2. Beautifully Broken
By Amanda Bennett

3. Copyright © 2012 By Amanda Bennett
All right reserved. Printed in the United
States
No part of this book may be used or repro-
duced in any form or by any means
electronic or mechanical, including photo-
copying, recording or by any
information storage and retrieval systems,
without prior written permission
of the author except where permitted by law.
The characters and events portrayed in this
book are fictitious.

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Any similarity to real persons, living or dead,
is coincidental and not
intended by the author.
Cover By Amanda Bennett

5. For my son Christian and Lincoln, without
your undying love I would be incomplete.
For my brother Cory and sister Stephanie,
thank you for always loving me despite my
faults. Life would have been quite boring
without
the both of you.
And lastly, Thank You to Marsha Savery, my
high school English teacher. Your love for
your students is unprecedented. You taught
me how to believe in my work, while encour-
aging me to be a better version of myself. I
will forever be grateful for you.
Inspiration comes in many forms and for
that I am thankful to all of the people in my
life, who have one way or another provided
me with the insight and courage to keep do-
ing what I love to do.

6. Table Of Contents
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen

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Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six

8. Prologue
You can’t always predict what will happen in
life. I think some of my best memories are of
very unpredictable events. The one’s you
never see coming, but that make your life
that much more worth living. I think on some
level, I always knew that I was in love with
him. Who wouldn’t be? He was beautiful in a
very understated way, smart, witty and had
the kindest heart I had ever known. He was
always the popular boy, and girls would
spend their entire high school career throw-
ing themselves at him.
We had known each other since the summer
before fifth grade, and had been inseparable
ever since, at least until now. I should have
told him how much I loved him. I would have
given my life to have him love me back,
without hesitation. I honestly think, that deep
down I knew how much he loved me, just as

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I knew how much I loved him. That’s the
thing about life; you never know when yours
will get cut short.
I know now that I should have confided in
him, he would have understood, that’s just
who he is. There would have never been a
look of disgust or pity in his beautiful blue
eyes. I underestimated him and myself, as
individuals, as best friends and as lovers.
That’s the thing about death, it will open your
eyes to the most unforgiving things you nev-
er knew about yourself. Who would have
thought at twenty-two I would find out just
how true that statement could be, and the
weight that it would carry.

10. One
Four Years Earlier
I pulled into the parking lot of the high school
feeling a great sense of accomplishment. I
did it! I had made it through the last year of
my high school career unscathed. It was our
last day of school before graduation and I
was elated. I jumped out of my beat up
Toyota Corolla and headed towards Gray’s
beautifully lifted Chevy truck. I practically
skipped my way into my best friend’s long,
muscular waiting arms. Lunging myself into
his big burly arms I was beyond grateful to
have known this wonderful boy almost my
whole life. He hugged me back without trep-
idation and with true joy. I couldn’t help but
squeeze his muscular neck as I planted a
swift kiss against his unshaved cheek.

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“We did it Gray! Can you believe it? We ac-
tually made it out alive!” I giggled as he
gently placed me back onto the asphalt park-
ing lot. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” I
smiled up at him. His blue eyes shining back
at me.
“I know, right? Come on, let’s go get this day
over with.” He grinned down at me as I laced
my arm through his.
As we walked through the front doors of the
school we were about to leave behind, the
sadness of it all it suddenly hit me. This is
the last time that we would walk through
these halls together. The last time we would
sit through Mr. Rows boring ass algebra
class. The last time we were going to sit and
eat lunch under the old oak trees, and the
last time he and I would be together all day,
everyday.

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I missed him already. Just thinking of him
heading off to the police academy and me
heading off to college made me want to run
away and cry. I stole a look at him through
my veil of hair, and noticed the forlorn look
that he was wearing on his face. It matched
my mood and I knew exactly how he felt. He
glanced down at me at that moment, and I
could feel the longing running through each
of our veins.
As we approached our lockers, four mem-
bers of the ‘oh-so-gorgeous’ cheerleading
squad come bounding towards us. I wish I
could say that this wasn’t a regular occur-
rence, but I would be lying. Ever since fresh-
man year when Gray started growing into his
six foot three frame, filling it out with muscles
upon muscles, all the girls started taking no-
tice. It was like someone sent out a memo to

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every hormonal teenage girl that Gray was
single, and filling out quite nicely.
Gray had always been something to look at.
The summer after eighth grade he went from
five foot nine and gangly, to an athletic six
foot three. He let his copper brown hair grow
out a bit, so it now sat longer on top and
shorter on the sides. He never let it get too
untidy or too long and for that I was grateful.
Along with sky blue eyes, he also had a
strong squared jaw and amazingly long
black eyelashes. I have to admit, Gray was
HOT!
I wish I could say my changes happened
right along with Gray’s, but I wasn’t as lucky.
Freshman year I went through the inevitable
awkward phase that most girls go through.
By the end of sophomore year, I was finally
fitting in with the rest of the girls at school. I
started filling out my five foot eight inch

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frame with all the right curves. I let my au-
burn hair grow out so it skimmed the top of
my waistband, and I figured out how to apply
the right amount of makeup.
Of course I had to teach myself, but through
trial and error and some assholish remarks
from Gray along the way, I figured it out. I
had spent my summers working as a life-
guard at the local water park, so I had a nice
tan that I made sure to keep up with
throughout the winter months. I wouldn’t say
that I was as good looking as Gray, but I
think I measured up quite nicely with the
pretty girls in school.
I rolled my eyes at Gray as I turned to open
my locker. He just smirked and leaned
against his locker awaiting the girls’ arrival.
“Hey ladies how are we today?” He knew the
effect he has on these girls and he totally
used it to his advantage, constantly. I

