Social Networking Impact

Bank Street School for Children Parents Association Technology Committee


Outline
of
the
Event ................................................................................................................ 3

The
Panel
of
Experts
and
Moderator ................................................................................ 3

Article
by
Dr.
Philip
Brown .................................................................................................. 4

Letter
by
Dr.
Buffy
Smith....................................................................................................... 6

Research
Findings
by
Kimberlee
Salmond ..................................................................... 9

Common
Sense
Media
on
Facebook ................................................................................10

Common
Sense
Media
on
Protecting
Privacy...............................................................12

Common
Sense
Media
on
Social
Networking ...............................................................14

List
of
Related
Web
Sites.....................................................................................................16

Technology
Use
at
Bank
Street
School
for
Children
Policy .....................................16


Outline
of
the
Event

7:00 – 7:05: Introduction by Stan Brimberg, The Upper School Coordinator

7:05-10:00: Introduction by Ayelet Segal, Chair of PA Technology Committee

7:10-7:25: Presentation by Kimberlee Salmond, Senior Researcher at The Girl Scouts Research
Institute. Presenting recent findings regarding the impact of social networking on girls.

7:25-7:35: Safety tips for parents presented by Charles Roos, SFC parent and an Internet Safety
expert

7:35-8:25: Panel of experts on The Impact of Social Networking on Children

8:25-9:00: Q&A

The
Panel
of
Experts
and
Moderator

1. Dr. Philip Brown is the Executive Director of the New Jersey Center for Character Education at
Rutgers University, an expert regarding cyber bulling. Please find below an article about the subject
written by Dr. Philip Brown.

2. Charles Roos (SFC parent) who is an Internet Safety expert kindly agreed to be on the panel.
<http://www.charlesroos.com>

3. Barton Gellman (SFC parent) who is writing about Technology and Privacy issues kindly agreed to
be an expert on the panel. Please see his website: <http://www.time.com/counterspy>

4. Kimberlee Salmond is a Senior Researcher at Girl Scout Research Institute. She recently
conducted a study on the impact of social networking on the lives of 1,000 girls. Please see the
website: http://www.girlscouts.org/research/ or scroll below to see the major findings.

5. Dr. Buffy Smith, our Upper School Psychologist would kindly join us as an expert on the panel.
Please find below a letter from Buffy regarding Cyber Bullying.

6. Wendy Apfel, our school Technology Coordinator would kindly join us as an expert on the panel.

7. Edo Segal (SFC parent) agreed to be the moderator for the panel. Please see his website:
<http://www.edosegal.com/>


Article
by
Dr.
Philip
Brown

HUMILIATION, BULLYING AND CARING IN SCHOOL COMMUNITIES

© Philip M. Brown, Ph.D. Director New Jersey Center for Character Education Graduate School of
Applied and Professional Psychology Rutgers University

Note prepared for the Workshop on Humiliation and Violent Conflict, Columbia University, New York,
November 18-19, 2004.

Guilt, humiliation and shame, like most aspects of our emotional life, take place in a social context.
In guilt, the self focuses on a behavior that is an interruption of positive social flow: one fells that a
certain standard has not been met. When I feel guilty, I sense that I have done something that has
failed to meet someone’s standard that I implicitly or explicitly accept. I have myself in tow, and
understand my situation and defend myself or even admit I have wronged and move on with my
day. Humiliation however requires another person to raise a question regarding the adequacy of my
self in the role in which I am acting. If I am speeding, I may feel guilty about my son watching me
break the law, but I have the support of many around me who are doing the same thing. However,
when I am pulled over by the police for the same behavior and told that I am driving unwisely and
risking the safety of those in my car and other drivers as well, I am humiliated. If my fast driving
causes a serious accident in which someone else is injured, I feel the pain of shame; I am not just a
bad driver, but also an unworthy person; the self becomes the object as well as the subject.

School is the most powerful public social context for young people, and it is here that the struggle
to form a positive social identity tests the resources and sense of self that children and adolescents
bring with them to the daily fray. In general, children’s striving for a sense of belonging,
competence and autonomy are promoted by positive, supportive interactions with adults and other
children during the school day and diminished or undermined by experiences of humiliation. Because
school is a social system defined by rules, boundaries and memes that need to be supported to
survive, there must be negative, socially painful consequences for violations or discrepant behaviors
that threaten the coherence of the system and the authority of those whose role it is to sustain it.

