1.
Karoline Steckley
International Communications
karoline@steckleykorenpr.com
mob. + 39 349 8666 667
Missing the Fertility train?
Italian Lifestyle, social structure, economy and how the country that loves
kids
is making it difficult to have them
(and impossible to talk about it)
Karoline Jeane Steckley
Freelance Consultant, International Communications
IVF Success Story, Can’t keep a secret
Trieste, Italy
Shhhhhhhh!
Can’t stay long.
Don’t mind me!
Just pretend
I’m not here!
Don’t tell anyone
you saw me here,
ok?!

2.
Conflict of Interest
I declare I have no commercial or financial
interests pertaining to the subject of this
presentation or its content.
Oh please!
Get to the Point!

3.
COMPARING MY SITUATION IN ITALY WITH MY
AMERICAN EXPERIENCE
Who are you to
talk about the
Italians?
Finish high school
Move out of parents’ home
Finish university and
graduate school
Start working
Ready to begin
thinking about kids
Ready to begin thinking about
(maybe) buying a home
Work while studying
Start a stable job
Buy home
Finish high school
Finish university
Ready to begin
thinking about kids
Move out of parents’ home
18
19
19
27
25
25
40’s 50’s
30
26
35
32
32

4.
Obstacles along the way: lose job
Result:
•Move back to parents’ house
(temporarily)
•Socially unacceptable situation
•Humiliation.
•Unhappy parents.
Solution:
•Find another job or two.
•Anything to get out of the
house!
Never get a job / Work for too little
money to be independent
Result:
•Understanding parents
•Socially acceptable
Solution:
•Keep looking
•Stay at home longer

5.
Expectations
•University degree is a priority
•I will change jobs and sectors
many times in my life
•There is never a perfect time
to have kids
•I may never own my own
home and that is okay
•University degree important for some
•I hope to work in the same company
until i retire
•I must
1. Find a permanent job
2. Buy an apartment
3. Find a partner
4. Have children
In that order
Stop stereotyping,
Karoline

6.
Pizza, an IVF story
True Story
Don’t get her
started!!

7.
So, Iwas out having pizza with some
friends one night…
Are you gonna finish
all that? aThis talk
is making me
HUNGRY!

8.
…When i realized something peculiar
The Suspense is
killing me!

9.
Five out of the eight women at the table
Had gone through ivf
?
?
1%
IUD
YES! Me
too!
IVF IVF IVF IVF
IVF

10.
Then i thought about the kids’ table
ME
Hmmm...
the kids’table…
How does that shake up?

11.
The kids’ table looked like this
Old-fashioned
JUST
CHEESE
Adopted
IVF with
egg donor
Old-fashioned
Old-fashioned
IVFIVF with
egg donor

12.
AND THEN I THOUGHT!
ME
These girls are
going to kill
me!
I CAN TOTALLY
TALK ABOUT
THIS AT ESHRE!

13.
I know about all of them
They do not all know that I know
They do not all know that anyone else knows
Some of their mothers do not even know
So at the table the subject never came up
But it was there…
ME
It’s complicated
Keeping these
secrets in order is
Exhausting!!
What if
someone
finds out?
IVF
IVF
IVF
IVF
IVF

14.
I know that because the next day
I received a very stern phone call:
ME
I must do
something to
protect this
secret!
She is going to
tell somebody
I just know it!
GUILT GUILT
GUILT GUILT
GUILT GUILT
GUILT

15.
I FELT TERRIBLE FOR A WHILE
Then I learned some lessons from the Pizza Table
• There are lots of us carrying around infertility baggage
•Infertility is often suffered in silence , isolation, and SHAME
•Our situation, feelings, and treatment are taboo
There is huge potential for support if we can find a way to talk more openly
So I started talking about it with my friends
And I discovered some of the beliefs that fed our silence:
Why can’t we
talk about this
more openly?
I am a
terrible
person
Guilt
People have lots of babies in Italy
If you can’t get pregnant you probably don’t want it bad enough/ are
thinking about it too much/work too much, etc.
My sister/friend/sister-in-law went through it and she talked too much
about it and always wanted to be the center of attention!
Having fertility treatment means you fail as a person
If you wait too long to have babies you are selfish
Even dumb people can have kids, why can’t I?

16.
SOME INFO ABOUT THE WOMEN AT THE TABLE
They are pro-active.
They use the internet to get information.
They still can’t believe that THEY had problems with infertility.
They know a lot about all aspects of treatment.
They changed doctors and clinics many times.
Their partners’ attitudes condition their willingness (or not) to
talk about their situation.
They confide in one person at a time.

17.
They all vowed
they would never do IVF...

18.
And then changed their minds
IVF IVFIVF IVF
IVF
YES! Me
too!

19.
Sometimes it worked.
Sometimes it didn’t.

20.
For some people it didn’t work.
And then it did.
JUST
CHEESE
IVF with
egg donor
IVFIVF with
egg donor

21.
CAN I TELL YOU
A REALLY IMPORTANT SECRET?
PROMISE TO HELP ME
TELL EVERYONE?

22.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A
FERTILITY TRAIN

23.
WHY DON’T WE MISS
THIS TRAIN INSTEAD?
SHAME
TRAIN EMBARASSMENT WHAT WILL THEY SAY?
SADNESS & WAITING MY REPUTATION THAT
MEAN
VOICE
IN OUR
HEADS
Ciao!Ciao!

24.
LET’S TALK ABOUT IT OVER PIZZA
THANK YOU!
Karoline Steckley
International Communications
karoline@steckleykorenpr.com
mob. + 39 349 8666 667