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couldn’t help but laugh at them under my
breath before wandering off to find some of
my other friends. Of course, as I turned to
leave all I could hear was them swooning
over the almighty Gray.
I made sure not to look back at Gray and his
“groupies” as I headed down hallway B to go
find Hannah. It only fuels the Gray fire if I
watch, so I kept my head down. As I roun-
ded the corner I spotted Hannah mingling
with some of the underclassman. Seconds
later I was running right into what could only
be described as a brick wall. The books and
papers I was holding against my chest went
flying across the hall in every direction. I
stood staring at the ground in disbelief, get-
ting ready to rage out on whatever imbecile
decided to not watch where the hell they
were going today.

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“You have got to be kid-” The sentence liter-
ally vanished from my mouth as I found my-
self staring up into the deepest chocolate
brown eyes I had ever seen. They were liter-
ally smoldering, and burning a hole through
my pale gray eyes. Before I had a chance to
let myself recover, he was speaking and I
was rendered speechless.
“Are you okay?” His voice was deep and
rugged, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of
him. “Hello? I said are you okay?” I finally
tuned into what he was saying but could only
nod my head.
I watched intently as he bent his, what has to
be at least six foot two frame, down to re-
trieve my belongings. He was gorgeous, all
tanned and defined. His shirt tightened over
his bulging back muscles and biceps and I
began to swoon. Dammit, I was turning into
the cheerleading bimbos and I instantly

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hated myself for it. His hair was cut into a
military style buzz cut and it was the lightest
shade of blonde. He almost looked bald, un-
til the sun would glisten off of the tiny spikes.
My heart literally skipped a beat. Who was
this glorious creature in front of me? I began
to compose myself as he stood back up,
handing me my belongings.
“Hi.” I squeaked and instantly blushed at the
fact that that was all I could come up with to
say.
“So you do speak?” He laughed and man
was it a throaty manly laugh. I couldn’t help
myself, I was laughing along with him.
“What’s your name?” His voice was just
above a whisper and it did things to me,
deep down that I have only ever felt once.
“Bennett? Are you okay?” I heard the all to
familiar voice of Gray coming up behind me,

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and I tried to hide my embarrassment from
this beautiful man in front of me.
“Yeah Gray, I’m fine. I just wasn’t watching
where I was going and I ran into…. I’m sorry
I didn’t catch your name.” I pointed towards
the man in front of me.
“That’s because I didn’t give it.” He smiled
and started walking down the hallway to-
wards the office. “Don’t worry, I have a feel-
ing we will be seeing each other real soon
Bennett.” He winked at me and then he was
gone. My name sounded arousing coming
out of his mouth, and I wanted to know this
man more. I started questioning how I would
see him again, when Gray’s voice found its
way into my thoughts.
“What the hell was that all about?” He soun-
ded mad.

19. 19/414
“I have no idea. I came around the corner
and he ran right into me.” I shrugged and
headed towards first period, missing out on
talking to Hannah all together. I felt Gray’s
arm around my shoulders, and I suddenly
wished that we didn’t have every single class
together. All I wanted to do in this moment
was run to Hannah and gush about the per-
fect stranger that I just met, but Gray was in
full-blown overprotective big brother mode.
With a roll of my eyes I continued walking to
class.
“I don’t like that guy Bennett. I don’t know,
something about him screams psycho-crazy-
stalker guy.” He was glancing down at me
when I slapped him playfully on the chest.
“You don’t even know him Gray.” I slipped
through the door to Mr. Bowen’s class and
we took our seats.

20. Two
After the fourth period bell rang Gray and I
headed off to the lunchroom. As we were
standing in line, I flashed back remembering
the first time Gray and I met.
It was the summer before fifth grade and we
had just moved into the house right next
door to the Weston’s. Gray’s parents had
made him come over and introduce himself
to me when I first jumped out of my mom’s
Tahoe. I stood in the grassy front yard twirl-
ing and doing cartwheels repeatedly. I hadn’t
noticed when he first walked up, mainly be-
cause I was enjoying my brand new freshly
manicured lawn.
We came from Arizona and all I had ever
known was rocks and dirt. The Connecticut
lawns were amazingly full of life, and

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brilliantly green. I remember wanting to do
nothing but run my fingers through the long
blades that stood below my feet.
In the middle of one of my careless twirls, I
ended up hitting him across the chest with
my outstretched arm. I instantly turned
around and began crying. I had felt so badly
for hitting this poor brown haired little boy
standing in front of me. I took the two steps it
took to reach him, and threw my arms
around his shoulders in a deep hug. I contin-
ued to cry and apologize profusely. He just
simply hugged me back and told me that he
was okay, and not to worry.
I had looked up at him through my glossy,
tear-ridden eyes knowing that we were going
to be the best of friends. He told me his
name was Gray and all I could say was, “like
my eyes” as I pointed at my hooded eyes. I
told him my name was Bennett and he gave

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me a quizzical look that I knew all to well. I
explained to him that it was my mother’s
maiden name and that I would never meet
my grandfather, whom she absolutely ad-
ored, so she bestowed the name onto me.
We remained inseparable for our whole
childhood. Our parents became the best of
friends as well, and we rarely spent a meal
apart from each other. We stayed outside
playing in either of our yards until the street-
lights came on, and then we headed to our
individual houses. There were many nights
that our parents would let us stay the night
with each other, and we never knew any-
thing different.
Holidays and birthdays were always spent to-
gether. We knew each other like the back of
our hands and I never questioned what
would happen if one of us should move. Our
childhood was surreal. Our parents were