In this context, humiliation and the fear of being shamed can serve as powerful emotional tools for
shaping social behavior as children receive instruction, produce work products, move through
hallways and eat together. When humiliation becomes endemic, a classroom, gym class or
lunchroom can become a shaming environment, ruled by anger and aggression and a constant
concern for emotional and physical safety. Good schools, however, find ways to become
communities of caring, where values of mutual respect, trust, responsibility and citizenship are
reinforced through school policies, rules and interdependent, supportive, appreciative behaviors.

Bullying is one of the most common behaviors for maintaining authority and enhancing social status
for both adults and children in schools. Bulling can be defined as instances

1

in which the core ethical value of respect for the integrity and dignity of the other person is
questioned or denied through various forms of humiliation. Bullying is aggressive behavior that is
intentional, repeated over time, and involves an imbalance of power or strength. A child who is
being bullied repeatedly typically has a hard time defending him or herself. Bullying can take forms


such as:

• Physical bullying, (hitting); • V erbal bullying, (teasing); • Nonverbal or
emotional bullying, (such as social exclusion); and • Cyber bulling, (sending insulting messages by
e-mail). 1

In many schools bullying behavior is a sort of incipient or undiagnosed pernicious social virus that
symbiotically feeds on the social arrangements that support the roles of those in authority and
serves as a means for accessing higher social status. In toxic school environments, control through
humiliation and bulling can sew the seeds of violence, as well.

Bullying can be seen when the teacher draws attention to those in the classroom who have
miserably failed an exam, thus making it clear that teacher status is more important than learning
supports. It can be seen when teachers ridicule students to enforce behavioral rules and when they
use the teacher’s lounge as way to set and enforce norms among other teachers that protect their
rights to determine what matters in the expenditure of time and effort.

For kids, it is frequently the cliquish atmosphere of rejection and humiliation that makes a
significant minority of students, (surveys indicate about ay 15-25 percent) very unhappy. As Elliot
Aronson2 puts it: If kids at the top of the social status pyramid start calling a kid a nerd, then the
kids in the second tier of cliques may also begin to tease him because as a way of identifying with
the powerful group. Social rejection that is coupled by humiliation and bullying is like having a
contagious disease because other students become afraid of losing social standing themselves if
they hang out with you.

When such social derision becomes pervasive, it can become so painful that some students seriously
contemplate taking their own lives. A handful do attempt or complete suicide, and some become
angry enough to lash out at their fellow students almost randomly, as has been the case in some of
the most tragic episodes of violence in American schools in the last decade in Columbine, Colorado
and Paducah, Kentucky.

Students who are the targets of repeated bullying behavior can, and often do, experience extreme
fear and stress:

• Fear of going to school • Fear of using the school bathroom • Fear of the bus ride to and
from school

1Take a Stand. Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now! Campaign (U.S. Dept. of HHS) 2

Elliot Aronson, Nobody Left to Hate, 2002

2

• Physical symptoms of illness • Diminished ability to learn3

There are alternatives to schools with this kind of toxic social organization. Schools which root their
policies and practices in agreed upon core ethical in which mutual respect and shared responsibility
for the culture of the school are paramount can become communities of caring and safe places
conducive to learning and growth. In such schools the most frequent and common disciplinary
issues are dealt with openly, honestly and with a way for the perpetrator to make amends or come
up with a plan to change the behavior next time. Programs that assist school leaders to change
their school culture and practices with these goals in mind are increasing common and rely on the
philosophical foundations of character education and the research base of social-emotional learning
as their structure.


The evidence-based Social Decision Making/Problem Solving Program4, for example, teaches
students to use ‘hassle logs’ to describe an issue that they need to resolve, need help with or need
to think about. Students who have committed a infraction of classroom rules or have interpersonal
problems they want to explore are referred to or self-refer to a problem solving lab where they go
through a self-guided set of specific social-emotional reflections on their situation and work through
problem-solving and goal-setting steps under adult supervision and support until they are ready to
rejoin their classmates.

Another research-based program, the Caring School Community, features a classroom environment
which engages students in conversations about fairness, respect, responsibility, and concern for
others while building positive relationships among students and between teachers and students.
Program tools assist students to learn planning, decision-making, and problem-solving related to
classroom life. Research has shown that successful implementation results in:

• Greater liking for school and class • Greater enjoyment of helping others learn • Greater
empathy and concern for others • More frequent acts of altruism • Stronger motivation to be
kind and helpful • Stronger feelings of social competence • More sophisticated conflict
resolution skills • Higher general self-esteem5

Witnessing schools in which positive relationships, appreciation, celebration of diversity and a sense
of connectedness and common mission dominate everyday life leave one with hope that the
pervasive use of humiliation, which is so common in many schools, can be overcome.

