourselves ever out of His sight. And just as
Jesus was concerned with His healings that men would not doubt, so I am
also convinced that any doubt destroys everything. It prevents healing and
brings us out of our heart's Love. It prevents our prayers from reaching for

45

God, for our Soul holds them back. Our Soul feels unworthy and bad when
we doubt. Because this doubt comes from our mind. Our Soul wants to
love, and we must allow it. If you want not only to be superficially healthy,
but healed of Body, Mind and Soul, think of Jesus' words that He spoke to
the two lepers who returned after the healing of the ten lepers to Him to
thank Him: “Your faith hath made thee whole.”

Jesus said unto the sick: “Effata!” – Open up. Open yourself to God's Light
so it can flow through you and enlighten your Soul. It's all included. Faith,
hope and Love and trust, it's a good thing as it is. At baptism, the priest
touches the ears and mouth of the baby and says, “Effata!” To make clear
that the baby is open to the Holy Spirit.

“Effata” – It is done by breathing in deeply. We breathe the Spirit of God
and receive His Love in our hearts.

This is important for our ongoing spiritual maturation. Only through a
growing faith in God can our life experiences make sense, even with all its
hardships and times of alienation and tests. Even if our life is sometimes
passing through a time of searching, it is never a search for the meaning of
life itself, it is only a time of drought and dryness, in which we can re-
arrange and re-structure our new life and salvation. Thus we come of age.
God needs mature people!

*
“How rare are the people
who what they do, do it all.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

46

The Despair

Even if we believe in Eternal Life, the death of a loved one strikes us badly.
Each person handles the pain in his own way. Some experience a persistent
traumatic process over many years, and that takes away all the joy and
laughter in the ongoing lives of the survivors. In my opinion, the total
giving of ourselves to God helps best when in pain.

Offer up your pain to God. Whether quietly or loudly, it is good for your
Soul. Let it go into the abyss of life where you currently stand. Do not
strive against it! We can not deal with the loss, and we fear our own death,
because we still have a taboo on that fact.

But please do not ask God: “Why have you left me?”, rather ask him:
“Please do not leave me!” That will sound better, this is a request that He
likes to fulfil. The question: “Why have you left me?” brings you into
doubt and takes you away from your Love for Him. He will never abandon
us. We are the ones who turn away from Him in our pain because with our
doubts we close our hearts and therefore can no longer feel Him.

The biggest fear in connection with the death is our uncertainty about the
time following. Many do not believe in life after death, and this may to
them be an unimaginably horrible idea. Others believe in a Heaven and per-
haps some sort of a Purgatory and Hell and are not sure how God will
judge them and whether they deserve either one or the other.

We are also afraid to be separated from our loved ones, thus harming them
and having to leave behind all that is precious to us. Perhaps it is helpful to

47

remind ourselves that we go when dreaming at night into a similar state of
consciousness.

People who have ever had a near-death experience do know with absolute
certainty that there is no such thing as an end to life. The majority report of
a radiant, boundless Light and a feeling of infinite, indescribable Love. We
enter into this Light and are embraced by His Love, and we experience a
tremendous expansion of our consciousness. We meet the people again in
Heaven, those whom we loved. In this state we continue to live and
develop our Souls.

Purgatory, the punishment of God that we fear, is in fact a Life Review we
undertake. Surely that might for one or another be found to be difficult. If
we do not in this life ease and cleans our soul and our conscience, we must
do it in the Afterlife. Since we will find ourselves in unfamiliar territory in
an unfamiliar state, it may be found to be more difficult.

Maybe you doubt these thoughts: “How does she know all this?” The
mystical experiences are the same as near-death experiences. I know
through the Love of God and through my connection with Him. I know
how doubt feels, and I know very well the state of despair and sadness that
can be felt. I know deep in my heart that there is life after death, and I
know through my life and my work, that the Dead are with us.

