2. Program
Objectives
Understand the philosophy of
being assertive.
Recognize the differences between being
assertive and aggressive through
exploration of personal reactions to
given situations.
Participate in role-playing exercises to
practice the tenets of being assertive.
Instill in participants the courage to be
assertive -- in the most appropriate and
effective way.
Page 2
3. A
Challenge
Please write a One Sentence
Definition of
A S S E R T I V E N E S S.
Page 3
4. Definition of
Assertiveness
An honest, direct, and appropriate
expression of one's feelings,
thoughts, and beliefs.
Page 4
5. Test Your Assertiveness (1 of
3)
Can you express negative feelings
about other people and their behaviors
without using abusive language?
Are you able to exercise and express
your strengths?
Can you easily recognize and
compliment other people’s
achievements?
Page 5
6. Test Your Assertiveness (2 of
3)
Do you have the confidence to ask
for what is rightfully yours?
Can you accept criticism without
being defensive?
Do you feel comfortable accepting
compliments?
Are you able to stand up for
your rights?
Page 6
7. Test Your Assertiveness (3 of
3)
Are you able to refuse unreasonable
requests from friends, family, or co-
workers?
Can you comfortably start and carry
on a conversation with others?
Do you ask for assistance when
you need it ?
A “yes” response to the questions
indicates an assertive approach.
Page 7
8. Why Assertiveness Is
Important? communication brings
Effective
about the achievement of
individual and/or shared goals.
Assertiveness increases your ability
to reach these goals while
maintaining your rights and
dignity.
Page 8
9. The Myths About
Assertiveness feelings and rights are
Other people’s
more important than yours.
You will offend other people
by being assertive.
You are not important
enough to express
your feelings and
rights.
Page 9
10. Assertive
Rights the right to be assertive.
You have
You have the right to request that others
change their behavior if they are
infringing on your rights.
You have the right to use your own time
to answer questions.
You have the right to express your needs
even if they are illogical.
Be aware that there are responsibilities
attached to all these rights!
Page 10
11. Remember
You do not live in isolation.
Your actions impact everyone.
You are in control of your behavior.
Your response to a situation must be
guided by ascertaining your rights and
responsibilities and following through.
Page 11
12. What’s Keeping You From Being
Assertive?
Fear of change.
Refusal to admit their submissiveness.
Fear of ruining relationships if you speak
your mind.
Lack confidence in your ability.
Page 12
13. Have You Ever Felt…
… guilty about saying “no”?
… that others regard you as a pushover?
… that it’s better to be well liked than well
respected?
… that outbursts of anger are appropriate?
… that intimidation is the only way you can
get what you want?
Page 13
14. Sound Familiar?
If any of these things sound like
you, it means you are probably
exhibiting non-assertive
behavior.
Realize that you are not alone. Non-
assertive behavior is very common
in the workplace.
Page 14
15. A Caution
While assertiveness is a key factor
in enhancing quality of work life,
group dynamics, and interpersonal
climate, it is not always appropriate.
Q: How can you tell?
A: Tailor your response
to the situation.
Page 15
16. Wise
Words yourself:
Ask
1. How important is being assertive in this
particular situation?
2. What will you think of yourself if you are
not assertive now?
3. What are the consequences of assertive
behavior?
4. Do the costs of this behavior outweigh the
benefits?
Page 16
17. What Assertiveness Is
Respect for yourself and others.
Honestly expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
Effectively influencing, listening,
and negotiating with others.
Page 17
18. What Assertiveness Is Not
It is important to remember that
assertiveness is not
aggressiveness or selfishness.
Being assertive does not involve
humiliating or abusing other
people and their rights.
Being assertive does not mean
violating the rights of others or
gaining at the expense of some
one else’s loss.
Page 18
19. Aggressiveness Is
Inappropriately expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way
that violates other people’s rights.
Achieving your goal by not allowing
others the freedom to choose.
Completely disrespecting others
whether it be in an active or
passive method.
Page 19
20. Are You Aggressive? (1 of 2)
Do you become abusive, whether it
be verbal or physical, when
criticizing others?
Do you purposely make others feel
like they are incompetent or
unimportant?
Do you make unreasonable
demands of other people?
A “yes” answer to any of the questions
may indicate aggressive behavior.
Page 20
21. Are You Aggressive? (2 of 2)
Do you brag or exaggerate your
achievements?
