The Blob of Hope by Katy Clark
Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born,
and the day you find out why.” But as far as I know, I wasn’t born, at some point I think I just
came into being. As for why, I will never know, because I cannot interact, only move and
observe. I’m never hungry, I’m never thirsty, I’m never tired, and I never need to go to the
bathroom, all I feel is loneliness. I don’t have an appearance because I do not appear. No one can
see me, not even I can see myself when I am in front of a mirror.
I can’t write poems, stories, or even questions, but I can think them. I have come up with
so many different stories inside my mind, and I love them all. I haven’t forgotten a single one. Its
how I make up for not knowing what it feels to be loved, and most of the time my imagination
does actually serve as a good replacement. But I have never known the love of a mother or a
brother, I have never known the love a father or a sister, I have never known the love of a friend
either, and worst of all, I have never known the love of a soul mate. Perhaps I never will… And
that is okay, because I do know what it is to love. I love everyone and everything. I am blessed to
be what I am, which I have come to refer to as a “Blob,” which also happens to be my name. I
see absolutely everything from an outsider’s perspective, and it is beautiful, so beyond beautiful
that there is no word for it, only awe.
So imagine my confusion when I witness war, violence, and death, and then see those
who perform these horrendous acts justify it with the concept of ‘good and evil,’ or with “It was
mine first, but he took it from me, so therefore he must die.” What is ‘good and evil’ but a
product of propaganda? These people think it is a cause they came up with, a cause that is their
own. It’s not though. They are only the pawns of groups of tiny ‘grown up’ children who think
they’re ultimately right, and anyone who disagrees should be put to death.
But what do I know? I am just a Blob. I don’t have a gender; I don’t even know how to
distinguish a human boy from a human girl. I am not them, maybe I just don’t understand
because I have not lived as they have. It goes the same way; they have no hopes of understanding
me either, even if they did know of my existence.
Despite the bad things that they have done, I think there is good in them. Through every
generation, even if it is an especially bad one, there are always those who step out of their
cultural norm, and do the right thing. And when they do, it is spectacular, it has the power to
bring everyone around them to their knees and be moved to follow them.
From what I can remember, the day I started existing was the year 1 A, D. So my
birthday, so to speak, would be January 1, 1, so in other words I am about 2014 years old. There
are times I forget how old I am, or even what age is in general. Why should I try to keep track if
I don’t actually have a set lifespan. I’m just here, and trust me it does not feel as ‘godly’ as it
sounds. I am like Pluto, I don’t have any reason for being, I just sit there not a true planet, but
bigger than useless space junk. I have no purpose.
I have given my opinion about my life, my opinion about humans, and the universe in
general, but the thing most people think about is life’s origin, and how everything started and
what religion is ‘correct.’ Most people would think that since I am over 2000 years old, that I
would know the answer to all of those mind blowing questions. I hate to disappoint you but I
don’t know either. The biggest, and perhaps only, similarity between me and humans is that we
are both unsure about what created us. I am certain about one thing however; there is some kind
of “God.” I don’t know the specifics, like what he is really called, or which religion properly
portrays him, but I have witnessed his power. If it even is a guy, it could be a girl for all I know,
it could be a they. I just don’t know. But one cannot be an atheist, after seeing what I have seen.
Humans seem to think they are the only creatures created with brains. If they could see
through my eyes, if I had eyes that is, they would know that they’re wrong. I have observed
turtles talk, wolves whine, coral complain, and buffalo build. The only groups of people who
seem to see things like I do are the American Indians, and they were killed by the ignorant
puritans whose logic was, “because I don’t understand them, they are uncivilized. Therefore it is
my duty to correct them.” Those settlers killed the only people on the planet to truly see
intelligence in nature.
I don’t actually get bored easily, in all my years, I have never had a single day that bored
me. So needless to say it does not take much to capture my interest, you’d be shocked at the kind
of things that interest me. What I love most, above all else, is learning. With each year new
things are discovered or thought of that were passed off as everyday and unimportant. There is so
much in the universe that can be learned, that even 2000 years isn’t enough time to learn it all.
The thing about learning that most of mankind doesn’t understand is that it shapes one in ways
that cannot be put into words. Its how someone grows, not physically or even mentally, but into
whom they are as a person. Books shape your morals and your way of thinking, but facts shape
your understanding of everything. Everything is amazing. The sad thing is it takes me longer to
learn things, especially if it is out of a book because I am incapable of turning the pages, I have
to find people who are reading the book I need, and I get easily distracted.
