The basic definition of an introvert is of someone who is very sensitive to external stimulation and needs to withdraw periodically because our energy is depleted by too much stimulation, whereas an extrovert is someone who goes out and seeks stimulation, often social stimulation, in order to be energized.

1. Are you carrying some introvert baggage?
Many people do; some of them are introverts, the others are
extroverts.
The basic definition of an introvert is of someone who is
very sensitive to external stimulation and needs to
withdraw periodically because our energy is depleted by
too much stimulation, whereas an extrovert is someone who
goes out and seeks stimulation, often social stimulation, in
order to be energized.
That being said, there are a lot of assumptions that go
along with introversion, some of which I call “introvert
baggage.” Not all of the people who carry this baggage are
introverts.
In “12 Most Expeditious Ways to Alienate Your
Introverted Colleagues”, Beth Buelow describes how non-
introverts (ok, extroverts) unwittingly make life difficult for
introverts and shut down any effective communication
because of their assumptions.
Included in her list are non-stop talking (to deal with the threat that silence may actually occur
every now and then?), saying “You’re awfully quiet, aren’t you? or worse yet, “You’re shy, aren’t
you?; forcing introverts to work in groups, socialize when they don’t want to, or basing an
evaluation of their work solely on degree of participation; and assuming that the quieter behavior of
an introvert is due to everything from indifference to stupidity to plotting. Whew! All that from the
simple fact that some of us need to replenish one’s energy in private every now and then.
But introverts are complicit in this whole thing, too. Instead of recognizing that what we are
dealing with is an energy problem, and should be handled by setting aside quiet times to refuel, and
by choosing our activities wisely, too many of us spend our lives in a kind of defensive crouch,
trying to avoid human contact altogether, then wondering why we don’t feel loved or appreciated.
Too many of us say, “I don’t want to waste my time on idle chit-chat; I just want to have
meaningful conversations and relationships, too.”
Well, I’ve got news for you. It doesn’t happen that way. People need to connect; some of us more
carefully and in smaller groups. But we need to connect: to feel healthy, to feel whole, to feel love
and joy, and yes, to do business, too. Connections don’t happen the minute two pairs of eyes meet;
they take time to develop.
Here are some guidelines for getting rid of that extra baggage , and being a proud and
confident introvert who can connect with others without being sucked into their lives:
• Make sure your energy drain isn’t at least partially due to poor health habits, or to
depression, for which you might want some counseling.

2. • Select your outings carefully; time them when you can be sure your energy is at a high
enough point to cope successfully.
• Find things that energize you to do in advance. I have music I love that energizes
me. Often, when going to an event where I will need to meet people and be “out there” I
play it in the car.
• Cultivate social skills so that when you are out you can meet others, find ways to connect,
and determine whether that other person really is worth knowing. Ask questions that allow
them to do most of the talking. You don’t have to do it all the time. If you do (Gasp!
Horrors!) get into a conversation you don’t particularly enjoy, you don’t have to continue
it. You don’t have to take the person home, for heaven’s sake.
• Do not assume that you will know immediately whether or not someone is suitable to be the
Prince or Princess of Your Heart, or the Emperor of your Entrepreneurship. Whether in
business or pleasure, a period of conversation and dating is essential to establishing a deeper
relationship.
• Finally, recognize that the more you set up these little encounters with others, the less
threatening they will be because:
- You will get better with practice
- Each episode counts for less in the general scheme of things, as one awkward
experience can be diluted by the sheer numbers.
Oh, and extroverts: When we withdraw, don’t automatically assume we’re rejecting you. Learn to
stop and listen when you are around a quiet person. We can be gold mines of imagination and
creativity and occasional oases of peace in your life.
Lynette Crane, M.A.(Psychology) and Certified Life Coach,is a Minneapolis-based speaker, writer,
and coach. She has more than 30 years' experience in the field of stress management. She currently
works to provide stress and time pressure solutions to harried women, those women who seek
"Islands of Peace" in their overly-busy lives. Her talks to groups of what she calls "harried women"
are receiving rave reviews. Visit her website at http://www.creativelifechanges.com/ to see more in-
depth articles and to view her programs.