Do you ignore the rights and
feelings of other people?
Do you aim to get your way at
all costs?
Do you often dominate
conversations with others?
Page 21
22. Acting Unassertiveness Is
Acting in an indirect or passive
manner.
Permitting others to take advantage
of you by violating your rights.
Thinking that you and your needs
are inferior to others and their
needs.
Page 22
23. Are You Unassertive? (1 of 2)
Do you feel guilty standing up for
your fights or expressing your
feelings?
Are you unable to recognize and
acknowledge your strengths?
Are you uncomfortable with starting
or carrying on a conversation?
Do you rarely stand up for yourself?
Page 23
24. Are You Unassertive? (2 of 2)
Do you have trouble saying “no” to
people?
Are you unable to ask other people to
perform reasonable requests for you?
Do you feel that you let other people
take advantage of you?
A “yes” answer to any of the questions
may indicate unassertive behavior.
Page 24
25. Assertiveness vs.
Authority “pull rank”?
Should you
If you use effective communication
skills, assertiveness and self confidence,
most situations may be resolved.
However, using your authority is
legitimate as a secondary option.
Page 25
26. More Words to the
Wise Don’t use these cautions
o
as an excuse to perpetuate
unassertive behavior.
o More often than not,
assertiveness is appropriate
to the situation and you
should not hesitate in
applying it.
Page 26
27. What Would You
Say? Joan is at a meeting where the topic
is the profitability of the project she’s
been working on for three months
straight. She has not said a word in
the past hour. Suddenly she jumps
up and accuses the boss of
deliberately canceling the project
based on personal dislike.
Page 27
28. What Would You
Say? The copier has been broken for two
days. Sam asked the secretary to call
in for repairs several times with no
effect. He says nothing and ends up
calling it in himself. After all, he
thinks, she’s probably too busy
typing up that memo he gave her this
morning.
Page 28
29. What Would You
Say? Bob is in line at the deli counter waiting
to be served. His number is about to be
called next. Suddenly, a woman steps in
front of him and places her order. Bob
vociferously complains about the deli
worker and the woman, exclaims he
will never shop there again, tosses his
ticket, and stalks off.
Page 29
30. What Would You Say?
Judy’s boss asks her to go on an
important business trip which will
carry over into the weekend of her
sister’s wedding. Judy feels she can’t
refuse her boss and plans on sending
her spouse to the wedding in her
place.
Page 30
31. What Would You
Say? George is next in line to buy tickets
in a crowded movie theatre lobby.
Just as his turn comes up, a man cuts
in front of him and requests tickets.
George meekly steps back to allow
the man room and hopes he gets
waited on next.
Page 31
32. What Did You
Say? Do you think that these
Q:
were appropriate and
effective ways to
handle the situations?
A: The answer is probably
“no.” Reactions like these
usually cause more
problems than they solve.
Page 32
33. A Passive
Person people usually:
Passive
Speak softly and hesitantly.
Use fillers like “uh” and “um.”
Avoid eye contact.
Allow other people in their
personal space.
Page 33
34. Should I Use
Force?
Passiveness is clearly not conducive
to ascertaining your personal rights,
but you don’t need to go to the other
extreme to be assertive.
You don’t have to be forceful to be
assertive.
Soft-spoken people can be assertive
too!
There is no one way to be assertive
correctly, but there are things to
avoid.
Page 34
35. An Aggressive
Person on others’ rights, using fear and
Infringes
intimidation to get what he or she wants.
Aggressive people often:
Raise their voices when they lose
control.
Shout and use accusatory language like
“You should” and “You must.”
Stare people down and may invade
other people’s personal space
physically.
Page 35
36. An Assertive
Personhis or her own rights in a positive,
Asserts
open, honest, and self-confident manner.
Assertive people usually:
Speak calmly and confidently.
Notify other people of their feelings
with statements starting with “I think”
and “I feel.”
Maintain eye contact, have good
posture and are poised and in control.
Page 36
37. Several
Tips
Be cognizant of your expression.
Do not act hastily or in anger.
Remain calm, cool, courteous &
collected.
Avoid making mountains out of
molehills.
Following these simple suggestions will present
you as someone who is confident & optimistic --
as opposed to someone who is hostile and angry.
Page 37
39. Hamsters
Do good work, get respect, BUT get
nowhere when it comes to career
advancement. Where do all their
efforts go?