3Take a Stand. Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now! Campaign (U.S. Dept. of HHS) 4
http://130.219.58.44/sdm/ 5 http://www.devstu.org/csc/index.html

Letter
by
Dr.
Buffy
Smith

Dear Upper School Parents,

Here are some thoughts and guidelines with regard to responding to your child’s concerns about
teasing or bullying:

Keep the Lines of Communication Open: First and foremost, when your child brings a concern about
teasing or bullying to your attention, an appropriate first response on your part, as a parent, is a
celebration (or, at least an internal one) of the fact that your child is turning to you and talking to
you about a very difficult topic. You will want to be mindful of how you respond, and your first
priority will be to keep the lines of communication open. That probably means that you will not
want to overreact, or respond in a judgmental way, or jump to conclusions, or move too quickly
from listening to advising. Initially, your goal will be to keep the conversation going, both in this
moment, and over time, and to listen, in as supportive and encouraging a way as you can muster.

Consider Point-of-View: Second, as you listen to your child, be mindful of the fact that you are
getting your child’s take on a situation, and not necessarily the full picture. This isn’t to say that
your child would intentionally misrepresent a social situation in which he is involved, but rather, to
keep in mind that all of us are apt to see situations from our own unique perspectives. This is one
reason that communication with school will be so important; more about that later.

It will also be important to keep in mind that whatever is happening to your child is happening to
her, and not to you. That is, try not to make assumptions, try to reserve reactions until you


understand what your child is telling you. And try to get a sense of what the experience evokes
emotionally for your child, before you impose emotions of your own.

Yikes! There’s a Positive Side to It! Whatever is happening, and no matter how upsetting or
emotionally laden it is, consider this: teasing or bullying, like many other tough experiences and
situations in life, represents an opportunity for problem solving. As hard as the situation may be, it
will be helpful to your child for you to project a positive attitude that says, “We will tackle this, there
are ways that we can work on this, this can get better, together we can fix this.” Remember: in
addition to your child needing help to resolve this particular situation, she also needs help to learn
how to approach situations like this as they occur throughout the rest of her life. As her parent, you
need to keep your eye on both of these goals.

Parsing the Problem: So, approach the teasing or bullying situation as a problem to be taken on,
and, over time, talk with your child about attacking it on several fronts. Talk about communication
with the school, about what your child can do to help himself, about what you can do to help him.
If your child is reporting to you a situation in which he is not being directly targeted himself, you
can talk with him about what role he might take, and how he might act as an ally to a peer.

Be Aware of the Balance: In a situation in which a child is being teased or bullied, or feels that she
is, it is essential to be in communication with school. Often this is not so straightforward, however,
for both developmental and situational reasons. Your Upper School early adolescent or adolescent
child may be hesitant to involve you directly in her life at school. This does not mean that you can’t
still be helpful; it does mean that you need to proceed with sensitivity. You might shape this by
asking your child questions like: “This is something people at school need to know; who is the adult
at school you feel comfortable talking with about this? Would you like me to give someone at
school a heads up? Shall we go together and speak with your teacher directly? I hear you saying
that you want to handle this on your own; I think that is a very good first step. Who will you speak
to, what do you plan to say?”

Your child may be hesitant to talk to someone at school because she thinks that no one will be able
to help, or because she is embarrassed, or because she feels that telling may backfire. It’s
important to hear your child out and not to minimize these concerns. But it is also important to
help your child move forward from these, and to determine ways in which she can proceed and
share information safely and privately at school. It is important to empower your child; she needs
to hear that it is not okay to go to school feeling fearful and targeted, and that a first step is to
identify a trusted adult at school who can help.

The Play (Is Often) the Thing: In addition to enlisting the help of school, it is also important and
appropriate to talk with your child about how to handle a difficult teasing or bullying situation in the
moment. Many children are helped by having rehearsed lines, a script she can evoke and use. It is
okay to encourage your child to stick up for herself in this way. It is also appropriate to talk with
your child about the range of options that are available to her in a given situation, including talking
back, using humor, ignoring and walking away, or eliciting immediate help from an adult or from
peers. It is also helpful to talk with your child about avoiding a situation or “buddying up” in
situations in which she may feel unsafe or vulnerable.

