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Someone close recently suicided:
Feelings after a suicide
Every suicide affects many people: family members, friends,
co-workers and the community. If someone you have known
a partner, friend, fellow ex-service person, parent, child,
sibling or neighbour has taken his or her life you will be
affected and can be at risk of suicide yourself. Following a
death by suicide, many grief responses are significantly
intensified and may be overwhelming.
People who have witnessed a suicide are also at risk.

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After a suicide
Following a death by suicide, many grief responses are significantly intensified
and may be overwhelming.
You may be experiencing a range of difficult emotions such as shock, disbelief or
even anger alongside many unanswered questions including ‘could I have done
anything to prevent it?’ and 'why did he/she do it?'
It is important to know that these types of emotions and thoughts are normal
grief reactions and are very common amongst people bereaved by suicide.
Grieving in response to a suicide requires a big adjustment to life and is different
for everyone. It is a difficult process to adapt to the changes you must face in your
life, your hopes, your thoughts, your future and your beliefs. Grief is a healthy
part of the healing process not a sign of weakness. As the grieving process is
worked through, the intensity of grief will lessen. At this stage it is important for
you to understand your emotions.

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Shock
Learning about the death of a loved one by suicide can
often leave somebody in a state of shock. This shock
can be intensified by the trauma of witnessing the
suicide or finding the body.
Shock can also affect people physically through
symptoms such as nausea, sleeping difficulties, chest
pain, shaking, stomach pain, and breathlessness.
Should you suffer from any of these symptoms see your
local GP.

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Grief and loss
Grief is the normal and natural response to loss and
can affect every part of your life after a person close to
you has suicided. Feelings associated with grief and
loss vary and you may experience sadness, anger,
anxiety, shock, panic, relief, numbness or guilt. Whilst
these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming
they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as
part of the grieving process is necessary for healing.

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Guilt
People who are bereaved by suicide can experience feelings of guilt and a
sense of failure that they could not prevent the suicide. You might worry
about not having picked up on suicidal behaviours or warning signs. It is
important to remember that it is always easier to recognise a person's
distress in hindsight, and that the level of support you offered to them
was based on the understanding you had of their situation at that time.
When someone is at the point of suicide, they are usually unable to think
clearly and rationally and are unlikely to be able to express their true
thoughts and feelings. Suicide notes may blame someone for their suicide
but are usually written at a time when the person is feeling desperate.
No one is responsible for someone else’s decision to take their own life.

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Why?
The question 'why' is one that can haunt people
bereaved by suicide and in most cases, it can never
truly be resolved.
It is difficult not being able to understand why the
person has taken his or her life. Even if you were aware
of the problems and difficulties that the person was
experiencing, it is difficult to understand why they felt
that taking their life was their only answer.

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Blame from others
Being subjected to blame for a suicide by family
members or friends can be distressing. At a time
when you need support, you may actually find
yourself feeling isolated. For some people,
blaming others is their way of dealing with grief. It
might help to understand that these people are
suffering from pain as well and they may be trying
to protect themselves from further pain.

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Anger
It is normal to feel angry with the person who suicided as
their decision to leave has caused a lot of pain, however this
reaction can be confusing. You might find yourself blaming
someone else or those you believe could have contributed
to the suicide. You may also feel angry with yourself for not
preventing the suicide. Denying your anger can be far more
damaging than letting yourself express it. Finding a way to
do so in a safe and non destructive way is important. Talking
about it can help as does participating in physical activities
such as walking or playing sport.

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Stress, anxiety and depression
Sometimes, people who are bereaved by suicide can suffer stress, anxiety or post-
traumatic stress symptoms. This is a reaction to the traumatic event of suicide.
You may have difficulty sleeping, concentrating, experience nightmares, feel
panicky or not want to be alone. You may feel that there is no longer any point to
life without the deceased or that you are to blame for the suicide and don't
deserve to be happy. You may feel rejected by the deceased or other people
you're close to. Loneliness can add to your grief.
Occasionally this stress and anxiety can develop into a more severe condition
called post-traumatic stress disorder. You may also experience depression as a
result of the suicide. People bereaved by suicide can be at higher risk of suicide
themselves. Relatives and friends might not be able offer the support you need. If
you are concerned about any of these feelings or your anxiety level see your GP or
a mental health specialist.

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Shame
There can be stigma attached when a death is the
result of suicide. You may not be sure of what to
tell people for fear that others will judge you or
the deceased. Your own acceptance of the
person's choice to suicide can help to relieve
feelings of shame. It is important to speak with
others who share this acceptance.

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What can I do about these feelings?
• Connect with family, friends, or others who are also coping with the
effects of the suicide.
• Be patient with yourself as you grieve. Don’t expect too much from
yourself too quickly.
• Try to maintain a normal schedule.
• Look after yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep and exercising.
• Join a support group for other people who have been bereaved by
suicide.
• Write down your feelings in a journal.
• Engage in activities you enjoy to refresh yourself.

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What is not helpful
• Working too much.
• Withdrawing from family and friends.
• Not looking after your health and wellbeing.
• Using alcohol or drugs to ‘cope’.
• Engaging in risky behaviours.
• Blaming yourself or others.

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Suicide bereavement response services and support
groups (postvention services)
• “Standby” is a suicide bereavement response service that provides a 24 hour coordinated
community crisis response to families, friends and associates who have been bereaved through
suicide. Standby provides telephone support, specialist crisis teams, information and connects
people to support services in the local community. Contact Standby on Phone: 0407 766 961 or at
www.unitedsynergies.com.au
• Suicide Call Back Service Phone: 1300 659467
• “Living Beyond Suicide” in South Australia only, Phone: 1300 761193 (10am to 10pm 7 days a week)
or at www.hopesa.com.au
• Lifeline Phone: 13 1114 or www.lifeline.org.au/Find-Help/Helpful-Links-to-other-services/Suicide-
Bereavement-and-Postvention
• VVCS (Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service)
Phone: 1800 011 046
• Further support and counselling services for each State: www.supportaftersuicide.org.au
• Information and support packs for those bereaved by suicide can be found at
www.livingisforeveryone.com.au/Library.html