Manage Marriage Conflict with Understanding

MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS TESTS
(from the Book: A Practical Guide to a
Successful Relationship & Marriage)
Garden of Eden Marriage – GEM
Original Marriage

1. INTRODUCTION
Everything is tested by life conditions,
challenges, experiences and circumstances. This
is a fact that should not be ignored and couples
should be prepared to endure various tests
ahead of them. Their marriage relationship, their
covenant, their love, their trust for each other,
their faith in the marriage, their hope and their
values shall be tested.

1. INTRODUCTION
The reader may have heard about five or seven
or ten marriage tests but this book clarifies that
there are far more yet, they can be considered in
three categories (Heart, Mind and Body),
according to their areas of testing. If you check
for yourself every test of your marriage, you shall
see that it falls into any of these three
categories.

2. TEST AREAS
The following are the three test areas into which
marriage tests can be categorized:

2.1 HEART (Belief, love, trust and hope)
The heart is the seat of emotions and the belief
system. Some tests are on issues of the heart to
influence emotions and strength of belief, which
in turn impacts the way one relates and
communicates with one’s partner. This in turn
affects the relationship or marriage.

Partners should be aware that their belief in the
relationship and each other, their love and trust
for each other, and also their hope in their
relationship and marriage may change or be
impacted or eroded away if they do not manage
their hearts well during the tests.

When a test comes to the union, the partners
should identify what area (heart, body or mind) it
can affect, or it is affecting, in order to manage
themselves well and where necessary respond
accordingly. It could be a test of accusation that
the other partner is unfaithful or relatives trying
to erode their trust for each other. How the
parties relate, manage themselves, handle this
challenge, and how they respond matters.

The counsel here is that the spouses should
protect their marriage union by guarding their
belief, hope, love and trust for each other, by
taking necessary steps or communicating
effectively to ensure there is no room for doubts,
fears or worries in each other. Protecting each
other, communication, counter evidence, truth
and reassurance are tools to be used.

2.2 BODY (health, food, shelter, clothing,
money)
The needs of the body such as good health,
food, shelter, clothing and money are potential
areas of testing where the couple should equip
themselves. The presence and absence of these
could still be tested or could be a source of
challenges depending on how the couple relates
with each other over such matters.

money)
For example, one couple could face a lack of
money and this could be a source of anger,
conflicts and misunderstanding instead of
strategising about how to have stable sources of
income for the family.

money)
The presence of income could be a challenge if
the couple does not want to budget together or
either spouse does not want to bring their
income into the marriage union.

money)
Once the spouses classify a challenge as
affecting their bodies they should come up with a
solution or strategy to resolve its cause. The
main tools here are communication (discussion),
reference to the covenant guidelines where
necessary, and working out the strategy together
while maintaining their mutual well-being.

2.3 MIND (thoughts)
The mind is the seat of thoughts, understanding
or comprehension. One key test could be that
which influences the spouses’ thoughts
negatively about their partner and marriage
relationship. The mind should be guarded and
trained to reflect on productivity, solutions and
strategies to improve and achieve the marriage
and individual goals.

2.3 MIND (thoughts)
Destructive thoughts may come from negative
information or perceptions, or they come due to
dissatisfaction, mistreatment, and various
undesirable words and actions.
The spouses should learn how to stay positive, to
do self-counsel and to train their minds for
progressive and productive reflection.

2.3 MIND (thoughts)
They need to learn how to guard their minds and
ensure they focus on their goals, roles and
solutions to every challenge or test they may
come across. They should know that for every
challenge they should use their minds to come
up with solutions and set their minds on their
goals as a motivation to keep on.