As we are communicating with the Saints via telepathy, so we can also
communicate with the Dead from Soul to Soul. It actually becomes much
easier because there are no walls and no body dividing us any more. We
can recognize these Souls simply by a particular feeling. Through speaking
with them, we do it with the knowledge that our words and our feelings are

48

received immediately. We simply tell them everything that had remained
unspoken. It's never too late! And remember:

*
“The best and most precious is this:
Be silent and let God act and speak in silence
Amid the silence the secret word was spoken to me.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

49

IV.
The Holy Spirit

Who or what is the Holy Spirit?

Jesus said to His Apostles: “And I will pray to the Father, and He shall give
you another Comforter, that He may abide with you for ever; Even the
Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth Him not,
neither knoweth Him: but ye know Him; for He dwelleth with you, and
shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” (John
14.16-18).

At Pentecost the Disciples of Jesus witnessed the whole spectrum of the
Holy Spirit in the form of His gifts and fruits. “When the Day of Pentecost
had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly
there came a sound from Heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled
the whole house where they were sitting. Then there appeared to them
divided tongues, as of fire, and One sat upon each of them. And they were
all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the
Spirit gave them utterance.” (Acts 2:1-4).

This was the birth of the Church, for the Disciples were able to proclaim
His Word by their enlightenment. Jesus spoke through His Disciples, it was
not only a narrative of His story. Without the Holy Spirit Jesus would
probably have remained a marginal figure in a story interesting enough to
tell about Him, but His work as the Son of God, as God's physical form,
would never have been promulgated. This was the Bible's Book of Books, a
sacred book, a book for the people of God, written by those whom He
enlightened as the Holy Spirit.

50

The Holy Spirit comes at baptism and in Confirmation about us. One tells
about the baptism of Christ: “And it came to pass in those days that Jesus
came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan.
And straightway coming up out of the water, He saw the Heavens opened
and the Spirit like a dove descending upon Him. And a voice came down
from Heaven, saying: Thou art my beloved Son, in Thee I am well
pleased.” (Mark 1:9-11).

There are opportunities in the Catholic Church, which remind us of our
Baptism: the Holy Water is constantly present at the church entrance, with
which we cross ourself. It is not just any water. It is consecrated with
prayers and thereby obtains the power of God. During the Easter Vigil the
renewal of the Baptismal liturgy in the Church happens. On Sunday after
Epiphany (6th January) is celebrated the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord,
which commemorates the Baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist in the
Jordan. The blessing so granted with Holy Water is also much more
effective than an ordinary blessing.

The biggest impression I had of the Holy Spirit on the occasion of my
Confirmation, as I outlined in the introduction to this book, is that it was
the moment when I began my Love affair with God. Since then I know who
or what is the Holy Spirit, and His gifts, fruits and consolations were given
to me more and more. I am always fully conscious of the fact that these are
gifts of God which “Life” cannot give. However, in my experience, God
requires that we first do the preliminary work and prove ourselves mature
and worthy. The second requirement is that we must remain in a constant
state of development, so that these gifts can properly unfold.

51

At first we are given only a small amount of them, and then we have to
prove whether we can accept them and use them properly, and only then
will come the next gifts. This is always with a 'recall option', should we
show ourselves unworthy of the gift or to be overwhelmed by it.

I have been able to recast my inner self in the two years after my
Confirmation at ever and ever shorter intervals. These gifts of the Holy
Spirit however, are not the laurels on which we may rest upon – no, not at
all. And yet I am filled with an ongoing gratitude and humility and I would
never want to live without these gifts again!

*
“Perfect Love is not given to us at once,
because we do not give up everything at once.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

52

The seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (Charisma)

Religious Concept

In the New Testament and former Christianity 'Charisma' means the gift
donated by the Holy Spirit to Christians. This includes: reason, science,
wisdom, counsel, piety, Godliness, fortitude, awareness, faith, prophecy,
healing, miracles, distinguishing of spirits, tongues (glossolalia) and
interpretation of tongues. With particular emphasis on some of these
charismas in the modern age emerged spiritual awakening movements such
as the Charismatic Movement or the Pentecostal Movement. Corinthians
I,12:8-11: “In all the gifts of the Spirit for the common good shew one is
given through the Spirit the word of wisdom, to another the word of
knowledge by the same Spirit, to another faith to make gifts of healing by
the same Spirit; to another in the same Spirit to perform miracles, to
another prophecy, to another discerning of Spirits, to another divers kinds
of tongues; one another the interpretation of this language; but everything
works from the one same Spirit, dividing to every man, to whom He wills.”

