Emotional intelligence at the workplace day 1

OBJECTIVES
Reduce Stress
Improve Change Management
Increase Communication Effectiveness
Eliminate "Silo" Mentality
Improve Personal Productivity
Improve Teamwork
Resolve Conflict Constructively
Improve Team-to-Team Cooperation

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO MAKE THIS WORKSHOP
SUCCESSFUL?
Start with forgiveness: I ask for your
forgiveness in advance for any mistakes,
misstatements and hurt feelings- and I forgive
each of you.
Label actions, not people: I will comment
specifically on words and deeds, rather than
name calling and labelling.
Own your words: I will use ―I-statements‖ and
speak about my own experiences and feelings.

Speak directly: I will speak directly to the person
I am addressing, I will be present, I will listen
actively and reflectively.
Compassionate truth: I will tell the truth of my
experience, feeling, or point of view, I will be
present, I will do so in a nonjudgmental,
thoughtful manner that increases compassion.
Active participation: I will participate in all
activities and be open to ―new ways‖ of learning.

Validate experience: I understand that even if I
disagree with the facts people present, their
feelings are real for them. I will clarify what I
meant or what I meant or what I saw rather than
contradicting their experience or what they heard.
Share the stage: I know each of us has important
ideas to share, so I will share when it is my turn,
and listen without side-talking when it is another‘s
turn.

Be an advocate: If I feel someone needs
support, I will; with their permission; be an
advocate.
Protect confidentiality: I will speak about our
meeting only in general terms, and if I hear
someone quoting another member of this group
to someone who was not here, I will remind
him/her of our confidentiality agreements.

SO CAN I
HAVE YOUR
COMMITMEN
T?
YES!
!!
YES!
!!

YOUR SCORE SHEET
1.Extraversion E [vs Introversion I] = ________
2.Sensing S [vs Intuiting N] = ________
3.Thinking T [vs Feeling F] =
________
4.Judging J [vs Perceiving P] = ________

SCORES ANALYSIS
Scores should range between 14 and 70:
14 to 26 is very low.
27 to 37 is low.
38 to 46 is average.
47 to 57 is high.
58 to 70 is very high.

MODULE 1
INTRODUCTION TO
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a different type of
intelligence. It‘s about being ―heart smart,‖ not
just ―book smart.‖
The evidence shows that emotional
intelligence matters just as much as
intellectual ability, if not more so, when it
comes to happiness and success in life.
Emotional intelligence helps you build strong
relationships, succeed at work, and achieve
your goals.

Emotional Intelligence Quotient(EQ) is defined as a
set of competencies demonstrating the ability one
has to recognize his or her behaviors, moods,
and impulses, and to manage them best
according to the situation.

A Brief History of Emotional Intelligence
1. 1930s – Edward Thorndike describes the concept of
"social intelligence" as the ability to get along with other
people.
2. 1940s – David Wechsler suggests that affective
components of intelligence may be essential to success
in life.
3. 1950s – Humanistic psychologists such as Abraham
Maslow describe how people can build emotional
strength.

4. 1975 - Howard Gardner publishes The Shattered Mind, which
introduces the concept of multiple intelligences.
5. 1985 - Wayne Payne introduces the term emotional
intelligence in his doctoral dissertation entitled ―A study of
emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration;
relating to fear, pain and desire (theory, structure of reality,
problem-solving, contraction/expansion, tuning in/coming
out/letting go).‖
6. 1987 – In an article published in Mensa Magazine, Keith
Beasley uses the term ―emotional quotient.‖ It has been
suggested that this is the first published use of the term,
although Reuven Bar-On claims to have used the term in an

7. 1990 – Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer
publish their landmark article, "Emotional Intelligence," in
the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality.
8. 1995 - The concept of emotional intelligence is popularized
after publication of psychologist and New York Times
science writer Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional
Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can
be learned and strengthened, while others claim it is an
inborn characteristic.
Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer have
been the
leading researchers on emotional intelligence.
Definition: Emotional intelligence (EI) refers
to the ability to perceive, control and
evaluate emotions.

 In their influential article "Emotional Intelligence,"
they defined emotional intelligence as,

John D. Mayer:
"An emotion occurs when
there are certain biological,
certain experiential, and
certain cognitive states
which all occur
simultaneously."
--From EQ Today, Spring
1999

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) VS.
INTELLECTUAL INTELLIGENCE (IQ)
Most of us have learned not to trust our emotions.
We've been told emotions distort the more
―accurate‖ information our intellect supplies.
Even the term ―emotional‖ has come to mean
weak, out of control, and even childish. "Don't be a
baby!" we say to the little boy who is crying on the
playground. "Leave him alone! Let him work it out!"
we admonish the little girl who runs to help the little
boy.

