1. JOKE 1JOKE 1

2. Two women were outTwo women were out
for a Saturday stroll.for a Saturday stroll.
One had a DobermanOne had a Doberman
and the other, aand the other, a
Chihuahua.Chihuahua.

3. As they walked down the street, the oneAs they walked down the street, the one
with the Doberman said to her friend,with the Doberman said to her friend,
'Let's go over to that bar for a drink.‘'Let's go over to that bar for a drink.‘
The lady with the Chihuahua said, 'WeThe lady with the Chihuahua said, 'We
can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.'can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.'
The one with the Doberman said, 'JustThe one with the Doberman said, 'Just
watch, and do as I do.'watch, and do as I do.'

4. They walked over to the bar and the one with theThey walked over to the bar and the one with the
Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses andDoberman put on a pair of dark glasses and
started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said,started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said,
'Sorry, lady, no pets allowed''Sorry, lady, no pets allowed'
The woman with the Doberman said, 'You don'tThe woman with the Doberman said, 'You don't
understand. This is my guide dog.'understand. This is my guide dog.'
The bouncer said, 'A Doberman?'The bouncer said, 'A Doberman?'
The woman said, 'Yes, they're using them now.The woman said, 'Yes, they're using them now.
They're very good.'They're very good.'
The bouncer said, 'OK, come on in.'The bouncer said, 'OK, come on in.'

5. The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincingThe lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing
him that a Chihuahua was a guide dog may be a bithim that a Chihuahua was a guide dog may be a bit
more difficult, but thought, 'What the heck,' so she putmore difficult, but thought, 'What the heck,' so she put
on her dark glasses and started to walk in.on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, 'Sorry, lady, no petsOnce again the bouncer said, 'Sorry, lady, no pets
allowed.'allowed.'
The woman said, 'You don't understand. This is myThe woman said, 'You don't understand. This is my
guide dog'guide dog'
The bouncer said, 'A Chihuahua?'The bouncer said, 'A Chihuahua?'

6. The woman with theThe woman with the
Chihuahua said,Chihuahua said,
'A Chihuahua!'A Chihuahua!
They gave me aThey gave me a
fucking Chihuahua??fucking Chihuahua??

7. JOKE 2JOKE 2

8. A nice, calm and respectable lady went intoA nice, calm and respectable lady went into
the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist,the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist,
looked straight into his eyes,and said, 'I wouldlooked straight into his eyes,and said, 'I would
like to buylike to buy
some cyanide.'some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world doThe pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do
you need cyanide?'you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison myThe lady replied, 'I need it to poison my
husband.'husband.'

9. The pharmacist's eyes got big and heThe pharmacist's eyes got big and he
exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can'texclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband.give you cyanide to kill your husband.
That's against the law! I'll loseThat's against the law! I'll lose
my license! They'll throw both of us inmy license! They'll throw both of us in
jail! All kinds of bad things willjail! All kinds of bad things will
happen. Absolutely not! Youhappen. Absolutely not! You
CANNOT have any cyanide!'CANNOT have any cyanide!'

10. The lady reached into herThe lady reached into her
purse and pulled out apurse and pulled out a
picture of her husband inpicture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist'sbed with the pharmacist's
wife.wife.
The pharmacist looked atThe pharmacist looked at
the picture and replied,the picture and replied,
'Well now, that's'Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell medifferent. You didn't tell me
you had a prescription.'you had a prescription.'

11. JOKE 3JOKE 3

12. A lady goes to her priest one day and tellsA lady goes to her priest one day and tells
him, 'Father, I have a problem. We havehim, 'Father, I have a problem. We have
two female parrots, but they only knowtwo female parrots, but they only know
how to say onehow to say one
thing.'thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you wantThey say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want
to have some fun?'to have some fun?'

13. That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then heThat's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he
thought for a moment.thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to
your problem. I have two male talking parrotsyour problem. I have two male talking parrots
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, andBring your two parrots over to my house, and
we'll put them in the cage with Francis andwe'll put them in the cage with Francis and
Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots toPeter. My parrots can teach your parrots to
praise and worship, and your parrots are sure topraise and worship, and your parrots are sure to
stop saying that phrase in nostop saying that phrase in no
time.'time.'

14. Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this mayThank you,' the woman responded, 'this may
very well be the solution.'very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrotsThe next day, She brought her female parrots
to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, sheto the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she
saw that his two male parrots were inside theirsaw that his two male parrots were inside their
cage holding rosary beads and praying.cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over andImpressed, she walked over and
placed her parrots in with them. After a fewplaced her parrots in with them. After a few
minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have someHi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some
fun?'fun?'

15. There was stunned silence.There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot lookedShocked, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot andover at the other male parrot and
exclaimed,exclaimed,
'Put the beads away,'Put the beads away,
Frank. Our prayers haveFrank. Our prayers have
been answered!'been answered!'