They may be assertive
for the organization
they work for, but fall
short when it comes to
standing up for
themselves.
Page 39
40. Invisible
Beings They do good work
BUT nobody knows it.
Their unassertiveness
lets others take credit
for their achievements
and that leaves them
out of the limelight.
Page 40
41. Pit-
bulls overly aggressive
Their
behavior gets in the way
of their success at work.
They may be good
workers, but the
disruption and tension
they create makes them
disliked and puts them on
the defensive.
Page 41
42. Dreamers
Day-dreaming
shows a lack of self control
that keeps them from advancing.
Work that they eventually
turn in is acceptable. This lack of
focus may indicate low self-esteem.
Page 42
43. Whiner
s They constantly complain
about exactly what they
don’t like, yet expect
others to speak up and
change the situation.
They do nothing to affect
the change themselves, no
matter how much taking
decisive actions would help
remedy their complaints.
Page 43
44. Mute
s They have a problem
saying “no” and, for
that matter, much of
anything at all.
They take everything
that’s given, whether
they like it or not, and
their passivity makes
them over-worked and
stressed.
Page 44
45. Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Disagree in both a passive and active
manner depending on the situation.
Always ask for answers when you
have questions regarding any issues
even when it is with a person of
authority.
Let other people understand more
about you – let them share your
thoughts and experiences.
Page 45
46. Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Be reasonable when you are in a
discussion with others without letting
them dominate the interaction.
Say “no” to any requests you
are uncomfortable with or
feel is unreasonable.
Always look directly into the
eyes of the person you are
talking to.
Page 46
47. Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Accept compliments graciously without
feeling embarrassed or the need to
depreciate yourself.
Be friendly and sincere with the
people you would like to know
better; give them a chance to get
to know you.
Insist on being treated fairly
and justly – never let others
take advantage of you.
Page 47
48. Are You Assertive at the
Workplace? you do your job well
Then
while maintaining your rights
and fulfilling your
responsibilities.
Don’t worry if you don’t fit into
this category yet … There’s still
hope!
Page 48
49. Developing to Your Full
Assertive Potential
Inside everyone, there’s an
assertive person
trying
to
get out.
What’s keeping you back?
Page 49
51. Relax
!
By controlling
tension you will
also control the
possibilities of
outbursts and
unnecessary or
unproductive
anger.
Page 51
52. Relaxing
Techniques
Tried and true methods are best…
Remember to keep on breathing!
Inhale, count to 10, exhale, repeat... 52
Page
53. Heading Tension Off At The Pass
Finding appropriate
ways to deal with:
Conflicts
Grievances
Page 53
54. What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Get a Grip
Controlling your
emotions is the first step
to helping solve, rather
than magnify, this
problem assertively.
Page 54
55. What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Reach for Logic
Examine the situation
carefully and make sure
you have a handle on
all the facts. Look to see
if you are in fact also
contributing to the
situation.
Page 55
56. What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Don’t Keep a Lid On It
Procrastination will only
make it worse. Pent-up
frustrations could lead to
unwanted explosions
that may be more
problematic than the
original situation.
Page 56
57. What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Don’t Take It So Hard
Remember to keep
perspective when things get
sticky, and don’t take things
personally. It will only
increase your emotional
involvement and hamper
your ability to resolve the
situation.
Page 57
58. In Dealing With
Conflicts
Deal with the situation
immediately.
Listen carefully.
Sort out the facts from the
emotional content.
Avoid being defensive.
Page 58
59. In Dealing With
AskConflicts
questions.
Compliment the individual/group for
having the courage to bring this to
your attention.
Respond calmly and clearly.
Offer alternatives.
Page 59
60. If You Have A
Grievance the situation
Deal with
immediately.
Be prepared to listen.
Avoid being emotional.
Avoid putting the other
person on the defensive.
Be prepared and know the
facts.
Remain calm.
Have the courage to be
assertive.
Page 60
61. Who’s Afraid
Of...
The only thing
someone should
fear is missing
opportunities by
continuing to
worry and feed
passive attitudes.
Page 61
62. Making the First
Move
Overcoming the Fear of
Being Assertive:
Concentrate.
Make eye contact.
Be tactful and honest.
Remember who you’re with
and tailor your discussion.
Page 62
63. Interpersonal Skills at
Work Avoid misunderstanding
which can lead to frustration.