On the other hand, our abilities to memorize and
problem-solve, to spell words and do mathematical
calculations, are easily measured on written
assessments.
Ultimately, these intellectual abilities dictate which
company will accept us and which career paths
we‗re advised to follow.

 However, intellectual intelligence (IQ) is usually
less important in determining how successful we
are than emotional intelligence (EQ).
 We all know people who are academically brilliant
and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What
they are missing is emotional intelligence.

Typically, "emotional intelligence" is considered to
involve the following:
Emotional empathy.
Attention to, and discrimination of one's
emotions.
Accurate recognition of one's own and others'
moods mood management or control over
emotions.

Response with appropriate (adaptive) emotions
and behaviors in various life situations
(especially to stress and difficult situations)
And balancing of honest expression of
emotions against courtesy, consideration, and
respect (i.e., possession of good social skills
and communication skills).

 In essence, EQ is the pattern of how people's
biases in their thinking leads them to think one
thing or choice is better than another, as well as
their clarity in differentiating within those
biases to exercise clear and sound judgment.
 However, as EQ can identify both the biases and
clarity in one's thinking patterns that allow them
to make good sound decisions, personality only
refers to the biases in the behaviors themselves

Personality tests typically only distinguish four
categories of temperament but do not distinguish
which melancholy person is actually high in
ambition.
For example, business people know that they
want an extrovert to fill the sales position, but
they cannot tell from a temperament test which
ones will be persistent from those who will be
insistent.

 It is desirable for salespeople to have persistence,
which allows them to have the energy, drive, and thick
skin to develop and close new business.
 Less effective, however are insistent salespeople who:
1) Turn off prospective buyers because they are too
pushy.
2) Cannot give up on a prospect who is not going to buy
when they could be focusing their efforts on more
promising opportunities.

 An employee with a "good" personality may be
fun, social, energetic, and outgoing. However,
having a "good" personality doesn't necessarily
equate to success in the workplace.
 A "good" personality tells you nothing about the fact
that the employee can also make errors in
judgment due to lack of "clarity" when making
decisions within their own biases.

 This is why people with varying personality
styles can successfully perform the same job.
 It boils down to their ability to exercise clear and
sound judgment in those situations their job/role
presents on a regular basis.

An employee with high emotional intelligence has
the following qualities:
Manage his or her own impulses.
Communicate with others effectively.
Manage change well.
Solve problems.
Use humor to build rapport in tense situations.

Empathy,
Remain optimistic even in the face of adversity.
Are gifted at educating and persuading in a sales
situation.
Are talented at resolving customer complaints in
a customer service role.

 This "clarity" in thinking and "composure" in
stressful and chaotic situations is what separates
top performers from weak performers in the
workplace.

As managers and business executives we have often
asked ourselves the following questions:
 Why do certain employees get into accidents more
often than others?
 Why do they violate company ethics and policies?
 Why do they ignore the rules of the organization?
 Why do they use illegal drugs while on the job?

 Why do some people cause conflict while others
are so gifted at resolving it? Why do they put self-
interest ahead of the organizational values?
 Why do some salespeople build large books of new
business with ease while others struggle to do so
even though they seem to be putting forth the
required effort?
 In many cases the answer to the above questions
lies in "emotional intelligence" rather than the
individual's "personality type."

―Unmet
emotional needs
cause the
majority of
problems at
work." —EQI.org

SCORES ANALYSIS
17 to 28 : Poor EQ
29 to 40 : Average EQ
41 to 52 : Good EQ
53 to 68 : Excellent EQ

EQ BY DR. CARL ROBINSON - VIDEO

MODULE 2
THE FOUR BRANCHES
OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Salovey and Mayer proposed a model that identified
four
different factors of emotional intelligence:
1. The perception of emotion.
2. The ability to reason using emotions.
3. The ability to understand emotion.
4. The ability to manage emotions.

According to Salovey and Mayer, the four
branches of their model are, "arranged from
more basic psychological processes to higher,
more psychologically integrated processes.
For example, the lowest level branch concerns
the (relatively) simple abilities of perceiving
and expressing emotion. In contrast, the
highest level branch concerns the conscious,
reflective regulation of emotion" (1997).

