NLP to build rapport
NLP to build rapport, avoid ambiguity &
achieve results
(esp for S/W pros)
An overview

NLP to build rapport
About the trainer
 The trainer, Mr. Ashutosh ShriPrakash Pandey has 15
years of rich national and international experience in
MNCs & Indian Companies, encompassing the entire
gamut of HR Function, issues concerning Recruitments,
Quality Management systems, T&D, M&A,
Organizational culture & OD interventions etc.
 To his credit are several successful projects &
operational execution wherein he has used various tools
like MBTI, NLP, FIRO-B , DISC, TQM etc, to get the best
out of the people, resulting in a seamless integration of
people, process & technology.

NLP to build rapport
Agenda
In this curtain raiser session, we will discuss the following:-
• What is NLP
• Why build rapport, how to know 2 people are in rapport, how
to build rapport
• Types of Representational systems, how to assess these in you
& others
• Pacing , its practice for rapport building
• How NLP & S/W are related, attributes of a professional
• Attibutes vs. States, how to convert attributes into states
• Using meta model to identify ambiguity & achieve results
• Summary , followed by Q & As..

NLP to build rapport
Review: Which of the following is
accurate about communication?
A. 15% words, 30% tone, 55% body language
B. 7% words, 63% tone, 30% body language
C. 15% words, 62% tone, 23% body language
D. 7% words, 38% tone, 55% body language
E. I don’t know!

NLP to build rapport
What is NLP?
• Neurolinguistic
Programming
– Communication
– Personal development
– Modeling
• Developed by-
John Grinder & Richard
Bandler

NLP to build rapport
What is NLP?
6

NLP to build rapport
How is NLP advertised?
• Improve your relationships,
• master rapport with anyone in moments,
• sell anything to anyone, and do it ethically,
• gain more flexibility,
• cure any phobia in seconds,
• get more of what you really want,
• Create instant motivation and confidence

NLP to build rapport
Neuro Linguistic Programming
Neuro
Nervous system through
which experience is
received and processed “…the study of
through the five senses. the structure of
subjective
experience.”
Linguistic Programming
Language and nonverbal The ability to organize our
communication systems communication and
through which neural neurological systems to
representations are coded, achieve specific desired
ordered, and given meaning. goals and results.

NLP to build rapport
Modelling
“The NLP modeling process involves finding out
about how the brain (“Neuro”) is operating by
analyzing language patterns (“Linguistic”) and non-
verbal communication. The results of this analysis
are then put into step-by-step strategies or
programs (“Programming”) that may be used to
transfer the skill to other people and areas of
application.”

NLP to build rapport
Is rapport important?
• “A loop of mutual influence.” M. Erickson
• Rapport is to communication what fuel is to a
car; without it, you get nowhere.
• Rapport is different from agreement—it is
being understood and regarded. People in
rapport may or may not agree on much of
anything.

NLP to build rapport
How do you know when two people
are in rapport?

NLP to build rapport
Building Rapport Using NLP
• Eye Accessing Cues
• Representational Systems
• Both help with: Pacing

NLP to build rapport
Eye Accessing Cues
• Tendencies, but
not always true
for every person
• Loiselle (1985)
C = constructed; R = remembered; d = digital

NLP to build rapport
• There are
exceptions!
– Cultural conditioning
– Near-term
memory

NLP to build rapport
Practice…
Which modality did this interviewee use most
frequently?
A. Visual constructed
B. Auditory constructed
C. Kinesthetic
D. Visual recall
E. Auditory recall
F. Auditory/Digital (internal dialogue)

NLP to build rapport
Representational Systems
• The map is not the territory.
• Four main representational systems
– Visual
– Auditory
– Kinesthetic
– Auditory/Digital

NLP to build rapport
Assessment Time!

NLP to build rapport
What was your strongest preference?
A. Visual
B. Auditory
C. Kinesthetic
D. Auditory Digital
E. I had a tie with two or more

NLP to build rapport
Visual Characteristics
• Organized, neat, well-groomed.
• Use visualization for memory and decision making - often getting insights
about something.
• Are imaginative, may have difficulty putting their ideas in words.
• Speak faster than the general population.
• Prefer in-person interactions - to see the other person and his/her
reactions.
• Want to see or be shown concepts, ideas or how something is done.
• Want to see the big picture.
• May not remember what people have said or be confused with verbal
instructions.
– Maps/pictures are better
• Remember faces more easily than names.
• Be distracted by visual activity and less so by noise.

