Ten things, and an introduction to No Such Thing as a Bully

1. Kelly Karius
10
THINGS
YOU MAY
NOT KNOW
ABOUT
BULLYING
Shred the label, save a child

2. Overview

Changes in thought

The suicide epidemic (suicide as a solution?)

Skill-based v. emotional solutions

Not TELL, but SHOW AND TELL

3. The Problem
If you define a problem wrong, or use the
wrong steps, it never gets solved.
That’s what has happened with bullying.
When we call each other bullies or victims, or
even worse, say it’s ‘normal’ behavior we
move away from solutions.

4. A Solution

Changing Language

Changing Perceptions
Have you ever:

Kicked someone?

Hit someone?

Called someone a name?

Left someone out on purpose?

5. The New Perception
All of us, including adults, young adults and
smaller children, use bully actions and victim
responses at times. At ALL times, each of us is a
bystander.

6. Introducing NSTAAB
• Language Change
• System Policy
• Move from control to collaboration
• Does this consequence contribute to the
restoration of a positive supportive climate to
the school?
• Partner – UKnowKids.com

7. How NSTAAB Helps
Creation of a system
Lessons for Schools
Website for Schools
Book for Parents
Policy
Reporting System
Community Immersions
Train the Trainer
Camp Program
See our Web site for details!

8. 5 SIGNS
#1 Using Bully Actions
General Tip: Watch for changes.
Signs your child is using bully actions:
– Your child shows aggressive impulses.
– Quick to become frustrated.
– Low levels of remorse and empathy.
– Actions may be supported.
– Blames others.
– Lacks insight into consequences.

9. 5 SIGNS
#2 Receiving Bully Actions
Signs your child is receiving bully actions:
– School disruptions
– Change in route to school
– Negative mood changes when using technology
– Withdrawal from peers
– Extreme after school hunger
– Stealing
– Using bathroom immediately

10. 5 SIGNS
#3 Using Victim Responses
Signs your child is using victim responses:
– Anxious and insecure behaviors. Fearful
– Cautious responses. Shame.
– Lacking in confidence.
– Few obvious friends.
– Individualistic characteristics.
– Provides entertaining responses.

11. 5 SIGNS
#4 Depression and Suicide
• Over reactive outbursts of crying or anger
• sadness, irritability
• Loss of interest; withdrawal
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Changes in appetite or eating habits
• Feeling tired or slow
• Being restless, anxious, or worried, poor
concentration

12. The Link Between Depression
& Bullying
• Let’s just talk common sense…no research.
– People need people.
– People feel rejection deeply, even when they say they
don’t.
– Each one of us, whatever ‘label’ we ascribe to, or avoid,
wants to be loved for the person that we are.
– When we are rejected through bully actions, it has an
emotional effect.
– When we use bully actions, if we REALLY let ourselves
think and examine it, it has an emotional effect.

13. Bullying Statistics
60,000 children miss school every day
1 in 7 Students in Grades K-12 is either a bully or a
victim of bullying.
56% of students have personally witnessed some type
of bullying at school.
15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to
fears of being bullied at school.
71% of students report incidents of bullying as a
problem at their school.

14. 5 SIGNS
#5 Progress
• Try new things
• Speak positively about self
• Higher tolerance for frustration
• Increased persistence
• Self motivation
• Realistic thinking
• Setbacks seen as temporary
• Problem solving
• Ability to work individually and in teams
• Sense of optimism

15. 5 Tools
Tool #1 - Communication
strategies
• Questions
• Saying No
• Tone of Voice

16. 5 Tools
Tool #2 – Esteem Building
• Balanced thinking
• Calming mind
• Watch labels and names you use
• Watch self talk they use
• Positive accurate feedback
• Never say never

17. 5 Tools
Tool #3 – Modeling
Friend Behavior
• Tool #3 – Modeling Friend Behavior
• Roleplay
• Brainstorm
• Practice Skills
• Model Skills

18. 5 Tools
Tool #4 – Empathy
Building
• Questions
• Allowing sadness
• Exposure to others situations
• Helping others
• Create expectations
• Notice kindnesses

19. 5 Tools
Tool #5 – Opportunity
Provision
• Opportunity to practice skills
• Opportunity to try new things
• Opportunity to help others
• Opportunity to choose new friends
• Opportunity to experience

20. Cyberbullying

21. Child Shaming
Don’t be your child’s cyberbully.
“How does this consequence contribute to the
restoration of a positive climate?”