23. 23/414
wonderful to us and to each other. I loved
Gray’s parents almost as much as I loved my
own. It’s amazing how one little event can
change the lives of everyone around you. I
never pictured my life without my parents,
mostly because I was young and naive.
Gray’s and mine idealistic lives would
change forever in the months before and
after our sixteenth birthdays.
“Hey, what ya thinking about so hard over
there?” Gray playfully bumped into my
shoulder, instantly bringing me back to
reality.
“Oh nothing.” He knew I was lying so I re-
vised my statement. “I was just thinking
about the day I moved next door to you.” I
smiled at the fond memory and so did he.
“Who would’ve thought that my very best
friend would end up being the annoying, cry

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baby little girl from next door?” He laughed
as he leaned down to kiss me on my
forehead.
“Ha ha, very funny Gray. I could say the
same about you.” I started laughing uncon-
trollably as I headed towards our spot under
the oak tree, where Hannah was patiently
waiting for me. I would say that she was
waiting for ‘us’, but when Hannah and I be-
came friends in the eighth grade, Gray took
to not liking her immediately. I think he was
jealous that I now had to split my time
between the two of them, when he was so
used to having me all to himself. I walked a
tiny bit faster to get to Hannah before Gray,
but I failed miserably as he was right by my
side the whole way.
“Hey Han, how’s your day been so far?” I
rolled my eyes towards Gray trying to make
the conversation light. I hate it when they

25. 25/414
can’t be civil towards each other. Hannah
has never minded Gray. She never took a
liking to him like all the other girls in town,
but she put up with him and played nice for
my benefit. I loved her even more for this.
“Hey Bennett, hey Gray. My day has been
okay but it’s the last day, so, I mean how
bad could it really be? How’s our valedictori-
an on her last day of high school? You finish
your speech yet? Her face beamed with
pride and I beamed back at her knowing I
could have never made it this far without her-
oh and Gray.
I sat down on the grass next to her and
Gray. I noticed he was trying to ignore us,
the best he could. I knew Gray all too well,
and I knew he was just patiently waiting for
me to bring up the hot guy in the hall.

26. 26/414
“I’m great. I finished my speech last night. I
would love it if you could come over after
school and proofread it for me. I’m so
nervous it’s unreal.” I could feel Gray’s eyes
boring into the back of my head with jeal-
ousy that I didn’t ask him to read it first. I just
ignored him and smiled at Hannah.
“That sounds good to me. I wanted to bring
by a couple of dress choices for graduation
so you can help me pick one anyway. Gray
you can come over and help too if you want.
I know how much you can’t stand to be away
from Bennett for too long.”
“HANNAH!” I shouted. “Behave.” I shook my
head, “You know I still don’t understand why
the two of you can’t just get along, at least
for my sake.” I shook my head in disbelief
while eyeing Gray through my eyelashes.

27. 27/414
“It’s okay Hannah. I’m sure whatever you
choose to wear, you’ll look just as plain as
always.” He growled as he headed off in the
direction of the other members of the football
team.
I rolled my eyes at his petty behavior. I
looked over and saw that Gray’s words had
hurt Hannah, more than she even thought
possible. Hannah isn’t ugly by any means, or
plain. She doesn’t stand out amongst the
sea of pretty girls in school but she can hold
her own. She was only about five feet four
inches tall, but she was extremely petite and
slender.
She didn’t have very many curves, but it fit
her small body not to have them. She kept
her shiny black hair cut into an A-line hair-
style, and she had amazing emerald green
eyes. Hannah didn’t wear much makeup but
she didn’t really have too. Her face was

28. 28/414
flawless, sprinkled with the smallest amount
of freckles and her ivory skin, making her
hair and eyes stand out unbelievably so. I
think that’s why Hannah and I got along so
well, we are one of the same, cut from the
same cloth. It was a non-materialistic cloth
and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
“I’m sorry Hannah, for Gray. I’m not sure
what his issue is. He was fine up until I ran
into some guy in the hall.” It instantly clicked
in my head. That was exactly why he was
moody. I didn’t quite understand why, we’re
best friends and he has never been jealous
before. “But the guy I ran into, literally was
sex on a stick Han. He was absolutely, un-
believably gorgeous.” I smiled a wide mouth
grin as I continued to tell her all about him.
How he didn’t introduce himself, and how he
said he was sure he would be seeing me
around. We laughed and giggled and I

29. 29/414
couldn’t help but be over the moon excited to
find out how I would see him again.
Hannah and I finished lunch without Gray.
He never came back over to walk with me to
our next class, and I found this to be rather
odd. I searched the halls for him before en-
tering Mrs. Crow’s classroom, but couldn’t
find him anywhere. I told Mrs. Crow that I
was going to run to the restroom real quick,
and that I would be right back. I took off
down hallway C to look for Gray. I stopped
dead in my tracks when I spotted whom I
could have sworn was Gray. I couldn’t be
sure because he was making out with a girl
in the corner by the exit doors. I started to
walk closer when my mouth literally fell to
the dingy linoleum floor in shock. Gray was
kissing Hannah! How the hell did this
happen?

