1. Understanding Intercultural
Communication Second Edition
Chapter 10
What are the Challenges in Developing
an Intercultural-Intimate Relationship?
Stella Ting-Toomey & Leeva C. Chung
OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS
PowerPoint Slides Designed by Alex Flecky and Noorie Baig

2. TODAY’S MENU
I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate
Relationships: Invisible Challenges
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict:
Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children
V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-
Ables

3. I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate
Relationships: Invisible Challenges
A. Cultural-Ethnic Membership
Values
Individualistic Orientation Collectivistic Orientation
I-identity relationship We-identity, ingroup
expectations relationship pressures
Ingroup’s (we) connection,
Couple’s privacy, concerns
autonomy
Structural commitment,
Voluntary, personal family and social
commitment reactions
Low-context emotional High-context emotional
expressions expressions
Value companionate

4. Media Activity: YouTube Videos
 The Meaning of Love 7 Billion Others
 Church Bans Interracial Couple

5. I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate
Relationships: Invisible Challenges
Discussion Questions:
Intercultural-intimate relationships:
 Have you experienced a relationship of this
type?
 What were some positive things that you
gained from it? What were some negative
things that occurred?
 What was most surprising to you about the
different love expectations?
 Have you experienced the “me–we”
dialectical forces in any of your relationships?

6. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
A. Perceived Physical Attractiveness
Physical attractiveness critical to initial
attraction; cultural differences regarding
what is attractive.
• For example, U.S. individuals attracted to: high
energy, enthusiasm.; Korean individuals
attracted to: high integrity, concern for others.
B. Perceived Similarity
• Similarity–attraction hypothesis: cognitive
consistency

7. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure
Comparisons
• Self-disclosure: intentional process of
revealing exclusive information about
ourselves to others that other individuals
do not know.
• Social penetration theory:
interpersonal information progresses
from superficial nonintimate to more
deep-layered intimate self-disclosure.

8. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure
Comparisons: Discussion
Check out similarities and
differences….
• Where did you learn your self-disclosure
tendency?
• Do you come from a high-disclosive family or a
low-disclosive family?
• What topics do you consider as quite “Public”?
• What topics do you consider as quite “Private”?

9. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure Comparisons:
Johari Window:

10. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
Media Activity: Fools Rush In film clip
Discussion:
• Can you relate to this clip?
• How do the cultural value dimensions impact
the development of your particular intimate
relationship?
• How did Alex and Isabel handle the dialectical
tensions of autonomy and connectedness?
• How did they differ in terms of disclosing to
their parents about Isabel’s pregnancy?

11. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
D. Online Disclosure of Affection
Do you stay in touch with your Facebook friends by
“liking” their posts, photos, or statuses?
E. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online and
Mobile Dating
Five phases of online dating:
1. Attention
2. Recognition
3. Interaction
4. Face-to-face meeting
5. Resolution

12. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
E. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online
and Mobile Dating
• Have you tried match.com or
eharmony.com? How about pof.com
(plenty of fish.com )?
Take a look at this Indian matrimonial
site:
• Did you notice that his parents created this
posting? How would you react if your parents did
something like this out of concern for you?

13. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
F. Intercultural/Interracial Romantic
Relationship Development
Interracial couples’ four stages of
“racial” awareness and awakening:
• Racial awareness
• Coping
• Identity emergence
• Relationship maintenance

14. II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
Some Intercultural-Intimate
Relationship Research
• Generation is predictor of interethnic
relationships.
• Individuals with assimilated, bicultural, or
marginal identities have greater tendency to
date outgroup members.
• The “Romeo and Juliet” effect: The more
the families are against relationship, the
more the couple wants to rebel against
parents, thus finding each other more

15. III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict:
Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks
A. The Encounter: Prejudice and
Racism
Intercultural-intimate conflict:
Antagonistic friction or
disagreement between two
romantic partners caused, in part, by
cultural or ethnic group membership
differences.
Have you observed prejudice or
racism toward interracial couples?

16. III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict:
Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks
B. Countering Racism and Prejudice:
Coping Strategies:
1. Ignoring or dismissing
2. Normalizing
3. Withdrawing
4. Educating
5. Confrontation
6. Prayer
7. Humor

17. IV. Raising Secure Bicultural
Children
A. Bicultural Identity Struggles:
Four identity forms of bicultural
children:
1. Majority-group identifiers
2. Minority-group identifiers
3. Synthesizers
4. Dissaffiliates

18. IV. Raising Secure Bicultural
Children:
Some suggestions:
• Work out identity plan early – communicate with your
partner (e.g., religious faith, language, customs).
• Listen to your children’s identity experiences.
• Provide cultural enrichment opportunities.
• Be truthful about prejudice & racism issues.
• Nurture & support different identity facets.
• Provide safety net & maturation challenges. Realize
that children will grow up & choose their own identity
path….
• Together: DRAW an ideal dream house….

19. IV. Raising Secure Bicultural
Children
B. Cultivating a Secure Multifaceted
Identity
To help bicultural individuals:
• Know values and beliefs of each group.
• Positive attitude toward both groups.
• Confidence that one can live effectively within
both groups without compromising one’s
individual identity.
• Be grounded.

20. V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-
Ables
In managing diverse intimate
relationship issues, here are some
helpful do-ables:
• Pay attention to culture-based challenges.
• Be mindful that individualists and
collectivists may hold different
expectations.
• Be sensitive to your partner’s family
reaction issues.
• Be flexible in learning your partner’s

21. Parting Thoughts…
Living on borders and in margins,
keeping intact one’s shifting and multiple identity
and integrity,
is like trying to swim
in a new element, an “alien” element.
~ Gloria
Anzaldua