22. I start
screaming the
second
mummy sits
down for
dinner or gets
in the bath
every single
day.

23. I threw a
bowl of
pasta on
the carpet
then I
refused to
clean it up.

24. We got
toothpaste
everywhere
in the
bathroom.

25. I wanted to
shave the
cat.

26. Since I want to
post photos of
me holding
liquor, I am
obviously not
ready for social
media and will
be taking a
hiatus until I
learn what I
should and
should not
post.
Bye Bye

27. I lie
I steal
I sell
drug
I don’t
follow the
law

28. Then and Now
• Childhood games
• The need for involvement
• Phones
• The value of a moment
• Seeking the teachable moment
The Growing Personality

29. Adults and Children
• How adults are online
search and social media
business promotion
games
close personal texting and calling
• How children are online
– Social media – snapchat, twitter, instagram, pinterest, myspace…
– Copious personal texting and calling
***Cautions: Snapchat, thedirty

30. What is Cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying: Use of internet services for Deliberate,
repeated, hostile behavior with the intention of harming
another, by an individual or group.
Trolling: “Trolling” is making inflammatory, anonymous
statements on the Internet for the sole purpose of derailing an
online discussion or provoking the other participants in the
discussion.

31. Signs of Cyberbullying
• signs of emotional distress during or after using the
Internet or the phone
• being very protective or secretive of their digital life
• withdrawal from friends and activities
• avoidance of school or group gatherings
• slipping grades and "acting out" in anger at home
• changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or appetite
• shutting down a social media site

32. Cyberbullying Stats
• - 1 in 5 Canadian Teens have witnessed online Bullying
• - 25% of kids between 12-15 have witnessed cyberbullying
• - 25% of girls and 17% of boys have witnessed online
harassment
• - 51% of all teens have had negative experience with social
networking
• - 16% said someone posted an embarrassing photo of them
• - 12% said someone hacked their account
Ipsos Reid

33. What is “sexting”?
Sexting is the act of sending sexually
explicit messages and/or photographs, primarily
between mobile phones.

34. Stats and Prevention
• 33% of youth aged 18-24 have sexted.
• 24% of youth aged 14-17 have sexted.
• 66% of girls and 60% of boys did it because it was fun
and flirtatious.
• Teens who use cell phones as a dominant form of
communication are more likely to send and receive
sexts.
**Monitoring, awareness and communication

35. What is “grooming”?
Child grooming refers to actions deliberately
undertaken with the aim of befriending and
establishing an emotional connection with a
child, to lower the child's inhibitions in
preparation for sexual activity with the child, or
exploitation.

36. Signs of “Grooming”
• “Let’s go private.”
• “Where’s your computer in the house?”
• “Who’s your favorite band? Designer? Film? Gear?”
• “I know someone who can get you a modeling job.”
• “I know a way you can earn money fast.”
• “You seem sad. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
• “What’s your phone number?”
• “If you don’t... [do what I ask], I’ll... [tell your parents OR share your
photos”
• “You are the love of my life.”

37. Next Steps
Visit our Web site
Get free trial
Educate, Engage, Protect, Share
Presentations for Students
Then visit cybertip.ca
Take your photo (Canadian kids)
Q & A

38. Closing
• Handout
• Link/password
• Bullying Prevention team
• Train the Trainer may be coming to your area!
• Book sponsors/website sponsorships
• Application Opportunity