The conditions for these Graces are:

1) Water Baptism in the name of Jesus Christ
2) the Spiritual Baptism of the Holy Spirit
3) the absolute belief in Father, Son and Holy Spirit
4) an adapted way of life in humility and charity
5) permanent Spiritual development

53

The gifts of the Holy Spirit had differently affected the Apostles: Thomas
was given the gift of reason, John the gift of wisdom, Philip the gift of
counsel, James the gift of piety, Andrew the gift of the fear of God, Peter
the gift of strength, Matthew the grace of discernment.

I would like to explain the various Charismas for a general understanding
of them in more detail and also divided into several groups:

Reason, Science, Wisdom, Counsel, Awareness

These relate to the knowledge of the ineffable charisma (gnosis). Ignorance
creates suffering, whereas through knowledge and awareness comes Love,
and Man is redeemed. It is not from our mind in the brain. It is not from the
knowledge we learn. It's about the intuitive knowledge that is hidden deep
in our subconscious. It evolves with wisdom and awareness. This enables
us to then give advice to other people. This advice again comes not from
our mind, not from our thoughts with which we wish to inflate our egos for
to talk so wisely. No, the advice comes from God, and we are merely
expressing it.

The charisma of science means that we can rapidly merge the details of
science into a whole. Suddenly we know – again purely intuitively – how
things are doing. The downside is: everything normal bores us, because we
already know everything or can expose a falsehood immediately. The
advantages are: We are made aware of how we are carrying the
responsibility for everything in our world, for example in environmental
protection. The whole spectrum of ecology stretches out before us,
although we have not learnt it from books, but experiencing it from the
inside out. We understand the Universe. We understand Stephen Hawking

54

when he talks about the Big Bang Theory with this insight: “There must
still have been something before, so there is a God!” Albert Einstein was
afraid of becoming unhinged if it was true that “God plays dice” that
nothing can be calculated in the classical linear mode. We understand the
new quantum theory of the scientists, when they realize that the former
“great void” even includes energy, knowing: There is no emptiness, God is
in everything. Maybe we cannot express ourselves because we lack the
vocabulary. But we understand intuitively: The Laws of Nature and the
Spiritual Laws reflect the same truth: God.

Piety, Godliness, Faith, Strength

It's about faith from the heart, the Love of God and the deep humility
before Him. This Love makes us strong on the one hand, however, it gives
us the necessary wish, always to satisfy Him. The Soul that has once
abandoned God and has since recognized that as being an error will never
make that mistake again, once knowing it could have turned out so
differently!

Teresa of Àvila, The Interior Castle, 6th Flat: “Through the glories that He
tells the Soul, she realizes much more clearly the greatness of God. It
frightened her, how she could be so presumptuous, she mourns her low
reverence, and her own folly as being so crazy, that she never may
complain about it enough, considering that she has left such a noble
majesty due to such low reasons .”

The strength also means humility. My prayers can turn the world upside
down – but only if God wants it! I am nothing, I'm small as a grain of sand!
I am nothing, and everything comes from God.

55

Healing, Miracles, Prophecy

We obey an impulse of God. God has chosen us as His channel, and we
perform these acts on His impulse: The healing of the sick by laying on our
hands and praying; miracles prove themselves in the form of spontaneous
healing as well as in the mastery of the elements; the prophecy means the
proclamation of God's Word (Greek: “One who speaks for others”). This
also includes the predictions of coming important events.