1. Perceiving Emotions: The first step in
understanding emotions is to accurately perceive
them. In many cases, this might involve
understanding nonverbal signals such as body
language and facial expressions.

ACTIVITY FOUR
Pick any of the following emotions(refer to the list of emotions)
and demonstrate with emphasise on body language and with a
partner to the class.
You may choose any of the topics below for the demonstration
1. POLITICS
2. SPORTS
3. OFFICE POLITICS
4. ECONOMICS
5. HISTORY
6. FOOD

2.Reasoning With Emotions: The next step involves
using emotions to promote thinking and cognitive
activity. Emotions help prioritize what we pay
attention and react to; we respond emotionally to
things that garner our attention.

3. Understanding Emotions: The emotions that we
perceive can carry a wide variety of meanings. If
someone is expressing angry emotions, the
observer must interpret the cause of their anger
and what it might mean.

For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might
mean
that he is dissatisfied with your work; or it could
be
because he got a speeding ticket on his way to
work that
morning or that he's been fighting with his wife.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - VIDEO

4.Managing Emotions: The ability to manage
emotions effectively is a key part of emotional
intelligence. Regulating emotions, responding
appropriately and responding to the emotions of
others are all important aspect of emotional
management.

ROLE PLAY SCENARIO – EXAMPLE

ROLE PLAY SCENARIO 1
YOUR BOSS HAS JUST INCREASED YOUR
WORKLOAD
AND YOU HAVE YET TO FINISHED YOUR PREVIOUS
ASSIGNMENT.
ROLE PLAY HOW ARE YOU GOING TO INFORM
YOUR
BOSS ABOUT THIS VIA TWO DIFFERENT
SCENARIOS I.E.
ONE WITHOUT USING EQ AND THE OTHER BY
USING EQ.

―It is very important to understand that emotional
intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is
not the triumph of heart over head -- it is the unique
intersection of both.‖
-- David Caruso: From (“Emotional What?”)

EMOTIONAL EXERCISE 1
―EMOTIONAL SELF DISCOVERY‖

MODULE 3
COMPETENCIES & ABILITIES

1.Emotional Self-Awareness:
Having the skill to focus your attention on your
emotional state – being aware, in-the-moment, of
what you're feeling. Are you happy, excited, worried,
or angry?
Given that information about your emotional state,
what should (or shouldn't) you do or say next? Use
that information to help you make effective decisions
to achieve better outcomes for yourself and others.

ACTIVITY FIVE
―EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EXERCISE:
INCREASE YOUR
SELF-AWARENESS‖

2.Emotional Self-Regulation:
Having the skill to be able to choose the
emotions you want to experience, rather than
being the victim of whatever emotions occur - not
letting others "push your buttons."
It is about possessing the ability to manage your
emotional state. Do not confuse this with "burying"
or "stuffing" your feelings. The skill to choose the
emotions you want - typically to be able to
transform negative draining emotional states
into positive productive ones.

3.Emotional Self-Motivation - The ability to use
your emotions to cause yourself to take
positive action to continue to persistently
pursue goals even in the face of significant
adversity or difficulty. This is about using your
emotions to be positive, optimistic, confident,
and persistent rather than negative, pessimistic
and second-guessing yourself and your decisions.

4. Empathy - Not to be confused with sympathy -
possessing the ability to listen effectively and
accurately enough to put yourself in the other
person's shoes.
This is not necessarily to agree with them, but to
truly understand the situation from their point-of-
view in order to improve communication,
problem solving, and trust.

ACTIVITY SIX
―BUILDING TRUST‖

5. Nurturing Relationships - The ability to
demonstrate sincere care (as contrasted with
"required courtesy") for others. Through word and
deed, demonstrate appreciation for people's
efforts and contribution.
This is about setting a positive tone of cooperation
no matter how difficult the situation or conversation
and having other's best interests in mind while
focusing on achieving goals to create win-win
outcomes.

 Freedman et al.: "Emotional Intelligence is a way of
recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we
think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with
others and our understanding of ourselves.
 It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set
priorities; it determines the majority of our daily
actions. Research suggests it is responsible for as
much as 80% of the "success" in our lives."
--From Handle With Care: Emotional Intelligence
Activity Book

A. Social Competencies—Competencies that
Determine How We Handle Relationships
1.Intuition & Empathy. Our awareness of others'
feelings, needs, and concerns. This competency is
important in the workplace for the following
reasons.
2.Understanding others: an intuitive sense of others'
feelings and perspectives, and showing an active
interest in their concerns and interests.

