Family Matters Conference Pastor Larry John Sy

1. Teaching the family to observe the
things Christ taught

2. “And these words, which I am
commanding you today, shall be on your
heart; and you shall teach them
diligently to your sons and shall talk of
them when you sit in your house and
when you walk by the way and when you
lie down and when you rise up”
(Deu 6:6-7 NAS)

3. “Children, obey your parents in the
Lord, for this is right. Honor your father
and mother (which is the first
commandment with a promise),
that it may be well with you, and that
you may live long on the earth.
And, fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger; but bring them up in
the discipline and instruction of the
Lord.”
(Eph 6:1-4 NAS)

4.  Children are a gift (heritage) of the Lord
(Psalm 127:3).
 They are to be brought up according to the
directives of God’s Word (based on Psa. 19:7-
11; 2 Tim. 3:14-17) and not according to the
arbitrary decisions of parents or the
philosophies of man (Prov. 3:5, 16:2; 1 Cor.
3:18-20).

5.  Parents are to train up their children in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord (Deu.
4:9; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4).
 Children are to honor and obey their parents
in the Lord, because this is right and is
pleasing to the Lord (Deu. 5:16; Eph. 6:1-2;
Col. 3:20).

6.  God can and does cause all things to work
together for good to those who belong to
Him and love Him. No one else, not even
your children or your parents, can prevent
His work in your life (based on Romans
8:28-29; Phil. 1:6).

7.  As you study and follow God’s Word for your
life and the training of your children (based
on Ecc. 12:13-14; 2 Timothy 2:15, 3:16-17) and
decisively put off any reliance on yourself,
your background, or your upbringing (Prov.
3:5, 14:12, 28:26a; 1 Cor. 3:20), you will gain
the wisdom and direction that you need to
be a godly parent (based on Prov. 3:5-6,
15:33; James 1:25).

8.  Children, when you put off disobedience,
stubbornness, and rebellion (based on Deu.
21:18-21; Romans 1:28-32, esp. verse 30; 2:5-11;
2 Timothy 3:1-5, esp. verse 2; Titus 1:6) and
put on honor and obedience to the Lord and
your parents (Eph. 6:1-2; Col. 3:20), God will
bless you (Eph. 6:2-3). Heed (take seriously)
your parents’ instruction and discipline,
that you may be wise (based on Prov. 13:1,
19:20, 23:19).

9. Rearing your children the world’s way

10.  the exaltation of self and the importance of
emotions in regard to both parents and
children.
 you must bring up your children to have a
“good self-image” and that you and your
children must “get in touch” with your
feelings (which often means to live by your
emotions).

11. 1. Parents are deficient in “parenting” skills;
2. Parents lack “conflict-resolution” skills;
3. Parents did not receive love and “proper
role models” from their own mother and
father and so are unable to love and bring
up their own children;

12. 4. Parents who verbally and physically abuse
their children try to trace and blame their
actions back to their own parents, who
verbally and physically abused them as
children;
5. A parent doesn’t receive “support” from the
other parent for decisions that affect their
children;
6. A single parent who is divorced doesn’t
have enough help to bring up children
properly;

13. 8. Parents may have a child who will not
respect them, no matter what;
9. Parents today just don’t have the “quality”
time necessary to rear children effectively;
10. Parents don’t understand all the
“pressures” placed on children and youth
today; and
11. Parents fail because they have a “poor self-
image” themselves.

14. 1. Their parents are inadequate;
2. Their “home atmosphere” isn’t “free
enough” for self-expression;
3. They have inherited “personality
problems;”
4. They lack financial, educational, or social
advantages;

15. 5. They are overwhelmed by “peer pressure”;
6. They can’t be expected to understand the
reasons for obedience and are often too
young to be responsible for their behavior;
7. Their “family tree” has a history of drug or
alcohol abuse (“chemical dependency”);
and
8. They have a poor “self-image.”

16. A. Solutions given to parents:
1. Read books and attend parenting
seminars;
2. Do not place restrictive guidelines on your
children but, instead, allow your children
to learn from their own mistakes and
experiences;
3. Receive therapy or psychological
counseling to deal with the lack of love
shown by your own parents;

17. 4. Find someone to listen to the problems
associated with your spouse and children;
5. Get a divorce from an uncooperative
spouse; then, if possible, marry someone
else who will help bring up the children;
6. Find someone to give you “moral support;”
7. Get away from the children and take time
for yourself;
8. No matter what, do not harm your
children’s “self-concept;”

18. 9. Never moralize; be careful how soon you
bring up God’s standards so that you don’t
“beat your children over the head” with the
Bible;
10. Let children do what they want, since they
will do what they feel like doing anyway;
and
11. Join a support or therapy group for parents
who have similar problems.