NLP to build rapport
Auditory Characteristics
• Aware of change in the tone of your voice
• Are responsive to certain tones of voice.
• Perceive and represent sequences
• Remember directions or instructions more easily.
• Learn by listening and asking questions.
• Enjoy discussions and prefer to communicate verbally.
• Talk through problems
– like someone to be a sounding board
• Need to be heard.
• Be easily distracted by noise.
• Tend to cross appendages when listening.
• May avoid eye contact when processing.

NLP to build rapport
Kinesthetic Characteristics
• Speak slower
• More sensitive to their bodies and their feelings
• Tend to respond to physical rewards and touching.
• Learn by doing, moving or touching.
• Dress/groom more for comfort than looks.
• Make decisions based on their feelings.
• Stand closer to other people than those with a visual
preference

NLP to build rapport
Auditory Digital Characteristics
• Need to make sense of the world, to figure things
out, to understand.
• Talk to themselves and carry on internal
conversations (sometimes with you!)
• Learn by working things out in their mind.
• Not spontaneous, like to think things through.
• Logic, facts and figures play keys roles in
decisions.
• Memorize by steps, procedures, sequences.

NLP to build rapport
Predicates
• One way to assess representational systems in others

NLP to build rapport
Time for practice!
Exercise #1: 2 minutes for each person
Describe your house to your partner using your
most PREFERRED modality

NLP to build rapport
Exercise #2
2 minutes for each person:
Describe your house to your partner using your
LEAST preferred modality

NLP to build rapport
Pause to Consider…
• How could you apply this in your job?
– 1 minute to reflect
– 2 minutes to share

NLP to build rapport
Rapport and Pacing
• Physiology
• Vocal qualities
• Words (predicates)
Representational systems!

NLP to build rapport
Pacing
• Observing (and pacing where applicable):
– Words they use (predicates).
– Eye movements (eye accessing cues, blink rate, etc.).
– Changes in skin color/tone.
– Breathing (fast, slow, deep, shallow).
– Voice quality (volume, tone).
– Posture/gestures.
– Facial expressions
– Changes in energy
• Mirroring vs. Matching
– Cross-matching
– Mismatching—useful in some situations!

NLP to build rapport
Let’s try it!
• Partner A: Imagine your are about to buy your
dream car. Now describe what you want in
your car in as much detail as possible.
• Partner B: Practice SUBTLE pacing.
Remember:
Respect is the key to building rapport

NLP to build rapport
Check in…
What was the main representational system
Person A used to describe their dream car
(person A, don’t tell person B)?
A. Visual
B. Auditory
C. Kinesthetic
D. Auditory digital

NLP to build rapport
Other ways to practice pacing
• Pace with someone on TV
• Practice with friends or family
– don’t tell them or they may feel self-conscious!
• Pace a person at a restaurant

NLP to build rapport
NLP and S/W are related
• Questioning • Literalism
• Modelling • Identify Ambiguity
• Communication • Honesty
• Effectiveness
• Attitude
• Synthesis Knowledge Systems

NLP to build rapport
The Three variables &
triple constraint

NLP to build rapport
Time Cost
Quality/Scope
People Process
Technology

NLP to build rapport
Exercise: Attributes of a S/W pro
Identify…
• Attributes or Qualities
• Eg- Descriptions of a tester
Eg:- Analytical, works within a
process/framework, follows SOPs,
deliverables vs intention, competencies vs.
Knowledge

NLP to build rapport
Attributes vs States
Attributes States
• Person ‘has’ • Person ‘feels’
• Context? • Context
• “IS” of identity State
• Behaviour

NLP to build rapport
Exercise: Convert attributes
into states
• Can you generate and feel those states in
yourself?
• Can you say things to other people to
generate those states? (Elicitation)
• When would those states be appropriate?
• Can you identify a time when you used
those states positively? Negatively?

NLP to build rapport
Meta-Model
• Identify Ambiguity Early
• Apply to the communication we give
• Apply to the system
• A Model of Analysis (Req, Spec, etc.)
• Apply to our beliefs and values about
testing

NLP to build rapport
Deep Surface
• Meta-Model based on transformational grammar
model
• Words affect experience
Surface
Deep Structure Structure
Surface
Primary Secondary Structure
Experienc Experienc Transformation
e e Surface
Sensory & Linguistic Structure
Emotional Derivation
Surface
Structure

NLP to build rapport
Nominalization
Simple Deletion
Cause and Effect
Comparative Deletion
Mind Reading Distortion Deletion
Lack of Referential Index
Complex Equivalence
Unspecified Verb
Lost Performative
Meta Model
Universal Quantifier
Modal Operators Generalization
Presuppositions
• Transformations (Distortion, Deletion,
Generalization) can create ambiguity
• Ambiguous statement:
– “The daily trade file must be processed in
under 5 seconds when the system starts up.”

