Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence is a violent or aggressive behavior, typically involving an abuser and their spouse or partner.
Domestic violence is a crime. It doesn’t matter if the abuser is your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, or other person
you have a close relationship with. It’s against the law to hit, slap, beat, rape, frighten, or harm the other person.
Domestic Violence is one dynamic of family violence, which extends past the romantic relationship and into that of the
entire family unit including children, parents, etc. 3
Domestic Violence:
 Occurs in all age, racial, gender, religious, socio-economic, educational and occupational groups;
 Occurs in intimate relationships;
 Can be a learned behavior (e.g. children can imitate violent behavior from parents once they get older)
 Involves repetitive behavior encompassing different types of abuse: physical, sexual, psychological, emotional,
and financial;
 Is used to intimidate, humiliate and frighten as a way of maintaining power and control;
 Is caused by the perpetrator, not the victim or the relationship;
 Affects both men and women differently; women experiencing more violence, more severe violence and more
serious injuries than male victims of domestic violence;
 May present increased risk to the victim and children at the time of separation from the abuser;
 Evokes victim behavior that is often about ensuring survival (minimizing or denying the violence, taking
responsibility for the violence, protecting the abuser, using alcohol or drugs, self-defense, seeking help, remaining
in the relationship)
Is this Domestic Violence? 1
The Power and Control Wheel examines the types of abuse. Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them,
are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the
1 Discovery House, Understanding Domestic Violence: http://discoveryhouse.ca/understanding-domestic-violence/

problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the batterer, when reinforced by one or more acts of
physical violence, makes up a larger system of abuse. The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in
understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain
control over his partner. For a more in depth and better understanding of the Power & Control Wheel through the Duluth
Model please visit: Power and Control Wheel Model [http://www.theduluthmodel.org/training/wheels.html]
How do I know I’m a victim of Domestic Violence?
Take a Domestic Violence Screening Quiz
Please click on the link to find out if you may be dealing with a Domestic Violent Relationship: Psych Central Quiz
[http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/dvquiz.htm].
OR
Ask yourself these questions:
 Physical Abuse:
Has your partner pulled your hair, scratched, hit, kicked, slapped, pushed, or punched you, or hurt you in some
other way? Have they threatened to do so?
 Sexual Abuse:
Has your partner forced you to have sex without you wanting to?
This is against the law, even if you are married.
 Verbal Abuse:
Has your partner called you names, made verbal threats to hurt you or your children, or threated to kill himself if
you leave him?
 Emotional Abuse:
Has your partner put you down, kept you isolated, or humiliated you in front of others? Does s/he make you feel
guilty for all the problems in your relationship? Play mind games or make you feel bad about you existence and
how you look?
 Financial Abuse:
Does your partner control your money, bank accounts, credit cards, or keep you from being financially
independent? Has s/he pressured you to sign a loan or financial documents?
Victims of Domestic Violence have rights
The law gives you many rights, including:
 Protection for you, your children, and your job
 Help to end a lease or rental contract early
 Protection against deportation (for undocumented immigrants)
 Help to ask for custody and support orders, if you need them
Safety Planning
 Call 911 if you are in immediate danger! You can ask the responding officer for an emergency protective order.
 Get a protective order in place by following this link or contacting your District Courthouse: Find Law
[http://family.findlaw.com/domestic-violence/domestic-violence-orders-of-protection-and-restraining-orders.html].
 When reporting incident to law enforcement provide as much information possible on the offender.
 If interested in filing criminal charges call or visit your local Attorney’s office. To find your United States
Attorney and contact information visit this link: Find Your United States Attorney [http://www.justice.gov/usao/find-
your-united-states-attorney]
 Contact “The National Domestic Violence Hotline” a 24-Hour support through advocacy, safety planning,
and resources to anyone affected by Domestic Violence. Phone (24-Hour Hotline) is 1-800-799-7233.
 Become familiar with your rights: Women’s Law [http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=39]