3.Customer service orientation: the ability to
anticipate, recognize, and meet customers' needs.
4.People development: ability to sense what others
need in order to grow, develop, and master their
strengths.
5.Leveraging diversity: cultivating opportunities
through diverse people.

6.Political Acumen & Social Skills. Our adeptness
at inducing desirable responses in others. This
competency is important in the workplace for the
following reasons.
7. Influencing: using effective tactics and techniques
for persuasion and desired results.
8.Communication: sending clear and convincing
messages that are understood by others.

ACTIVITY SEVEN
―COMMUNICATION IN ACTION‖

9. Leadership: inspiring and guiding groups of
people.
10. Change catalyst: initiating and/or managing
change in the workplace.
11. Conflict resolution: negotiating and resolving
disagreements with people.

12. Building bonds: nurturing instrumental relationships
for business success.
13. Collaboration and cooperation: working with
coworkers and business partners toward shared
goals.
14.Team capabilities: creating group synergy in pursuing
collective goals.

ACTIVITY EIGHT
―ACHIEVING TEAM GOALS‖

B. Personal Competencies—Competencies that
Determine How We Manage Ourselves
1.Self awareness. Knowing one's internal states,
preferences, resources, and intuitions. This
competency is important in the workplace for the
following reasons.
2.Emotional awareness: recognizing one's emotions
and their effects and impact on those around us.
3.Accurate self-assessment: knowing one's strengths
and limits.

MOOD INFECTION QUIZ
―TAKE THE QUIZ TO DETERMINE HOW EASILY
OTHER
PEOPLE’S MOOD AFFECTS YOURS‖

SCORES ANALYSIS
12 to 22 : Excellent EQ - you have excellent EQ
and do not allow other people’s mood to
affect yours.
22 to 32 : Good EQ - you have good EQ but may
sometimes allow other people’s mood to
affect yours.
32 to 42 : Average EQ - you have average EQ as
you often allow other people’s mood to
affect yours.
42 to 60 : Poor EQ - you have poor EQ as you
always allow other people’s mood to affect
yours.

4. Self-confidence: sureness about one's self-worth
and capabilities.
5. Self Regulation. Managing one's internal states,
impulses, and resources. This competency is
important in the workplace for the following
reasons.
6. Self-control: managing disruptive emotions and
impulses.

YOUR DEPARMENT IS FACING SOME CHALLENGES.
THERE IS TOO MUCH POLITICS, BACK BITING AND
ARGUMENTS.
RECENTLY THERE WAS AN OUTBURST FROM ONE OF
YOUR TEAM MEMBERS.
ROLE PLAY HOW YOU WOULD HANDLE THESE 2
SITUATIONS BY USING E.Q.(I.E. MANAGING
DISRUPTIVE EMOTIONS)

7.Trustworthiness: maintaining standards of honesty
and integrity.
8.Conscientiousness: taking responsibility and
being accountable for personal performance.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE CONSISTS OF
FOUR CORE ABILITIES:
1. Self-awareness – The ability to recognize your
own emotions and how they affect your thoughts
and behavior, know your strengths and
weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
2. Self-management – The ability to control
impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your
emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow
through on commitments, and adapt to changing
circumstances.

3. Social awareness – The ability to understand the
emotions, needs, and concerns of other people,
pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable
socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a
group or organization.
4. Relationship management – The ability to
develop and maintain good relationships,
communicate clearly, inspire and influence others,
work well in a team, and manage conflict.

Mayer & Cobb: ―The ability to process emotional
information, particularly as it involves the
perception, assimilation, understanding, and
management of emotion."
--From "Educational policy on emotional
intelligence: Does it make sense?", 2000

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TIPS - VIDEO

YOU ARE VERY HAPPY WITH YOUR CURRENT JOB.
SUDDENLY YOU ARE CONFRONTED BY ONE OF YOUR
COLLEAGUES THAT YOU HAVE INFORMED THE BOSS
THAT YOU SAW HIM/HER AT THE SHOPPING MALL WHEN
HE/SHE WAS ON M.C.
USING E.Q.(THE FOUR CORE ABILITIES) ROLE PLAY
HOW
YOU WOULD DEAL WITH YOUR COLLEAGUE ON THIS
MATTER.

MODULE 4
SIX WAYS TO IMPROVE
YOUR

1. Observe how you react to people.
 Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the
facts?
 Do you stereotype?
 Look honestly at how you think and interact with
other people. Try to put yourself in their place, and be
more open and accepting of their perspectives and
needs.