30. 30/414
I shook my head in disbelief. I could feel the
tears starting to prick the back of my eyelids,
as I turned to run as fast I could to the
closest restroom. I wasn’t quite sure why I
was crying, but the tears would not stop
rolling down my cheeks. I was almost in full-
blown hysterics, when I heard the girls’ re-
stroom door open. I grabbed some toilet pa-
per blotting my eyes, trying to keep my cry-
ing to a minimum.
I really didn’t need the whole school knowing
I was crying over Gray Weston, of all people.
I couldn't grasp why I was even crying. I
mean, Gray and I are friends and so are
Hannah and I. I only want both of them to be
happy, but I felt betrayed. The two most im-
portant people in my life, which treat each
other like shit in front of me, are actually,
what? In love? Dating? Sleeping together?
The possibilities were endless and none of it
made any sense. I finished blotting my eyes

31. 31/414
and emerged from the stall, only to come
face to face with, GRAY!
“What the HELL are you doing in here
Gray?” Disdain was seething from my
mouth. I looked at him with wide angry eyes,
until he finally stepped back hanging his
head. He looked sad and all I wanted to do
was put my arms around him and comfort
him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t keep putting his
feelings before my own.
“I know you saw us.” He mumbled under his
breath. “I saw you running to the bathroom.
I’m so sorry Bennett. I should have told you.”
He refused to look me in the eye, and I
couldn’t help but release all my pent up an-
ger on him.
“You’re sorry? YOU’RE SORRY?” My voice
was getting louder and I was now yelling at
him and waving my finger back and forth.

32. 32/414
“How dare you say you’re sorry. You two
walk around and treat each other like shit all
day. You can’t even get along with her when
I ask you to do it for, MY sake. You are
something else Gray Elliot Weston.” His face
paled at hearing me use his full name, but I
was beyond caring at this point.
“How could you keep something like this
from me? I thought we told each other
everything; apparently I’m the only one who
stays true to that. Well, you want the truth?
You are a horrible best friend.” I regretted
saying the words the minute I heard them
pass my lips. I reached out for Gray but he
was backing away, heading out of the bath-
room. “Gray wait, please come back and talk
to me.” He kept walking. “I’m not the one in
the wrong here Gray, you are.”
I ran back to Mrs. Crow’s classroom to grab
my bag and left. I ran full speed out to my

33. 33/414
car, barely catching a glimpse of the taillights
of Gray’s truck roaring out of sight. I had just
ruined the only relationship, with the only
guy I have ever trusted, with my shitty words.
I climbed into my car and made my way to-
wards home. I knew exactly where to find
him.

34. Three
I could see Gray through the old dilapidated
fence that connects our two houses, as I
pulled into the driveway of my house. I put
the car in park and grasped the steering
wheel with both hands before letting out the
breath; I didn’t realize I was holding. My
words from earlier were coming back to
haunt me, and I could feel the hot salty tears
start running down my cheeks. I knew I
needed to make things right with Gray, even
if he had started this whole thing first. I was
staring through the bug-ridden windshield
out towards my house, wondering what my
life would have been like, had I not met
Gray. The thought was overwhelmingly sad
and I continued to cry.
I slid my hand into the metal door handle
and stepped out onto the driveway. I took in
a deep breath and walked toward the

35. 35/414
conjoining fence, our parents had put in on
our eleventh birthday. That was a day to re-
member. We had a huge party in “our” back-
yard, because that’s what it had become.
Our parents decided to buy us one of those
commercial grade tree houses. They had the
guys who delivered the set tear down the
property line fence, before installing it. I re-
member Gray and I watching out of my bed-
room window, perched on the edge of my
bed in such anticipation we thought we
would die. It was the greatest thing I had
ever seen. The whole process took about
four hours and we didn’t move, not one inch
that whole time.
Gray would drape his arm across my
shoulders and smile down at me through
those thick black, beautiful lashes. I was in
awe of him then, but not in that way. I inter-
laced my fingers through his hanging hand

36. 36/414
and continued to stare outside, until our fath-
ers decided it was time for the surprise.
Mom’s voice rang through out our house,
and we both bolted out of my room into the
backyard within seconds. I stood on our
porch, mouth open in amazement. Our grass
filled backyards had tripled in size. We now
had free reign to come and go between each
other’s houses, and we were both beyond
elated. We shared a quick smile and ran
straight out to the large pine wood structure.
Gray ran right up the ladder into the smaller
version of our actual houses. I slowed my
pace and walked around the tree house with
precision. I wanted to take it all in. I ran my
fingers along the wood, lifting them before I
could get a splinter. I took in all the beauty
that was ours. It had a ten row metal ladder,
that lead up to the small cutout door. Once
inside it opened up into a two-room

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playhouse. It was painted pink in one room
and blue in the other. Our names hung
across the two pieces of wood that met
across the doorway, before sprouting out to
make the steeple for the ceiling. I couldn’t
help but touch everything.
There were four windows total. All but two of
them faced our back doors. The main room
or living room part had a small TV with a
brown suede couch sitting across from it. In
my room there sat a white wicker chair and
matching side table. They were brand new. I
smiled with pure and utter joy. Gray’s room
had a black suede recliner with a black lac-
quer table next to it. All of our books, journ-
als, toys and small belongings cluttered each
room with love.
Our parents let us spend almost the whole
day out there, until it was time to get ready
for our party. I pulled Gray into a hug before

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ducking my head and rushing into my house.
I was excited to put on my party dress. My
mom had found it for me at one of those
fancy shops at the mall. The pink satin
draped down my body, resting right above
my knee. It had two small cap sleeves, and a
sweetheart neckline that was lined with black
daisies. I stood in front of my full-length mir-
ror for half an hour before finally heading into
the living room, meeting up with my mom
and dad.
When I reached the archway that opened up
to the living room, my mom’s tears started to
fall. I did a small twirl and ran into her arms. I
thanked her at least a hundred times for the
dress, and turned just as my dad swooped
me up into the next hug. He held me tight
against his chest and whispered “my sweet
baby girl” into my ear, then released me.