While I wait for things to happen, I often travel around the earth, looking, looking for
reasons. As I said before I am detached from everything, I have no friends, and I literally can’t
make any changes to the environment. I honestly have no purpose; even survival is not an issue.
So far I haven’t found a specific purpose to be my own, but I think I might have come close.
A purpose is not just a reason for existing. It’s also a cause to believe in, something that
makes you happy and motivates you to enact it. It could be healing others physically or
emotionally, it could be inventing ways and objects that help society, it could be to discover the
undiscovered and to explore the unexplored, a purpose could be anything that pulls on one's
About 40 years ago I had been observing a man named James Mitch, an 18 year old black
man. He was different from all the other African Americans in his town. All of them retaliated
when a white person treated them wrongly. No matter how bad the person was, if it even
sounded slightly like they meant them harm, they would be badly injured, but not James. James
was peaceful, and even if a white person attacked him, he would not lift even a finger to defend
himself... And when it was over he would say, “I love you, whatever reason you have for your
cruel actions, whatever made you this way, it’s going to be okay. Because even though you don’t
think I am a person, I think that you are a person, a person who needs and wants to be loved.”
This shocked and confused everyone around him, especially those who were mean to him. And
sometimes they would even burst into tears, because more often than not, James was right.
One day however, James’ friends were jealous of him. They could not understand why
out of all of them, he was the only one who was rarely ever targeted by the white men. They
thought that if they couldn’t all be treated fairly by them, none would. So they plotted to murder
a well known and loved man among the white people and frame James for the crime. James often
made a stop by the man’s house because his mother used to be a nanny for the children who
lived there, and James had developed a close friendship with them. So one day he came up to the
family’s house and knocked on the door several times. But no one would answer. The more time
that passed, the more worried and concerned James became. So eventually he decided to peek in
through the window. What he saw horrified him. Both of the children, only 8 years old were
lying dead on the floor, covered in blood.
James threw all of his weight against the door and ran to their side. “Lily, Gregory! Get
up! Stop with these foolish shenanigans!” He screamed at them through teary eyes and shook
them violently. James sat there for a long time, swallowed up in his grief. Eventually he gathered
enough strength to stand and check the rest of the house for what he suspected would be the
children’s parents’ bodies. He was right.
When he came upon their limp bodies he fell to his knees and screamed. They were just
as much his parents and his siblings as his own mother was. They were the only family to treat
him like a person right from the start. And now they were dead. The pain inside him must have
been excruciating, because when the police came along with several other furious and grief
stricken friends and family, he didn’t even notice when they beat him. He didn’t notice when
they cuffed him. He didn’t notice when they yelled in his ear. He only noticed when a gun was
pointed right in his face.
“I love you, whatever reason you have for your cruel actions, whatever made you this
way, and it’s going to be okay. Because even though you don’t think I am a person, I think that
you are a person, a person who needs and wants to be loved.” He managed to choke out these
last words in between sobs, just before a bullet was shot right into the center of his brain.
This moment has been a key point for me. This man had, throughout his life, loved
everyone. I have been exposed to many moments throughout recorded history in which humans
have done unspeakable things to each other. I have seen pirates rape and pillage towns. I have
seen Germans torture Jews and put them into horrible internment camps.
] This man has proved that an otherwise horrible race of creatures can change. It is only a
matter of finding those who are the exception.
Sometimes I experience glimpses of a past- my past before recorded history. It's strange.
I almost think that I used to be a person. From what I can grasp at, before my blobyness, my
name was Pandora.
For the past decade I have been studying Greek mythology and trying to get a grasp at
who and what I am, as well as arouse some more flashbacks. Last year I came across a myth
about "Pandora's Box."
A girl, Pandora was assigned to guard a box with all of the worst things in the universe
inside. Inside the box were manifestations of the seven deadly sins; Pride, Lust, Gluttony, Greed,
Envy, Anger, and Sloth. With all of their power, even combined, they could not escape the box.
Not without help. So for centuries they focused their power and endlessly tempted Pandora.
Pride appeared to her as a reflection of herself. Pride infected her mind and filled her with
confidence, and she began to believe no one else in existence was as powerful as her, and
therefore no one else was capable of doing her job. Her own pride became so great she started to
think that if the manifestations ever did escape, that she could destroy them.
Lust came to her every night and tempted her with the idea that, if she released them,
then she could be "companions" with them forever.
Greed promised her great wealth and eternal success in anything she did. Gluttony cursed
her with an eternal hunger for food, and told her it would only end if she released them.
