Meeting the Conflict

An activity which takes place when conscious beings (individuals or
groups) wish to carry out mutually inconsistent acts concerning
their wants, needs or obligations.
An interactive process manifested in incompatibility, disagreement
or dissonance within or between social entities.
O situație de competiție în care părțile sunt conștiente de
potențialele incompatibilități viitoare, în care fiecare parte dorește
să ocupe o poziție care este incompatibilă cu dorințele celorlalți.
Definition

Perception of the conflict
Unavoidable?
“Constructive” or “Destructive”
Tool-Kit

Conflict – means new opportunities?!

Conflict – means new opportunities?!

Perception

Perception

“Blind men and an elephant”

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes (Test)
www.test-tomasa.ru

Conditions for achieving the WIN-WIN:
Opportunity
SkillsCosts

Learning VS Comfort?

«Verbal Aikido»

Ai-Ki – the balance of energy

To stay on the same side:
Agree that you disagree!
In what?
How to change it?

Changing the focus
Solving and
Resolution
Management
and Control
Transformation

Typology of conflicts

Instruments

«Onion»
Position
(I say)
Interests
(I want)
Needs
(I need)

Conflict tree
Consequences
Core problem
Reasons

«Iceberg»
Values
Position
Interests
Needs

Positions vs. Interests
Positions
–one party’s proposed solution
to an issue
–the “how” focuses on a
particular solution
–Require justification (defense)
–sets up confrontation before
the problem has been clearly
defined
Interests
–one party’s concern, need, or
desire behind an issue
–Examine “Why” a solution is
preferred/the issue is being raised
–Require explanation (reason)
–establishes a climate and a
common language for discussion
–Interests are not Mutually
Exclusive

How do you identify interests?
• Ask “Why”?
• Ask “Why Not”?
• Realize each side has multiple interests
• The most powerful interests are basic
human needs

Interests vs. Positions
• Most powerful interests
are human needs.

Husband
“I want a vacation in Las Vegas” (Casino)
Wife
“I want a vacation at the beach” (See)

Let’s practice

How to invent?
• Separate inventing from deciding
• Broaden the options on table
• Search for mutual gain
• Make their decision easy

Separate inventing from deciding
• Brainstorming
Don’t criticize
Don’t evaluate
Find most promising solutions
Improve on other good ideas
Finalize list and evaluate
• Distinguish brainstorming from negotiation

Broaden the options on table
• Do not look for one best
answer
• Select from the great
number and variety of
options

Broaden the options on table
• Look through eyes of different experts
• Invent agreements of different strengths (substance or
procedure, agree on where you disagree)
• Change the scope of proposed agreements

Multiply options by shuttling between the specific and the
general: the Circle Chart.
Step I: Problem
What’s wrong?
Symptoms?
Reality vs Desired Future
Step II: Analysis
Sort symptoms into groups
Possible causes
What’s missing
Barriers to solving
Step III: Approaches
Possible strategies
Theoretical fixes
Broad ideas about what to do
Step IV: Action Ideas
What specific steps
Goals
Verify

Look for mutual gain
• Identify shared interests
• Merge differing interests
• Look for items that are low cost for
you and high cost for them
• Ask for their preferences

Make their decision an easy one
• Pick one person
• “Whose shoes” - who do you want to influence
• What decision- give them an answer rather than a problem
• Look for precedent
• “yesable position”

Summary
1. Separate the people from the problem
2. Focus on interests, not positions
3. Create options for mutual gain
4. Define objective criteria

Getting to YES: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
by
Roger Fisher and William Ury Penguin Press c. 1991