2. Look at your work environment.
 Do you seek attention for your accomplishments?
Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesn't
mean that you're shy or lack self-confidence.
 When you practice humility, you say that you know
what you did, and you can be quietly confident
about it.
 Give others a chance to shine – put the focus on
them, and don't worry too much about getting
praise for yourself.

3. Do a self-evaluation.
 What are your weaknesses?
 Are you willing to accept that you're not perfect and
that you could work on some areas to make yourself a
better person?
 Have the courage to look at yourself honestly – it can
change your life.

4. Examine how you react to stressful situations.
 Do you become upset every time there's a delay
or something doesn't happen the way you want?
 Do you blame others or become angry at them,
even when it's not their fault?
 The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult
situations is highly valued – in the business world
and outside it. Keep your emotions under control
when things go wrong.

THE GODFATHER - VIDEO CASE STUDY
―VIEW THE VIDEO AND DETERMINE
THE KEY LEARNING POINTS ON E.Q.‖

5. Take responsibility for your actions.
 If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize directly –
don't ignore what you did or avoid the person.
 People are usually more willing to forgive and forget
if you make an honest attempt to make things right.

6. Examine how your actions will affect others –
before you take those actions.
 If your decision will impact others, put yourself in
their place. How will they feel if you do this?
 Would you want that experience?
 If you must take the action, how can you help
others deal with the effects?

MODULE 5
FIVE KEY SKILLS FOR
RAISING YOUR

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: The ability to quickly
reduce stress.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: The ability to
recognize and manage your emotions.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 3: The ability to connect
with others using nonverbal communication.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: The ability to use
humor and play to deal with challenges.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: The ability to resolve
conflicts positively and with confidence.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) SKILL 1:
RAPIDLY REDUCE STRESS
When we‘re under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decisio
making go out the window.
Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the w
of
our ability to accurately ―read‖ a situation, hear what someone else i
saying, be aware of our own feelings and needs, and communicate
clearly.
The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly ca
yourself down when you‘re feeling overwhelmed.

STRESS BUSTING: FUNCTIONING WELL IN THE
HEAT OF THE MOMENT
Develop your stress busting skills by working through
the
following three steps:
1.Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to
reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like.
Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced
state that we‘ve forgotten what it feels like to be calm
and relaxed.

2.Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts
differently to stress.
Do you tend to space out and get depressed?
Become
angry and agitated? Freeze with anxiety? The best
way
to quickly calm yourself depends on your specific
stress
response.

3.Discover the stress busting techniques that
work for you – The best way to reduce stress
quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound,
smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds
differently to sensory input, so you need to find
things that are soothing to you.

ACTIVITY NINE
―SELF HYPNOSIS RELAXATION METHOD‖

CONNECT TO YOUR EMOTIONS
The second key skill of emotional intelligence is
having a moment-to-moment awareness of your
emotions and how they influence your thoughts and
actions.
Emotional awareness is the key to understanding
yourself and others.

Many people are disconnected from their
emotions–especially strong core emotions such
as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we
can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can‘t
eliminate them.
They‘re still there, whether we‘re aware of them or
not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness,
we are unable to fully understand our own
motivations and needs, or to communicate
effectively with others.

QUESTIONS WE MUST ASK OURSELVES
 What kind of a relationship do you have with
your emotions?
 Do you experience feelings that flow,
encountering one emotion after another as your
experiences change from moment to moment?
 Are your emotions accompanied by physical
sensations that you experience in places like
your stomach or chest?

 Do you experience discrete feelings and
emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each
of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
 Can you experience intense feelings that are
strong enough to capture both your attention and
that of others?
 Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they
factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your
emotions may be turned down or turned off.
In order to be emotionally healthy and
emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to
your core emotions, accept them, and become
comfortable with them.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE SKILL (EQ) 3:
NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
 Being a good communicator requires more than
just verbal skills. Oftentimes, what we say is less
important than how we say it or the other
nonverbal signals we send out.
 In order to hold the attention of others and build
connection and trust, we need to be aware of and
in control of our nonverbal cues. We also need
to be able to accurately read and respond to the
nonverbal cues that other people send us.

 Nonverbal communication is the third skill of emotional
intelligence. This wordless form of communication
is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: ―Are you
listening?‖ and ―Do you understand and care?‖
 Answers to these questions are expressed in the way
we listen, look, move, and react. Our nonverbal
messages will produce a sense of interest, trust,
excitement, and desire for connection–or they will
generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.

