1. ”“
DoesSheryl
Sandberg’s
Lean-Inphilosophy
apply to all of us?
BY LORI BOSWORTH
A Step
Back
It depends on the particular woman and
her perspective of what ‘it all’ means.
I believe I have it all.
- Nisha
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MAY 2015 | THE HOME & TRAVEL ISSUE54
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2. ”“Facebook’s chief operating officer, Sheryl Sandberg, sent ripples
throughout the corporate world when she published her New York Times
bestseller Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. The book argues
that women need to “lean in” to power circles at work as opposed to
shying away from aggressively pursuing opportunities for advancement.
Sandberg argues that women are preprogrammed to believe it’s wrong
for them to lead and says they should consider opportunities even if they
don’t feel qualified for them. But does the Lean In queen’s philosophy
apply to all of us?
Anne Marie Slaughter, one of Sandberg’s vocal opponents, doesn’t
think so. “The women who have managed to be both mothers and top
professionals are superhuman, rich or self-employed,” she wrote in
The Atlantic.
Another question is, does Sandberg’s manifesto apply across all
cultures? In the South Asian community, women are often required
to support aging family members while cultural expectations may
put pressure on women to be stay-at-home moms. And while the
Lean In movement may be commended for encouraging women to
pursue opportunities they may otherwise not have considered, does
the philosophy risk alienating those women who choose not to “lean
in” for their own reasons? Will women who reject Lean In be labelled
unambitious or traditional? (Like Jessica Williams was recently castigated
on Twitter when she dared to tweet that she didn’t feel she was qualified
enough to take over the hosting duties from Jon Stewart on The Daily
Show.)
*Nisha is a 38-year-old single woman who travels 30 to 50 per cent
of her time for her job as an executive for an international cosmetics
company. She resists the notion that women can have it all, at least not
without concessions. Nisha doesn’t have children but she financially
supports and is the sole caregiver for her mother who has been ill for
several years. “It is incredibly difficult to have it all without foregoing in
one area or another,” she says. “It depends on the particular woman and
her perspective of what ‘it all’ means. I believe I have it all.” Nisha does
admit, however, that the responsibility to pay for her mother’s care is
a large reason that she is staying in her career. “If I wasn’t tied to a pay
cheque, I would much rather not work at all, give my time to charity, but
one has to work,” she says.
Nisha says she would quit her job if she had children. She says she
would stay home with her children while they were young and “once they
reached ages three to five, I would overlap [childrearing] with a part-time
job to give me inspiration and allow me to be a mom,” she says.
*Priya, a 43-year-old married woman with three children, spent 10
years working as a chartered accountant and juggled work and childcare
for a while before choosing to stay home. The couple put their children
in daycare and, at other times, hired a nanny and Priya would make sure
she was home by 5:30 p.m. to be with the children, often taking work
home with her to complete later in the evening. But when her third child
was born, Priya became a stay-at-home mom. “I was looking for a balance
between work and home life,” she says. “I travelled for work and I didn’t
want to miss out on their childhood.” When asked if she was viewed as
someone doubting her own self-worth because she chose to leave her job
and be a stay-at-home mom, Priya says, “I never felt that people doubted
my self-worth. I did feel that, from time to time, some people thought I
should have continued working because they knew that I enjoyed it and
that I added value.”
In response to Lean In, Priya says, “I believe women shouldn’t be
forced into it if they are not ready. Some women want more of a balance.”
She admits that even though she believes she had it all while working
with kids, it was not a perfect situation. “I found there was always more
to do at work and there was always more to do at home,” she says. “But
it’s about finding the right balance.” Priya also believes she was fortunate
because she had already “proven herself” at work and her colleagues
included many mothers and fathers who were primary caregivers so it
wasn’t a problem when she had to leave work early to deal with children’s
appointments.
In fact, workplace flexibility is one area that Sandberg focuses on in
her book. Sandberg points out the importance of workplace flexibility
and emphasizes flexible workplace schedules with accessible child care
and implanting policies with regards to parental leave, urging women to
“insist their partners do more parenting and housework.”
*Karima is a 41-year-old professional engineer, married with two
children. During her second maternity leave, Karima realized that she
preferred being a working mom to a stay-at-home mom. “I was tired of
being concerned with only child care activities,” she says. A very flexible
work arrangement and the daily support of a nanny allows her to work
from home over 90 per cent of the time and her husband watches the
children when she travels for work which is up to 25 per cent of the time.
“I do have to leave work for drop-offs and pick-ups for my children’s
activities and doctor’s appointments,” she says admitting that not getting
as much sleep as she would like puts her at a disadvantage. She is also
aware that there are projects at work that require more travel and that
those higher profile projects could lead to a promotion. “That is the trade-
off,” Karima says. “I’m not superwoman; I’m not a perfect mother or a
perfect wife. I spend less time directly interacting with my children than
stay-at-home mothers.”
Karima believes Sandberg’s Lean In philosophy “makes a lot of
sense” at the conceptual level, but “the execution of Lean In has been
less than ideal. I’ve read criticisms of Lean In that call it anti-feminist.”
After reading the book, she says, she didn’t get the impression that “it is
advocating that women should have it all. The book says life is about a
trade-off. The book states this is not for every woman,” she adds.
When it comes to “having it all” Priya notes, “I actually do believe
that women can have it all — but people’s definition of ‘having it all’ can
vary. For me, my definition has changed throughout my life and has been
informed by my own life experiences.” ä
* Names have been changed for the article.
I’m not superwoman; I’m not a perfect
mother or a perfect wife. I spend less time
directly interacting with my children than
stay-at-home mothers.
- Karima
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