2. The return home is not something I
fully expected. I truly wished I was
nothing more than a mere spare. At
least then I’d be able to climb to the
top and be a real Rock Star. Instead,
I’m stuck with the drudgery of
inheriting the family business.
Thanks a lot people. Thanks a whole
lot!
Home certainly seems to be the same.
Ever right down to the burning tree
that I thought dad cut down after it
supposedly ruined mom and dad’s
wedding ceremony. How I *bleep*ing
dread who I end up married to. I just
want to get back to Ratna. I don’t
care that she’s a pretty diva. She
means everything to me.
3. My welcome is a harrowing glare from a plant sim, Rosie. She fills me in that
basically her and her kin were to die so that me and mine would be able to get
away scant free from the oh so dreaded ghost color hunt. Whatever it that may
be, apparently mom and dad fell victim as well and Rosie is spared.
“And to think they planned to have me just lock myself in a room and set myself
ablaze just so you and none of your kids ever have to accidentally face such a
fate. I guess it’s better that my rotten son Oak went out that way instead of me.”
“Gee, thanks for the enthusiasm. I’ll just leave you to your business then.”
4. “Before you leave, Xerxes, this is for you.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a hoard of fruit. Your parents wanted you to sell them at the businesses
that you will inherit from me once I’m dead.”
“Creepy. Yea, know what? You just keep’em to yourself. I’ll stick to what I
do best, mkay?”
“And what is it that you do best?”
Besides sewing? “I’m a singer. Or are you totally oblivious that the band
Deception took the land by storm several months back?”
“Never heard of them.” Cripes, no wonder dad wanted her dead.
5. With Rosie off doing whatever, I’m going to make a very important phone call. I
just hope that she answers for a change.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Ratna. It’s Xerxes.”
“Xerxes. Oh right, Xerxes. How are you.”
“In the dumps. Listen, I need you to come over. There’s something important I
need to tell you.”
6. “Well, here I am”
I’m utterly speechless at the speed
she arrives. “How did you do that?”
“Do what? The door was unlocked so
I let myself in. You’re only standing
right there.”
“I mean… never mind.”
“Oh, you mean how I got here so fast.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just
happened to know where you live and
that you were going to call.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Believe what you will, but that’s the
truth, lover.”
7. “Whatever. I just have something really important to say.”
“And what would that be, Xerxes?”
8. “You’re a great kisser.”
“I already knew that.”
“No but seriously. Let’s have a seat. I’m just
tired of standing around.”
“As you wish.”
9. “Now whatever could be on your mind that would have you invite me over at
such an hour and also so soon to just moving back into your family home.”
“I’d ask how you know all of that, but at this point I don’t care.”
“smart cookie. Here’s what I think: I think you’re going to propose. And I
accept.”
10. “Are you serious? I’d do a lot better if that were the case. A lot better!
No, I’m not proposing. In fact, I can’t even do that.”
“Why not? Word is that you’re the family heir and certainly you’re
obligated to fulfill certain duties to carry on the family legacy.”
“That’s just the point. Listen, this relationship would be so much easier if
I were just some toss-away spare. I’d rather be sitting on some lot,
abandoned, but with you.”
11. “Now my poor eyes are open. Xerxes, this is a break-up isn’t it? I should
have known. My dreams are dashed and so is my love. Oh darling, what a
game you played with me.”
“Ratna, no. That’s not it.”
“Then stop being so coy about the subject and say it.”
“I’m trying. Just shut up for five seconds and I will.”
12. “I’m the heir to an Uglacy. That means that to carry on the family line, the
kids have to be born with a pretty messed up looking face. There. I said it.
Now does that explain why this is so complicated? I’d rather be with you, but
a bunch of people I don’t even know determined that I be the one to be heir.
Understand?”
13. “So? This is your excuse?”
“It’s not an excuse.”
“Please, Xerxes, listen to what I have to say. Just because you are heir to
an Uglacy does not mean we cannot be together.”
“Ratna, last I looked, you are very pretty. I don’t think it would work out.”
“it can and it will. There are other ways. Other ways to get around this
complication.”
14. “And how the hell am I supposed to get around it,
huh? Hope kids between you and eye pass off as
scary?”
“No, but it did strike my mind. I am thinking of
another method.”
“That being?”
“Quite simple.”
17. “Are you out of your flicking mind? They took my sister for several years. I
didn’t even get to really know her as a person until the both of us were in
college. And even then, my own mother practically forbade it. After Marcie
disappeared, she took away all the telescopes. It’d be an insult if I did
something like that.”
“still listening to your mother. Sources say she screamed her lungs out to
death. But I understand if you truly don’t want to make this work, Xerxes. I’m
sure you find some splendidly horrid looking thing with no personality.”