Discernment, Tongues and their Interpretation

In my experience, the charisma of tongues (glossolalia) shows the ability to
dream in a foreign language or to think or understand them and speak
words and phrases, without being aware of it. The interpretation of tongues,
is something I've felt after my Confirmation: My Soul remembered, as was
described by the Pope in the preface to the Latin Mass. Deep within us is
buried the text in all languages, and when we hear these words, the Soul
recalls. So my Soul suddenly spoke Latin, at least enough for the Holy
Mass in Latin to understand its meaning and to meld with it and thereby
causing me to burst into tears in the first three Masses.

The discernment of Spirit we need to recognize the false prophets, and
these, as we all know very well, are numerous. Once we have received the
charisma of the Holy Spirit, we know when something is right or wrong!
We are never victims of a sect. We see through them immediately. We are
even indirectly led to help to free their victims. I have already been led to
do that, although I cannot of course make that known.

56

Pope John Paul II, who exuded all the charisma of the Holy Spirit already
in his appearance, has recognized these healing Charismas even in non-
consecrated persons, and ordered the release of this knowledge on 25
September 2000. At that time our present Pope Benedict XVI was chairman
of the Congregation. Thus, two Popes are on the side of us Healers and
Mystics – isn't that wonderful?

Excerpted from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith

Instruction on Prayers for Healing by God:
“As mentioned above, the end of Mark's Gospel as well as the Galatians are
extending the horizon and do not limit the miraculous healing on the
activities of the Apostles and some Preachers of the Gospel, which play a
prominent role in the first missionary. From this point of view the evidence
of the “Healing Charismas” (cf. 1 Cor 12,9.28.30) are particularly
important. The meaning of the word 'Charisma' itself is very wide; a
'Charisma' is a “freely-given gift”, the mentioned case refers to it as “gifts,
to cure diseases.” These spiritual gifts are assigned to an individual (cf. 1
Cor 12:9), so they are not understood as cures, which has been gained by
each of those cured by themselves, rather as a gift granted to a person in
order to obtain the Healing Grace for others. This gift is dedicated in the
“One Spirit”, whereby it cannot be closely defined, how this person does
achieve the healing. One can assume that this is done through prayer,
perhaps accompanied by a symbolic gesture “.
(Soure:www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20001123_istru
zione_ge.html)

57

The twelve Fruits of the Holy Spirit

“Come Holy Spirit, open the hearts of Thy faithful, and you fill them with
Thy Love.” In the New Testament, Matthew the Evangelist writes: “By
their fruits ye shall know them.” (Mt. 7.16)

The fruits are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,
Forbearance, Gentleness, Faithfulness, Modesty, Abstinence, Chastity.

This book is about Love. The charisma joy I would like to mention
particularly. Teresa of Àvila, too, felt a great joy in her spirituality that
springs from the inner freedom gained. The heart is free. Humility means
no weight, no burden, but a feeling of lightness and freedom. Even now I
pray the Lord's Prayer as an invocation and glorification with uplifted arms.
The power of the Holy Spirit flows through my body and my hands become
warm.

The Holy Spirit makes our egos die automatically. Not until then can Man
fully develop the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Spontaneously an impatient
person can then become a patient person. Forbearance, gentleness –
something that is completely unknown by egocentric people. Abstinence
and chastity are themselves dismissed as unrealistic by the people who are
just about to perish from their mistakes in this direction. The spiritual man
changes his sexual energy into spiritual energy – and he realizes that what
he used to call Love, rarely served the Divine Love, but rather the
satisfaction of the lack of self-Love.

58

How do I distinguish this Divine Love of the secular? It's simple: The
Divine Love never dies. It does not turn suddenly into hatred. You have no
fear within this Love. You just Love. Even if a close person is not with you
and maybe never will be – you Love that person, your two Souls are loving
each other at a distance – voilà! After the initial turmoil, the pain resolves,
and satisfaction and joy is remaining.

The seven Consolations of the Holy Spirit

Within the twelve fruits of the Holy Spirit His consolations are included.
Crying is of a very great comfort. But there are many people who cannot. I
can, and I'm glad of it! I sometimes wished I would be able to hold back the
tears, especially during a Mass in the Cathedral, when I hang completely
dissolved in tears in the front row and everyone could see me. I had to go
through this development phase bravely. Although I'm sure it was not
always my own tears, which flowed. I often cried the tears of others.
During the New Year Reception of the Bishop of Limburg in 2010, I
apologized to him for my many tears during his beautiful Masses. He
thanked me for my support. – With pleasure!

