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How to remove negative memories

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How to remove negative memories

  1. 1. Matt Kendall www.facebook.com/TheMattKendall matt@interestingtalks.co.uk
  2. 2. About Tonight  This talk is to help you to understand more about how memory works and how it can be changed  This is not a lecture on neuroscience  We will be doing several exercises where you will get to try out the techniques yourself  Please keep things content free
  3. 3. My Background  First came across NLP and Hypnosis in 2002  Met a hypnotist and went for several sessions  Trained with many different people and institutions  In 2007 I came across IEMT
  4. 4. Client Work  Specialise in social anxiety (mainly dating world)  Help people to recover from trauma  Removing and reprocessing past experiences, to give people great control over the present  My main focus is now training therapists, coaches and people who just want to work on themselves, in IEMT (Integral Eye Movement Therapy)
  5. 5. Common Myths About Memory  We record everything like a blackbox recorder (we don’t)  That memory is factually correct (it isn’t. it is simply a subjective experience) Eyes only do 10% of seeing, the rest is made up by the brain.  That traumatising memories can not be changed (they can)
  6. 6. Common Myths About Memory That our brains work like a computer and filing system (they don’t. In fact memories change slightly every time you access them. Also the emotional state you are in once accessing memories will have a large impact upon them)  Memories fade over time (this is not always the case, especially for traumatic or sensitising events)
  7. 7. So Why Do We Have Memory?  To keep us alive  We remember what we have learned, especially if it is a threat to our safety  The brain is a streamlined processor, without remembering how to feel and act, it would just be to much information to process
  8. 8. Early Development  Our formative years are approximately 4-12 years old  We experience situations both directly and indirectly  This lays the basis of our beliefs and character
  9. 9. Belief Systems ISE Thoughts Gut Reaction Feelings Avoidance Anxiety
  10. 10. Problems in the Present  What you learned as a child was relevant when you were young, however not so much now. Unless updated, memories stay the same as the time of encoding.  You want to do something but you get a gut reaction or negative feelings, although you know it is nonsense  These irrational fears are cognitive dissonance  What’s wrong with me? It causes massive frustration
  11. 11. Public Speaking
  12. 12. Stimulus - You are Giving a Presentation
  13. 13. Transderivational Search
  14. 14. Solutions  Counselling to try and understand the issue  CBT to reinterpret what is being processed  Exposure therapy to the stimuli  Alcohol and drugs for courage  Intervention work including NLP, Hypnosis and IEMT  Training in the skill set
  15. 15. Is Time Moving More Quickly?  These songs are 20 years old;  "Spice Up Your Life" - Spice Girls  "MMMbop" - Hanson  "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" - Backstreet Boys  "I'll Be Missing You" - Puff Daddy and Faith Evans ft. 112  "Around the World" - Daft Punk
  16. 16. Feel Old Yet?
  17. 17. Make Time Seem Longer  When you are 10, 1 year is 10% of your life  When you are 50, 1 year is 2% of your life  This has been the theory for a long time, however more recent research indicates that time is just a perception and it is measured in long term memories that have been created.
  18. 18. Long Term Memory  Creating a long term memory is a chemical process  They are more likely to occur when there is high levels of emotion and has novelty value (something different than normal) both positive and negative  Wedding day, being mugged, getting a job, being fired, losing your virginity, first time you were in love etc
  19. 19. Going On Holiday
  20. 20. Make Time Seem Longer
  21. 21. Make Time Seem Longer
  22. 22. Good Mental Health  I personally believe the best way to good mental health is...  To actively work on past negative memories and emotions  Whilst constantly adding new long term memories.  Also, when working on negative memories, you need to be clear on the experience so you can measure the changes
  23. 23. What is a Memory? Kinesthetic Information
  24. 24. Submodalities  Is the picture black and white or colour?  Is the picture near or far?  Is the picture 2D or 3D?  Is it a still picture or a movie?  Is it associated (you see it through your own eyes) or dissociated (you see yourself in the picture?  Is it focussed or defocussed?  Is it bright or dim?  Is it in the centre of your field of vision or off to one side?  Is it clear or grainy?  Is it solid or transparent?  Is it framed or panoramic?
  25. 25. Exercise Part 1  Work with someone and ask them to think of a negative memory.  Ask them;  Is it a picture or a movie?  Does it have sound?  It is subjective or objective?  Is it in focus?  Out of 10, how strong is the emotion?
