Presentation made by Sarah Merron at the HR Exchange in Jakarta on 17th October 2012. Being mindful of your language.

1. The Hidden
Power of Language
Sarah Merron
Director, Fire Dragon Coaching Limited
17th October 2012

2. What’s the purpose of
increasing language skill?

3. What’s the purpose of
increasing language skill?
• Getting a prospect to imagine how
good they will feel after working
with you.

4. What’s the purpose of
increasing language skill?
• Getting a prospect to imagine how
good they will feel after working
with you.
• Reframing a team member from
unmotivated to excited at the
prospect of overcoming challenge.

5. What’s the purpose of
increasing language skill?
• Getting a prospect to imagine how
good they will feel after working
with you.
• Reframing a team member from
unmotivated to excited at the
prospect of overcoming challenge.
• Moving someone from
confrontation into flexible thinking
and potential agreement.

6. What’s the purpose of
increasing language skill?
• Getting a prospect to imagine how
good they will feel after working
with you.
• Reframing a team member from
unmotivated to excited at the
prospect of overcoming challenge.
• Moving someone from
confrontation into flexible thinking
and potential agreement.
• Allowing your team to see benefits
in your proposals and changes.

7. Being Mindful of Language Pays
Dividends

8. Being Mindful of Language Pays
Dividends
• 8 reasons to change “why?”
habits

9. Being Mindful of Language Pays
Dividends
• 8 reasons to change “why?”
habits
• The Hidden Meaning behind
words

10. Being Mindful of Language Pays
Dividends
• 8 reasons to change “why?”
habits
• The Hidden Meaning behind
words
• 3 “word bombs” to avoid in
business

11. Being Mindful of Language Pays
Dividends
• 8 reasons to change “why?”
habits
• The Hidden Meaning behind
words
• 3 “word bombs” to avoid in
business
• How to challenge the two
most common limiting
language patterns.

12. What’s so important about
the words we choose?

13. What’s so important about
the words we choose?
• Changes the direction of focus

14. What’s so important about
the words we choose?
• Changes the direction of focus
• Gives a snapshot of perspective

15. What’s so important about
the words we choose?
• Changes the direction of focus
• Gives a snapshot of perspective
• The difference between motivation and de-
motivation

16. What’s so important about
the words we choose?
• Changes the direction of focus
• Gives a snapshot of perspective
• The difference between motivation and de-
motivation
• Enhances the art of persuasion

17. What’s so important about
the words we choose?
• Changes the direction of focus
• Gives a snapshot of perspective
• The difference between motivation and de-
motivation
• Enhances the art of persuasion
• Increases efficiency

18. What’s so important about
the words we choose?
• Changes the direction of focus
• Gives a snapshot of perspective
• The difference between motivation and de-
motivation
• Enhances the art of persuasion
• Increases efficiency
• Maximises Opportunity

19. How? vs. Why?

20. How? vs. Why?
Why? How?
How did we come to lose this
Why did we lose this contract?
contract?
Why did the client choose the How did the client come to
other supplier? choose the other supplier?
How did you come to make that
Why did you make that decision?
decision?
Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?

21. How? vs. Why?
Why? How?
How did we come to lose this
Why did we lose this contract?
contract?
Why did the client choose the How did the client come to
other supplier? choose the other supplier?
How did you come to make that
Why did you make that decision?
decision?
Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?

22. How? vs. Why?
Why? How?
How did we come to lose this
Why did we lose this contract?
contract?
Why did the client choose the How did the client come to
other supplier? choose the other supplier?
How did you come to make that
Why did you make that decision?
decision?
Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?

23. How? vs. Why?
Why? How?
How did we come to lose this
Why did we lose this contract?
contract?
Why did the client choose the How did the client come to
other supplier? choose the other supplier?
How did you come to make that
Why did you make that decision?
decision?
Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?

24. How? vs. Why?
Why? How?
How did we come to lose this
Why did we lose this contract?
contract?
Why did the client choose the How did the client come to
other supplier? choose the other supplier?
How did you come to make that
Why did you make that decision?
decision?
Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?

25. Why?

26. Why?
• Why? Generates answers
that “justify”

27. Why?
• Why? Generates answers
that “justify”
• Why? Can create a feeling
of defensiveness

28. Why?
• Why? Generates answers
that “justify”
• Why? Can create a feeling
of defensiveness
• Why? Generates a long
story and can waste
time

29. Why?
• Why? Generates answers
that “justify”
• Why? Can create a feeling
of defensiveness
• Why? Generates a long
story and can waste
time
• Why? Can miss key
opportunities

30. How?

31. How?
• How? Recovers
process

32. How?
• How? Recovers
process
• How? Leads to potential
solutions

33. How?
• How? Recovers
process
• How? Leads to potential
solutions
• How? Is emotionally
dissociated

34. How?
• How? Recovers
process
• How? Leads to potential
solutions
• How? Is emotionally
dissociated
• How? Conveys
optimism

35. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
8
Transform the Planet

36. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, you’ll need to understand more
about how our group operates.”
8
Transform the Planet

37. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, you’ll need to understand more
about how our group operates.”
8
Transform the Planet

38. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, you’ll need to understand more
about how our group operates.”
Get curious …
8
Transform the Planet

39. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, you’ll need to understand more
about how our group operates.”
Get curious …
• What is John pre-supposing about George?
8
Transform the Planet

40. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, you’ll need to understand more
about how our group operates.”
Get curious …
• What is John pre-supposing about George?
• How does George feel?
8
Transform the Planet

41. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, you’ll need to understand more
about how our group operates.”
Get curious …
• What is John pre-supposing about George?
• How does George feel?
8
Transform the Planet