*
“Under a condition that we do not abandon our prayers,
then the Lord will convert whatever we do into our advantage,
even when we find anyone who is able to teach us.”
(Teresa of Àvila)
*

59

V.
Jesus

My Path to Jesus

Jesus was resourceful and patient. Until I finally realized that the signs all
around me, in the sky, in the water and the earth, came from Him, it took
me many years to realize this.

Three years ago I went to Plouescat, a small town situated facing the
English Channel in the Department of Finistère in Brittany, the
westernmost region of continental France. It had already received in
Roman times the name of 'Finis Terrae' (end of the earth), the Breton name
being 'Penn ar Bed' (early, peak or head of the world). I find it interesting
that the Romans called the region the 'End of the Earth', in contrary, the
refugees and immigrants from Great Britain, who developed the Breton
language of Cornish (Cornwall) and Welsh (Wales), called the region the
'Beginning of the World'. For the Romans this country was a patch of earth,
even the End of the Earth, but for the Bretons it was the Beginning of the
World.

Their use of the word 'world' is referring to the totality, the totality of the
Universe, the Universe of Beings. This belief was passed on to the
character of their people and it still can be felt energetically. I learned that it
was no coincidence that the amazing mystical experiences I went through
there as well as the powerful Light of God illuminating the area was
captured in my photographs. The 'Département' name of Finistère
incidentally only refers to it being an administrative area.

60

I very soon came to really love this place on Earth, and in those years of the
1980s I came to know it better as my own real home. It meant freedom to
me and comfort at the same time, Love for all things, for the people, the
language, the overwhelming nature, the architecture and of course the Love
of food – I was able to feed on the sea creatures – and somehow it was also
the mysticism, which I still could not exactly explain.

At that time “mysticism” was a general term for the mysterious. This aspect
for me only covered the place's nature and the sense of its beauty and
drama of its scene, which changed every hour from the ocean winds and
sun and which never repeated itself. I still had no access to the alleged 7777
saints of Brittany – many of which are certainly not recognized by the
Church. There are also numerous mineral springs. And there is the unique
term the 'Calvary', areas belonging to the 'Enclos Paroissiaux', the enclosed
parishes. These arose in the 16th and 17th Centuries, especially in the area
of Finistère. The Calvary tells in an impressive way of the Life and the
Passion of Christ. If you have ever spent time in the Department of
Finistère outside the tourist season on a holiday or were just staying or
living there, you can understand this term 'Beginning of the World' very
well.

In 1980 I spent a year near Lorient, in the western Morbihan Department.
This is located in Southern Brittany in the Gulf of 'Mor Bihan' which
means 'small sea'. In the Morbihan, originating in the Neolithic Age of
Western Europe, arose the famous grave Mounds (tumulus), from which
arose a combination of Megalithic Standing Stones and Stone Circles.
Particularly famous are the Stone Circles of Carnac.

61

I lived nearby in a small house directly looking on the sea. From the garden
I was able to enter the sea over the rocks which reached into the Atlantic.
When there was a strong storm the water often surged into the garden and it
became under water. Into the 'Doigts de Sorcière' (witches fingers), a plant
which covered the whole garden, there were caught sea-shells. Perhaps my
Chinese Windmill Palm is still growing, which I had just moved to there.
Climatically it would be possible, because the warm Gulf Stream flows to
the Atlantic coast and provides a rough, but frost-free climate with mild
winters.

When I wanted to visit this piece of land that once was my home during my
later holiday, I could not find it! The entire coastline has since been
completely built over as a holiday resort with its own marina.