Being assertive means being
open and direct.
Are your requests reasonable?
Are your requests easy
to understand?
Are you sure you know what
you want from other people?
Page 63
64. Keys to More Power!
Increased assertiveness leads to
increased powerful verbal
communication.
The Keys to Communication:
Verbal
Non-verbal
Written
Page 64
65. Verbal
Communication “uh” and “um”
Avoid fillers like
and diminutives like “little,” “only”
and “just.”
Don’t use “I’m sorry” if you’re not
sincere or if the situation doesn’t call
for it.
Always keep in mind your tone and
volume, and how think about how
they may be perceived by others.
Page 65
66. Non-Verbal
Communication
Be aware of gestures and body
language.
Always maintain good posture.
Make sure to allow for comfortable
personal space between you and the
person you’re communicating with.
Page 66
67. Written
Communication clear.
Be concise and
Use specific and simple language.
Use the active voice when writing,
and remember to be inclusive and
aware of your audience.
Page 67
68. Communication is a
Goal Aspects of Good
Other
Communication:
Listening well.
Controlling your emotions.
Letting people know how you feel.
Making assertive statements.
Page 68
69. Tips on Listening
Well an Active Listener:
Being
Paraphrase what the speaker
has said.
Maintain eye contact and
verbally encourage the
speaker.
Ask informative and
clarifying questions.
Page 69
70. Controlling Your Emotions (1 of
2)
1. Breathe, relax, and remain
calm.
2. Realize demonstrations of
anger, shouting, and threats
are never appropriate.
3. Use neutral, non-judgmental
statements.
Page 70
71. Controlling Your Emotions (2 of
2)
4. Consider the other party’s
viewpoint and emotions.
5. Don’t make accusatory
statements-- blame is usually
a dead-end road.
6. Check yourself before you
say something you’ll regret
later on.
Page 71
72. Four Steps To Saying “No” (1 of 2)
1. Listen to the request - Make sure
you understand the request
completely before coming to a
hasty conclusion. Ask questions
if you need any clarification.
2. Say no immediately - You do
not need to justify your decision.
If you start doing so, you will be
prolonging the conversation
unnecessarily.
Page 72
73. Four Steps To Saying “No” (2 of
2)
3. Give a reason for your refusal –
Without giving a reason, you may
come off as uncooperative or
hostile. A clear and honest reason
will be sufficient, you do not need
to argue with the other party.
4. Offer to find an alternative – Let
the other party know that you will
try to help them but you are
unable to perform the entire
request. Page 73
74. Use “I” Statements (1 of
4)
Three Parts:
1. Behavior
2. Effect
3. Feelings
Page 74
75. Use “I” Statements (2 of
4)
Three Parts:
1. Behavior
What it is exactly, that the other
person has done or is doing.
Page 75
76. Use “I” Statements (3 of
4):
Three Parts:
2. Effect
What it happening because of
their behavior.
Page 76
77. Use “I” Statements (4 of
4):
Three Parts:
3. Feelings
What effect does their behavior
have on your feelings?
Page 77
78. Letting Other People Know
How You Feel
While remaining cool
and collected, try to
explain your point of
view.
Use terms like “I feel”
and “I think” rather
than “It should be” or
“It must.”
Page 78
79. Making Assertive
Statements your wants, needs and
Describe
intentions to other people.
Use terms like “I want,” “I
need,” and “I plan to.”
Page 79
81. More
Tips Communicating a request for change to
another person is probably one of the
hardest tasks for the newly assertive
person.
Using the following technique may help
someone get through those first tough
spots when it comes to difficult
situations.
Page 81
82. Requesting Change From
Someone Else
1. Describe the situation.
2. Express your feelings on the subject.
3. Request a behavior change.
4. State the positive consequences of
changed behavior.
Use this template as your guide when
dealing with sticky situations.
Page 82
83. The Criteria of
Requesting
Change you use to request change from
The method
someone else should include the following
six criteria.
o A good chance that the person you are
requesting change from will change.
o You will not violate the rights
of others.
o You will not be-little other
people’s self-esteem.
Page 83
84. The Criteria of
Requesting
Change
o You will not damage your relationship
with the person you are requesting
change from.
o You will not lessen the motivation of
the other person.
o You will not be defensive.