Part of improving nonverbal communication involves
paying attention to:
1. Eye contact
2. Facial expression
3. Tone of voice
4. Posture and gesture
5. Touch
6. Timing and pace

EQ TEST: BODY LANGUAGE
1. This face is expressing:
Embarrassment
Fear
Sadness
Surprise

Answer: Fear
We express fear when we feel physically or
psychologically threatened.
The facial expression of fear is often confused with
surprise.
But when we‘re surprised, our eyes open wider than
when we‘re afraid, and our mouth isn‘t pulled sideways,
like it is here; instead, our jaw drops and the mouth
hangs open.
Plus, our eyebrows are relatively flat when we‘re afraid;
they arch more when we‘re surprised.

2. This face is expressing:
Flirtatiousness
Interest
Happiness
Politeness

Answer: Happiness
This is a classic display of a genuine smile, called a Duchenne
smile, which signals happiness.
It‘s defined by two muscle movements. The movement common
to all smiles is the zygomatic major muscle pulling
the lip corners up. But, critically, what reveals this as a genuine
smile is what happens around the eyes: The muscles tighten,
making those wrinkles, or crow‘s feet, around the sides of the
eyes and creating that pouching of the lower eyelid. When you
see these signs, the person isn‘t just smiling politely; he‘s
feeling genuine happiness.

3. This face is
expressing:
Sadness
Pain
Anger
Disgust

Answer: Anger
You see these muscle movements—in the lips,
around the eyes, and in the brow—when people
are feeling aggressive, threatened, or frustrated.
Researchers think we make this expression when
we're angry because it could protect the face in a
physical conflict—for example, the furrowed
eyebrows could protect the eyes.
People often confuse anger and disgust, but
disgust involves a raised upper lip and a wrinkle in
the nose that you don‘t see here.

4.This face is expressing:
Embarrassment
Sadness
Amusement
Shame

When people are embarrassed, they avert their
gaze, which means they move their head down and
to the side, exposing their neck. And the
embarrassed smile is different from other smiles:
The lips press together tightly, reflecting feelings of
restraint or inhibition.
Embarrassment can look like shame, but when
we're ashamed, our head moves straight down, not
to the side, and we don't smile.
Answer: Embarrassment

This face is expressing:
Pride
Contempt
Excitement
Anger

Answer: Pride
Pride involves signs of dominance. The corners of the lips rise
slightly, signaling that the person is happy. But what
distinguishes this from happiness is that the head tilts back,
with a slight jaw-thrust. Those are classic signs of power and
dominance—they suggest that we‘re feeling strong.
The expression of pride is also close to the expression of
contempt. They both involve a backward head tilt, but contempt
doesn't involve a slight smile like pride does; instead, with
contempt the lip movement is asymmetrical—only one side
tightens.

Fear
Interest
Surprise
Compassion

Answer: Surprise
Surprise is often confused with fear. But when we‘re
afraid, our lower eyelids tighten and our eyebrows look
flat and tense; with surprise, our upper eyelids rise up
and our eyebrows arch. Also, our jaws drop when we‘re
surprised, but our lip corners go sideways when we‘re
afraid, making the mouth look tighter.
Some experts believe our eyes open wide like this
because when we‘re confronted with something
surprising—a long-lost friend, an unexpected award—we
try to absorb as much of this new information as
possible.

Sadness
Shame
Disgust
Contempt

Answer: Contempt
Contempt is when you look down on somebody derisively or
suspiciously. What‘s important about the expression of
contempt is that the lips tighten on one side of the face but
not the other. If the tightening were on both sides of the
face, the person could be swallowing or salivating.
People often confuse contempt with disgust. But disgust
involves the raising of the upper lip, and the bridge of the
nose wrinkles. We express disgust about noxious things, not
those about which we‘re derisive or suspicious.

Anger
Pain
Disgust
Sadness

Answer: Disgust
When we feel disgust, the muscles above the upper
lip pull up, raising the upper lip, wrinkling the nose,
and narrowing the eyes.
People often confuse disgust and anger. But anger
tightens the mouth and lowers the eyebrows more
significantly, and raises the upper eyelid. With
disgust, the mouth opens and the tongue comes out,
just in case you need to throw up.