18. “That’s not what I meant.”
“So you’re just scared.”
“No. It’s complicated.”
“Very well.”
19. “Listen to me once more. I will allow you to ponder this matter for some
time. If it behooves you that you are willing to put aside what your dead
mother demands and pursue my suggestion, feel free to let me know. If
your decision is otherwise, I request that you never call me again.”
20.
21. “Do I make myself clear?”
“Yea, yea.”
“Good. I bid you farewell.”
36. And that’s when it hit me. “Maybe getting abducted
won’t be a bad thing. At least with an alien baby, it
should still look like a freak. And I’d be able to be
with Ratna.”
37. Come on aliens. Don’t make this difficult.
It’s just a shame that I spend the entire
night without a single bite.
40. Being the new head of the house, I decide that
I’m not the only one that could use a change.
It’s time the house reflect a little more of my
own tastes.
41. I have the left side of the house torn down and
add a second floor.
45. I did leave the conservatory alone and
intact out of respect for mom and dad.
I was told that’s where they shared a
first kiss.
46.
47.
48.
49.
50.
51. Night two: things are going well enough. I just
wish the aliens would come out and get this thing
over with. Staring at the sky is getting dull and I
have much better ideas of how to spend my time.
52. “What are you doing out here?”
“What’s it look like? I’m looking at the stars
through a telescope in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“Didn’t Miss Piggy ban that?”
“Uh no. Only Marcie was told not to.”
“Oh. Well carry on then. I’m going back to
painting.” I really wish this woman was dead.
53. Another fruitless night of searching. Only thing I
notice out of the ordinary is a pink ghost. I think
that might have been on of Rosie’s kids.
54. “Hello, Marcie. It’s Xerxes. How are you doing? I see. I’m doing alright,
though I am really tired. Because I stayed up all night. Um, partying real
hard. Just because I can’t be a real rock god doesn’t mean I can’t act like
one. Mom? Uh well... She’s gone. Yea, I’m sorry. What do you mean you
didn’t get a chance to talk to her? Didn’t you at least try back in college? I
thought... Well, I don’t know what to say. Honestly I don’t. Maybe you could
come over some time and pay respects or whatever it’s called. Sorry to
have had to be the one to tell you. I know. I’m sorry.”
55. Dad... He’s gone too. I know, I’m sorry again. I’m sorry. I’ll just
let you go now. No, it’s just... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset
you. I really just wanted to say hello and then... I’m sorry. I’m
gonna go now. Bye.”
56. While I’m not too ashamed of the bubble blower, I did
stash a sewing machine away in my little hideaway.
Not that Rosie needs to know about my little hobby.
57. Tonight feels lucky. I’ve discovered an alien world.
Maybe now they’ll come and get me since I know
where they live.
58. Dag nabbit! No aliens for another night. This is
starting to piss me off. How come Marcie made it
look so easy? What’s her secret?
59. Not tonight... I’ve got a plan. I’ll just sew up an outfit
that screams to them that they just have to take me.
The only other explanation would be that the aliens
are just idiots.
60. “Hello? Ratna? Hey! I thought you... Well, I couldn’t
resist your charms. I’m going through with it. No I
haven’t been abducted yet, but I have a plan. I’ll call
you back when I’ve got news. Bye.”
61. Come on aliens! With this super cool space suit and
clown make-up, I’m just a fool waiting to be
abducted and put through, uh... Whatever it is you
do. Or maybe you’ll just ignore me.
62. “No Yarby, Xerxes is sleeping at this hour. He stays up
late at night doing who knows what. I don’t care, I’m too
busy painting pictures. Call back in a few hours to ask
him yourself.”
63. That combo didn’t work, but I’m not ready to just give
in yet. Maybe I just haven’t found the ideal outfit and
whatever else I might need to attract the attention of
the aliens.
64. Those aliens must find the crop circles on my face
of some value. They just need to come out and
look for themselves.
65. The attention I get is unwanted. Instead of aliens, the supernatural visit
from a snide green ghost visits me. He was brought to the house by me. I
received the urn from Sharla who told me it was part of the ghost colors.
This one was eaten by a cow plant, I’ve been told.
66. With another night left without abduction, I decide to take a
little time for myself. A little party time!
67. Out of all six party guests I invite over, only two make it. I
don’t know why. Perhaps throwing it so early in the morning is
the main reason. Guess some people have to work at real
jobs.
68. “Heir, yes? Perhaps someday you have a daughter, I marry
her. We make beautifully ugly children together.”
“Just don’t go thinking just because you’ve got the looks
means you’re gonna join the family. Keep your suitcase
unpacked buddy.”
69. “Guess what? You know who made another enemy.”
“That’s great. Uh, who exactly is you know who?”
“You know.”
