1. The de Patriarch Legacy!

2. Hey, everyone! This is my first shot at storytelling, so hopefully you’ll like it. Up there is my 3rd generation Sim painting, but he’ll be the founder of this Legacy. I wonder if anybody has done THAT before? (That’s Alphonse de Patriarch formerly Montfort, by the way)

3. First thing he did after I moved him into this lot was take a book from the shelf. Dream on, Alphonse, you’re not going to make a lot of money for awhile. Alphonse here is a Fortune/Popularity Sim with the lifetime want for 50 first dates. His personality is as follow: 8/5/1/9/5. If I was playing him with the rest of his family, I’d just ignore it, but I want him to be platinum when it comes for the time that he has kids. Bless his soul. Handicaps for this legacy are as follow: Well-dressed, so I have to buy a dresser for each Sim; Do it yourself, so no service—no maids, no exterminator, NOTHING; Strict family values, so I had to override the ACR with ‘no autonomy’; True love, so Alphonse and the rest of them need to ‘meet their soul mates’; and the Free Roaming Ghosts. Whew! Let’s see if I can do that in ten generations (since Alphonse is the founder, it’ll start with him). Oh, and obviously, it’s a patriarch, so the firstborn male inherits, no matter how ugly he is or how putrid his personality is! Whee!

4. “BLAAAARGH! None of the books on this shelf is of any interest to me!” I know that. Now shut up. And call me ‘Creator’, Alphonse. Your good looks, though flamboyant, won’t get you anywhere in this legacy. “What do you mean?” No hot spouses until you have three bolts with them, no excess wealth, no boolprop, and definitely no crystal-clear numbers of children for you! “WHAT IN THE NAME OF PLUMBOB? I WANT BACK IN THE MONTFORT FAMILY! NOW!” Sorry, not gonna happen.

5. Oh hey, Mr. Humble left a computer for you! “Can I sell it?” NO. Note the townie in the corner. We might need him for later in case one of the future heirs ever turns out to be… /cough … inclined to one way. Also, Alphonse is platinum… for the moment. “This sucks! When can I get my dates?” Soon, Alphonse, soon. I don’t hate you that much.

6. “Do I really have to do this? Can’t I just go downtown, find some pretty girls? I’m feeling sick to my stomach just looking at this old bat.” Yeah, like she didn’t hear that. And yes, you really do have to do this. What other way to get fifty dates?

7. “She’s like, completely incompatible with me, and you set it so that I have to find true love! What was the point of this date?!” Oh, get it over with, Alphonse, she’s only aspiration fodder.

8. “So, like, I think you’re not my type, after all, I don’t like men in queer clothes. So… yeah. Don’t call me again, weirdo.” OOOH, BURN! “Creator! Whenever will you get to that true love crap? It’s been three days and I haven’t had se—” Enough… let’s turn the page.

9. Despite the name-calling on both sides—hey, it was only a $37 date—they actually got along really well after the date ended and she stuck around long enough to have a pillow fight with my founder. “She hits HARD!” Suck it up! It’s going to get worse for you later on. You want sex? Then you’ll have to deal with screaming babies, a nagging housewife, and peeing dogs and cats clogging up their want panels. Since, y’know, you’ll have to get married if you want to “do it”. “…” You sure she’s not a potential wife? (Surprisingly, even though they never had any bolts, they ended up good friends)

10. I did a double take on this photo and… EWW! Alphonse, that’s a TEENAGER! Oh my god, blame me for installing that hack that enables teenager to adult dating. “Don’t look at me. You said they’re all aspiration fodder. She’s not that pretty, anyways.” Argh… seriously? Okay, I’m going to put the 50 dates on hold. No more blind dates, I don’t want you going to jail for kissing another teenager. “Alright. I can’t complain there. I’m a fortune Sim, after all, not pleasure. Can’t I re-roll?” You already re-rolled in college. Ugh, I regret this. Alphonse used to be Family with the secondary knowledge aspiration. I really WISH I hadn’t let him re-roll. What had I been thinking?

11. This is Trista, Alphonse’s old girlfriend that he dated while he was in college. They have three bolts together, so I may marry her in, but I’m not sure if that’s outright breaking legacy rules. Then again, they ARE 100% compatible. “Hello, Alphonse, when was the last time I saw you? Um… let me see… wow, it was such a long time ago.” “It was four days ago. I just graduated, Trista. In fact, you were at my graduation party, getting boozed up. Did you really forget that?” “Sorry, baby. It won’t happen again! I’ll have you know that us maids are VERY high maintenance. I don’t know what got me at the time of the party.” “Uhh, right. I love you.” “I love you too.”

12. Alphonse’s aspiration meter was getting a bit low, so I had them go on a date downtown. What better place than Crypt O’Night Club? “He’s just so… beautiful.” I get it, Trista, you want to marry him. Well, I’ll think about it. In the meantime, let’s have a nice, cheap dinner of lime-seared prawns. No lobster thermidor, because no one of you can afford it, obviously. And what’s that +500 for, Alphonse? “For being with my beautiful wife-to-be.” You’re pushing it, aren’t you? “Well, it’d be nice if I married her…” YOU’RE NOT A FAMILY SIM! >_<

13. What the… ALPHONSE! Why are you proposing to her?! I didn’t say you could do anything yet! “Then why did you let me do it? Heheh.” Please say no, please say no….