39. 39/414
I wiped away the small tears with the back of
my hand as I walked into the bathroom, right
off of the front room to make sure I still
looked okay. I was one of the most memor-
able days of my short life. My tears dried up,
remembering all the happiness of that day.
As I reached over to unlatch the fence, I
looked up to see Gray sitting on the ladder
watching me with bated breath. My gray
eyes met his thunderous blue one’s and I
mouthed ‘I’m sorry.’ He shook his head and
for the first time in three years I saw a tear
fall down his sun kissed cheek. This was my
undoing, I ran right into his arms. Nothing
else mattered, not what he did, not what I
did, just him and me at this moment. I
needed to comfort him as he once comforted
me when no one else in the world could.
My arms wrapped tightly around his neck as
I kissed his neck, right below his earlobe.

40. 40/414
“I’m so unbelievably sorry Gray. I should
have never said that. You know I didn’t
mean it, right? Tell me you know that.” I was
in tears while grasping onto him for dear life.
If he couldn’t or won’t forgive me, my life
would fall into a million pieces.
“I’m sorry too Bennett. Of course I forgive
you.” His big arms snaked around my waist
and pull me into his lap. “You know you’re
the one girl I will always love, don’t you?”
I gently leaned up to kiss his cheek to reas-
sure not only him, but also myself. “I do
know that Gray.” I slowly ran the back of my
hand down his face, stopping just before I
reached his jaw line. “Gray, why didn’t you
just tell me?” I didn’t want to ruin this mo-
ment between us, but I had to know.
He pushed his fingers through his hair while
letting out a gasp of air, before looking into

41. 41/414
my eyes, with a look I have never seen on
Gray Weston’s face before. “I didn’t want to
see the look on your face that you have right
now. You’re looking at me as if I have three
heads. It’s not like that with Hannah, I prom-
ise Bennett. A couple months ago when you
stayed to help the dance committee, she and
I ran into each other in the parking lot. I told
her I was sorry for always being a dick, and
that we should try to make things, pleasant,
before we all graduated.
She agreed. I bent down to give her a quick
hug and she kissed me. It was a swift peck
to my lips, but then it dawned on me that I
have only kissed one other girl, besides
you.” I watched the blush reach his cheeks
and I could tell that he was embarrassed. I
was his first and only other kiss, besides his
stupid ex-girlfriend. I smiled shyly up at him
while he continued.

42. 42/414
“So, I pulled her in and kissed her again. It
wasn’t a lustful kiss, but it helped me
feel...something. We snuck around, just kiss-
ing, whenever we could. We both knew that
if you ever found out, you would hate us, so
we decided not to tell you. Today, in the hall-
way, it was the last time Bennett. I was run-
ning late to class and saw Hannah walking
towards the office. I ran up to her and told
her that now that I was leaving,” he looked at
me, waiting for my reaction.
“I also told her that I needed to tell you, and
make things right before I left. Then we
kissed for a few minutes. When I pulled back
to say good-bye to her, that’s when I heard
footsteps running down the hall. I turned
around and there you were. I was mortified. I
wanted to crawl up into a ball and die. I
could never imagine hurting you.”

43. 43/414
I shifted my weight on his lap, draping a leg
over the side of the cold metal ladder. I could
see the hurt in his fallen face. I gently
grabbed his face cradling it in my hands and
with absolute certainty, I kissed him. This
was not a small chaste kiss. This kiss meant
more, much more. I poured every ounce of
my beating heart into this one kiss. I cracked
my lips and he took full advantage, exploring
my mouth tenderly and lovingly.
I pushed my hands into his hair and lightly
tugged. We were now fully intertwined and
locked together, as our kiss lasted for what
seemed like hours. I hesitantly let go push-
ing my forehead onto the bridge of his nose.
I couldn’t find the strength to open my eyes.
His overly large hands lifted my chin up, so I
was now looking into his endlessly blue
eyes. They were as blue as the ocean, and I
found myself lost in them. I couldn’t bring

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myself to look away, no matter how hard I
tried. His eyes were burning bright with lust,
love and longing. He had wanted this for far
too long, and it was written all over his face. I
realized now that I may have wanted this just
as much, if not more than him. I smiled at the
thought. He pressed his soft puffy lips
against my swollen one’s in a swift kiss, but
he lingered for a couple seconds too long. I
took my chance and pressed our lips togeth-
er one more time.