(a) PERCEPTIONS AND PERSPECTIVES
Differences in perceptions are a source of conflict
for many marriages because the partners expect
each other to have the same perceptions about
everything, which is impossible no matter how
compatible they may be. There will be
differences in reasoning and in perceptions.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

This should be taken as normal and when
partners have differences in opinion or
suggestions or reasoning due to differences in
perception, what they need to do is to step into
each other’s shoes to understand each other’s
perception.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

This is an effective and sustainable way of
strengthening connections, families, and
relationships, and preventing unnecessary
conflict, as well as offering conflict resolution. By
understanding the ways in which they are
different, the spouses can actually be more
connected to each other. It is easier to be kind
(and empathetic) when the spouses can
understand each other’s point of view.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

Understanding, appropriate responses, and
management of differences in perspective
promotes unity, co-ordination, a sense of
belonging and a productive team, community,
family or institution, and also prevents
unnecessary conflicts, suppression of ideas and
breakdown of families, societies and
relationships. Everyone with different
perspectives shall fit in and be permitted to
contribute despite their different VIEWS.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

Some due to differences in perceptions, suffer
rejection, injustices and denial of their rights. For
a family or society to be healthy, there needs to
be an understanding of how to manage
differences in the perceptions of individuals. The
partners need to learn the importance of
accommodating the different VIEWS of others
and how to relate with each other and people
who have different VIEWS from them.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

A relationship or marriage cannot thrive if either
of the partners is suppressing their VIEWS and
only the VIEWS of the other are allowed. It must
be mutual to have a healthy relationship.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(b) WEAKNESSES (Accommodate each other’s
weaknesses)
Couples should accommodate each other’s
weaknesses but for this to happen they should
have prepared each other before marriage. This
is being honest. Many marriages are built on
dishonesty and incomplete information, in order
to trap each other into the marriage.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

weaknesses)
Couples who have hidden vital information from
each other and only reveal it after getting
married, should apologise to each other as that
was deception and injustice.
The reason is that partners should give each
other full information to help each other make
informed decisions.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

weaknesses)
Hiding some of the information is misleading and
misguiding the other to make a decision based
on incomplete or wrong information. They may
tell each other after marriage, for example, that
they have children or have some health
challenge.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

weaknesses)
Weaknesses are opportunities for complementing
each other or for building each other up and not
for conflict or separation. During counselling the
partners should be taught how to relate with
each other with the weaknesses that they have
revealed to each other. This session is very
important for them otherwise the weaknesses
will be causes of frustrations, discouragement,
conflicts and separation.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

weaknesses)
Therefore, it is vital not to hide weaknesses from
each other before marriage to prepare each
other on how to relate, support each other and
manage the weaknesses.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

weaknesses)
Hiding one’s weaknesses before marriage is
disadvantaging one’s self because one’s partner
may not accept one’s weaknesses later in the
marriage. Once the weaknesses are fully known
for both parties intending to marry, they can
include them in their marriage job description
under the category “Areas of Support” and hence
both parties shall be fully aware of key areas that
need support.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(c) FINANCES
Finances have been the major cause of failure of
many marriages. Many have entered into
marriage without discussing their expectations
concerning income and financial management yet
they still entered their marriages
uncompromising on their financial expectations.
This is one of the serious matters that should be
discussed and agreed upon before marriage.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(c) FINANCES
Unfortunately, many parties just assume that
they will manage without talking about this
matter, yet they have expectations which they
bring into marriage. Some do not trust their
partners and relationships enough to bring their
income together and to budget within their
marriage union. The couple should be equipped
to ensure that either the presence or the absence
of finances should not be a source of conflicts in
the marriage.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(d) CARRY-OVER OBLIGATIONS/AND
COMMITMENTS, e.g. financial, children
It is a grave mistake to carry over various
obligations (financial, dependents or children)
into the marriage without discussing and
agreeing with one’s partner about what
responsibilities are expected to be shared or
supported in the union by both together.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

There should be agreement and willingness from
both otherwise the marriage may end up
bringing untold sufferings, torture and challenges
to the dependents and innocent children.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

All carry-over obligations should be discussed for
mutual agreement and approval. If these are
mutually agreed upon then they can be fulfilled,
instead of just assuming and forcing extra
responsibilities on the union without mutual
consent, as one of the partners may not be
willing to take up the extra responsibility. There
has to be mutual consent. Everything has to be
agreed upon and mutually approved.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(e) AGREEMENT AFTER MARRIAGE
Agreement should be made before marriage but
because many parties rush into marriage without
discussing thoroughly and making a
comprehensive agreement, they realize later in
the marriage that they need to discuss and
harmonise certain things and try to agree.
Hence, this becomes a source of many marriage
conflicts.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