NLP to build rapport
LP
CE
Effect Cause
"The daily trade file must be processed in under 5 seconds when the system starts up"
SD (1) MO UV (1) SD (2) SD (3) SD (4) UV (2)
• Processed by what? How?
• Daily trade file – contains what? From
where?
• 5 seconds – based on what?
• Starts up? How, When, How often?

NLP to build rapport
Rules A Limiting Counter, challenge
Challenge and get more for Generalisation
limits Identify exception
information on the
limits Modal Universal "I develop and
"I can't run Operators Quantifier I don't hate you"
these tests" "All developers
"What stops you?" hate testers" "*ALL* developers?"
"Microsoft have 2 testers
"I shouldn't
"What would for every developer,
test this."
happen if you did?" that must be hate city"
Generalization
What is unstated
and has to be true
Presuppositions for the statement to
be true Challenge, test
•Universal Quantifier: The system will always process the daily trade file at start
up. Even if the system is restarted in the middle of the day?
•Modal Operator: The system might ask the user to save the file.
•Presuppositions: Daily trade file exists. What if it doesn’t? The daily trade file can
be processed. What if it is corrupt?

NLP to build rapport
Identify Generalizations
• “Only admin users can delete records”
• “All records must be validated by the front
end when they are amended”
• “All test cases must be scripted”
Modal Operators,
Universal Quantifiers
Presuppositions

NLP to build rapport
Missing
Reference Element
Identify Point missing from
Comparison Comparative surface Recover
Deletion Simple structure Deleted
"This system
is rubbish" Deletion Information
"Compared "The system is "fail how?"
to What?" going to fail" "Which
system?"
Missing Deletion
Recover Process
Details Unspecified
Missing Lack of Recover
Noun
Process Unspecified Referential Noun
"How are Verb Index "They have a
you testing?" poor process"
"What kind of "I'm testing"
"Who are
testing are you they?"
doing?"
• Deletion can cause special cases not to be
identified
• Deep Structure deletions identified through
presupposition analysis & model building

NLP to build rapport
Identify Deletions
• “This system must be the fastest on the
market”
• “The admin user will amend user details”
Simple,
Comparative,
Verb,
Noun (referential index)

NLP to build rapport
Stimulus X
Causes Process
& Response Convert noun
Y as noun
More information Cause to process
about the causality and Nominalization
"I'm going
Effect to test"
"What kind of
"Bad specifications testing are you
make me angry" going to do?"
"How specifically
does a bad
specification make
you angry?" A Value Identify Source
Judgement
Lost Identify Criteria
Performative
2 unrelated Distortion "It is wrong
to test without
statements
writing test
Check represented scripts" "According to
validity as equivalent Whom?"
of
equivalence
Complex
"They don't know how to
develop software,
Equivalence Claim to
the requirements are never knowledge Identify source
signed off."
Mind of claim
"If the requirements Reading
were signed off "They hate
does that mean they testers" "How do you
would know how to Know?"
develop software?"
• Distortions can taint beliefs and attitudes
• Good source of resistance in communication

NLP to build rapport
Identify Distortions
• “Obviously, developers deliver code late
because they don’t give the testers any
respect.”
• “When developers don’t do any unit testing it
makes testers really annoyed”
Cause Effect
Complex Equivalence
Lost Performative
Mind Reading
Nominalization

NLP to build rapport
Meta-Model Questioning Exercise
• Work in 3s
• Person 1 ask Person 2 to describe something e.g.:
– their testing project,
– their application under test,
– what testing is
• Person 2 responds, Person 1 listens, Person 1
analyses response based on the Meta-Model and
asks a follow on question based on the Meta-
Model analysis, repeat
• Person 3 takes a meta position for later review

NLP to build rapport
Meta-Model for Influence
• Embedded Commands
• Presuppositions
• Conversational Postulates
• Deliberate use of ambiguity
– use their deep structure

NLP to build rapport
Meta-Model usage Guidelines
• Rapport
• What do you want to know?
• Stop at some point

NLP to build rapport
Meta-Model Repeated
• Identify Ambiguity Early
• Apply to the communication we give
• Apply to the system
• A Model of Analysis (Req, Spec, etc.)
• Apply to our beliefs and values about
testing

NLP to build rapport
Recommended Books
• Structure of magic vols 1 & 2
– (Bandler and Grinder)
• Modeling with NLP
– (Robert Dilts)
52

NLP to build rapport
The takeaways!
• Define NLP, its whys & how’s
• How NLP & S/W are related, attributes of a
professional
• Why & how build rapport & effective
communication
• Using Representational systems, pacing,
converting attributes into states, using meta
model(s) to identify ambiguity & achieve
results