Desire
Embarrassment
Flirtatiousness
Love

Answer: Flirtatiousness
This is a coy, flirtatious smile. What conveys flirtatiousness
is when someone turns his or her head away to signal ‗I‘m
not interested in you,‘ but simultaneously makes eye
contact. That‘s a universal display that reflects the
ambivalence of flirtation—the flirter avoids and approaches
someone at the same time.
Someone flirting gives off signals of pleasure, as indicated
by the zygomatic major muscle pulling the lip corners up,
which also raises the cheeks slightly. Plus, the eyes are
narrower than in a neutral state because the orbicularis oculi
muscles around the eyes contract, suggesting feelings of
happiness.

Shame
Anger
Sadness
Pain

Answer: Pain
When we feel pain, our facial muscles move in ways that
contract the face and protect us from harm. In the upper half
of the face, the orbicularis oculi muscles around the eyes
contract, closing the eyes tightly, and the corrugator muscle
lowers our eyebrows. In the lower half of the face, our lips
tighten and press upwards.
You'll see this particular expression especially when people
are experiencing psychological pain, such as when they see
other people suffer. It‘s an expression closely related to
sadness. But rather than suffering in their own sadness,
they experience the pain and suffering of others through
empathy.

Compassion
Sadness
Anger
Interest

Answer: Compassion
When people feel sympathy or compassion, the
corrugator muscles pull the eyebrows in and up,
their lips press together, and their head tilts forward
slightly—a sign of social engagement.
The expression of compassion is most often
confused with sadness. The eyebrow movements
are similar in sadness and compassion, but with
compassion the lips press together; when we feel
sad, our lips pull down.

Amusement
Desire
Surprise
Excitement

Answer: Amusement
The tell-tale signs of genuine amusement are the
open mouth and the backwards head movement.
And like a genuine smile, you can tell a genuine
laugh when you see the muscles contracting
around the eyes, making crow‘s feet.
Genuine laughter often relaxes all muscle
movements in the body because of shifts in our
respiration patterns that happen when we laugh.
This rapid shift to a state of relaxation shuts off
feelings of aggression or frustration—we‘re
cooperating with other people, not competing.

Surprise
Interest
Desire
Happiness

Answer: Interest
When we‘re interested in something, the frontalis
muscles raise our eyebrows straight up, and our lip
corners turn up in a slight smile, suggesting we‘re
feeling pleasure.
The expression of interest is related to the
expression of happiness. But when we‘re happy,
we‘ll show more exaggerated upward movements
of our lip corners, and the muscles around the eyes
will contract more, without the eyebrow raising

Sadness
Shame
Disgust
Compassion

Answer: Sadness
Sadness is characterized by oblique eyebrows,
where the corrugator muscles pull the eyebrows in,
but the inner part of the frontalis muscle pulls them
up. There‘s also a little pouching in the inner part of
the forehead, and people will often look down. Plus,
the corners of the lips are pulled straight down,
giving the mouth a curved look.
The expression of sadness is often confused with
shame, and it shares the oblique eyebrow muscle
movements of compassion.

Disgust
Love
Contempt
Desire

Answer: Desire
Desire is signaled through the mouth, with lip bites,
puckers, or (as in this case) lip licks. The mouth is
probably so strongly linked to desire because of the
connection to kissing. People often make this facial
expression when they‘re interested in someone else
sexually, but not necessarily romantically.
Desire is obviously a relative of love, but when people feel
loving and trusting and devoted to someone else, as
opposed to sexually aroused, they won't necessarily
make this kind of gesture with their mouth. Instead, they'll
often smile in a way that suggests happiness, with a head
tilt to the side.

Sadness
Pride
Embarrassment
Shame

Answer: Shame
Shame is a very simple display but a powerful one.
It simply involves gaze aversion, with the head
moving down so that the chin tucks into the neck.
It's the opposite of pride: Whereas with pride our
head tilts back and our chin goes up, shame often
constricts our posture as a sign of submissiveness.
This expression is frequently confused with
sadness. But shame doesn't involve the muscle
movements of the sad face—the eyebrows pulled
in and partly up, with the lip corners moving down.

Happiness
Desire
Politeness
Compassion

Answer: Politeness
This is a non-Duchenne smile—a smile that doesn‘t
signal true happiness. It suggests that the person is
trying to seem polite and cooperative, but they don‘t
genuinely feel happy.
The zygomatic major muscle is pulling the lip
corners up, but there are no signs of real joy
around the eyes—no crow‘s feet around the sides,
no pouching of the lower eyelid, no raising of the
cheek.

