Presentation to Hertfordshire teachers _ Why do adopted and fostered children struggle? For some children (especially adopted and fostered) their erratic and challenging behaviour results from their maltreatment or neglect in infancy.  These children have difficulties because they experienced severe neglect, repeated abuse, domestic violence or chaos which interrupted and derailed their normal developmental path and brain wiring.  Similar to adult PTSD the legacy of infancy trauma causes them to act in apparently nonsensical ways. Consequently parents and carers feel inadequate and use ineffective parenting and behaviour management strategies.

1. Presentations to Teachers
Swallow Dell School 4th Dec 2014
MAKING SENSE OF NONSENSE
Seminar with Helen Oakwater
HOW INFANT TRAUMA !
(NEGLECT, MALTREATMENT, CHAOS & POOR
ATTACHMENTS) !
MANIFESTS IN CHILDREN'S BEHAVIOUR !
!
A problem well defined
is a problem half solved 1

2. Flow of presentation
Normal and Maladaptive
• Attachment & belief formation
• Childrens developmental needs
• Arousal and emotional regulation
• Trauma & Sensory Triggers
• Brain
• Some strategies - often counterintuitive
• Questions
2
}+ & -

3. Helen Oakwater: Professional
Δ Teacher≈10 years (B. Ed Hons) PE & more
Δ Trainer: Communication Skills & NLP
Δ 250+ days training UK & USA
Δ Trainer: City & Political Campaigning
Δ Professional Coach: Executive & Personal
Δ Trainer: Adoption, Trauma & Parenting
Δ Author: Bubble Wrapped Children & Articles
Δ Different Perspectives and Experiences
Helen’s experience is primarily in adoption, so
anecdotes come more from adoption than fostering;
however trauma principles apply equally to both
www.helenoakwater.co.uk
www.bubblewrappedchildren.co.uk
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4. Helen Oakwater: Adoption
Δ Adoptive Parent (sibling group 5, 4, 2 in early 1990s)
Δ Therapy with children at Family Futures
Δ Adoption UK: former Trustee, Coordinator & Lobbyist
Δ Adoption Panel Member: 2 x LA (5 + 3 Years)
Δ Member - DfES Adoption & Permanence Task Force
Δ Post Graduate Attachment & Adoption Course @ Family Futures:
Δ Author:
Δ Bubble Wrapped Children: How Social Networking is
Transforming the Face of 21st Century Adoption Jan 2012
Δ“A Wish List”; Chapter 2 in “Models of Adoption Support” BAAF 2003
Δ Regular Feature Articles in Adoption Today from 2006
Δ “Facebook: Adoption Destabilizer “(Dec 2010) pdf (out of print)
Δ “Making Sense of Nonsense” underway
www.helenoakwater.co.uk
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5. Housekeeping & Preframe
Health Warnings
!
Δ Bad Language - highly probable
Δ Shocking content - quite possible
Δ Perspectives .. 24/7 …. being real … truth
Δ Confidentiality
Δ Oakwater is Helen’s surname, not her children's
Δ Examples have identifying features removed
Δ Within these walls, sharing
5
A problem well defined
is a problem half solved

6. What’s an infants
experience with
Excellent, Good, Okay
and “Good Enough”
Parenting?
6

7. Securely Attached Cycle
Baby experiences
discomfort or a need
Baby protests,
usually by crying
Mother responds
Baby plays and
interacts with mother
picks baby up, makes eye contact,
talks to and soothes baby
Baby calms
trust develops
Baby rests
7

8. Excellent → Good → “Good Enough”
• VIEW OF SELF
• I’m safe
• I’m loved
• I’m cared for
• I’m valued
• I can trust adults
• I’m special
• I’m okay
• VIEW OF THE WORLD
• It’s a safe place
• People love me
• People care for me
• I am important to them
• There is a place for me
here
• The world is okay
Attachment between child and others
8

9. Wall as metaphor for children's needs
Childs needs during second & third year include: !
Attachment Play Security Boundaries
Food Love Friends Encouragement
Eye Contact Comfort Attunement
Security Calm Food
Empathy Responsive adults Stimulation
2-3 Need Need Need Need Need Need
0-1
Sleep Hugs Warmth Shelter Routine
Social skills Trust Toys
Need Need Need Need Need Need
See Adoption UK website for “The Wall” interactive demonstration

10. Arousal Diagram Infant(Oakwater)
Adult as external brain and regulation moderator
10

11. Arousal Development Diagram (Oakwater)
Development of Self Regulation
11

12. (Adult) Arousal Diagram (Ogden & others)
Self Regulation & Window of Tolerance
12
Window!
of !
Tolerance
Hyper / over vigilant
Hypo / under vigilant!
?? Dissociated??
Feel
Feel!
& !
Think
Feel?

