This article has been written for Techkriti Blog for a Cause Contest. The topic was: Keeping in mind the recent developments in our country, write a political satire. For more information visit: http://www.socialscribblers.in/techkriti-blog-cause/

1. Under the Hooves
*The following is an Orwellian take on Indian politics extending the “two
cows” joke.
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. ~Mark Twain
A year ago, thousands of cows broke into army bases all over the world
and took over the artillery. They launched pre-emptive strikes and
destroyed half of the world’s beef factories. This bovine coup drew major
outrage from all the world’s leading nations. Obama, a veal aficionado,
said “We will not support terrorism and meat this rebellion by force”. The
steaks got so high that Putin himself was seen with a butcher’s knife
which he then threw away to slaughter two bulls with his bare hands. The
bovine forces have exploited their holy status and have used religion to
take over India leaving the traffic in jeopardy.
The Italian heifer was found hiding in the closet during the attack and was
found to comment that this invasion was a ploy designed by opposition
leader, Moodi he later retracted the comment, upon popular unrest,
saying “My mother told me that perhaps the words I used were too
strong… I am young”. Shashi Tharoor was not available to make “cattle
class” comments. Though he may now find it funny.
In order to protect cows from harassment the new government forced
the Supreme Court into passing a law that criminalized all “unnatural sex”
with the punishment being life imprisonment. The LGBT community did
not take this news gaily as apparently same sex relationships were
considered to be an “unnatural offence” as well. The government also
passed a Gaupal bill supposedly to curb milk adulteration. The bill
however is not powerful enough to stop the top cows from excessive
rumination.

2. Some good news for the Del-ite (Delhi renamed Deli) as the new chief
minister promised reforms. He had taken the government by the horns
and had managed to defeat the ruling party in its own turf in the recent
elections. In order to prove his kosher-ness, he delivered the promised 20
kiloliters of free milk to poor calves. Sources claim that he is “working” on
cleaning the barn and creating a stronger version of the anti-adulteration
law. His diligence has gathered appraisal, sparked controversies and
generated a lot of internet memes. Recently, he was yet again dragged
into the mud as he tried to defend a fellow buffalo in an evidence
trampling case.
Both bipeds and quadrupeds have their eyes set on this charging bull as
tries to bring a change and bring the ordinary into the limelight. Talking
about charging bulls brings us back to the situation at hand: the 2014
elections. The Cowngress heifer has surprised the nation by not running
as Cowngress’s Prime Ministerial candidate for elections in 2014. The
decision came after an embarrassing interview with Mr. Gauswami where
he mooed absent mindedly about empowerment. Bovine Janata Party
(BJP) candidate, Moodi, jokingly said that the Cowngress has already
“accepted defeat”. He promised that he will rise to meet the aspirations
of his supporters unlike the Cowngress. However skeptical experts fear
that Moodi will overlook the minorities and force the country into
veganism, worse, ban alcohol too.
Amidst all this politics the “aam aadmi” ( poor gai er.. guy) is being
trampled under the hooves of these unholy ungulates. He might have
thought that he controlled the cows. He might choose when to milk it but
in reality it is the cow that sucks him dry. The cow appears docile. Those
vacant eyes hide the ambition within. A cow is dangerous. Perhaps that’s
why its tethered to a pole before milking. Anyways, all I can say is (and
Gelett Burgess may agree):
“I once saw a Holy Cow,
Never again I hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see one than be one.”
RISHAV AGARWAL TECH55780