19. B. Solutions given to children:
1. Find an adult to be your “parent-
substitute;”
2. Outwardly be nice, but do what you want
anyway, since only you can decide what is
best for you;
3. Ignore your parents;
4. Leave home if your parents are too
restrictive;
5. Accept the “fact” that you will probably
have the same problems as your parents;

20. 6. Be more aggressive in expressing to your
parents exactly how you feel and give them
only the respect they have earned;
7. Write how you feel in a journal and
develop your own fantasy life to escape
your parents’ lack of understanding;
8. Remind parents of their own failures to
prove to them that they cannot “moralize”
to you;
9. Improve your “self-image” by excelling in
some area or achieving a goal;

21. 10. Focus on your own development and learn
“to be your own person;” and
11. Join a support or therapy group for young
people just like yourself.

22. A. Unbiblical “advice” or “counsel” given to
parents:
1. You have to learn parenting from people
who have had the same experiences as
you, since they are the only ones who can
truly understand your struggles (disregards
Proverbs 14:12; Romans 15:14).

23. 2. Teach your children to trust you and rely
on you first; then teach them to rely on the
Lord. It is essential to gain their trust
before they can trust God (disregards
Proverbs 3:5-6).
3. Don’t constantly use the Bible when you
talk to your children about their lives.
Using Scripture too much might cause
them to resent the Bible (disregards Deut.
6:5-9; Psalm 19:7-11; 2 Timothy 3:16-17).

24. 4. When it comes to rearing children, you
really only need good common sense
(disregards Proverbs 14:12; Jeremiah 17:9).
5. If your children are disobedient to your
rules, punish them severely. Let them
know they cannot get away with breaking
your rules (disregards Ephesians 6:4).

25. 6. You are the role model of the Lord for your
children. The way your children view you
as parents will be the way they view God
(disregards Matt. 11:27; John 14:9; 2 Cor.
4:3-6; Col. 1:15; Hebrews 1:1-3, esp. verse
3a).
7. All children will do wild and foolish things
in their young age. It is a phase they must
go through; but don’t worry, they’ll grow
out of it (disregards Proverbs 19:18, 20:11).

26. B. Unbiblical “advice” or “counsel” given to
children:
1. You are the master of your own destiny
because of the potential within you. No
one, not even your parents, has any right to
dictate to you (disregards Prov. 16:18; Isa.
64:6; 1 Cor. 10:12).
2. God wants you to feel good about yourself.
Find something that you do well and excel
at it (disregards Proverbs 21:2-4).

27. 3. Look at the mess your parents have made
of their own lives. How could they possibly
give you any legitimate guidance
(disregards Prov. 20:9-10; Matt. 7:1-5; Rom.
15:14; 2 Cor. 3:5)?
4. When you disagree with your
parents, learn to write stories about how
you feel and how you would like to deal
with your parents. Put all your anger down
on paper. You will feel much
better.(disregards Proverbs 18:17, 25:28;
Ephesians 4:15; Philippians 4:6-9).

28. 5. Explain to your parents how much you are
being deprived by their not allowing you to
have or to do what you want. Tell them
how you think you have been mistreated
(disregards Philippians 2:3-4, 14; 4:11).
6. Release your anger by participating in
some kind of strenuous activity (disregards
Proverbs 16:32, 25:28; Ephesians 4:31-32).

29. 7. There are other adults who are more
understanding and kind than your parents.
Find a sympathetic adult in the church or
in your school and tell them your
problems. If necessary, go to a professional
counselor. If your parents do not
understand, it is not necessary to try and
communicate with them (disregards
Ephesians 4:25, 6:2; Colossians 4:6).

30. 8. If all else fails in dealing with problems at
home, leave. You do not need this
frustration and pain (disregards Romans
8:28-29; James 1:2-4).
9. No one is responsible to obey their parents
all the time. There will be times when you
need to “clarify your values” and judge
“truth” for yourself (disregards Eph. 6:1;
Colossians 3:20; 2 Timothy 3:16-17).

31. Rearing your children God’s way

32. A. A spiritual new birth is required to
understand biblical principles for bringing
up children (1 Corinthians 2:14).
B. Parents are to demonstrate their
commitment of love to the Lord by rearing
their children in a manner that pleases
Him (based on Colossians 1:10, 3:17).

33. A. Scripture is the sole authority for life and is the
only basis by which children can be brought up
in order to please the Lord (2 Tim. 3:14-17).
Man’s way is totally inadequate (Prov. 14:12; Isa.
55:8-11).
B. Continual biblical self-evaluation and faithful
obedience to Scripture are required for parents
to avoid spiritual delusion concerning the
things of God (James 1:22) and to avoid
hypocrisy in correcting their children (Matt.
7:1-5).

34. A. Believing parents are to be one in mind
and judgment (based on 1 Cor. 1:10; Phil.
2:2). Even if your spouse is not a
believer, your faithful, loving commitment
to the one-flesh relationship of marriage is
designed by God to help unify you and
your spouse, resulting in a godly influence
in the lives of your children (based on Gen.
2:18, 24; Matt. 19:5-6; Mark 10:6-8; 1 Cor.
7:10-14, esp. verse 14; Eph. 5:31).

