A guide to help youth and their parents navigate through the dating process.

1. 1 John 2:16, llew living TransEation
For the world offers only o craving for physical pleosure, a craving for everything we see,
and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not'from the Father, but ore
from this world.
So, you're interested in dating. You feel that you're are at that point in your
life where you're ready to take your relationships with the opposite sex to
another level. But before you take off and start the race, here are
12 steps or guidelines you should follow to make this transition
into dating a success:
1 Set to l(now God [!rst!
Before you start dating, you need to develop a relationship
with God. This is crucial to the dating process. lf you first
develop a relationship with God through studying the
Bible, worshipping Him, and praying (talking to Him), you
will be secure in who you are in Christ and will not be
looking for someone to make you feel good about your-
self. Once you get to know Him, He will be able to help
you steer away from or towards the right person for you.
2. Get a Life
Before you bring another person into your life, make sure iyou have one. Having interests of your own will ensure that rl
you're not trying to make that person fill a void in your life.
Don't let dating be the answer to other problems you may l
have, like the need to feel fulfilled or accepted. funiiNedonpage14
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2. 3, Do Your Homework
lf you are interested in someone or they are interested
in you, find out some things about them before you de-
cide you want to date them. Talk to other people who
know them, and ask them some questions. Do they tend
to get into trouble? Are they nice to their friends? lf
they play on a team, ask their coach about them.
4. Ask Your Parents
Yes, you should ask your parents if you can date some-
one. lt is important that you are open and honest with
them. They should approve of who you date and of
whether or not you date at all. lf your parents don't
know them, it is your responsibility to make sure they
meet him or her BEFORE you go out on a date.
5. Go Slow
Once you have the okay from your parents to date him
or her, go SLOW. There's no need to rush when getting
to know someone. Don't put any pressure on yourself or
the other person to make it work.
Also, don't be so quick to tell them things about yourself
that you only tell your close friends. lf you do this, you
won't have to worry about them dishing out all your se-
crets to their friends if the relationship doesn't last.
Here are a few more reasons to take it slow.
You do not get to know a person in a short period of time.
You need time to bond.
You protect yourselffrom getting attached too quickly. r
6. Be Alert
Once you start dating, be on the lookout for things
about him or her that you rhay not like or approve of. lt
is easy to get caught up in how you feel and ignore
warning signs that say they are not a good fit for you.
Pay attention to how they relate to others. What is their
relationship like with their mother and father? Do they
speak badly about their parents? Do they tend to lie?
Most importantly, what is their relationship with God?
How often do they go to church? lf they have character
issues or do not live the life of a Christian, they may not
be the right person for you.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when trying to
determine their character.l
. Can he or she be open and real?
o Can he or she demonstrate loyalty?
. Can he or she let you off the hook?
7. Be Yourself
It is natural to want to do things so that people will like
you. Never change who you are just to please someone.
lf thgy are telling you or suggesting that you change
things about yourself, like your personality, how you
dress, etc., or you see things in them you want to
change, you just may not be right for each other.l
8. Keep Hands Off
There's nothing wrong with holding hands and hugging.
Still, the less touching you do, the less likely you will be
tempted to take things further and engage in sexual
conduct.
Besides, just because you are dating does NOT mean
you should have sex. Society tells us through movies,
television, etc., that it's okay to have sex because you
are dating someone, but for a Christian it is not okay.
lf the person you are dating is pressuring you to have
sex, it's time to move on. Don't lower your standards for
anyone, no matter how much you like them.
Also, don't put yourself in situations where you are
tempted to have sex. Set some clear boundaries and
make sure that he or she understands them.
For reasons why you should not have sex, check out the
article "Just Say No" in the Youth Focus section of the
April/May/une 2015 issue of OUTREACH.
9. Keep Your Friends in the Loop
Don't keep your dating a secret. Let your friends know
about what's going on between the two of you, whether
good or bad. Also, stay connected with your friends.
You may need them throughout this process, especially
if and when the relationship ends.1
10" €lean Hsuse
When issues come up in the relationship, don't go on
acting as if things are okay when they are not. lf some-
thing is bothering you or them, talk about it, and be
open to hear their side. Communication is key in any re-
lationship.
11. Never Settle
lf you decide that you no longer want to date someone,
because you are not compatible or they have character
flaws, break it off. Never stay in a relationship to save
face or to not hurt someone's feelings. You deserve to
have someone who is God's best for you. There is some-
one better out there, just for you.
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3. *r
lf you don't feei corsrfortai:le talking with them aicne,
rnake sure son"rqone is il'rere wlih yor-i-a friend cr an
aciulI vou trust.
This il ar" exciting pei,i,rd iil your life where you are
lr,:arning new thing: and growing in different areas. You
are young and there's pienty r:f timc to ciate, so iake
ynur time and erijcy flie process.
"!ust rernernber to aiways i<ee p: *o.J first in rryhatev+:r
tyou do. Insr.rr-ing thal rryhat ycu da pieases i-'lim wi]l
heip you enjoy a successfr:l datir:g experience.
l . :-.'
Your rnay l':ave dr"eade d ihis poini rn yr:ur chilcl's irfe:
they come to ynu arii sav il-iat lhey want to stlrt cjai-
irrg. Dorr't panic. There is a way to handle this trr,,ithor:t
starting a rvar.
Fir-qt, you mi;st ciecide whether or ilsl your ieen is rea,Jir tn
s'iart dating. Cansicler wl'rat y6rr knr:w ai:out your teen. Are
they resFonsihle? l-iov'r ffi*ti;re are ihey in their eri.otions?
eoi;ld they potentinl)y handie dat!ng? rlciv al'e ihe,r
grecies? ilating r"an i:e a serious di;traclion t* e leen
who is a lrearJy strugg!iirg in scirooi.
lf ycu decide yoilr teen is nnt ready to efate yet, explain
to thern r,vhy. Ais*, give thenr a timeiine for wlren 1,ou
feel lhey might be ready and what they need tc do lo
sh*',ri yr:u that they are.
On the r:ther h;lnd, if Vou ciecide your teen can date, be
cie nr *bout your expectations. lVlake sure Ihat ihey un-
derstand what ru!es ihey r-rrusl" f*llow (rvl"iat time they
have to i:e home, vrhere they can and can't go, etc.).
Ycu rlay'iiraiit to hsve them do group daiing at first-
gr: v+ith a group *f frieneis ori rlates, L:efore thel- are a!
i*w*d (o go alone .
lSelp; thr:n: to r:srablish physir:ri bourrdaries theli 5i1;3i;1,i
flot.ross. (io o';er h,rw to taix tc tlreir date aL:*ut what
iheir standards are. I aiso encr:urfige lrou ta check aut
ih-. article "Jus.t 5ey lto" in the !buth Focus secticn o{
the Apri!1Mav/iune 201! issr:e cf DUTREACi"j. it Ie!is
ir,rhy teers shcL:!d sfiy fis to sex:, and has iips to help
pareirt-c taik {o tl-rein ter-':ns ai:*u[ ::hstainirg fr*r:r sex.
1 Y.uung, ile;i, & 5anruei Aclarns. i'he ten cc,mm*nCments
nr ri*{ing. 1'|'Jash'riile, TN,-Ihomas l{eN,qon, lnc. 11999) pp
55.66, 77-78, & 165.
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