13. BELIEFS SHAPE BEHAVIOUR
Event
Action /
Behaviour FILTERS
13
BELIEFS

14. What are Beliefs?
• Make sense of our world
• Give meaning to experiences by connecting
them
• Answer the question “Why”
• Serve us …or not
• Limiting or Empowering
• Drive behaviour
14

15. What’s an infants
experience with
Inadequate, Poor or
Toxic Parenting
and/or
Chaos
and/or
Trauma?
15

16. Toxic Parenting
Classified by Dr Susan Forward in her book “Toxic Parents” 1989
The inadequate parents constantly focussing on their own problems, they turn their children into “mini adults”
who take care of them
The controllers they use guilt, manipulation, and even over helpfulness to direct their children’s lives
The alcoholics
*(drug abusers)*
mired in a denial and chaotic mood swings, their addiction leaves little time or energy
for the demands of parenthood.
The verbal abusers whether overtly abusive or subtly sarcastic, they demoralise their children with constant
put downs and rob them of their self confidence.
The physical abusers incapable of controlling their own deep seated rage they often blame their children for
their own ungovernable behaviour
The sexual abusers whether flagrantly sexual or covertly seductive, they are the ultimate betrayers,
destroying the very heart of childhood - its innocence.
** In 1989 Dr Forward did not include drug abusers though similar issues would apply now
16 Taken from Bubble Wrapped Children

17. What is T R A U M A ?
Psychological trauma is generally defined by two conditions
An individual experiences either:
overwhelming emotions which they
are unable to integrate
or
a feeling/belief they might die
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (adults)
Developmental Trauma Disorder (children)
17

18. T r a u m a
Δ PTSD: adult
Δ Developmental Trauma Disorder: children
Δ Secondary Trauma: Adults
Δ Brain wiring: look at CTA
Δ Child Trauma Academy (Bruce Perry)
Δ Sensory:
Δ Visual Visual
Δ Auditory ♫♪♪♪♫♪♫♪♪♫♪
Δ Kinaesthetic, Feeling, Internal bodily sensations
Δ Taste
Δ Smell
18

19. How Trauma Manifests
Δ Stored in body: shrapnel metaphor
Δ Police rescue scenario
Δ Sensory Triggers :
Δ Installed
Δ Anchored
Δ Brain wiring
Δ Primitive (reptilian) brain
Δ language, logic, thinking, controllable

20. Disturbed Attachment Cycle
Baby experiences
discomfort or a need
Baby protests,
usually by crying
Baby rests
Mother does not responds
to baby’s cry or else
responds inconsistently
Baby plays with self
or becomes apathetic
Baby gives up, trust does not
develop and RAGE or
APATHY develops instead
Baby protests
even louder
Mother responds with
anger or resentment
or does not respond
20

21. Inadequate→ Poor → Toxic Parenting
• VIEW OF SELF
• I’m not safe
• I’m not cared for
• I’m scared
• I’m unlovable
• I’m ignored
• I’m not valued
• I’m alone
• I’m bad
• VIEW OF THE WORLD
• It’s a terrifying hostile world
• People hurt you
• Dangerous place
• No one could ever love me
• I am not important
• There is no place for me
• The world is dangerous
• The world is not okay
Poor attachment between child and others
21

22. Unmet early needs creates insecure ‘Wall’
thus destabilizing the future
Need
Need Need
Need
Need
Need Need Need
Need
Need
Need
18-25
13-18
8-12
Need
Need
Need
Need
Need
Need
Need
4-7 Need Need Need Need Need
Need
2-3 Need Need
Need Need Need
0-1 Need Need Need Need Need Need
See Adoption UK website for “The Wall” interactive demonstration
Taken from Bubble Wrapped Children

23. Arousal Development Diagram (Oakwater)
Minimal Self Regulation & Small Window of Tolerance
23

24. Infant Perspective
24
FEEL
External Touch
Internal Sensations
SEE
HEAR
SMELL TASTE
Only sensory memories:
stored in implicit memory: no words