Sadness
Shame
Embarrassment
Love

Answer: Embarrassment
With about 30 percent of embarrassment episodes,
people touch their face, which is happening here.
Some experts believe the face touch is a defensive
movement, to protect the face after the person
violated some social rule.
In some parts of the world, people make a similar
hand gesture when they‘re ashamed. But with
shame, the head moves straight down, not to the
side, and there‘s no slight smile.

Guilt
Sadness
Pain
Disgust

Answer: Pain
When we feel pain, our facial muscles contract the face
and protect us from harm.
In the upper half of the face, the orbicularis oculi muscles around
the eyes contract, closing the eyes tightly, and the corrugator
muscle lowers our eyebrows. In the lower half of the face, our lips
tighten
and press upwards.
Especially when experiencing physical pain, people will
sometimes contract their neck, as is happening here, making this

Satisfaction
Flirtatiousness
Love
Compassion

Answer: Love
When we feel love, our facial expression often
resembles happiness: The zygomatic major muscle
pulls the lip corners up, and there‘s a tightening of
the lower eyelid.
But the distinct expression of love combines these
muscle movements with a tilt of the head to the
side. That‘s a sign of intimacy and connection
beyond just happiness.

"People see what they want to see." —Red
Barber

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) SKILL 4: USE
HUMOR AND PLAY TO DEAL WITH CHALLENGES
 Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to
life‘s difficulties. They lighten our burdens and
help us keep things in perspective. A good
hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood,
and brings our nervous system back into
balance.
 The ability to deal with challenges using humor and
play is the fourth skill of emotional intelligence.
Playful communication broadens our emotional

 Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view
our frustrations and disappointments from new
perspectives, laughter and play enable us to
survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
 Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor
often helps us say things that might be otherwise
difficult to express without creating a flap.

 Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves.
Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes
our bodies, which allows us to recharge and
accomplish more.
 Become more creative. When we loosen up, we
free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being,
allowing us to get creative and see things in new
ways.

RONALD REAGAN AND HIS SENSE OF HUMOUR
–VIDEO PRESENTATION

RESOLVE CONFLICT POSITIVELY
 Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in
relationships. Two people can‘t possibly have the
same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times.
 However, that needn‘t be a bad thing! Resolving
conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen
trust between people.
 When conflict isn‘t perceived as threatening or
punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in

 The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-
building way is the fifth key skill of emotional
intelligence. Successfully resolving differences
is supported by the previous four skills of
emotional intelligence.
 Once you know how to manage stress, stay
emotionally present and aware, communicate
nonverbally, and use humor and play, you‘ll be
better equipped to handle emotionally-charged
situations and catch and defuse many issues
before they escalate.

Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:
 Stay focused in the present. When we are not
holding on to old hurts and resentments, we can
recognize the reality of a current situation and view it
as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about
conflicts.
 Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and
energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a
positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about
and what is not.

 Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated,
protect yourself. But someone else‘s hurtful
behavior is in the past, remember that conflict
resolution involves giving up the urge to punish.
 End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two
people to keep an argument going. You can choose
to disengage from a conflict, even if you still
disagree.

Emotional Intelligence Tool:
Conflict Management Worksheet
This is a tool you can use with others or as a way to privately
help you take the charge or strong emotional reaction out of a
situation. Many situations we consider a conflict are really just
a conversation where two people trigger strong reactions in one
or both.
The goal is to neutralize the event and separate out what your
feelings are, your judgment or interpretation and what you need
to move forward.
Fill in the blanks on the worksheet below as you learn new
ways of thinking that will reduce conflicts.

"When you (neutral event) , I
feel (emotions) and
I judge/interpret (opinion, not fact) .
What I need is (request from the other
person) . (They may or may not be able to give it.)‖

Let's use an easy example. Perhaps you have a
work relationship with someone, maybe your boss,
who cuts you off when you come to share an idea or
solution to a problem. Fill in the sentence above and
sort out the pieces of your reaction. KEY! This is all
about YOU, not them.
The object here is to help you manage your
emotions, get to the trigger, and cleanly ask for what
you need without blaming others. This is great
emotional intelligence tool to help you self-
regulate and then respond vs. react. Your
reactions are usually all about you!

―Raise your emotional
intelligence by engaging
your emotions‖

―BE
EMOTIONALL
Y
INTELLIGENT
NOT STUPID‖
-FST

CASE STUDY ONE
―HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIOS‖

EMOTIONAL EXERCISE 2
―EMOTIONAL CLEARING‖

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE JOURNAL
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Emotional intelligence at the workplace day 1

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