1. Provided by Andrea Dasilva via Linkedin: = Taking care of survivor GUILT. +
Two good friends got summer jobs at a convenience store. These two girls were such good
friends, they were like sisters - always together in one way or another (in person/on the
phone/texting/emailing). It hardly seemed like work when the two shared the same shift!
One afternoon, a young man came into the store looking for a certain brand of cigarettes. He did
not initially look suspicious - except for the long leather jacket and gloves he was wearing; it
was a cloudless 30 degree afternoon in the middle of summer!
It turned out that the particular brand of cigarettes was no longer being produced and the store
did not have any more to sell. As per protocol, the girls explained this to the customer and
suggested another kind. This did not go over well with the customer; he began to yell and throw
things around the store. When one of the girls tried to calm the man, he pulled out a gun from
one of the many pockets in his jacket and pointed it at one of the girls' head. Before the other
girl was able to activate the soundless panic alarm, the irate customer spontaneously pulled the
trigger; his hostage crumpled to the ground instantly.
When the police got to the store to investigate the shooting, they encountered one teenage girl
sobbing over the lifeless form of another. "It's all my fault!" she cried, "I should have hit the
panic button earlier. Now look, my best friend in the entire world is dead."
As the days progressed, the girl became more and more silent and kept to herself; her face was
devoid of colour and the bright smile that once shone on her face - the faces of the two best
friends. She refused to eat or care for herself; there was not a night that she did not have
horrendous nightmares of being attacked herself or of experiencing the hostage situation over
and over again and watching her bff be shot dead by a single bullet.
When her parents finally got her in to see a counsellor, the girl was encouraged to write out the
events of that day in as much detail as she could; she was then instructed to read it over and
over again until it no longer evoked the tears and anger that it initially did. When she could do
this, her therapist then asked her to compose an email for her friend as if she were alive and
well; in it, she was to express everything she felt about what had happened at the store: her
guilt/sadness/fear/anger/etc. Once she composed and "sent" it, the girl was instructed to write
the response that she envisioned that her friend would compose: how would she respond?
Would she cast blame on her friend? Would she criticize her friend for her actions/lack thereof?
Once this task was completed, the girl felt a sense of relief like no other. She was then able to
open up to others about the incident and talk freely about the awesomeness of her friend. She
began caring for herself - indulging in the manicures and pedicures and deep hair conditioning
that she and her friend used to do. Remarkably, the nightmares and the flashbacks never
returned.
• Author James L. Halstrum ( The Stone Shadow )
P.O.Box 1326 Montague, PEI C0A-1R0 + Phone 902-838-2218
Note: If this helps and/or saves the life of one person, I'll be pleased.
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