35. B. Each parent, as a committed believer in
Christ, is to submit to the other (Eph.
5:21), to love one another (Eph. 5:25, 28;
Titus 2:4), and to regard the other as more
important than himself (Phil. 2:3-4).
However, in loving servanthood (John
13:14-16; Phil. 2:3-8) the father, as the head
of the family, is to take the responsibility
for leadership in the rearing of children
(Eph. 5:23, 6:4; Col. 3:21).

36. A. Parents are to carry out their
responsibilities to their children as godly
servants, following the example of the
Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew 20:25-28; John
13:12-17; Philippians 2:3-8).

37. 1. Because a believing family is a smaller unit
of the body of Christ, all involved (both
parents and children) are to fulfill all the
directives of God’s Word. Parents are to be
godly examples for their children (based on
Deu. 4:9, 6:8-9; Matt. 18:5-7; 1 Cor. 4:14-16,
11:1; 1 Tim. 4:12; Titus 2:7), and are to point
to Jesus Christ as the ultimate example for
them to follow (John 13:12-17; Phil. 2:5-8;
Hebrews 12:1-3; 1 Peter 2:21).

38. 2. Parents are to regard their children as more
important than themselves and are to lay
aside their own self-centered interests.
Parents are to respond lovingly to their
children and provide for them in a manner
that pleases the Lord (1 Cor. 13:4-8a; 2 Cor.
12:14; Philippians 2:3-4).

39. 3. Parents must not be quarrelsome, either
with each other or with their children, but
instead must be kind, gentle, and patient
in all things. Parents must teach God’s
Word and the practice of it and, as
necessary, provide correction when their
children violate scriptural standards
(Proverbs 15:10; 2 Timothy 2:24-26).

40. B. When parents sin against their
children, they are to confess these
transgressions to the Lord as well as to
their children (based on James 5:16; 1 John
1:9).

41. C. Parents are to put off provoking their children
to anger but instead are to rear them in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph.
6:4; Col. 3:21)
1. You are to bring up your children in the
instruction of the Lord, teaching them how
to obey God’s Word, the necessity of doing
so, and the consequences of disobedience
as follows:

42. a. Show your children faithful obedience to
the Lord by the example of your walk
(based on Deu. 6:5-7; 1 Cor. 11:1; 1 Tim. 4:12;
2 Tim.1:5);
b. Teach (instruct) your children God’s Word
and His way whenever you are with them
during the daily routine of life (Deu. 6:6-7;
2 Tim. 3:16); and
c. Increase the responsibilities of your
children based on their demonstrated and
increasing faithfulness and capabilities
(based on Matt. 25:14-29; Luke 16:10).

43. 2. You are to bring up your children in the
discipline of the Lord, graciously
instructing them by, reproof and correction
as follows:
a. Establish simple, clear-cut guidelines and
consequences as God did in directing His
people (based on Gen. 2:16-17; Exo. 20:3-17;
Deu. 11:26-28). Clearly explain these
biblically-based standards of conduct to
avoid confusion or misunderstandings
(based on Exo. 31:18, 34:1; Deu. 4:13-14;
Matt. 22:37-39; John 14:15).

44. b. Carry out discipline in a loving manner
(based on Proverbs
6:23, 15:10, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13; 1 Corinthians
13:4-8a; Hebrews 12:5-11; Revelation 3:19)
and apply it quickly (Ecclesiastes 8:11) in
order to restore your child while there is
hope (based on Proverbs 19:18, 23:14;
Hebrews 12:11).
c. Tailor the sternness of the discipline to the
child’s willingness to return and follow
God’s way (based on Proverbs 15:10).

45. 1) If a child remains foolish (as shown by
continued disobedience and
disrespect), use the rod as a tool for
restoration, not as a punishment
(Proverbs 22:15, 29:15).
2) If a child repents of his wrongdoings,
exercise gracious compassion as God
does for those who sin and repent
(based on Psalm 103:10-14).

46. A. The necessity of the spiritual new birth
applies to all, beginning at the earliest age
of comprehension. In fact, children are
considered as especially tender to the Lord
(Matt. 18:2-6; Mark 9:35-37; Luke 17:2).
B. Children are to demonstrate their
commitment to the Lord by their
demeanor, speech, and actions (based on
Exo. 20:12; Prov. 20:11; Eph. 6:1-2; Col. 3:20;
1 Tim. 4:12; 2 Tim. 3:15).

47. A. Out of a commitment to please the Lord in
all things (2 Cor. 5:9; Col. 1:10), children are
to put off disrespect for their parents and
are to honor their father and mother (Exo.
20:12; Prov. 23:22; Mark 7:10; Eph. 6:2).
B. Out of a commitment to please the Lord in
all things, children are to obey their
parents (Prov. 6:20; Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20).