Envy infected her with jealous thoughts of everyone around her who was not burdened
with such a wearisome task as hers. Anger set into her bones and filled every part of her being.
Resentment began to resonate within her like never before. She snapped at anyone who tried to
befriend her and, before long, she had no one.
The last, Sloth, made her extremely lazy. The idea of having to be burdened with this task
for eternity became almost too much.
All of this temptation however, was no match for her, because she knew what would
happen if she opened the box. All hell would break loose.
Still something more dwelled within the box. Something that Pandora could not
understand. It was more powerful than even the gods that created the box. It wasn't always there
though. It developed and grew overtime.
As it grew it seemed to communicate with Pandora. It showed her a great many things,
none of them bad. They were all beautiful. So beautiful that it brought Pandora to tears. It was of
humanity, and what they were truly capable of.
As more time passed and this entity gained in strength, Pandora and this thing became close
friends. Soon enough this entity could project itself in front of her. For the first time ever,
Pandora knew what it felt like to have a true friend. Soon Pandora decided that whatever this
thing was, it needed a name, so she named it "Hope."
One of Pandora's skills was to watch humanity. It was what she did when she wasn't
talking to Hope. After a while a thought crept into Pandora's mind. Life, as it was then, seemed
very dry and meaningless to her. It wasn't just her imagination either, for she had the ability to
empathize and sense others emotions. They were not good ones. It was all either despair or just
boredom. This knowledge was the greatest burden of all for Pandora. The temptations were
nothing to her, she was chosen because of her resilience to them.
For awhile Hope's presence helped dull the burden. But it only grew. Eventually Pandora
mustered up the courage to talk to Hope about it. After a long conversation Hope and Pandora
decided that humanity would be better off if Hope was available to everyone. Even with all of
Hope's power, she could not project to everyone without being outside the box. But at the same
time opening the box would unleash the worst kind of hell imaginable.
Hope told Pandora that it was up to her, but that she should not take this lightly. So
Pandora thought about it for a long, long time. Then one night Pandora had an epiphany. She
realized that she loved humanity. And she immediately knew what she would be willing to do for
them. Back then magic was more real than it would ever be, and Love was the most powerful
form of magic in the universe. It could change the course of history. Pandora's epiphany revealed
to her the real reason why she was supposed to guard the box. Pandora was the purest
manifestation of Love in all of creation.
So Pandora opened the box. Horrified with what she had done The Creators came to
Pandora in a dream. They were not angry though. Only sad. They told her she would have to
sacrifice herself to save humanity from the consequence of the sin that was released. They told
her that Hope was not strong enough on her own to protect humanity from the evil. But if
Pandora fused herself with Hope then humanity would have a chance. And that is what
But doing this didn't completely destroy Pandora. It only wiped her memory and sent her
to another time in a different form. No one knew that she had not died; even the gods believed
that she had died. Most of Pandora’s essence that night transferred to Hope, and strengthened
her. None of the manifestations had a true form; they were only seen by Pandora because that is
often what it took to tempt her. But as soon as the box was opened they all dispersed, including
Hope. From then on all of the 7 deadly sins lived within each person and tempted them
constantly; however different sins were suited better to different people.
In an effort to help dull the temptation, Hope set herself within all of humanity and
started what would be an endless battle within humanity to rule as the controlling desire. After
all of this there was still “leftovers” of each manifestation that roamed the earth.
After months of research, I have finally found a location that might prove this myth right.
Which is where I am now, Right now I am at the peak of Mount Abuna Yosef. At the very top of
the mountain is a shrine that appears as close to Greek as it can get, despite the location. There
are markings on the sides of the shrine; pictures telling the story of Pandora. At first I don’t
know what I’m looking for, but as soon as I see it, I know I have found what I have been
searching for; Pandora’s Box.
Aside from the lock and intricate designs on the box, it’s not that complex, or outstanding
for that matter. But there is something strange about it. The closer I get to it the stronger the
feeling gets. Almost like I’m… vibrating. Finally I’m close enough to where, if I had a body, I
could reach out and touch it. Except this time I actually can touch it! The one thing in the
universe that I can touch!
I hold the box with arms I didn’t know I had. I am physically shaking now, and if I could
see my reflection, I guess I would also be glowing. And I am. I remember everything now. I am
Pandora. This is my box. This is my shrine. I hear a random voice behind me. It says, “Open it.”