42. Our Map of The Speaker’s World
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, you’ll need to understand more
about how our group operates.”
Get curious …
• What is John pre-supposing about George?
• How does George feel?
John: “As we’ll be working together,
George, do you think we might start by
understanding each other’s operations.”
8
Transform the Planet

43. What is the assumption here?
9
Transform the Planet

44. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
9
Transform the Planet

45. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
9
Transform the Planet

46. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
Get curious …
9
Transform the Planet

47. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
Get curious …
• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike
9
Transform the Planet

48. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
Get curious …
• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike
• What’s she focussing on?
9
Transform the Planet

49. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
Get curious …
• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike
• What’s she focussing on?
• Is there a better way?
9
Transform the Planet

50. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
Get curious …
• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike
• What’s she focussing on?
• Is there a better way?
9
Transform the Planet

51. What is the assumption here?
Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a
project together you must keep me
informed of all problems.”
Get curious …
• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike
• What’s she focussing on?
• Is there a better way?
Ann: “I would like to debrief this project.
Mike, I feel that we could both improve
our communication, what do you think?”
9
Transform the Planet

52. 3 Word Bombs To
Avoid

53. 3 Word Bombs To
Avoid
• Can’t

54. 3 Word Bombs To
Avoid
• Can’t
• But

55. 3 Word Bombs To
Avoid
• Can’t
• But
• Try

56. Language in As & Bs

57. Language in As & Bs
1) A = B

58. Language in As & Bs
1) A = B
If I can’t see the curve, that
means the world is flat.

59. Language in As & Bs
1) A = B
If I can’t see the curve, that
means the world is flat.

60. Language in As & Bs
1) A = B
If I can’t see the curve, that
means the world is flat.
2) A .................B

61. Language in As & Bs
1) A = B
If I can’t see the curve, that
means the world is flat.
2) A .................B
If you visit Australia, then you
will see a Koala Bear.

62. Language in As & Bs
1) A = B
If I can’t see the curve, that
means the world is flat.
2) A .................B
If you visit Australia, then you
will see a Koala Bear.

63. Approach In Steps

64. Approach In Steps
1) Find out what each word
means in their mind.

65. Approach In Steps
1) Find out what each word
means in their mind.
2) Use “how” questioning.

66. Approach In Steps
1) Find out what each word
means in their mind.
2) Use “how” questioning.
3) Learn Quadrant Questions

67. Let’s Challenge Them!
Transform the Planet

68. Let’s Challenge Them!
Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we
can’t improve the service we provide.”
Transform the Planet

69. Let’s Challenge Them!
Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we
can’t improve the service we provide.”
Transform the Planet

70. Let’s Challenge Them!
Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we
can’t improve the service we provide.”
Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
Transform the Planet

71. Let’s Challenge Them!
Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we
can’t improve the service we provide.”
Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
Transform the Planet

72. Let’s Challenge Them!
Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we
can’t improve the service we provide.”
Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
Paul: “These people are short-sighted and we should do
something about that.”
Transform the Planet

73. Let’s Challenge Them!
Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we
can’t improve the service we provide.”
Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
Paul: “These people are short-sighted and we should do
something about that.”
Transform the Planet

74. Let’s Challenge Them!
Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we
can’t improve the service we provide.”
Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
Paul: “These people are short-sighted and we should do
something about that.”
James: “We need to achieve our targets by the end of the
quarter or we’re in real trouble.”
Transform the Planet

75. 4 Questions To Get To The
Bottom of Everything

76. 4 Questions To Get To The
Bottom of Everything
AB -AB
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you did? happen if you did?
A-B -A-B
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?

77. 4 Questions To Get To The
Bottom of Everything
AB -AB
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you did? happen if you did?
A-B -A-B
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?

78. 4 Questions To Get To The
Bottom of Everything
AB -AB
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you did? happen if you did?
A-B -A-B
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?

79. 4 Questions To Get To The
Bottom of Everything
AB -AB
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you did? happen if you did?
A-B -A-B
What would happen What wouldn’t
if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?

80. Let’s Challenge Them!
Transform the Planet

81. Let’s Challenge Them!
“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t
improve the service we provide.”
Transform the Planet

82. Let’s Challenge Them!
“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t
improve the service we provide.”
Transform the Planet

83. Let’s Challenge Them!
“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t
improve the service we provide.”
“It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
Transform the Planet

84. Let’s Challenge Them!
“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t
improve the service we provide.”
“It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
Transform the Planet

85. Let’s Challenge Them!
“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t
improve the service we provide.”
“It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
“These people are short-sighted and we should do something
about that.”
Transform the Planet

86. Let’s Challenge Them!
“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t
improve the service we provide.”
“It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
“These people are short-sighted and we should do something
about that.”
Transform the Planet

87. Let’s Challenge Them!
“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t
improve the service we provide.”
“It seems that accountants never understand the vision”
“These people are short-sighted and we should do something
about that.”
“We need to achieve our targets by the end of the quarter or
we’re in real trouble.”
Transform the Planet

88. Persuasion

89. Persuasion
• To the optimist, the glass is half full.

90. Persuasion
• To the optimist, the glass is half full.
• To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.

91. Persuasion
• To the optimist, the glass is half full.
• To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.
• To the engineer, the glass is twice
as big as it needs to be.

92. Persuasion
• To the optimist, the glass is half full.
• To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.
• To the engineer, the glass is twice
as big as it needs to be.
• To the marketer, the glass is a new
special beverage container solution
to your drink related problems

93. Persuasion
• To the optimist, the glass is half full.
• To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.
• To the engineer, the glass is twice
as big as it needs to be.
• To the marketer, the glass is a new
special beverage container solution
to your drink related problems
• The Persuasion Artist would drink
and then talk you in to buying them
another

94. The Hidden
Power of Language
Sarah Merron
Director, Fire Dragon Coaching Limited
17th October 2012