On this later return I spent ten days in Plouescat almost completely alone in
a mobile home within a sea-side campsite, very comfortable and very quiet,
with no TV or computer and with a cell phone only for emergencies. The
mere fact that I was even able to find that was pretty surprising. However,
God as always, was sufficient in this case …

My path has also led me from Germany directly to Mont Saint Michel, this
legendary island Monastery between Normandy and Brittany in the English
Channel, where there still live a handful of Benedictine monks that have to
endure the daily flow of tourists. It is quiet at night in the medieval streets,
and the few tourists left can enjoy a delicious meal in the many restaurants
or creperies, followed by a walk on the path along the city wall around the
Monastery hill in a now quiet night within a monastic atmosphere.

62

What makes this island so special is the huge hight difference and surge of
the tides. At low tide, the sea pulls back a long way out up to eleven miles,
and you can then take some beautiful tideland walks. As soon as the tide
returns however, at a speed that has been termed as a fast gallop for horses,
you have to hurry back to the Mount, as it is then totally surrounded by the
sea except for its connecting causeway to the mainland. Cars and buses can
be driven on to this connecting causeway and to use it as a parking lot. The
buses all leave the island by the evening, and the few cars left are parked
by overnight guests.

I had not been on the 'Mount' for over ten years, as the locals call their
mountain. (Incidentally, in the beginning it was called 'Mont-Tombe' which
means mountain grave.) It was just as I had known it before: full of tour-
ists, who pushed through the narrow alleys and almost ransacked the curio
shops. I went to my room I had reserved a few days earlier. It was a little
off the main street which climbs its way up to the Monastery at the top, and
I had from my window a very idyllic view of an old cemetery and a green
garden filled with hydrangeas, the national flower of the Bretons, but they
do not bloom until late June. More ahead I saw the three-story convent
church, which is accessible via stairs. Behind the garden extended the city
walls, and above the sun shone in a cloudless blue sky. It was very quiet,
and I heard the sea approaching from a great distance.

There was a little time left to eat, so I visited an artist who specialized in
the production of copper ornaments, and bought a beautiful necklace with
pendant amulet in the shape that reminded me of the Divinity of Man. It
incorporated a small crown, which for me spoke to representing Jesus.

63

Back in my room, I lay down on the bed to read a book about Jesus. Then I
closed my eyes, put the book down with my new necklace with copper
pendant on top of it and to which I then lay my left hand down on to it. I
was immediately no longer able to rest! Within a few minutes I began to
glow. And I was soon glowing more and more! From head to toe, and this
glow extended to the entire bed. I slid to the side, but there it was already
so hot that I could not lie there. I felt a little queasy, and I knew that some-
thing was not quite right. I am very aware what it feels like to have a fever,
but I knew I had no fever! I was burning, everything was glowing, but it
certainly was not fever. Suddenly my eyes fell on my left hand that still lay
on the amulet and the book. I took it away – and the glow disappeared as
quickly as it had come. That was strange! It had transmitted the energy I
had put in reading this book via the copper amulet in my hands to my
whole body to the bed. Well, thank you Jesus, I now understood that you
are able to heat one up pretty effectively!

After the long-awaited dinner with a 'plateau de fruits de mer' and half a
bottle of white wine I then climbed up to the Monastery Church and en-
joyed the fantastic views far across the bay. The sea was raging far below
in the scary dark, and I could hear the waves breaking into a steady rhythm
on the rocks. Then I went to sleep, in order to begin the next day’s journey
to some unknown destination relaxed.

The next morning I woke up in the early sunshine, I had breakfast and
cleaned my room. It was still pretty early and I decided to again visit the
small Pilgrimage Church. No sooner said than done that and as I sat in the
middle of a pew and tried to pray, a group of Pilgrims entered the church,
recognizable by their red kerchiefs and wooden sticks. There were French.
They sat down at once and before I knew it I was sitting in the middle of

64

them. The accompanying Pilgrim Priest distributed slips of paper, on which
everyone could write a wish, and of course I also received one, too. I wrote
a wish on it, and I can still remember it very well. The wish had to do with
the reason for my journey, which was one of seeking a place of solitude,
even though at this point I was not experiencing much of that. However, I
felt very comfortable within these Pilgrims. The Priest then held a small
Mass, which at that time I did not understand all that much since I belonged
to no particular denomination and still had little experience of Catholic
worship, especially not one done in French.