14. “Why, Alphonse! How did you know this was in my want panel?! Oh, baby, of course I’ll marry you!” /groan

15. Wow, poor Alphonse. I was going to have him fish so he wouldn’t need to pay for food to cook, but alas, right after he cast the bait, the lake froze up. “Would it have killed you to look at the weather panel?”

16. The newspaper strangely hasn’t arrived (or maybe it was stolen…) yet, so I had Alphonse paint a picture. Hopefully, that’ll make him platinum because the want to sell a masterpiece has been in his panel for a few days now. What you painting there? “A couple of clowns.” And he really did.

17. Finally, he got a job in the journalist career. It was the first thing that came up while reading the newspaper. “Actually, I think I’d rather be an gamer. The career reward from that is totally awesome.” Mhm. How’s the fiancée going? “Peachy. Can I invite the relatives over for a wedding party?” You’re lucky I’m even letting you get married at all.

18. “Urrmpf!” Alright, so he got promoted to whatever in his career track, so I decided to reward him by having Trista over. "Can I marry her now? I'm feeling... frisky." That's beyond nasty. But seriously, Alphonse HAD been whining and nagging at me for days now, and he was continuously rolling wants to woohoo with Trista. So how could I say no?

19. “I, Trista, take thee, Alphonse, to be my lawfully wedded husband, secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this special day, I give to you in the presence of God and these witnesses my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad.” Give herself to me? Yes!! “I, Alphonse, take thee, Trista, to be my lawfully wedded wife, secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this special day, I give to you in the presence of God and these witnesses my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad.” You may kiss the bride.

20. /sounds of kissing …. Congrats, perv.

21. “Mmrpf! My windpipe!” That’s not particularly nice. “Oh come on, Creator, she LOVES me, so she’ll forgive me for it later on.” JERK. You won’t have much of a sex life if you keep that up!

22. “To a long and healthy life!” “Amen!” I really wouldn’t trust him with that nasty grin on his face. After about ten toasts, they both had to pee. Unfortunately there was only one bathroom, so poor… /cough cough … Alphonse almost went into bladder failure. It’s a good thing I don’t have that one handicap that says that sims can’t pee themselves. Trista came into the family with 18,000 simoleons, a LTW of throwing a golden anniversary, and maxed out cleaning. Makes sense. She’s a family sim and is lazy, extremely playful, and semi-mean. Joy. Hopefully the kids won’t inherit that, but unfortunately, Alphonse isn’t that much better anyways.

23. …. “Mmm, Trista, you’re so beautiful… come here!” “Is it just me, or did the room get really warm?” Eww! Of course, I begrudgingly had to let them woohoo, since they were both rolling for it. Let’s hope she has a baby, because she also rolled for that.

24. /lullaby Am I the only one that thinks that those purple hearts are demented?

25. I just realized that Trista has the Goopy face. I’m not going for pretty, but… I still don’t want to see ugly genes pop up in this family. Hopefully the heir won’t inherit it. I’m hopeful because it’s happened before and nothing bad has really ever happened those times. “What, you think I’m ugly?” Maybe. But hey, I made you look decent, so you should be grateful! “Well, I guess so… and next time, can you please not take a snapshot while I’m wearing only a bra and underwear?” Since you’re surprisingly a polite sim despite those “points” in your personality… sure!

26. Woo-hoo, you got promoted! Alphonse, for once, you’re actually useful. “Well, gee, thanks for the sentiment.” Seriously, I picked the right chance card and he got promoted to obituary writer. Nevermind the fact that his pregnant wife passed out while eating a grilled cheese sandwich. That can’t be good for her face—she’s going to get acnes from that, methinks.

27. Even though they have three bolts, as you already know, they strangely don’t sleep in the same bed. Actually, I told Alphonse to sleep in the double bed with his wife but he cancelled the command and instead made a beeline for the old bed that he slept in while he was a bachelor. “Creator, be quiet, for I am sleeping.”

28. What you doing there, Trista? Honing your painting skills, I see. “Yeah, I thought that maybe I’d like to contribute to the family funds. Since y’know, technically I am a maid but the handicap says I can’t clean for a living….” That’s not exactly what the handicap meant when they said no service sims. But oh well, at least you’ll get skill points from it. Good thinking, I like you! “Thanks. Now I know you won’t kill me off like you did Alphonse’s sister when she was a toddler.” How did she know about that? O_o I’m sensing an—albeit polite—stalker here. (Just so that you know, the painting sold miserably for only $27.)

