1. DOOM THE BEAUTIFUL, DOG
▪ DoomTheBeautiful@mail.com
Trophy Dog, Super Villain, Cutie Patootie
Multi-lingual companion, with mind of his own. Excellent Mouser and Moler. Proficient in Spanish and Catalan.
SKILLS
Pee Mail (checking and leaving) ▪ Firework Tracker ▪ Guarding Services ▪ Door Opener (automatic only) ▪ Painter ▪
Nude Model ▪ Food Critic ▪ Herder of the Red Laser Light ▪ Has own army of Doombots ▪ Boyfriend
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
Home Security, Houston, TX 2014 to Present
 Guards against various threats, including Turtles, Cats, Mailmen (and women), visiting religious evangelists.
 First to notice and warn of danger when neighbor’s house was on fire
 Developed specialized bark to warn specifically of turtle encroachment
 Actively wards off Thor, barking in his general direction and running towards his omens (thunder and lightening)
Charity Work, Houston, TX 2014 to Present
 Raised thousands of dollars walking for charities
 Posed naked for charity portrait. Mr. December 2016, 30daysfordogs
STORE PATROL, Ann Arbor and Detroit Michigan
Kept store free from theft.
 BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO 2006 to 2007
 KB TOYS 2007 - 2008
 RECORDS MANAGEMENT SPECIALIST (CORPORATE RECORDS), 2011 to 2012
Boyfriend Service, 2005 to Present
 Cuddling
 Kisses
Exterminator, 2004 to Present
Finds mice and moles regardless of their hiding spaces
 Rid entire garlic patch of mice (outdoor)

2. TONIA SCHNEIDER, MSI, CRM ▪ PAGE TWO
Phone: 734-277-5735 ▪ glorious@umich.edu
 24-hour in home patrol of woodland creatures, will even stop possums.
 Will kill files, bees, wasps, anything that files. Will not eat flies.
Food Critic, 2004 to Present
Will turn down any food if it is not prepared to my specifications, or if I am weary of the motivations of the server.
Foods I’ve turned down.
 Bacon
 Steak
 Any and all dog treats.
PROFESSIONAL VACCINATIONS
Rabies
Bordetella Virus
Lime Disease