Page 84
85. Don’t Get
Mad... Anger may
seem like a
quick fix, but it
will get you
nowhere fast.
Yelling until
you are blue in
the face will
only come
back to haunt
you later. Page 85
88. “No” is Not a Dirty
Word
If something makes you feel uncomfortable
or if you feel the request is unreasonable,
then it is your prerogative to refuse.
Remember:
You are not saying “no” to
the whole person, but only to
part of the relationship which
makes you feel uncomfortable.
“No” does not require an
explanation.
Page 88
89. Don’t Go Down the Passive
or Aggressive Road
Passive Assertive Aggressive
Use good communication to
transmit your requests and feelings.
Page 89
90. First
Impressions
Slouching, avoiding
eye contact, and
other self-effacing
mannerisms can
show a lack of self
confidence.
This kind of self-
presentation can
perpetuate a cycle of
non-assertive behavior.
Page 90
91. Keeping Up
Appearances
Part of standing up for yourself
is standing up straight!
And remember to look ‘em in the eye!
Page 91
92. It’s a Two-Way
Road be aware of the physical
Also
responses of others.
If people are
avoiding your
stare or shying
away, slow
down. You may
be coming on
too strong.
Page 92
93. Taking the First
Step
If you don’t like the way
you feel when you
behave a certain way,
know that you have the
power to change it!
Remember, the only
behavior you can control
is your own.
Page 93
94. “A
journey of
a thousand
miles must
begin with
a single
step.”
Chinese Proverb
Page 94
95. Fears Which Block Assertive
Behavior
1. Fear of making mistakes. Fear
2. Fear of displeasing others.
3. Fear of disapproval.
4. Fear of appearing too
masculine or too feminine.
Page 95
96. Reminder
Assertiveness =
Personal Authority
+ Confidence in Your Skills
+ Sense of Purpose
+ Commitment to Goals
Page 96
97. Start Out
Small Master what you can manage
comfortably at first, then move
up to greater challenges.
Change is always gradual;
it’s not immediate, but
it’s not impossible
either.
Page 97
98. You Can Change Your
Habits
1. Identify what you want to change about
yourself.
2. Set a goal.
3. Control your fears and anxieties.
4. Aim for a success that is manageable at
first.
5. Keep a record to monitor your progress.
6. Practice, practice, practice!
Don’t lose sight of your goal, and
remember that upkeep is a life-
long commitment. Page 98
99. “Natural abilities are like
natural plants, that need
pruning by study...”
Francis Bacon
Page 99
100. “The Play’s the
Thing…”
A good way to enforce what you’ve
learned is to role-play.
Practice and feedback are essential to
discovering strengths and weaknesses,
as is having a chance to try
out your skills in a
supportive forum.
Page 100
101. Tips on
Assertiveness
Here are some communication
skills that will help you convey
an assertive attitude:
Be aware of your facial expression.
Always make eye contact.
Pay attention to what others are
saying and let them know that you
are listening.
Page 101
102. Tips on
Assertiveness firm voice
Use a pleasant but
when communicating.
Be aware of your gestures and how
you hold and present yourself.
Always ask questions when clarification
is needed to avoid misunderstanding.
Look for ways to solve the problem so
all parties are satisfied.
Page 102
103. Comfort Zone
Comfort level is the degree to
which you feel comfortable with
what is happening, while taking
into the situation, circumstances
and relationship.
Whenever the comfort level
is exceeded, “Speak Up”.
Page 103
104. Time for the
Diagnosticyou fare when it comes to
How do
behaving assertively?
Knowing where you are personally
can help gauge how far you’ve
come and how much farther
you have to go.
Page 104
105. Action Plan
What are you
going to
take action on?
Start with the
three easiest
items.
Page 105
106. Action
Steps
List specific behaviors.
Be as systematic as possible.
Rank the behaviors in terms of their
complexity or degree of difficulty.
Rank the behaviors in terms of
chronological order.
Begin with the least difficult behavior.
Advance to a more difficult behavior.
Break difficult behavior down into
several smaller behaviors. Page 106
107. Action
Steps
Attach time limits to each behavior.
Repeat specific behavior until mastered.
Review all previous behaviors.
Advance to next most difficult behavior.
Measure and evaluate.
Keep records (preferably visual).
Reinforce through reward and punishment.
Use visual reminders (pictures, charts, etc.).
Remember: ("A small goal is enough!").
Page 107
