Listening
An essential problem-solving skill

Why?
True problem-solving is based on
understanding.
The only way to understand another person
is to listen to that person, and to seek
clarification to ensure you are
understanding.

Why?
When people feel understood, they tend to
be a lot more accepting of situations they
may not like.
When you understand someone else's
perspective, the solutions to a problem
you propose are more likely to be
workable.
This works for students, colleagues,

Active Listening: What?
Active Listening is a specialized set of skills
designed to ensure understanding
between people and to communicate
acceptance.
When people are in distress, active listening
can help them move out of "crisis mode"
and into a problem-solving mode.

Active Listening Context
How you listen communicates three
important things to the person you are
hearing:
Unconditional positive regard
Empathy
Congruence

Unconditional Positive Regard
In order for people to communicate honestly,
they need to know that the listener will
accept what they have to say.
This does not mean condoning wrong-doing.
Instead it means understanding the
person behind the problem and accepting
that person as a human being who has
value in the world.

Empathy
Empathy is not sympathy.
Sympathy is based on pity. Empathy is
based on understanding that if you were in
the same shoes as the person you were
listening to, you might consider the same
actions. Even if you don't approve of
someone's behavior, you understand the
conditions that are behind it and you
understand the distress the person is in.

Congruence
When we are listening to others, we need to
be transparent to them. We cannot
pretend to have a good attitude or positive
regard if we do not, in fact, feel these
things. People will not open up to active
listening unless they feel as though you
are being honest both with yourself and
with them.

Congruence
In order to have a genuine positive attitude
toward others, we have to think through
who we believe other people to be. When
we feel judgment toward others, where
does that judgment come from? When we
dislike someone, what is going on? These
are barriers which can possibly be
removed just through thinking about these
things.
Also, when we are in distress, how do we

Active Listening: How?
First, active listening means turning off the
voice inside that wants to argue, advise,
and otherwise think of a response instead
of focusing on what the other person is
saying.

Active Listening: How?
Active listening involves encouragement
(which communicates unconditional
positive regard, etc.).
Body language: total focus on the other
person (no distractions such as cell
phones). Sit at a 90 degree angle from the
person instead of directly in front.
Verbal: "Mmm, hmm..." "I'd like to hear more
about..."

Active Listening: Reflect
You can paraphrase or summarize what the
other person has said.
The art of reflecting lies in being able to
paraphrase without coming off as being
patronizing. It's a combination of body
language, tone of voice, and choosing
words carefully.

Active Listening: Clarification
Check your understanding. Paraphrase or
summarize what you have heard, and
then ask if you are understanding
correctly.
If you are not understanding, in the mind of
the person doing the talking, then do
some more listening until you can reflect
back what the other person is saying in an
accurate way.

Active Listening: Probing
You can ask for more information to help
you understand.
"Help me understand this...what happened
when....?"

Active Listening:
Body Language
Check for the other person's body language.
This can include posture; when people
cross their arms in front of themselves, they
may be feeling defensive. Their voices may
tremble if they are feeling upset or scared.
There may be differences between what one
is saying and one's body language. This is
a situation where you can probe to find out
what is going on.

Active Listening:
Two things to avoid
Advice: unconditional positive regard
suggests that you believe the person is
capable of figuring out a good solution and
won't need unsolicited advice.
Also, advice, given too early, is likely not to
work since you may not understand the
entire scope of the problem.

Active Listening:
Two things to avoid
Storytelling: don't tell your own story. That
takes the focus away from the person you
are listening to.