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Self esteem
- 1. SELF-ESTEEM FOR Women’s Center of Jacksonville Learning for Leadership Program 1
- 2. WHAT DOES SELF-ESTEEM HAVE TO DO WITH LEADERSHIP? Before you can start to lead others, you must know and be assured of yourself and your worth. 2 What do you bring to the world? What do you bring to your interactions with others? How do others perceive and respond to you?
- 3. WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM? 3 The Psychology Dictionary defines self-esteem as: The degree to which the qualities contained in our self- concept are seen to be positive. Reflects a person’s image of [her] self and accomplishments http://psychologydictionary.org/self-esteem/ Select Pause to select the hyperlink.
- 4. WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM? 4 Here is another simple definition of self-esteem, along with ideas you may wish to consider. View the video here Select Pause to select the hyperlink.
- 5. HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM 5 Characteristics of healthy self-esteem include: Self-acceptance Security Happiness and fulfillment Taking responsibility Unconditional love relationships Looking within for answers
- 6. UNHEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM Characteristics of unhealthy self-esteem include: Critical of self and others Love/hate relationships Unhappy and unfulfilled Blame Looking to others for answers 6
- 7. SOURCE OF SELF-ESTEEM Where does self-esteem come from? Messages about self received in childhood Criticism Family relationships Social status Messages internalized to self-image Mirror theory I understand myself through what others reflect to me. Messages mostly subconscious, rarely questioned. 7
- 8. MESSAGE EXAMPLES What were some negative messages about yourself received from well-meaning family, friends, and teachers? Examples may be: You are lazy You are hyperactive You are too fat/short/tall You are rude/disobedient You are a sinner You will never be a scholar 8 The list goes on…
- 9. INNER CRITIC Internalized messages become inner critic Unconscious and unquestioned beliefs Not factual, but judgmental statements Create feelings of helplessness, low self-worth Can cause self-sabotage 9
- 10. SILENCING THE INNER CRITIC The secret weapon is truth. Messages from others are judgments, not facts. 10 Judgment Factual Truth You are fat. I am 5’3 and weigh 175 lbs. You are a klutz. I sometimes lose my balance and stumble. You can’t do anything. I can’t do everything. I can do some things, and they are… You are stupid. I don’t know all the answers. You don’t even try. I do the best I can in the moment.
- 11. RECAP The basis for leadership is our own image of ourselves and to what extent we see our qualities as positive. Healthy self-esteem means self-acceptance, taking responsibility, forming healthy relationships, and making good decisions. Self-image is originally based on the judgmental messages we receive from others in childhood. We have the power to examine those messages and determine our own truths. We can use the facts to gain a more balanced perspective on ourselves and change or accept our personal traits and qualities. 11 All images courtesy of Microsoft Office Online
Editor's Notes
- To be a leader means giving all you’ve got. Leadership requires bringing the fullness of yourself to bear with conscious understanding and good decision-making. The first step in becoming a leader is to identify the traits and qualities you bring to the world and to the present-moment situation. This empowers you to choose solutions that only you can bring and to more successfully interact with others without fear or judgment. The way you think of and express yourself influences how others think of you and respond to you. This week we will talk about self-esteem: the foundation of the self-worth that enables you to be a positive role model and self-advocate, and empowering you to make decisions as a leader. When you finish with this lesson, you will be able to control and increase your self-esteem and distinguish factual from judgmental statements.
- There are many definitions of self-esteem. Overall, it describes how much you like and value yourself. Each of us has qualities we have claimed, or approved of, and qualities we have not yet claimed because we fear or dislike those qualities. Select the link for this definition from the Psychology Dictionary, along with some potentially useful ideas.
- This is another simple definition of self-esteem. When you visit this link, consider subscribing to their channel for short videos like this one as a resource on your path.
- To what extent do these characteristics apply to you? Are you happy with yourself, your relationships, and the state of your life? These are signs that you love and honor yourself. It indicates that you have founds the parts of yourself that you love and have come to terms with at least most of the parts of yourself that you do not like or have not claimed. This reflects itself in what you choose for yourself and in the results of those decisions.
- Notice that the first characteristic of unhealthy self-esteem is “critical of self and others.” If you want to find the parts of yourself that you have not claimed, listen to what you criticize others for. We judge others most harshly for the things we most dislike in ourselves. You might have heard the expression, “every time you point a finger, three fingers point back at you.” This also means that when others judge or criticize you, they are motivated mostly by a negative judgment of that quality in themselves.
- As women, we have taken in a lot of judgment and blame over the course of our lives. We have come to believe some of what was said to us by our parents, our grandparents, others kids on the playground, our teachers, our girlfriends, our boyfriends, and our siblings. These judgments play on the tape inside our head and, unless we look consciously at our beliefs about self, become what we believe about ourselves and play in a loop in our minds.
- What were the judgments you heard from family, friends, and teachers growing up? These judgments don’t usually serve us. Instead, they create problems for us. They encourage us to not believe in ourselves and our own worth. They lead us to be less than we are. We have learned negative judgments about ourselves and others and pulling these negative judgments back really helps us to live a healthier life within ourselves and our relationships with others.
- When we were young children, we were like sponges and just soaked up what we were told and believed it without questioning. Negative or hurtful judgments originated with that person’s judgments about him-or herself through judgments and hurt they experienced. We all come from what we have learned and experienced. However, they cause us to feel hurt, less-than, or helpless, and become the inner critic whose job is to sabotage us and our well-being. So let’s look at those messages and how we can get beyond them.
- Take a few minutes to think about a new way to consider yourself and others. What about the possibility, “At any given moment we each do the best we can”? Say it to yourself: “I am always doing the best I can.” Think about it for a moment. Is it true? How? If you don’t believe that, why not? Behind every judgment you have heard lies a factual truth. You can access these truths to get a clearer, more accurate picture of yourself and change the things you think need changing, or rest assured that you are okay with the things that don’t. This week, we’ll work more with this idea converting the judgments we each have heard into truths. Are you ready for the truth to set you free?
- So to wrap up what we have learned about self-esteem, it is the basis of leadership, which requires us to bring the fullness of ourselves. Self-esteem is healthy when we accept ourselves and all our qualities, take responsibility for our decisions and our lives, and form healthy relationships. Although we were only children when our self images formed, we can examine that image to distinguish the truth and move forward with a more balanced view of all our traits and qualities to determine what we contribute to the world. Close this presentation and open your journal to practice converting negative messages and judgments to a more accurate self-image.