“Zayl? Wouldn’t doubt it if that asshole finally decided to
pick on someone else.”
“No! Not him. The other guy that makes enemies.”
“Who?”
“What? Don’t you know the latest gossip. How couldn’t
you?”
70. The party ends with mild success thanks to a wonderful game
of billiards and some refreshing ‘juice’. It also ends right as
the phone starts ringing.
“Hello Ratna. No, I haven’t been abducted yet. I don’t know
why they haven’t dropped by. If I did, then I’d have good
news. Gimme a break. I’ll give you a ring when it happens.”
71. I spend the entire night glued to the telescope. Yes the
entire night glued to it. Not literally ‘glued’, but I never leave
it. Stupid frickin icky, green, nasty, perverted aliens!
72. It turns out yesterday was Rosie’s
birthday. Apparently I threw her a
party without even realizing it and
without cake. So to make it up to her,
we spend the entire afternoon
smustling.
73.
74.
75. After that, we both head out to the garden. Some
strawberries are ready for harvest and I’m feeling a mighty
quench.
78. “How goes the stargazing?”
“Terrible. Just terrible. I’m not seeing anything that I’m
looking for.”
“What are you looking for?”
“Uh... Orion’s belt.”
“Who’s Orion?”
“A formation of stars and... Stuff.”
79. “Well, you enjoy your search for that guys belt. Maybe you
should try checking the dresser or something. Doubt it’d be
up in the sky.”
“Yea sure, whatever.” Idiot.
80. Another night of searching.
Another night gazing at stars.
Another night of disappointment.
This is getting old.
And I ain’t getting any younger.
81. “Hello? Yarby. Hey, how are you doing? I’m doing alright. Marcie... Uh
yea I told her about mom and dad. Would you have preferred I just said
things were hunky dory? No I didn’t mean to... Sorry. I’m sorry. I just
didn’t know what else to say. No she hasn’t come to visit or see the urns.
Invite her over? Uh, well, I’m busy a lot of the time. She should just
come over if she wants to. Maybe she isn’t ready. And maybe she isn’t.
And maybe you should tell her to come over then. Listen, I’m not gonna
talk about this if... Well, fine. Good bye.”
82. Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Won’t you grant me a wish tonight
Make those aliens come through, alright?
83. Again, with the no aliens. So instead of moping straight to bed, I decide to take
a chance at the pottery wheel. It’s recommended that beginners start with
plates. I’m just a little upset that mine doesn’t turn out so well in the end. I
think I’ll stick with sewing and belting vocals.
87. “What do you mean you haven’t been abducted yet?”
“Exactly that. It’s like I’m wearing some anti-alien deodorant or
something.”
“Are you sure you’re bathing properly? Maybe you just plain stink.”
“It’s not the hygiene. I’ve got these plants that keep me healthy and all
that jazz so I don’t need to worry. I’m just... They’re avoiding me without
any good reason at all. I’m getting frustrated and anxious that by the time
they do abduct me, it’ll be too late.”
“Too late is not a good time at all. You’re absolutely right. And just what
do you plan to do about it?”
“Well... I don’t rightly know right now. I thought you might have an idea.”
88. “I’m sorry, darlin', but my poor rattled mind just doesn’t have a clue
what to do. Wait, can’t you use some of that magic elixir?”
“I can’t, it’s against family policy. If I do, then the whole thing is over.
Or rather, we’d be out of some special thing; I don’t remember which.”
“Well what about that machine that scrambles your brains?”
“Oh hell no! I wouldn’t use that thing even if I could. And by that, I
mean it’s off limits as well.”
89. “Listen, Ratna. I’m not sure what to do right now. The main reason I
invited you over was more than to discuss this. I thought we could
spend some time together.”
“I’m fine with that. Just so long as while we’re together, you get it
through your head how you’re going to overcome this obstacle.”
“Alright. Let’s head inside.”
90.
91. “Hey Xerxes. I don’t mean to brag, but remember that time we had
that great date with each other. I had the time of my life and it was
one of the highlights of that point in my life.”
“I remember that. Oh and if you could excuse me, I need to take a
nap.”
“Now why do you need to take a nap after you invited me over?”
“Because I’ve been up all night trying to get abducted. If you stick
around long enough, I’ll be back in a few hours.”
92.
93.
94. “Good, you’re finally awake. I’ve been meaning to tell you something
that’s been bothering me for the past few minutes.”
“And that would be?”
“That downstairs bathroom.”
“What about it?”
“It’s utterly filthy. It’s got water puddles all over and the bathtub is
broken. To think you used to run a business on this lot.”
“And what do you want me to do about it?”
95. “I expect you to clean it up and fix that tub.”
“Are you outta your mind?”
“So that’s how it is. Is this nothing more than a sign of our future together?
