I will share my story - a real life experience – following previous talks at EuroSTAR about Test Management and stress. The reason why I want to tell my story is that experiences like this hopefully can help fellow Test Managers look at their own life and consider if things are getting “out of hand”. If I can just influence one person to take his or her life up for revision – before he or she ends up in the same situation as I did – I have reached my goal. From my own experience, I will share with the audience the tools that helped me balance my work with my personal life and helped me gain some perspective on all the things that I had gotten myself involved in (Life wheel, Disney model, etc.). I will also touch on some of the warning signs, that I did not pay that much attention to before I was ill, and that I now try to pay “just enough” attention to without them limiting my work nor my life. I will tell, how expectations – also (mainly) from myself guided my choices and how I still need to be aware of what I engage myself in. I was (am) striving for (high) quality in both my professional and personal life, wanting to do good at work and at home. But one year ago I was suddenly not able to do anything. For 2½ months I was away from work and it took additional 4 months of part time work, before I was back in “full shape” working full time. I am the mother of two pre-teens and having a career as a Test Manager consultant – how do I make this work? How did I learn to say “no” to all the exiting things that are out there?

1. Having a Work-Life Balance
Mette Tønder
EuroSTAR 2011, Manchester UK
Finding Quality

2. Key points
• What to take with you when you leave this room:
o Ask yourself: Do I experience any of the symptoms that was
mentioned…
o Regularly?
o Consider what YOU will do about it…
o You CAN beat this
o But you might need help doing so…
o Where to get help
o Practical things to do to gain control of your own life
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3. About…
• This is my story
• Mom, Wife, Test Manager, Daughter, Sister, Tester, Agile, Dog
owner, Grand daughter, House keeper, Organizer, Gardener, Car
owner, Cook, Department manager, Friend, Networker, Good
listener, In to details, Extrovert, Hospitable, Colleague, Friendly,
Perfectionist, High demands, Don’t want to miss out, Linguist,
Open arms, Board member, Reader, Smiling, Helpful, Network
facilitator, Daughter-in-law, Organized, Lists, Mentor, Married,
Sister-in-law, Coordinator, Aunt, Loves traditions, Manager,
Relaxed, Outgoing, Structured, Habits.
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4. I saw the sign…
• In hindsight…
o Sleep disorder
o Chest pains
o Headache/Migraine
o Forgetfulness
o Burst into tears
o …
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5. Performance oriented
Time pressure
Impatience
Irritation
Distrustful
Aggression
Type A Behavior
Help…
• Psychologist Coach
• Psychological profile StressProfile ©
• Stress Profile © = How you handle stress and workload
o Many things I already knew – perfectionist, hard to say “No”, eye for
details – all the things that help me be good at what I do…
o What I did not know was my “Type A behavior” = How I by instinct
react when I do get stressed…
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6. Help … Overview of my life
• Wheel of Life (or Life wheel)
2
1
3
4
5
Husband
Work
Lisa
Emmas sports
Test
Manager Club
Sister
Volunteer
work
Friends
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7. Help… Setting goals and priorities
• The Disney Model
o The Dreamer
o The Spoiler
o The Realist
The Realist
The realist is pragmatic
and practical.
The realist
asks, "How, in
practice, could we
make this work?"
The Spoiler
The spoiler checks by
wondering, "There is
something wrong with
this. What is wrong
with this?"
The Dreamer
The dreamer
represents
unrestrained creativity.
The dreamer is
exemplified in the
question "If we had no
constraints, what
would we love to do
next?"
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8. My tool box today
• NO!
• My family week planner
• Outsourcing
o Cleaning (external outsourcing)
o Cooking (internal outsourcing)
Who walks Bella (the dog) in the afternoon?
Dinner plans
Family activities
Individual
activities
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9. Toolbox [Continued]
• My “brain dump” notepad
• Lisa: Vacuum around the house
• Plan dinner with friends Saturday
• Morten: take Lisa to doctors’ appointment
on Tuesday
• Book Pension for Bella w42 (during holiday)
• …
• Consciousness
• Mindfulness
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10. Wrapping up
Self-insight
I choose me!
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11. Where to learn more
• Wheel of Life:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newHTE_93.htm
• Disney model:
http://www.squidoo.com/waltdisneymodel
• Burn-out selftest:
http://www.mindtools.com/stress/Brn/BurnoutSelfTest.htm
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12. Questions or comments?
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13. Contact information
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Mette Tønder
met@testhuset.dk
http://dk.linkedin.com/in/mettetoender