Allies and Bystanders: We often talk about how a person who is not directly involved in a teasing or
bullying situation can become involved in support of a targeted child. You can discuss this with your
child, too, and again, it is important to legitimize whatever concerns emerge about playing this role.
Children can struggle mightily with a desire to stand up for someone who is being targeted, on the
one hand, and with fear of negative fallout or social stigmatization, on the other. It is important to
acknowledge this conflict, and to empower your child to not only make a good decision, but to


strategize about how to implement it. Statistically, bullying incidents are reduced by 50% when
bystanders stand up and say, “No!”

And Three More Points: First, while teasing or bullying is intolerable, and all children are entitled to
feel safe at school, situations in which children are mean to each other are not always as
straightforward as a “bad” child targeting a “good” one. Issues of power and control are part of
growing up, and all children go through periods over the course of development in which they
experiment with the wielding of social power, with exclusion and inclusion, with joining and
prohibiting. These behaviors are normal and important experiences in the course of developing a
sense of self, empathy, self-regulation, and a sense of social responsibility. Behaviors that hurt
others cry out, of course, for adult intervention, but they are not always pathological, and they do
not necessarily define who a child is, or who he is becoming.

Second, children who are targeted may come to believe that they are because there is something
different or wrong with them, and it is in this context that teasing or bullying is harmful to self-
esteem. In a situation in which your child is unjustly targeted, it is important to actively reassure
him that he is not to blame and not at fault. And of course, it is important to continue to take
advantage of all opportunities to authentically bolster your child’s positive sense of himself
throughout development and across venues.

And last, when children turn to their parents for help and support in difficult situations, they observe
and absorb every aspect of that adult’s response. A situation involving teasing or bullying is always
difficult and emotional for all concerned, but it is also an opportunity for parents to act as role
models for their children, and to demonstrate in behavior as well as in words both a passionate
desire to help them, and an ability to enact a sound, calm, and collaborative approach to solving a
very thorny problem.

We are all here for your child and you, and you may feel free to get in touch with any teacher,
administrator or me to help you through a difficult problem.

Yours,

Buffy


Research
Findings
by
Kimberlee
Salmond


Common
Sense
Media
on
Facebook


Common
Sense
Media
on
Protecting
Privacy


Common
Sense
Media
on
Social
Networking


List
of
Related
Web
Sites

1. http://www.commonsensemedia.org

2. http://www.theonlinemom.com

3. http://www.RespectU.com

4. http://www.schoolclimate.org/programs

5. An article by The NY Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/21/technology/21brain.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=growing%20up%
20digital&st=cse

6. http://www.tweenparent.com

Technology
Use
at
Bank
Street
School
for
Children
Policy

STUDENT GUIDELINES, CONDITIONS, RULES AND

ACCEPTABLE USE AGREEMENT FOR

TECHNOLOGY USE AT BANK STREET SCHOOL FOR CHILDREN

Technology provides wonderful tools that can give us access to information from all over the world
and the ability to communicate in more ways. We can exchange ideas about our studies and find
answers to our questions. We can collect a wide variety of information that can help us better
understand the depth and breadth of an issue. Since the tools are powerful and since they may
be used also for entertainment and to move personal goals forward, we have be behave
responsibly with them. This is especially important in a shared environment like the School for
Children.

Below is a list of rules for using computers during the school day and after school in classrooms,
computer labs and in the library. The items that concern how computers are used pertain also to
computers that are brought to school by students (#1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10). Please read the
agreement, sign it and return it to your teacher.


1. I will not use last names, social security numbers, pictures or any personal information
that could identify me or anyone else on the Internet.

2. I will not access any personal e-mail accounts, use instant messaging, texting or use a
cell phone without a teacherʼs permission or as part of a school activity.

3. I will not tamper with any files, change the configuration of any school computer and I will
not alter the work of another person.

4. I will not bypass software that is blocked by adults or try to get around any security
measures in place in the building.

5. I will not use the Internet to purchase or sell anything or for any personal business.

6. I will not use games- except those approved by my teacher. I will not download a game
or site from the Internet.

7. I will not visit any websites other than those that are clearly connected to school activities.

8. I will not access or print personal, non-educational information on any computer or printer
in the building.

9. In working in the computer lab or library during the day and after school, I will only be
doing schoolwork and homework and be ready to show my specific assignment to any
adult in charge. I must behave properly during that time.

10. I will not upload any software without my teacherʼs permission.

11. I will behave appropriately in the library or computer labs.

I have read the above guidelines and I understand and will abide by the conditions and rules in
this agreement. I understand that any violation of these rules may result in the revoking of my
tech privileges and that appropriate disciplinary actions may be taken.

Date_____________

Name of User___________________________________

Signature of User________________________________

Signature of Parent or Guardian______________________________

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