45. Four
I must have dozed off because when I came
to, I was alone in my bedroom. I rolled over
onto my side and stared at my small cozy
abode. I hadn't changed it, not once in the
eight years that I had been living here.
My small white wooden desk still sat in the
far corner by my closet door. My bulletin
board had grown in size over the last eight
years, and now took up half of the pink wall
across from my door. I still slept in my full
size bed, with quilt made by my mother when
I was only two years old. Across from my
bed stood my eight drawer mahogany dress-
er, cluttered with pictures of me and my par-
ents, and me and Gray. I rolled over a bit
more staring at the small, framed picture on
my matching nightstand. It was a small pic-
ture of my mom and dad when I was first
born. They were staring into each other’s

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eyes with more love than I have ever known
or felt in my life.
My dad was holding me in his right arm, with
his other arm wrapped tightly around my
mother's waist. As I ran my finger across the
picture a stray tear fell onto my pillow. I
missed them dearly and my heart was yearn-
ing to feel their touch. I carefully set the pic-
ture back down sliding myself up against my
headboard. I sat staring blankly out the win-
dow when I heard voices coming from the
kitchen. This was an unusual occurrence,
given the fact that my kitchen only ever
housed Gray and myself since my parents
died.
I pushed myself up off my bed and lazily
walk towards the voices and clattering
sounds. I stopped dead in my tracks when I
spotted Gray and his mother in my kitchen,
cooking dinner. The picture playing out

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before me came off as odd. Gray and his
mom hadn’t been getting along since he
made the decision to go into the police
academy this fall. As if hearing my inner
thoughts, they both turned to stare at my
shock-ridden face.
“Well Dear, don't just stand there. Come sit
at the table while Gray and I finish making
dinner.” His mother crooned. Her sleek cop-
per brown bob swayed as she walked to-
wards me.
“I'm a little confused.” I said, as I let her lead
me to the dining room table. I sat back
watching as Mrs. Weston moved gracefully
around my kitchen, just like my mother used
to. I smiled at the memory of my mother.
“Gray told me you two had quite the day
today, it was his idea.” She whispered the
last part in my ear as she set the French

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bread on the table. The aroma of oregano,
basil, tomatoes and garlic pleasantly tickled
my nose. It suddenly dawned on me, I hadn't
eaten all day, and I was mouthwateringly
hungry.
“It smells great Mrs. Weston, but really you
didn't have to do this, I manage just fine.” I
tried to stifle a yawn.
“Call me Reagan Dear. Mrs. Weston was
Daniel’s mother you know that. Like I told
you, Gray here is the one who has done
everything, I just cut the bread.” She gave
me a whimsical smile and went to search for
glasses in the cupboard.
“They’re in the cabinet above the stove.” I
said, waiving my hand in that general direc-
tion. I nestled into the chair at the small
glass dining room table, staring at Gray and
his mother as they interacted with one

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another. I had forgotten how much he and
his mother looked alike. Gray inherited al-
most all of his looks from his mom. Her elec-
tric blue eyes, and copper colored hair were
identical to his.
I admired his mother for all that she had
been through. After Gray’s dad died a few
years back, she managed to keep herself
strong and composed. She never left Gray to
fend for himself. If anything, she showed
even more love than any adolescent could
imagine needing.
Gray’s father, Daniel died in September of
our junior year. Mr. Weston had been a hom-
icide detective for ten years before his
shocking death. Mrs. Weston had never
minded her husband’s line of work; she was
amazingly supportive of his sometimes-dan-
gerous job. Of course she worried, as any

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wife of a detective would, but he always
seemed to stay out of harms way.
The day he died was the day a piece of Mrs.
Weston died as well. From what I could gath-
er of that day, he and his partner were in-
vestigating a homicide in a small apartment
complex outside of New Haven. The first of-
ficers on the scene had cleared the apart-
ment before Mr. Weston and his partner
entered.
Ten minutes into their search a neighbor had
come by to let them know that they heard a
strange noise from the apartment above.
Two men, shooting in their direction, were
ambushing Mr. Weston and the other of-
ficers, a few minutes later. Mr. Weston
caught a bullet to his chest and died
instantly.

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After school we had headed home without a
care in the world, until we spotted Mrs. We-
ston waiting for us on their front porch, cof-
fee cup in hand and a tear stained face.
Gray broke down instantly, knowing what it
was she was going to say. Me on the other
hand, I stood looking dumbfounded at the
both of them, not knowing what was wrong.
As soon as Mrs. Weston could speak again,
she explained to me that Mr. Weston had
died. My heart broke into a million pieces for
the second time in a matter of 4 months.
Gray and his mother were devastated, Gray
refused to leave his house for a month. Mr.
Weston was like a second father to me, so I
guess I took the news almost as badly. He
was one of the kindest men I had ever had
the pleasure of knowing. The Weston's took
me in as one of their own the minute we all
met one another, and that’s where we
stayed.

52. 52/414
I caught a glimpse of Gray smiling down at
his mother, and I could see a part of Mr. We-
ston in his smile. It filled my heart with happi-
ness. I slowly stood up to grab myself a
glass of water. Gray and his mother were
caught up in a discussion about our current
health care system, and I had no problem
tuning them out. I stood in front of the sink
staring out into our backyards with over-
whelming sadness. Even though there were
others in my house to keep me company to-
night, I still found myself feeling alone.
I noticed that Gray and Reagan were still
chatting amongst themselves, so I snuck out
the sliding glass door out onto the lawn. I
took a long sip from my water glass and
steadied it on the edge of the porch.
I lay down in the overgrown grass, staring in-
to the star speckled sky. I had spent many

53. 53/414
nights after my parents’ death, just lying in
this very spot wondering if they could see
me. I caught the small tear that had started
to fall down my cheek just as I heard the
back door crackle as it opened. I didn’t have
to turn around or even sit up to know that it
was Gray. In a matter of seconds he was ly-
ing right next to me.
His hand slid through the grass, searching
for mine. When he found it he intertwined
our fingers, squeezing tight. I didn’t say a
word, just reciprocated by squeezing his
hand back. I found peace just being in the
presence of Gray, and tonight was no
exception.
I gradually turned my head in his direction,
only to realize that he had been looking at
me the whole time. “Do you even realize how
beautiful you are?” He whispered quietly, I’m
not even sure I was meant to hear him.