25. Reasons children are permanently removed from their birth families
Classification What was done to them
Some examples
What it did to them
Their experience
& possible interpretations
Emotional
Abuse
Berated, insulted, compared unfavourably
to others, ignored
I am wrong, bad, worthless.
They want me dead. I should
not be alive, I’m not wanted
Physical
Abuse
Beaten, thrashed, burned, used as
ashtray, hit with chair/stick/hand/belt,
locked in cupboard
The world is a dangerous
place,
I am bad & powerless,
Sexual
Abuse
Violated, Raped, forced to watch or
participate in sexual acts
Destroyed innocence.
I can’t trust anyone
Neglect
Unfed for days, nappies not changed, no
toys, no interaction with adults, left alone
for hours, unwashed, no play,
No self concept. I don’t matter,
life is hopeless, I am helpless
&/or rage filled.
Do I even exist?
Chaotic
environment
Lots of different carers, locations, broken
promises, frequent moves, squalor
No safe or secure base.
I am terrified.
Trauma
A combination of experiences and events
that felt utterly overwhelming or life
threatening to the child
I am going to die.
25 Taken from Bubble Wrapped Children

26. Sensory Experience !
with Neglect!
!
•Hear - Crashing doors ..
“shut up you stupid f**ing
Bi**h”!
•See - darkness!
•Taste - sour milk, vomit!
•Smell - own faeces &
urine : vomit & sour milk!
•Feel - cracked skin of
nappy rash from
stomach to knees, !
•Feel - cold feet, gripping
stomach pains from
hunger

27. BELIEFS SHAPE BEHAVIOUR
Event
BELI
EF
Action /
Behaviour FILTERS
27
S
Beliefs, values, shame, identity,
lurk below the surface

28. I am useless
I deserve the pain and
suffering I’m experiencing
I don’t belong Helplessness
I’m a
victim Its out of my control
I can’t !
do this.. but you can
Hopelessness
Others can have it..but I to be…happy/cant
healthy
I don’t deserve !
Worthlessness
Limiting beliefs
There is something fundamentally wrong with me
28
I am bad

29. Inadequate→ Poor → Toxic Parenting
29
!
Likely LifeTrajectory with little
intervention
0 10 20
TIMELINE

30. Triune Brain (Maclean)
3 parts: evolved responding to evolutionary need
?
30
Base (Reptilian brain) Hindbrain Oldest, FASTEST
Brain Stem, physical survival, breathing, excretion, blood
flow, temperature, other autonomic functions
!
Emotional (Limbic system)
Hippocampus, amygdala, hypothalamus.
Seat of emotions
!
Thinking (Neocortex) Newest SLOWEST
cerebral cortex, forebrain
Seat of reason
?
Which part of
Take a BET: are they in?
their brain ?

31. Triune Brain Diagram
31

32. 32
HYPER-AROUSAL
CONTINUM
(over )
Aggression
Defiance
tantrums
Resistance
crying
Vigilance
Rest
Brain
Region neocortex cortex limbic midbrain brain stem
INTERNAL
CALM AROUSAL ALARM FEAR TERROR
STATE
Cognitive
Style Abstract Concrete Emotional Reactive Reflexive
HYPO
AROUSAL
CONTINUM
(Under)
Rest
Avoidance
Compliance
Robotic/
detatched Dissociation
Foetal/ rocking
Fainting
(Adapted from Bruce Perry
Neurosequential model)

33. Dysregulated children in school
Simple!
Consistent!
Open
will not learn
Three step process
1. Regulate
(you & them)
2. Relate
3. Reason
33
(The words and concepts !
of Bruce Perry)

34. Energetic NLP: Art Giser
MAGNET
MAGNET
www.energeticnlp.com
Mother Earth
Energy
Universal
Energy
34

35. Trauma: Sources, References & People
Bessel Van Der Kolk
Developmental Trauma Disorder
(Proposed in DSM 5) & much more
www.traumacenter.org
Bruce Perry: Free Online training courses
The Amazing Human Brain and Human
Development; Brilliant source for learning
and reference
www.childtraumacademy.com
!
CTA
6 free online lessons
Bruce Perry: Child trauma academy articles www.ChildTrauma.org
Peter Levine: Somatic Experiencing
Healing Trauma (thin book + CD)
www.traumahealing.com
Babette Rothschild, Pat Ogden, Dan Seigel
trauma & body links
Complex Trauma Task Force white paper www.NCTSnet.org
NLP Trauma Processes, EFT, EMDR,
The Brain from Top to Bottom http://thebrain.mcgill.ca/index.php
“Trauma” Prof Gordon Turnbull (Lockerbie etc)
35