29. Trista, although slightly facially challenged, does have pretty eyes. They’re default replacements of cannot-remember-who-made-them converted by Pooklet over at Garden of Shadows, where I get at least seventy percent of my custom content, including Alph’s feminine clothes. Granted, their hair and make-up and etc., are probably just recolors or re-textures from different sites, they’re tweaked to look better. For instance, Alphonse’s hair by Peggy, but the textures are by Pooklet, methinks. “Do I really have to paint her portrait? I can’t sell it for simoleons, and my want to sell a masterpiece has been locked for days now….” Yes. I don’t want it to be a watered down legacy. You’re so friggin’ lazy, you know that? “No, I’m not!”

30. Here is Trista skilling for cooking points. Alphonse has maxed out cooking, but he kind of sucks at cooking… he always burns lobster. I’ll see if Trista can pull it off. Truth be told, cooking is the very first skill that I make my sims grind. After all, I HATE fires. Those simpletons always either run around or just stand there screaming their heads off uselessly at the fire until the fireman arrives… but at that point, the entire kitchen will have burned down.

31. Alphonse got promoted again… finally. I guess the boss down at the newspaper headquarters got fed up with all those “Dear Ed Gilscarbo passed away on –insert date here- He was a family sim that loved spoiling little turds with happy smiles and toys and A bombs. He will be sorely missed by no one… maybe except the kid that he never had.” obituaries that Alphonse… /cough cough …submitted. “I did no such thing, Creator. They deserved every single bit of backsass they got, though.” Uh-huh… respecting the dead, I see. By the way, you might want to tell Trista about your co-worker. He’s getting some major eying on you right now, and I don’t think she’d like that. “With those 3 nice points, who knows what she’ll do?” True. She’s a stalker. Probably would kick flamingos and steal newspapers if anyone crossed her.

32. Tristamiscarriaged. … That is all. I’m royally pissed off right now. For a while, I actually thought she’d be a great addition to the family. Stupid Sim.

33. Umm, hello, your wife just miscarriaged! Go talk to her, console her! Instead of painting a creepy portrait that oddly resembles Gordon from Batman. “But Creator, it sold for $635! Aren’t you proud? I mean, I worked hard on it, and it made me platinum….” For a sim that’s supposed to be neither nice nor mean, you’re really something special. At least you can actually paint, which can’t really be said for the relatives before you.

34. Despite the sadness, Trista the stalker became pregnant again for the second time. Guess I’m lucky, because I only had to press “Try for Baby” once for both times before the lullaby sounded. Here’s Alphonse fishing and he recently got a silver badge, which means: better food! For an useless Sim, he’s actually really useful, and it’s growing on me. “Does that mean I’ll get nice things now? Hot tubs, a flatscreen TV, and a pool table? Pleeeaase?” Ha!

35. While Alphonse is sleeping, Trista decides to hit up the cow that tormented her all through college time. “Giles! How you been?” “Um, is that you, Trista whatever-your-name-used-to-be? Why are you calling me at this time of the day to talk about Coke? And you ain’t talking about the soda brand. Quit wasting my time, I have more important matters to attend to, like crashing sorority parties with a stink bomb! Good day to you! Good riddance….”

36. “Why the long face there, love?” She looks like a duck when she does that…. “I’m just so scared… you always burn the lobster. You sure the bands are still on their claws? Are they alive? I wouldn’t like to eat live lobster… Creator, don’t you remember the time when you were a baby and you tried to eat a live lobster?!” STOP THAT, TRISTA. “Um, I’m sure there won’t be any issues with the lobster. Now, issues with you? I’m not so sure.”

37. Yawn. Another promotion…. Moving along.

38. STUPID FRACKIN’ BATHTUB! >< This is the SECOND time in two days that it has broken.

39. Oh great, Trista, you’re in aspiration failure. There’s something you reader(s) should know about Trista. She has completely USELESS wants clogging up her panel, and she wants to sell a masterpiece, like, right naow. Ha! She doesn’t even have a 7 in creativity! Go back to bed and cry yourself to sleep. Wait, that’s probably not a good idea. She’ll upset herself and go overboard, then have yet another miscarriage. /sigh Stupid mod!

40. ALPHONSE! What could possibly be in the oven that caused a fire?! Well, at least you’re not merely standing around screaming your big head off…. “I’m sorry, Creator! ARGH! Sorry!” Well, not really.

41. … Fail. You frackin’ burned POP TARTS. Even my mother, whom if I boolproped in this game would have absolutely zero cooking skills, would have the common sense to put them into the TOASTER. And you have TEN cooking points! “There’s no toasters in this game!” Oh, be quiet, you, and let me belittle your puny logic.

42. GRRR. My hand slipped and couldn’t hit the pause button in time to capture a picture of Trista giving birth, so…. Next time, we’ll find out if it’s a boy or a girl, because quite frankly, I’m tired of having to deal with my Sims’ stupidity for two days. See you, and happy simming!

43. … Oh wait, you don’t want a cliffhanger? Alright, I’ll tell you! You, Trista de Patriarch, have succeeded in giving Alphonse a baby… BOY! The infant’s name is Marion Fitzgerald “Fitz” de Patriarch. Whew, that’s a handful, ain’t it? Until next time… bye!