At least I was glad to know for whom the chants and prayers were being
dedicated, because I had already myself found God, and I also felt that He
was very present in this particular Chapel. The title 'Archange Michel'
came up very often with whom I knew very well. Finally, the Priest
collected the notes of wishes and brought them over to the big statue that
was located next to us. There he stood, the Archangel Michael, he who had
first ordered the building of Mont St. Michel, according to legend. The
written wishes were offered up even multilingual, and I'm sure there was no
one among us who doubted at that moment of the fulfilment of their desire!
Shortly afterwards the Chapel emptied very quickly, and I was left alone
and was glad.

It was a good start for my journey into the unknown on this day. For I had
no idea where I would go. Since I was still inspired so beautifully by the
atmosphere of worship, I asked God to lead me to yet another quiet place.
It should lie near to the sea, because I love the sea very much. I am not a
sun worshiper, which I always considered as too boring and too hot, and I
did not want to be able to determine, at my fairly advanced age, the hours
of sunshine registered on my skin. But I must always be able to see and

65

hear the sea, then I can find that the world is in order. And I needed quiet
as well as a great deal of rest! And of course, some fish and seafood in all
its variations!

So I left Mont Saint Michel and I looked at my map, knowing the rough
direction I wanted to take. Because the coastline was still fresh in the
memory of my previous trips, I took a highway where I made good
progress. After about two hours I had the feeling of being close to the
finish. I came to an intersection and turned North towards the sea. Then I
found myself in front of a sign pointing to 'Plouescat' and I decided to look
for a small hotel room there. I gave this request to the attention of my inner
guidance. I was especially concerned about a pretty unpleasant rattling
under my car, which worried me quite a bit. But somehow I had got lost on
the way to my destination, at least I was off course and suddenly I saw a
beautiful heath land stretching before me, and behind it an endlessly long,
wide sandy beach stretching in a huge bay. The sea was far out on a low
tide and it shone on the horizon in the sun. I was overwhelmed by the sight,
but there was no hotel in sight here. Only a campground. Well, that was not
my desire. I'm not a camper and I was not equipped for it, except for some
towels.

It was only May and all was quiet. Something attracted me, however, and I
stopped at the Reception house. There was no barrier of any sort, so I
walked along the way and looked right and left into small grass bays which
were sheltered by tall hedges on each side, along with mobile homes of
various sizes. I had experienced them only from photographs, although I
quite liked the look of them. These ones all looked pretty new, and the
entire camp made a most welcoming impression. I did not see any small

66

towed caravans or tents. Nonetheless, I did not consider it the right thing
for me at the time.

I returned to the car and was about to drive off, when a young man came
running up to me and asked me why I was already leaving. I told him that I
was really searching for a hotel room. He invited me to return and visit the
site with the mobile homes again and possibly stay there. Objecting that I
had no camping gear with me, he replied that I did not need anything, it's
all included there. So I went back with him, and he showed me a nice
mobile home with two bedrooms, kitchen and lounge, shower and toilet. It
had everything needed: gas, electricity, furniture, dishes, glasses, and on the
beds were even sheets of tear-resistant mesh, the type that I know of as
used in hospitals. I was thrilled. Well, it was not really inexpensive. But it
was nice. And I learned that I was to be the only guest. So I immediately
said yes. The young man asked me if German women have no fear of being
on their own, and I answered, that I am personally not afraid, although I
suggested that this was not an attribute of most German women. It turned
out that there was an elderly couple after all staying on the campsite, but far
away from me.

So I put my car on the lawn in front of the mobile home and moved in, not
without having asked the young man to lay under my car and see why it
rattled. He complied right away, as after all French men are known for their
politeness. It turned out to be only the cover of the exhaust catalyser, so I
did not have to worry anymore.

I almost immediately made a reconnaissance trip down through the heather-
clad dunes to the beach. This was covered by huge granite stones, known as
menhirs, the standing stones in Asterix, and on the left, a huge bay

67

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