 Consider seeing a therapist or counselor for your emotional, mental and physical well-being. Find a therapist in
your location by visiting: Therapist on Psychology Today
[https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/content/siteindex.html]. You can also be connected to a counselor
through your local domestic violence program.
How to Protect Yourself3
If you feel that you are in a domestic violence relationship try to develop a safety plan that works for you. Having a
safety plan in place will assist in protecting you and loved ones in case of an emergency. Start by packing a bag with
things you would need if you have to leave quickly. Leave the bag some place safe that you can get to fast, with a
neighbor or relative you trust.
Put these things in the bag:
 ID, such as passport, birth certificate, driver’s license, social security card, insurance document
 Legal papers, such as custody, separation, or restraining orders
 Money, credit cards, checkbooks, saving bonds, food stamps
 Medications and prescriptions
 Keys to your home and car
 Clothes
 If your children might leave with you, put a blanket, pillow, or a toy they love in your bag. It may comfort them in
this transition. 3
Things to do now for your safety:
 Open a bank account in your name only
 Build a support network. Tell a trusted family member, friend, or neighbor about the abuse
 Familiarize yourself with your legal rights by talking to a victim advocate
 Keep every incident documented or call the police to file reports on incidents
 Find out which domestic violence shelters are near you. For a comprehensive checklist go here: Domestic
Violence Shelters [https://www.domesticshelters.org/]
Legal Options May Help You
A Restraining Order
You can ask your local District or Circuit Court for a Restraining Order to protect you and your children. 3
To better understand what a protective order is, please follow this link: Protective Orders
[http://www.thewomenscenter.org/content.asp?contentid=538]
A restraining order can order the abuser to:
 Limit contact with your children, other relatives, or people you live with
 Stay away from your home, work, and you children’s schools
 Move out of your house
 Not have a gun
 Pay child or spousal support
 Follow child custody and visitation orders
 Stay away from your pets
 Pay some bills and return property2
How do I get a restraining order?
First you have to fill out a restraining order form(s) to tell a judge about the orders you want and why.
2 Victims of Crime Resource Center, Help for Victims of Domestic Violence

You can get forms online or you can also get forms and help to fill them out from your county court’s Family Law
Facilitator or Self-Help Center. Or Contact:
 Local domestic violence organizations and shelters, or
 Victim Witness Assistance Center
What if I need protection NOW?
Call 911. You can ask any police officer for an Emergency Protective Order.
The police will contact a judge, who can make an order to protect you that lasts about 1 week. That will give you time to
ask for an order that lasts longer.
Orders that last longer…
 A Temporary Restraining Order (TPO) can protect you for 3-4 weeks (until your next court date).
 A Restraining Order, sometimes called a permanent order, can last up to 3 years. To get one you have to go to
Court and you and both you and the abuser will have an opportunity to present your side of the story along with
any evidence you have to a judge.
 Please review or web content on “How to get a Protective Order” to have better understanding on protective
orders.
Safety tips after you go to court
 Keep a copy of your restraining order with you at all times. Make extra copies, and give one to your employer,
neighbors, local police, and your child’s school.
 Change your locks.
 Talk to your children about your safety plan.
 Give your child’s school the name of the people who are allowed to pick up your children.
 Ask neighbors to call 911 if they see or hear the abuser nearby.
 Take someone with you when you need to do errands.
Additional Resources
RAINN (RAPE, ABUSE & INCEST NATIONAL NETWORK)
24-Hour Hotline Phone for RAIIN: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
For online Chat: https://hotline.rainn.org/online/terms-of-service.jsp
SAFE Helpline – Safe Helpline staff members have been trained to answer questions relating to military specifics
topics.
Phone: 1-877-995-5247
Chat: http://safehelpline.org
State Side Legal – Legal help for military member, veterans and their families. Click the “find help” tab to search by
location
Website: http://statesidelegal.org/
Domestic Violence Shelters – Find various Domestic Violence Shelters near you by using your address or zip code
Website: https://www.domesticshelters.org/
Legal Aid – Provides free legal assistance to individuals and families who have little or no income. Can only help with
cases or legal problems that take place in the District of Columbia but victim does not have to live in DC.
Phone: 202-628-1161
Website: http://www.legalaiddc.org/

Probono.net - A National nonprofit organization dedicated to increasing access to justice through innovative uses of
technology and increased volunteer lawyer participation.
Website: http://www.probono.net/
Email: info@probono.net
The National Network to End Domestic Violence – Dedicated to creating a social, political and economic
environment change in which violence against women no longer exists. Useful to locate local Coalitions against
domestic violence.
Web form for contact: http://nnedv.org/contact.html
Link to US State & Territorial Coalitions: http://nnedv.org/resources/coalitions.html
Women’sLaw.org – Website provides legal information to help support women of Domestic Violence
Website: http://www.womenslaw.org/
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline – 24-hour service that provides referral to agency, counseling or other services
near where you live
Phone: 1-800-422-4435
Website: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/