A lay about man who doesn’t want to please his wife by taking care of the
very house he lives in?”
“No I don’t mean that. What I mean to say is, there are people who can
handle this. I’ll tell Rosie to take care of it. She might be old, but she’s a
genius. Gets it from my dad.”
“I see. And when she’s gone, then what?”
“Then I’ll hire people to take care of these things. You won’t have to lift a
finger. Alright?”
“Sounds wonderful.”
97. “So, have you thought of how to overcome that
problem yet?”
“Actually, I have thought of something.”
“And that would be?”
“I’ll tell you if it comes to it. For now, I’m just
going to settle with trying to get abducted
before going through with my plan.”
“As you wish, lover.”
98. “Actually, I did want to discuss something else. I
happened to notice that bookshelf you have in your
room. At first, I thought nothing of it, but then it struck
me that it will be wonderful to have such a literate
husband. Not often are there men who keep books so
close to the bed.”
99. “Bookshelf... Yes right. Literate. Well,
probably not in the sense of topics of popular
or well read books, but just my own, uh private
stash of reading... Material on music and the
like. Remember, I was a lead singer so, I just
wanted to know about others in my situation.
Before the whole heir thing ruined my plans.”
100.
101. “Well, it’s night time. Best I start my search for aliens again.”
“I’ll take my leave for the night. Just don’t forget to go through with
your plan if the time comes, Xerxes.”
“I will.”
And after this wonderful good-bye kiss I get to searching.
109. Ripp, “Is there a reason for you being here, Elmyra? Or do you just get your
kicks for walking into random people’s homes and dancing when they just
happen to have the stereo on.”
Elmyra, “Shut it, Ripp. I heard a good song that had a beat I can dance to.
But I came over for a good reason.”
110. Elmyra, “I just thought I’d stop by and thank you for doing a good job during
last night raid. You did an excellent job guarding the door without a
distraction.”
Ripp, “Excuse me?”
Elmyra, “Forget about it. Just wanted to tell you that thanks to our efforts
and a little help from my dearly departed friend, we’ve got the Servo in
custody. It’s just a shame we weren’t able to get Gargamel as well.”
111. Ripp, “Listen, Elmyra, I’m sorry about that kiss. It’s just came to me. And
you didn’t dismiss it either. If it makes you feel any better, I would have said
something to the lawyer, but...”
Elmyra, “You didn’t.”
Ripp, “You’re not going to hold a grudge against me are you?”
112. Elmyra, “Ripp, just keep an eye out for Gargamel. We need to bring him in
for questioning. For all we know, the servo could have been acting on it’s
own, but we need to know for sure.”
Ripp, “So you’re not going to hold a grudge.”
115. Elmyra, “Just don’t go doing something like
that again, on duty.”
Ripp, “On duty, gotcha. So that means you
must of felt something.”
Elmyra, “What?”
116. Ripp, “Tell you what, I’m free tomorrow night.
I know a place downtown we could go to. Let’s
say, seven? Seven sound good to you?”
117.
118. Elmyra, “Ripp...”
Ripp, “Yes?”
Elmyra, “What kind of woman do you think I
am?”
Ripp, “A lucky one.”
Elmyra, “Don’t you think you’re the one who
thinks he is lucky.”
Ripp, “Is that a yes?”
121. Buck, “Who was that?”
Ripp, “Tomorrow night at seven.”
Buck, “...”
Ripp, “Ok, her name is Elmyra. Co-worker.”
Buck, “Thought you swore off co-workers.”
Ripp, “Did I?”
122. Buck, “I’ll just leave you to your business, Ripp. I actually wanted to tell
you that Tank called.”
Ripp, “And why would I care?”
Buck, “Because he’s our brother. He hasn’t been stateside for nearly a
year now.”
Ripp, “So what? He wanted to follow dad’s footsteps. Let him. I’m just
happy for him.”
123. Buck, “I’ll just tell you anyway: he got promoted to captain recently and
they extended his tour.”
Ripp, “Great... Seriously, Buck, I don’t care.”
Buck, “Why not?”
Ripp, “I don’t need to tell you why I hate that brown noser when I’ve got a
perfectly good brother standing right in front of me. Besides, I thought I
was going to be driving you to the university today.”
Buck, “I know.”
124. Ripp, “Now unless you want me to retract my
hospitality by talking about Tank, then keep
talking. Though if you still want that ride, I
suggest you put on something besides your PJs
and get your stuff together. I got a date with
Ophelia tonight and I don’t want to be late.”
Buck, “Alright. I’ll grab my things.”
125. Ripp, “And Buck.”
Buck, “Yea?”
Ripp, “Don’t forget to get all your zombie stuff.
I don’t want the girls thinking I’m into your
hobby.”
Buck, “I won’t.”
