An article that emphasises the important role non-verbal communication (otherwise known as body language) plays within all communications

1. IT’S NOT WHAT YOU
SAY…….IT’S HOW YOU The importance of
non-verbal
SAY IT! communication
This article looks at the impact of non-verbal communication on our
everyday lives. It provides insights into how you can improve your
communication skills by becoming more aware of the cues that you give
out and will help you understand those you receive and how the two
interact

2. Up to 75% of our message is made by
non-verbal communications.
Non-verbal (otherwise known as body language)
is a vital aspect of effective communication, both
in our work and personal lives. It is something
that is around us all of the time, whether we
want it to be or not. This article is designed to
give an overview of many of the key aspects of
the process, to enable you to be more aware and
thus you take a greater interest in something that
may have operated largely within your
subconscious.
As with all aspects of communication it is an area that can be shaped and improved, by becoming
more aware of the signals that we give out and receive from others we can be more able to
understand and interpret those signals– and how the two interact and occur as result of each
other.
Non-verbal communication occurs through the gestures we make, our posture, our position, eye
contact, how fast / slow, loud / quietly we speak and the tone of our voice.
How important is Non-verbal communication?
The way you listen, look, move and react tell the other
person whether or not you care and how well you’re
listening. The non-verbal signals that you send either
produce a sense of interest, trust, and desire for
connection, or they generate disinterest, distrust and
confusion.
Non-verbal communication can provide vital clues
through:
o Repetition: They repeat and reinforce the
message the sender is making
o Contradiction: The complete opposite of the
above, which is very confusing for the receiver
o Substitution: They can communicate the message as effectively as the verbal message,
and often in a more vivid manner than words could convey
o Complementing: They add to or complement the words. A pat on the back increases the
impact of verbal praise
o Accenting: They add weight to the verbal message – beating one fist into the palm of the
other hand for example.

3. How can you become more aware of the signals you send & receive?
Since non-verbal communication is a rapidly flowing back and forth process it requires your full
concentration and attention. Emotional self-awareness and understanding of the cues you’re
sending, along with the ability to accurately pick up the cues others are sending you is essential. If
you are planning what you’re going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else
you are almost certain to miss non-verbal clues and other subtleties.
Some tips for successful non-verbal communication:
o Stay relaxed. Stress affects your
ability to communicate. When stressed you
are more likely to misread signals, send out
confusing or off-putting signals and maybe
even lapse into other counter-productive
patterns of behaviour.
o Be aware of inconsistencies. Look
for any signals that don’t match with the
verbal communications. Avoiding direct eye
contact, fidgety movements etc.
o View non-verbal
communications in the round. Don’t read
too much into a single gesture or other cue
from an individual. Consider a range of
signals that you’re picking up. Also be aware of what signals you might be sending out that
might be affecting the signals being sent out to you. Are you being consistent?
Below you will find an explanation of some of the clues for different elements of Non-verbal
communication
Types of non-verbal communication Evaluating your non-verbal communication
skills
Facial expressions – the human face is What does your face say about you? Is it
extremely expressive and able to express inexpressive and fixed like a mask? What do
countless emotions. The expressions for you see when you look into the faces of
happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, others?
and disgust are common to all cultures.
Body movement and posture – Think Do you hold your body still, immobile or
how your perceptions of other people are relaxed? Be aware of the amount of tension
influenced by the way they sit, walk, stand, in your shoulders and jaw and also the
or hold their head. Your posture, bearing, degree of tension or relaxation in the person
stance and other subtle movements you’re communicating with.
communicate a wealth of information about
you.
Gestures – How we wave, point, beckon How do you feel when the person speaking
and use our hands when we’re to you is either waving their arms about
communicating is often done subconsciously. wildly or is completely motionless? If they

4. BUT the meaning of many gestures varies in are beating the fist of one hand into the
different countries and cultures, so it’s palm of the other what does this make you
important to use them carefully to avoid think. Seek local advice on the meaning of
misinterpretation. any gestures that result in a reaction that
you didn’t expect or intend
Eye Contact – This is the dominant sense Are you missing this source of connection
for most people and is especially important (avoiding), are too intense (staring), or just
in non-verbal communications. The way you right in yourself and with the person you are
look at someone communicates many things, looking at. Do they look away when you look
such as, interest, affection, hostility, or at them, stare at you (making you feel
attraction. Eye contact is also important in uncomfortable?) or does it feel about right?
maintaining the flow of conversation and
gauging others reactions to you.
Touch – Key messages are communicated What feels good is relative to the individual,
through the following: a firm handshake, a their culture, the situation and how well you
timid tap on the shoulder, a warm bear hug, know each other. Be aware of how you like
a reassuring pat on the back, a patronising to be touched and who you like to touch
pat on the head, or a controlling grip on your you. Are you aware of any differences
arm between what you and the other person
like?
Space – We all need a physical space Have you ever felt “trapped” by another
around us. How much depends on the person who insists on standing very close to
culture, the situation and the closeness of you? Try to give people the space that you
the relationship. Use of physical space would like, but be aware that they might feel
communicates intimacy, aggression, comfortable with more or less than you.
dominance or affection.
Voice – Speech sounds, such as tone, pitch, Does your voice project warmth, confidence,
volume, inflection, rhythm and rate are all and delight or is it strained and choked.
important communication factors. People Does it seem flat, cool or disinterested, or
“read” the voice as well as listening to the over the top and melodramatic? What do
words. They can communicate powerful you hear as you listen to other people?
clues as to our true feelings Remember every person’s preferences are
different. This key element is missing during
phone and text conversations. How often
have you judged a person by their tone of
voice only?
How to improve your non-verbal communication skills.
You can become more effective at non-verbal
communication by doing a number of fairly
straightforward things. The first thing to do is to
increase your awareness of the signals that you
send out subconsciously. You can easily observe
yourself and the cues you give out by either
recording a conversation between you and a
friend, colleague or your partner using a video
camera. When you watch the play back pay
particular attention to any discrepancies between
the spoken word and body language. You should

5. equally pay attention to the voices – that is the tone, pitch, pace and volume of the words spoken.
Did they complement or contradict the words themselves? Equipped with a better understanding
of your default position you can then try to modify and control the cues you give out, and be
aware of how your cues are received and returned. This is a never ending process of learning and
refinement, but the more you put in the more you will get back, in terms of the effectiveness of
your communications.
Key things to remember.
o Effective non-verbal communication is critical to
ensure you get your messages received in the
way you intended.
o Every person is different so don’t make
unilateral judgements about specific elements of
their non-verbal communications, asses them
through time and with regard to as many
elements as possible
o Be aware of the impact of your own non-verbal
communication on others and amend yours as
soon as you are aware that specific elements
are working well or badly. It is important that
you move from your comfort zone closer to
theirs as this will make them more responsive to
your verbal messages – thus meaning that more
of your key messages will be received and
understood the way you intended them to be!
Credits / further reading
The language of Emotional Intelligence – Jeanne Segal, Ph. D.
Non-verbal Communication – Albert Mehrabian
The Power of Non-verbal Communication – Henry H Calero
Bodily Communication – Michael Argyle