1. AUDIENCE FEEDBACK
O N T R E AT M E N T ( 1 ST D R A F T )
FOCUSING ON THE
UNDECIDED
OPENING

2. I THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE HER CHARAC TER EVEN MORE
T R A G I C T H A N T H AT . . . H O M E L E S S , P R O S T I T U T E , D R U G S !
..NOT BECUASE SHE IS BAD BUT BECAUSE SHE IS SO
D E S P E R AT E A N D S O M I S E R A B L E . . Y O U C A N H A V E H E R I N A
HORRIBLE MANS BEDROOM WHO HAS PICKED HE UP OFF
T H E S T R E E T T O PAY F O R S E X , M AY B E H E B E AT S H E R U P , O R
S H E S H O OT S U P W I T H H E R O I N A N D WA K E S U P O N T H E
S T R E E T W I T H T H E A N G E L G U Y TA K I N G H E R H A N D . . S H E H A S
SUCH A TRAGIC , MISERABLE , HORRIBLE LIFE , BUT
S U D D E N LY S H E I S H A P P Y A R O U N D S O M E O N E W H O D O E S N O T
W A N T T O U S E H E R . . AT T H E E N D T H E A U D I E N C E C A N
R E A L I S E S H E A C T U A L LY D I E D W H E N T H E T H E P U N T E R B E AT
HER UP OR WHEN SHE SHOT UP THE DRUGS .. AND THE
A M A Z I N G G U Y S H E M E T N E X T W A S I N FA C T H E R A N G E L O R
G U I D E I N T O T H E N E X T L I F E W H E R E S H E C O U L D F I N A L LY B E
HAPPY !!!
K R I ST I A N B R U M BY ( 3 0 )

3. I V OT E D O N T H E S E C O N D O P E N I N G , A S I T H I N K I T
W O U L D L E A D TO M O R E E M OT I O N A L S T I R I N G F R O M
T H E V I E W E R , M O R E D A R K O B V I O U S LY B U T I T L E N D S
I T S E L F B E T T E R A S A B R I E F B A C K S TO R Y R AT H E R T H A N
JUST A CRASH. MORE TRAGIC ETC
A N D I T L E A D S B E T T E R A S A S TA R T TO T H E H A P P Y
ENDING
B U T O B V I O U S LY A L OT M O R E TO W O R K O U T, L I K E T H E
F U L L S TO R Y L I N E , W H AT TO L E AV E I N A N D O U T E T C . I
DID FILM PRODUCTION FOR A WHILE AND IT CAN BE
A L OT O F P L A N N I N G A N D W O R K J U S T F O R A F I L M
T H AT L A S T S 2 M I N S L O N G .
JOHN VINCET HALPIN (29)

4. O K , F I R S T LY, I L O V E T H E F I R S T I D E A B U T Y O U D N E E D T O
T H I N K A B O U T T H E R E A L I S T I C I D E A S . F I L M I N G A H O S P I TA L
S C E N E I S N T T O O C O M P L I C AT E D B U T T O M A K E I T L O O K
G O O D A N D R E A L I S T I C W O N T B E E A S Y AT A L L . S E C O N D LY, I
WOULD CHOOSE THE SECOND IDEA AS ITS MORE REALISTIC
A N D A C T U A L LY A V E R Y G O O D S T O R Y. H O W E V E R , I W O U L D
S AY T H AT I T M I G H T B E Q U I T E D I F F I C U LT T O T E L L T H E
A U D I E N C E T H AT H E WA S A PA S T B O Y F R I E N D A N D T H AT H E
I S D E A D N O W. I W O U L D A L S O U R G E Y O U T O I N C L U D E
MANY MANY POV SHOTS AS THE AUDIENCE WILL THEN
R E A L I S E T H AT S H E I S S E E I N G H I M T H R O U G H H E R E Y E S B U T
N O O N E E L S ES . I C A N E V E N S E E T H E S H OT W H E R E YO U S E E
T H E M WA L K I N G T O G E T H E R A N D L A U G H I N G . M AY B E T H E
V I E W O F H I M I S R E S T R I C T E D A N D Y O U D O N T A C T U A L LY S E E
H I M B U T Y O U C A N A S S U M E T H AT H E I S T H E R E .
G A B R I E L TO U M A Z I S ( 1 8 )

5. I F YO U WA N T M Y O P I N I O N , D E F I N I T E LY G O
W I T H T H E R U N AWAY PAT I E N T STO RY. M U C H
M O R E I N T E R EST I N G A N D F R ES H , U S E D
P RO ST I T U T E / D R U G GY I S R EA L LY C L I C H E . T H E
OT H E R I D EA E XC I T ES M E . A N D T H E FAC T T H AT
T H E Y ' R E AC T UA L LY D EA D T H RO U G H O U T T H E
STO RY. I T R EA L LY I S LOV E LY.
I A M H O N EST LY S O I M P R ES S E D. I W I S H I
CO U L D B E I N VO LV E D I N I T S O M E H OW.
TO M WA R D L E ( 2 6 )