Suddenly it gets too bright for me to make anything out, so I turn away, and when I turn
back, there are very large beings in front of me. I know them as the Greek gods. They look like
what you would expect them to, but they act more human than I had anticipated. Instead of
booming voices they had soft ones, and instead of acting superior and having that “holier than
thou” demeanor, they carried themselves like relatives at a family reunion. I guess that makes
sense since they are all related, but I sort of expected them to be more reserved and god-like. The
whole family of gods was standing before me as if I were a long lost friend. I guess in a way, I
am. But it has been so long it feels as if I were meeting them for the first time.
Zeus spoke for them, with a happy tone he said, “It has been too long Pandora. We
believed you were dead!” He continued solemnly, “I am afraid your sacrifice was in vain, for
small manifestations of evil still roam the earth and tempt humanity to do evil deeds. I’m also
afraid to tell you that Hope poured all of herself into humanity and, even with her tremendous
power, it still wasn’t enough.”
“It was all for not?” I say as I start to feel a sickening feeling in what should be my
stomach. “I’ve spent the last 2014 years trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is,
and now that I have finally gotten there, I learn that all of it was meaningless!” The pain in the
center of my blobyness swells tremendously. “I have been on my own and cut off from any kind
of human interaction my whole life, and when I finally learn that I do actually have a friend, I
find out that I’ll never get to talk to her!” The gods simultaneously frown, but say nothing.
Instead they leave, saying that I clearly need some time to process this. In a big flash of light,
I carry the box and place myself just before the edge. It is a beautiful view, even in
comparison with the many other beautiful things that I have seen, and that is saying something.
Being a blob of useless energy I cannot actually scream or thrash around, but I can shake and
expel a great amount of physical energy at my surroundings. That is what I do. But the more I do
this the angrier and frustrated me become. Soon I am expelling so much energy that the ground
begins to shake and rumble as if it was an earthquake. But it’s not, it’s me. Now I can’t stop even
if I wanted to, which I don’t by the way. The longer I remain like this the less stable I became,
until finally the top of the mountain blows off and hot molten lava spews out of the newly made
Finally I am able to snap out of it, but even after I stop, the lava continues to flow. It
quickly pours out of the mountain and draws closer and closer to the small villages at the base. I
have never felt what I feel now. The ultimate combination of guilt, pain and regret. What have I
done? They’re going to die! But I can’t affect anything! I’m just a blob! Oh gods what have I
done?! I just sent thousands of people into the hands of death himself, and the worst is there is
nothing I can do to stop it.
I cry. I can’t cry, I don’t have tear ducts. So how am I crying? For the first time in over
2000 years, I am crying and screaming and wailing and making noise. Noise that I know is
audible. But I don’t notice, because another memory of Hope comes back to me.
We’re sitting cross-legged in front of the shrine talking about a great many random
things. Then a thought occurs to me. How is she here in front of me if she is trapped in the box?
“Hope if you are just a manifestation, how are you here? How come you can hold and
carry things? You’re just energy.” I ask her curiously.
“Well, Pandora, manifestations normally cannot affect their surroundings, even when
they are not trapped in a box. But when they do, they either have to exert a lot of energy, which
is very reckless and less easily controlled. Or they have to know in their minds and hearts what
they love most, what that love feels like, and what they would do for it. That’s on a big scale, for
picking things up just carrying them; they have to focus on how much they want it.”
Since it is all I’ve got, I do what she says, and immediately I know what I love most in
this world, humanity. It’s the strongest feeling I have and will ever feel and has been inside me
since the day I was born. I would do anything for them; this calamity is not their fault. I let this
feeling grow as I picture the new volcano swallowing the lava back up and the top of the
mountain reasserting itself, sealing away the destruction forever. As I do this I start to feel a deep
energy grow larger and larger inside of me. I feel myself start to glow, brighter and brighter until
finally even I have to look away. Before long I sense that all is right again and slowly release the
energy in slow short bursts until I am back to my normal blobby self.
I open my eyes. What I see is the most beautiful and amazing thing I have ever seen. Not
only is the mountain back to normal, but the whole landscape as far as the eye can see, is
glowing and in full bloom.
It is in that moment, May 24, 2014 at exactly 12 in the afternoon that I truly realize why I
was born. Not old human Pandora me, but blob me. Manifestation me. I finally know why I was
born. I am a manifestation of not just love, not just hope, but a manifestation of both hope and
the purest love rolled into one. I was born, to love, protect, guide, and show humanity that there's
still hope for them.
Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born,
and the day you find out why.” Today is the other most important day in my life.
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