1. MATURE
"Apartment Hunting"
Episode 001
Written by
Bryan Kett

2. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
EXT. CITY STREET - LATE MORNING
NEAL SHARPE(early 20s, khakis that are too short, hair
parted) stands underneath an awning of an office building
while drinking a cup of coffee. BRENT BARBER (early 20s,
business casual, chin held high) approaches while also
holding a cup of coffee.
BRENT
Have you heard from Williams?
Neal shakes his head.
BRENT (CONT’D)
They said they could see us in a few.
Awesome.
NEAL
BRENT
Things are going to change for us once
we have our own place in the city. I
can feel it inside of me.
Yeah?
NEAL
BRENT
Guaranteed. We’re gonna get more
confidence. And when I roll into work,
everyone will see that their intern
has a little bounce in his step.
NEAL
Oh yeah! Big time. Bounce.
BRENT
Their intern is gonna have some
swagger. I mean, I can do more than
just get coffee.
NEAL
Thanks for the coffee, by the way.
BRENT
For sure. It’s what I do. And I do it
well.
NEAL
And maybe with our new place, my
confidence will go up, too.
1.

3. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:
2.
BRENT
Of course your confidence is going to
go up. Young man like yourself, living
in the big city on his own?
NEAL
I’m going to be a better teacher.
Better lesson plans. I mean really
touch the future.
BRENT
(enthusiastic)
Without a doubt.
NEAL
Not be the bumbling new guy anymore.
BRENT
(enthusiastic)
Sing it.
NEAL
Have my students stop telling me that
my head is way too large for my body.
BRENT
(hesitant)
Okay.
They cheers their coffees. Neal’s phone rings and he answers
it.
NEAL
(into phone)
Hello, this is Mr. Sharpe.
(beat)
Yes, well your son was fairly
impolite.
Brent nods in encouragement.
NEAL (CONT’D)
(into phone)
That’s true. It is my first year
teaching.
(beat)
Maybe I could learn a lot from your
son.
Neal walks away. ZACH FISH (early 20s, a sad excuse for
facial hair, stained T-shirt) approaches and stands next to
Brent. Hesitantly, Brent holds his coffee closer. Neal
returns, still talking on the phone.

4. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (2)
NEAL (CONT’D)
Yes, I think it’ll be a beneficial
learning experience for everyone,
especially myself. No, thank you.
Neal hangs up and turns to the two of them.
NEAL (CONT’D)
(meekly)
Touching the future, one kid at a
time.
ZACH
There was a teacher at my school who
touched the future. And other stuff,
too. Not good.
NEAL
Zach! What’s up, man?
(to Brent)
Brent, this is Zach. He’s gonna be our
third.
Sup?
ZACH
(to Brent)
BRENT
(hesitant)
Good afternoon.
Brent turns to Neal.
BRENT (CONT’D)
What happened to Williams?
NEAL
Williams bailed. But don’t worry. Zach
is a friend from back home. Now we can
all have confidence, right?
Zach leans in between the two of them.
ZACH
Oh, I like the sound of that. Sup?
Sup, confidence?
BRENT
Yeah. I got it. “Sup?” Neal, can we
have a quick pow wow over here?
They step aside.
3.

5. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (3)
BRENT (CONT’D)
Don’t you think this is something we
should have talked about?
NEAL
You said it yourself, apartments are
tight. And if we don’t sign today,
we’ll have to wait until next month.
He’s a good guy, Brent.
In the b.g., Zach runs by, trying to kick a pigeon.
BRENT
He can’t mess up this interview.
NEAL
Relax. We’re all adults here.
ZACH
Oh man, the pigeon touched my foot.
The pigeon touched my foot.
Zach runs by in the b.g. Brent glares at Neal.
INT. APARTMENT LEASING OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
The three men stand in a common waiting area. Brent pulls
Zach aside.
BRENT
So I don’t know how much Neal shared
with you.
ZACH
He said you needed a third, and I was
like, a third what? And he said a
roommate, soBRENT
Great. So here’s how this works. No
other agencies have any unrented
properties left this month.
ZACH
Oh, right on.
BRENT
And your good friend Neal here can’t
keep teaching and commuting from the
burbs any longer.
Neal turns.
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6. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:
NEAL
It’s funny. I always wanted to lead a
classroom, but I kind of feel like I’m
dying inside.
Neal laughs.
NEAL (CONT’D)
That’s kind of weird, right? I don’t
know. Maybe that’s not weird.
BRENT
(to Zach)
See? So when we get in there, let’s
have some ground rules. Rule number
oneZACH
Lay it on me, Daddy-O.
BRENT
Rule number one is don’t ever say
Daddy-O. Rule number two, let me do
the talking. I know how these people
are.
A secretary calls out to them.
SECRETARY
He’ll see you now.
The three begin to make their way to an office.
ZACH
What was rule one, again?
INT. DAVID’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
The three enter a posh office. Behind the desk sits David
(50s, white collar, country club). He is on the phone.
DAVID
I’ve got to run. I’ve got prospective
tenants here.
(beat)
Because I’m a titan of industry,
that’s why.
He hangs up.
DAVID (CONT’D)
Gentlemen, please.
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7. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:
6.
David motions to three chairs in front of his desk. The three
guys sit.
BRENT
Thanks for agreeing to see us about
the property on Wilson. We saw
pictures online--it looks amazing.
NEAL
Really amazing. Big windows and
hardwood floors? I’ve got allergies,
so carpet, no bueno.
ZACH
I don’t get on the internet much, but
I’m sure it was amazing.
David pulls out a file.
DAVID
Right. Before we get to the paperwork,
I always like to get to know a little
about our applicants. Very informal.
How do you three know each other?
BRENT
Neal and I know each other from
college. Go White Lightning!
They each do an awkward, lightning bolt-esque handshake.
NEAL
And this is my friend Zach from home.
Zach stands up and reaches across the table to shake David’s
hand.
ZACH
Hi, Zach, Zach Fish. Like the animal.
The swimming animal.
David looks puzzled. Brent jumps in and motions to a golf
ball mounted in a trophy on David’s desk.
ZACH (CONT’D)
You a golfing man?
DAVID
Hole in one last spring at Maplebrook.
David picks up the trophy. Brent and Neal ‘oooh’ and ‘aaah’

8. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (2)
DAVID (CONT’D)
Any of you golf?
BRENT
I’ve been known to use the sticks in
my day. Got a pretty low handicap.
ZACH
It’s called disabled, not handicapped.
Everyone stares at him. David clears his throat.
DAVID
(hesitant)
And what brings you to living in
Chicago? Work?
BRENT
I’m interning at a firm, gonna take
the boards soon.
DAVID
Wonderful! World needs more young
leaders.
NEAL
And I’m a teacher.
DAVID
That’s terrific. And how is that?
NEAL
I like to think they teach me as much
as I teach them.
DAVID
Well that’s a nice sentimentNEAL
It’s terrifying. The language they
use. Their laughter.
ZACH
And I’m moving to the city because
I’ve got to get out of my parents’
house.
DAVID
I think we’ve all been there.
David chuckles. Brent laughs heartily.
7.

9. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (3)
8.
ZACH
It’s getting harder and harder to
sneak in and out of their basement
without them knowing I’m living there.
(beat)
I think my dad thinks it’s just
raccoons for nowBRENT
So, about that apartment?
DAVID
In a minute.
David cautiously looks at Zach and doesn’t break eye contact.
DAVID (CONT’D)
Any pets, you guys?
NEAL
A wild animal? Living next to me? Like
equals? That’s terrifying.
BRENT
I’ve got a fern, but that’s about it.
It was a graduation present, something
to spruce up my office one day as a
big shot lawyer, as a future leader.
DAVID
And you? Zach?
BRENT
Zach here isn’t much of an animal
lover, isn’t that right, Zach?
ZACH
Oh, I get along with pigeons.
I’m sorry?
DAVID
ZACH
So I guess I can’t really say whether
I have pets or not.
NEAL
He’s joking.
ZACH
Definitely not joking.

10. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (4)
9.
David turns body towards his keyboard but doesn’t look at the
screen. He begins typing.
DAVID
Ah, well would you look at that.
Unfortunately, guys, that unit is no
longer available.
NEAL
But you’re not even looking at the
screen.
DAVID
I guess our postings online aren’t up
to date.
NEAL
(defeated)
Your monitor isn’t even turned on. I
can see it.
BRENT
Look, we need to be in the city this
month. Do you have anything available?
David turns to Brent and opens his mouth to speak, but then
sees Zach acting like the golf trophy is an electric guitar.
Zach sheepishly sets the trophy down.
DAVID
It isn’t as nice as the unit you saw
online, but we do have one three
bedroom still available. You’d have to
sign for it right now, thoughBRENT
We’ll take it!
The three smile at one another.
INT. BOYS’ APARTMENT - MID AFTERNOON
The three enter their new apartment.
BRENT
I’m sure all of their properties are
nice, Neal.
NEAL
I’ve never put down a deposit that big
on anything. I’ve never even put down
a deposit before. First and last
month’s rent?

11. Mature
"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:
ZACH
I owe you my portion. I’m good for it.
I got investmentsThe three stop and look around. The place is a total
disaster.
NEAL
Um. Okay. Let’s think about this.
BRENT
No, no, no, no, no.
ZACH
Whoa, we got windows!
Zach goes over and looks out the window.
ZACH (CONT’D)
(yelling out the window)
I see you, bird.
Zach runs outside.
NEAL
It’s going to be okay. It’s a fixer
upper.
Brent stands in shock.
ZACH (O.S.)
Oh man, it touched my foot again.
Brent glares at Neal.
END OF ACT
10.