Not making an agreement before marriage
causes each party to make their own
assumptions and expectations as they enter into
marriage.
This becomes a source of conflict and much pain
later. Some may say, “This is not what I
expected.” Many marriage partners try to agree
after they are married on matters that have not
been discussed.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

I would like to emphasise that agreement should
be before the marriage and not afterwards
because both couples should have made
informed decisions whether or not to enter into
the marriage covenant based on correct and
complete information. It is laying a trap to get
into marriage then telling each other afterwards
their real expectations. This is an injustice which
causes most of the marriage conflicts ending in
separation or even divorce.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

When partners fail to agree in the marriage on
what they should have agreed upon before
marriage, they end up in serious, unending
conflicts due to frustration.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(f) INTERFERENCE
Interference is an intrusion into the health, status
and operation of a marriage. It interferes with
the marriage covenant, job description or agreed
roles of partners. It is an imposition (burden,
nuisance or obligation) from external parties on
the marriage couple if it is without consent, even
if one of them may agree but the other disagrees
or without both of them agreeing.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(f) INTERFERENCE
It is an infringement on the marriage union,
partner rights and responsibilities. An
infringement is a breach, violation, intrusion or
encroachment. In other words, it is an invasion
(attack, assault or raid) on the marriage union or
either partner in the marriage. It can come in
different forms from different sources.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(f) INTERFERENCE
If the couple is not educated enough to identify
the difference between support and interference,
they may end up entertaining an interference
that is potentially harmful to their marriage
union, while rejecting the necessary support that
would have helped them or saved their marriage.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(f) INTERFERENCE
Interference is simply a disturbance to the
success, status and productiveness of the
marriage union. If a religious leader or a
marriage counsellor or a family member imposes
themselves to guide the couple without getting
permission from them, this may be interference.
Interference mostly does not wait for an
invitation and may be uninvited.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(f) INTERFERENCE
One spouse does not have the right to impose
their own person to come and resolve a matter
without the mutual consent of both spouses.
The following are the four “I”s to help couples
and stakeholders (religious leaders, friends,
relatives, dependents, and marriage counsellors)
to understand what marriage interference is:
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

(f) INTERFERENCE
imposition, (e.g. obligation, decision, advice)
which becomes a burden or a nuisance to the
couple
interruption, (e.g. disturbance) which becomes
a disturbance to the marriage union
infringement, (breach, violation or intrusion)
invasion, (attack, assault or raid).
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

MORE IN THE BOOK ON THIS TOPIC ARE THE
FOLLOWING:
Belief Challenges
Suppression
Loss of Sexual Desire
Pride
Influences of Negativity
Barriers Against Expression of Love
Conflicts Resolution Management
POTENTIAL CONFLICT

4. MY CALL FOR YOUR ACTION TO
SHOCKING RESULTS
To learn more or to access the CONTENT,
kindly visit the following site where you shall
get the guidance:
https://booksforpeople.online/relationships-and-
marriage/
You can also email: mmuliwana@yahoo.com or
Whatsapp me on +260950209920 for any
questions or requests.

SHOCKING RESULTS
For those in South Africa, you can access the
book locally there from Takealot whose site link
is found still on the above site (or see
https://www.takealot.com/a-practical-guide-to-
relationships-and-marriage/PLID72400517).

SHOCKING RESULTS
(a) AMAZON
KDP: https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Guide-
Successful-Relationship-Marriage-
ebook/dp/B093C6MD2M
(b) SMASHWORDS STORE
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/10811
18

SHOCKING RESULTS
Kindly remember to review the book from
where you shall access it from after reading it.
Wishing you a happy reading and success!

THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING
END
Garden of Eden Marriage – GEM
Original Marriage

Manage Marriage Conflict with Understanding

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