36. Adoption Now
• Adoption breakdowns
(after Order) statistics
were not captured
• Few long term studies
(all small)
• Anecdotal evidence is
grim
• Post adoption support
woefully inadequate
• Julie Selwyn

37. Consequences of neglect and
maltreatment
• Developmental gaps
• Damage from Trauma: (“overwhelming affect or
belief you might die”)
• PTSD & Developmental Trauma
• BUBBLE WRAP metaphor
• Distorts our view of them and their map of
the world
• Belief formation “distorted”A
problem well defined
is a problem half solved

38. What do traumatised children need?
1. Undo the damage
2. Fill the gaps
3. Rewiring
THERAPEUTIC REPARENTING
38
ALSO CALLED
DEVELOPMENTAL PARENTING

39. therapists
teachers
SAFELY
CONTAINED
social workers
friends
CAMHS
extended family
medics
society
government
local & national
?? ??
?
media
SAFELY
CONTAINED
SAFELY
CONTAINED
SAFELY
CONTAINED
39
adopters
FCs

40. Metaphorical!
Bubblewrap
distorts their
view of the
world and !
the world’s
view of them
40

41. What doesn’t work
• Naming and Shaming (they already feel bad about
themselves and think they are toxic)
• Raised voice (echoes abuse)
• Telling them it doesn't matter (eg if they don't have a
photo of themselves as a baby). It does to them.
• Tell them to “act their age” - they are -
functionally not chronologically
• Negative labelling
• Trauma
Think!
Long verbal instructions
• Expecting them to be like “normal” kids all the time
41

42. To understand traumatised children
whether adopted,fostered or in
birth families, you must see beyond
42
their presenting behaviour.
!
Get deeply curious
!
Run the trauma filter
!
Be flexible and creative
A problem well defined
is a problem half solved

43. SOME BOOKS
Δ First Steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts: Archer
Δ Next Parenting the Child who Hurts: Caroline Archer
Δ A Childs Journey through Placement: Vera Fahlberg
Δ Building the Bonds of Attachment: Hughes
ΔWhy Love matters: How affection shapes a baby’s
brain: Sue Gerhardt
ΔWhat every Parent needs to know: Margot Sunderland
Δ The boy who was raised as a dog: Bruce Perry
Δ Trauma through a childs eyes: Peter Levine
Δ Attachment Trauma and Resilience: Kate Cairns
Δ Adoption Now (feature magazine) by Adoption UK
Δ Education Now by Adoption UK (£5)
Δ Hertfordshire pamphlet for teachers
Δ Bubble Wrapped Children: Helen Oakwater
43

44. OTHER SOURCES OF LEARNING
Δ We need to talk about Kevin: Lionel Schriver (Novel) impact
on parents of living with challenging child
Δ Sherrybaby (film) – birth mothers effort to connect to daughter
after several years in prison
Δ Good Will Hunting (film) impact of infant trauma on unusually
clever young man and effect of appropriate therapy
Δ Adoption UK – national charity supporting adoptive families before,
during and after adoption – bimonthly magazine, website, helpline,
training – can be member or friend. www.adoptionuk.org
Δ Articles previously published in Adoption Today magazine by Helen
Oakwater free top download www.helenoakwater.co.uk
Δ Dr Bruce Perry - online free tutorials on impact of trauma on brain
www.childtraumaacademy.org
Δ Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk - pioneer of trauma work and effective
solutions including body work, brain/body connection
www.traumacenter.org
Δ White Paper from American National Child Traumatic Stress Network,
Complex Trauma task Force - surprisingly readable with excellent
explanation www.NCTSnet.org
Δ Family Futures www.familyfutures.co.uk
44

45. Contact details
Downloadable articles, podcasts, blog,
videos, responses to govt docs, links,
newsletter subscription
+ 3 chapters Bubble Wrapped Children
!
www.bubblewrappedchildren.co.uk
!
www.helenoakwater.co.uk
!
E: helen@helenoakwater.co.uk
!
@HelenOakwater
!