How to stay in the LDS Church after losing your faith.

1. How to Stay in the LDS Church After a Major Trial of Faith John P. Dehlin October 12, 2007

2. 3 Disclaimers

3. Staying is not for everyone Especially if you have no interest in being social

4. I am not advocating disobedience This is oriented towards those who need radical solutions to keep from leaving the church completely

5. “I am not a role model”

6. My Story

10. I quickly discovered that I was not alone….not by a long shot

11. “ Dear John, For now I will let you know I am active but disillusioned somewhat. I used to be a hobby apologist but could no longer defend what became un-defendable. I am currently serving as the bishop of the XXXXXX, XX ward and am four years and 9 months into that call.” Three a week……

12. “ It was about two and a half years ago when I concluded much to my dismay that things really were not what I had always believed I had a strong and abiding testimony of. It has been very difficult to come to that point while serving as a bishop. But still I maintain my faith in God and Christ and much of what I have come to love from the LDS Church.”

14. The most common instincts…

15. Try to talk to loved ones or trusted leaders….to little avail

16. Try to discuss in Sunday School/Priesthood/Relief Society

17. Isolation and Depression

18. “ Mr. Dehlin, I came across your website by accident. But I have found something that I have been searching for, [for] a long time…”

19. “ I have been VERY naive in my faith with what I have been taught. In the last year…I started to realize that my testimony, the testimony that I held to so very close to my soul, was being attacked by what looked and acted like truth [and] that contradicted what I was taught. I began to feel betrayed.”

20. “ My immediate reaction was one of going to my close friends and family… all that did was make my relationships with them strain to a new high. I realized I was now on a island, all by myself, no one to talk to or pull from…”

21. “ And then something happened just recently, the Stake President called me to the Stake High Council. … very reluctantly, I accepted the call. So here I am, as a member of a Stake High Council with SERIOUS issues…”

22. ” I have entered a very dark place. I refer to it as a dark place because what I believed was light, now seems dark.”

23. “ The church is either exactly what it claims to be, or the biggest fraud ever perpetrated upon mankind”

24. “ I would that ye be either hot or cold. But if you art luke warm, then I will spew thee out of my mouth!”

25. Can’t do hot. Can’t be luke warm (no spewing, please). What can I do?

26. Inactivity! (for some) and for others…..

27. Resignation!!!!!! The “cross the Rubicon, burn the bridges, Exit Letter” approach

29. Be aware of the costs/risks of this approach

31. John, ….We continue to attend a local neighborhood church, which is fine except for the times that I miss being a Mormon. Do you know what I mean? I sometimes wonder if I can ever shake it, or if I'm supposed to? It's in my blood, to a certain extent. I think it's an emotional reaction, but it is real and I have to work through it. I would love to know how you are hanging in with the church. Is it working? I try to envision it, and find that there is so much I wouldn't be able to do and say that my ward would want me to do and say..... I don't know how I would make it work when I can't tow the party line. But I love many things about Mormonism. This is my dilemma....

32. Anger is a cancer

33. Avoid negative, critical, intolerant people

34. Embrace this stage. Prepare yourself for deeper levels of enlightenment, empathy, understanding.

35. I had to let it go David Wilcox

36. I watched it sinking down The treasure I’d almost found is gone I had been holding on so long I had to let it go

37. I wagered my heart and soul All of that weight in gold and dreams The man that I thought I should be I had to let it go

38. High above the broken opening I see A light of love is spoken Welcoming me

39. Now that I remember How this love can be Full of my surrender Emptying Into the deep blue sky

40. When it’s my time to fly away I can believe relieve this weight Now I can let it go Now I can let it go

41. All of this love I’ve saved I get to let it go.

42. Embrace this stage. Prepare yourself for deeper levels of enlightenment, empathy, understanding.

43. Why Stay?

45. Baby and bathwater

46. What I’m not saying…. That you can’t find this stuff outside the church, or that Mormons have a monopoly on any of this stuff

47. What I’m not saying…. No one should leave, and all will find misery

48. What I am saying….

49. Replacing all these things is perhaps possible, but in reality very, very hard The home schooling analogy

50. Rethink the role of religion

51. “ Religion is a realization -- not talk, not doctrine, nor theories -- however beautiful these may be. Religion is being and becoming, not hearing and acknowledging. It is not an intellectual ascent -- but the transformation of one’s whole life.” Swami Vivekandanda

52. While remaining open to literal truths, don’t minimize the importance of myth and metaphor

53. “ Myth is what never was, but always will be.” Joseph Campbell

57. The truth behind the warnings about leaving Many do find sadness, alienation, isolation, regret, etc. on the other end

61. Unplug from caring about what others think of you religiously

62. Physician…heal thyself. Whatever weakness or anger you retain, will only follow you

67. It’s all about the people “ one one one” relationships

68. Focus on the “average” member, not the most vocal

69. Seek out like-minded folk Inactives, Quiet

71. Always protect yourself and your loved ones (Not just a church thing)

73. A place to serve, not to be served

74. Common Courtesy, Good Manners “ Treat devout LDS members at least as courteously as you would members of other faiths”

76. Seek to understand Why are people acting the way they are acting?

88. “ Why the church is as true as the gospel” Eugene England

89. Holy Now by Peter Mayer

98. Keep going to church. Keep praying. Keep reading the scriptures.

99. End with powerful stories

100. Stay Open An example: Ted Lyon

104. “ It’s almost time” David Wilcox

105. “It’s almost time” Just across the sea on this world so round the sun’s shining hot right now. And even though the winter still surrounds this town I can still feel that sun somehow.

106. “It’s almost time” When I know that my sun will shine just as sure as this world can spin, I can hold on fine, ’cause it’s almost time, for that sun to come ’round again.

107. “It’s almost time” So I’ll walk beside the sea on this frozen ground where there once was a warm weather crowd. Even though that summer’s been a long time gone, I can still feel that sun somehow.

108. “It’s almost time” When I know that my sun will shine just as sure as this world can spin, I can hold on fine, ’cause it’s almost time, for that sun to come ’round again.

109. “It’s almost time” When your love grows cold and your heart grows dark and the blame seems to fall on you. Well look how seasons must change and don’t think it so strange that your love goes in circles, too.

110. “It’s almost time” And just know that your sun will shine just as sure as this world can spin, and I know you’ll find, that it’s almost time, for that love to come ’round again. We can hold on fine, ’cause it’s almost time, for that love to come ’round again.