  26. 26. Exercise Part 2  Now begin to change the submodalities.  Picture or a movie? Change it  Does it have sound? Make it quieter or louder  It is subjective or objective? Change it  Is it in focus? Change it  Out of 10, how strong is the emotion? Observe
  27. 27. Submodality Work  If your memory is a movie, associated, bright, close and with sound  It will have a much higher emotional impact (0/10)  At home you can experiment with your own submodalities to lessen the emotional impact  Make sure to record things and what progress you make
  28. 28. Ruminating Memory  Memories that we ruminate tend to start in the same place, build up to a climax and then stop.  Then then loop and start at the same point again.  Thinking about something does not help! People often go “internal” and problems worsen.  Instead, we need to create an exit
  29. 29. From This
  30. 30. To This
  31. 31. We Achieve This by Adding Time  With a partner, ask them if they ruminate on a memory  Asked them what happened afterwards in time blocks  Keep adding time and content until you reach the present day  Then ask when they think of the memory now, what is it like?
  32. 32. Time Jumps Present Day Memory Day Week Month Year Year Year
  33. 33. Changing Memory  Every time you access a memory, it changes it slightly  The mood or state that you are in when you access it, will have a large impact  By adding in time and/or content, it changes how it is accessed (like scratching a CD)  One simple trick is to hold a negative memory and start moving, dancing or listening to music
  34. 34. Escape a Negative Memory Quickly  Often we will experience a negative memory or experience when we are out  These can spiral into panic attacks  One thing you can do, is to practice mindfulness.  Simply start saying what is around you. Bring your attention outwards, instead of inwards
  35. 35. The Brain Left Right Speech Spatial Awareness Simple Maths Here and Now Will Power Short Term Memory Logic Conscious Mind Singing Abstract Thinking Connection Emotions Character Routine Behaviour Long Term Memory Subconscious Mind Corpus Callosum
  36. 36. Therapy vs Changework  You can not therapy your way out of a problem, it also takes action  Often counselling/talking therapy fails to produce results as where the problem is located, it is in a different place to where your speech centres are.  People can find it easier to express pain through art, music and singing rather than talking about it  Talking about issues can also cause re-traumatisation
  37. 37. How IEMT Works  IEMT (Integral Eye Movement Therapy) works by getting the hemispheres to communicate with one another  By getting someone to locate a negative memory in the right hemisphere, and then engaging the left hemisphere, the brain processes the memory in terms of significance to the present
  38. 38. Updating Memory  Memory is encoded at time of exposure and doesn’t age  My favourite film growing up was Terminator 2. When I think of it, I am remembering what it was like watching it when I was 13  I watched it again recently, and it seemed rubbish.  The film had not changed, I had. When you change the way you observe something, the thing you observe changes.
  39. 39. Young Me
  40. 40. Using the Eyes to Access the Brain  Our eyes are connected directly to the brain  We can use the eyes to tell what is happening internally  When you think of a memory, your eyes literally locate it  By holding the memory and moving the eyes, you cause bilateral stimulation
  41. 41. Exercise  With a partner, ask them if they have a negative memory  Ask them for a label e.g. The school yard  Ask if it is a picture or a movie  Ask if it is a subjective or objective  How clear and in focus is it  Out of 10, how strong is the emotion
  42. 42. Hold the Memory, Move the Eyes 6 6 6
  43. 43. Predictable Outcomes  The memory is harder to retrieve  Movies turn into a picture, or at least broken up  Pictures are harder to get, seem faded out  The memory seems further away  The emotion level drops  The memory loses significance
  44. 44. Finding the ISE  IEMT does NOT work on emotion  It does however use emotion to locate the ISE, which you then use the IEMT process on  This can be used for anticipatory events, such as job interviews, presentations, going on a date etc
  45. 45. Exercise  With a partner, ask;  Do you have an upcoming event that you are anxious or concerned about?  How strong is the emotion when you think of it?  How familiar is this feeling?  When was the first time you can remember feeling this way?  Allow them to locate the memory, then move the eyes
  46. 46. Result  When you now think of the upcoming event  It should seem less scary  More manageable  You should be able to think about what you can do  And it should be less overwhelming
  47. 47. Can I Do This on Myself?  Yes, sort of  First of work through the questions, either for a single negative memory or to locate the ISE  Hold your jaw, move your eyes  Recalibrate  Do NOT do it into a mirror. You will trip yourself out!
  48. 48. Why I Love IEMT  Having used different therapy models, I just love the way IEMT works  My clients say it is like doing hundreds of hours of therapy in literally seconds  It is content free, which means you DO NOT talk about the content, just the structure  It works with most of the people, most of the time
  49. 49. IEMT Training  I run 2-3 trainings per year in London  I get 3 types of people attending;  Those who want to get into therapy  Those who are therapists and want to add to their skills  Those who just want to work on themselves  It is a 2 day training, the next one will probably be in July/August
  50. 50. Any Questions?
  51. 51. Thank you  Thank you for your time  I hope you enjoyed the talk and got some useful information  I hope to see you again for future talks and presentations  Please remember to review this on Funzing