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A small smile reached my face as my eyes
instantly locked onto his. “You know this, me
and you, won’t work right now right?” I knew
I was ruining this moment we were sharing,
but he had to know.
He turned his head to face the night sky. “I
know Bennett. I wasn’t asking for anything
from you. I never have.” His voice was laced
in anger and I knew I had ruined our perfect
moment.
His fingers let go of mine and he pushed
himself into a sitting position while shaking
his head. “Don’t you see it Bennett? Can you
really not see beyond yourself? I lo-. Just
never mind, dinner is ready, let’s go eat.” He
stood and wiped his hands down his pants
before heading inside.

55. 55/414
I huffed as I stood up and grabbed my glass
from the porch. I knew I had hurt his feelings
just now but if he was leaving me in a couple
of months, I had to start pushing him away
now. It only made sense to spare myself the
heartache I knew that I was going to have to
endure. It was inevitable, and it made me
want to die.

56. Five
Dinner was amazing. I hadn’t had a home
cooked meal or at least one that hadn’t
come from a box, in I didn’t know how long. I
made sure I told Gray, at least a dozen times
how great it tasted. He was acting strange
and I knew it was my fault. Mrs. Weston
prattled on about meaningless things; I could
tell that she sensed the tension between the
two of us. I knew it wasn’t in her nature to
pry. When we were all done eating, I imme-
diately went to cleaning and loading the
dishes into the dishwasher.
Gray helped clean off the counters and then
turned to leave with his mother. I was taken
aback with the fact that he didn’t even hang
back a second to hug me good-bye. Mrs.
Weston said a quick good night and they
both walked out the front door. I stood on the
other side of the closed door, baffled. What

57. 57/414
had just happened? My sadness suddenly
turned into pure rage, unleashing all of it
onto the contents of my house.
Picture frames and glass shattered at every
corner of the living room. I heaved the half
moon wicker chair across the entryway along
with CDs, books and movies. I ripped each
and every picture from every wall in the
house, my nails chipping the paint in the pro-
cess. I moved my way into the kitchen and
nothing was left untouched. Pots, pans,
plates, silverware, glasses and vases were
helpless to my fists. When I finally made my
way into my bedroom, I slumped down
against my bedroom door tears falling un-
controllably down my face.
I wish I could say that my fit made me feel
some sort of relief, but it didn’t. If anything, I
ended up feeling worse off than before. I sat
my head against my knees that were pulled

58. 58/414
up to my chest and let every emotion I had
boiling up inside of me, out. When my legs
started to fall asleep, I crawled across my
bedroom floor and up onto my bed. I curled
up in the tightest ball possible and faced my
back towards Gray’s window. I knew that he
would at least check on me that way, but I
wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of
seeing me.
My eyes felt like twenty pound weights on
my face when I woke the next morning. I let
out a yawn, stretching the length of my bed
in all directions. My body was extremely stiff
due to the fetal position that I had stayed in
all night, but nothing compared to the pain
that went shooting through my knuckles. I in-
stantly cried out in pain. I wandered into the
bathroom to wrap my hand.
I put some antibacterial ointment on my
knuckles after checking for shards of glass. I

59. 59/414
wrapped it in gauze and then again in an
ACE bandage. As I was fastening the Velcro
on the bandage, I heard crunching glass. I
flung open the door and started screaming
as I ran down the hall. “BE CAREFUL! ITS
EVERYWHERE!” When I finally reached the
source of the noise Hannah stood staring
with a perplexed look on her face. All I could
think, was at least it wasn’t a look of pity. I
was getting really sick of that look.
“Hi Han.” I made sure to keep eye contact,
with no hint of forgiveness in mine. “What
are you doing here?” I was pissed and I
needed her to know. I walked into the kit-
chen pantry to grab the broom, ignoring
Hannah in the process.
“What happened to your house?” She
whispered.

60. 60/414
“Nothing. I’ll say it again, why are you here
Han?”
She moved to sit at the kitchen table. “I
came by to apologize Bennett. I am s-” I cut
her off mid sentence. I was so over her and
Gray, and their apologies. For once, I just
wanted one of them to be honest. I knew
what I was going to say next would make her
never want to speak to me again, but I was
beyond caring.
“Hannah, I don’t give a shit how sorry you
are. You claim to be my best friend. You
have always been there for me, but then you
hide this shit from me.” I began waiving my
arms in the air for emphasis. “You straight
lied to me more than once. Not once did you
think to yourself, maybe I should tell Bennett.
Not once. You and Gray are beyond selfish.
You were only concerned with yourself and
how he made YOU feel. Well, I deserve a

61. 61/414
better friend than you. I would have never
done this to you, EVER! Now get out of MY
house.” I slammed the broom into the dust-
pan as I continued to sweep. I didn’t have to
look up to know that Hannah was running
out of my house, in tears. I heard the door
slam and I let out a deep sigh.
“Well, if I would’ve known that this was who
you were going to become, I would have
never told you.” His voice startled me and I
couldn’t help but roll my eyes and continue
cleaning.
“What do you want Gray?” I whispered.
“What happened here Bennett?” His voice
was stern. It was sexy as hell.
“Why the hell do you care? Nothing
happened here. You left. Some pictures fell
shortly after.” I couldn’t turn to look at him.

