Basics to Counseling/Communication

1. Basic Attending Skills Summary
PD in Korea International School
By: Aysem Bray

2. Attention and consciousness are the foundations
on which we create an understanding of the
world. Together, they form the ground upon
which we build a sense of who we are, as we
define ourselves in relation to the myriad
physical and social worlds we inhabit.
They are also the basic functions that give rise to
“the mind.”
— John Ratey, M.D.

3. INTRODUCTION:
THE BASICS OF LISTENING
• If you use attending as indicated below, you can make the following
predictions
Predicted Result: Students talk
more freely and respond openly,
particularly around topics to which
Attending Behavior: Support
attention is given. Depending on
students with individually and
the individual student and culture,
culturally appropriate visuals,
anticipate fewer eye contact
vocal quality, verbal tracking,
breaks, a smoother vocal tone, a
and body language.
more complete story (with fewer
topic jumps), and a more
comfortable body language.

4. INTRODUCTION:
THE BASICS OF LISTENING (con’t)
Attending behavior is essential for human
communication, but we need to be prepared
for and expect individual and multicultural
differences

5. INSTRUCTIONAL READING:
• Attending translates as
genuine interest in
their story and issues.
It is an encouragement!
• Therefore, used as
discouragement too.
• Meanwhile you will
have a chance to note
and recognize students’
varying styles of
attending and • Listen before you leap!
interacting.

6. The Basics of Listening
• Visual / Eye
Contact
3xV+B • Vocal Qualities
• Verbal Tracking
• Body Language

7. Visual / Eye Contact
If you are going to talk to people, look at them.
• Observe cultural differences in
appropriate amounts of eye
contact.
• Maintain & break eye contact
as needed for specific results.
Asian eye contact
• Observe student’s pupil
dilation.
• Choose specific body language
for desired results.

8. Vocal Qualities
Your vocal tone and speech rate indicate clearly how you feel about another
person. Think of the many ways you can say “I am really interested in what
you have to say” just by altering your speech.
• Pitch
• Volume
• Rate
• Emphasis (verbal
underlining)
• Breaks and hesitations
• e-mails lack vocal quality!
Watch out!

9. Verbal Tracking
Don’t change the subject; stick with the student’s story.
• Identify range of student
concerns
• Note topic shifts
• Guide focus to critical
student concerns
• Observe your own and
student selective attention
• Watch out! Self
awareness causes speech
hesitations.

10. Body Language
Face the students squarely and lean slightly forward, have an expressive face, and use
facilitative, encouraging gestures. Be yourself—authenticity in attending is essential.
• Maintain culturally
appropriate distance.
• Note student
movements in relation
to you if you have no
idea about their cultural
distance.
• Note posture and when
posture shifts.
• Nose itching deep
thoughts

11. Intentional Nonattention
Through failure to maintain eye contact, subtle shifts in body
posture, vocal tone, and deliberate jumps to more positive
topics, you can facilitate the interview process.
When a student:
• Speaks about the same
subject over and over.
• Gives detailed and
repeating descriptions of
why ______ is wrong.
• Only wants to discuss
negative topics.
• Observe silence.

12. Speaking of
Silence...
• Students can’t talk
when you do.
• Silence can be the best
support.
– emotional expression.
– thought processes, etc.

13. USING ATTENDING IN CHALLENGING
SITUATIONS
• Mary:
… Even with all my experience with children, like other professionals,
sometimes I am at a loss as to what to do next. After some analysis, I
found that if I move back to my foundation in attending skills and
focused carefully on visuals, vocals, verbal following, and body language,
I could regain contact with even the most troubled child. Similarly, in
challenging situations with parents, I have at times found myself
returning to a focus on attending behavior, later adding the basic
listening sequence and other skills. Conscious attending has helped me
many times in involved situations. Attending is not a simple set of skills.
I train older students to work as school peer mediators and another
group to be peer tutors for younger children. I have found that using the
exercise at the beginning of this chapter on poor attending and then
contrasting it with good attending works well as an introductory
exercise…