62. 62/414
“That’s bullshit Bennett, and you know it. Did
you decide to throw yourself a little pity
party? Huh?”
It took everything in me not to turn around
and deck him across the face. Who did he
think he was coming into my house and ac-
cusing me of throwing a pity party. “You’re
damn right I did, asshole. When you turned
your back on me last night and didn’t even
say good-bye, I guess I did throw a pity
party! What’s it to you?” I spat.
“Are you trying to push everyone away Ben-
nett? I’m pretty sure after that little speech,
Hannah will never speak to you again. I
hope that makes you happy.”
“It does! Now leave me alone!” I turned to
walk into the living room but a strong hand
caught my forearm in a tight grip.

63. 63/414
“Don’t touch me Gray. Just let go and leave.”
I jerked my arm trying to free it, but he only
gripped tighter. He pulled me into his chest
and I immediately gave in. I leaned into him
and couldn’t stop the sobbing that followed.
He gently wrapped his comforting arms
around me, squeezing me just enough to let
me know he wasn’t letting go. “Stop pushing
everybody away Button.” I heard a chuckle
vibrate through his chest.
“Don’t call me that.” I chuckled back.
Gray led me to the kitchen table and sat me
down, while he fetched me a glass of water.
“Here drink this. Plastic was all I could find
that wasn’t broken. You sure did a number
on your parent’s place.” He sat next to me
with his hand on my knee.

64. 64/414
“Don’t call it theirs Gray. Its been mine now
for two years.” I tensed under his gaze. I
could tell that he had forgotten that it had
been exactly two years ago today, that I had
lost my only reason for living.
The back of his hand brushed down my
cheek gently, instantly calming me. Tears
began to fall again, and he caught them with
his fingers one by one. “I am so sorry Ben-
nett, I should have remembered.” He hung
his head in what I could only guess was
shame.
“I’m fine Gray, I promise.” My tears told an-
other story. He leaned in to hug me but I
squeezed past him, heading out into the liv-
ing room to finish cleaning up my mess.
“I’ll help you.”

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I nodded in appreciation. We cleaned in si-
lence for at least two hours. I gathered each
broken picture frame off of the glass-covered
floor, not being able to bring myself to look at
the pictures they held. We finished around
3:30pm and I glanced over at Gray and
smiled. I saw my best friend as a new man,
and not a young boy. I ran into his arms and
apologized profusely. I needed him to forgive
me, almost as much as I needed air to
breathe. I looked up at him through my veil
of hair and squeezed him tighter, before let-
ting him go.
“You want to stay and hang out for a bit?” I
was surprised when he said yes.
We spent the rest of the day lying in each
other’s arms on the couch, watching movies.
After one in the morning I shifted around to
look at him. “Will you stay with me?”

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He nodded his head and I snuggled deeper
into his chest and drifted into a dreamless
sleep.

67. Six
End Of Summer
Graduation had come and gone, as did sum-
mer. I had known this day was coming for
exactly eight months and ten days. It still
didn't make the fact that he was leaving me
any easier. Knowing the time was coming
only made it that much harder to deal with.
Gray had literally been my whole world for
the last thirteen years. He knew me better
than I knew myself, and I was petrified to be
without him. Sure, I would be starting college
soon but it just seemed wrong that our lives
were headed in separate directions.
When Gray told me he was going to be join-
ing the police academy, I cried for two whole
days. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my

68. 68/414
house. This wasn't how we had planned it.
We were both supposed to go to the same
school, have some classes together, and
share the college experience the way best
friends should. Knowing that Hannah would
be there with me gave me some sense of re-
lief but it just wasn't the same.
It took some time, but she eventually forgave
me for my outburst and we ended up closer
than we had ever been. It took a little while
for her and Gray to be able to hang out
around each other, but we managed. We all
ended up having the best summer ever. We
went to parties, clubs and even made it into
the city a few times. I was sad to see it all
end.
Once the last bit of pink sky turned to black, I
decided to head back into the house. I had
spent most of the day in the tree house.
Gray was busy getting his things together

69. 69/414
and ready for the academy. I figured I might
as well get used to the loneliness now. I slid
open the back door not knowing what to do
with myself. I glanced at the clock on the kit-
chen wall and sighed heavily realizing that
sleep would most likely be evading me, yet
again. My house had turned into my solitary
confinement since laying my parents to rest,
and I had learned to accept it.
Four months before Gray’s father passed,
my parents had been in a terrible car acci-
dent that claimed both of their lives. The only
thing that I can remember clearly from that
night was Gray’s mom coming over to give
me the news, which would forever change
me. Gray hadn't left my side since that fate-
ful day. His mother tried to get me to move in
with her and Gray more than once but I just
couldn't bring myself to leave “my” home. It
was the last place I was with both of them

70. 70/414
and leaving just felt wrong, like I would be
leaving a part of them behind.
I still spent practically every minute of the
day over at Gray’s house with him after that.
I would head over in the mornings before
school, study, hang out and then after Gray
would walk me home at night. Gray used to
offer to stay with me every time he would
turn to leave, but I insisted that I was fine.
Even though I was anything but. Those were
my moments of weakness, when I would cry
myself to sleep and he should have never
had to see that. Gray and his mother were
the most selfless people I had ever met. His
mother always told me that our grief would
make us stronger people. After a month, I
was beyond repair. Gray began sneaking
back into my house through one of the kit-
chen windows and sleeping on the couch
shortly after.

71. 71/414
The crying rarely eased up, and slowly Gray
would start holding me while I would cry my-
self to sleep. My crying stints became less
and less, but only if Gray was there to hold
my trembling body in his arms. We spent
night upon night talking, once I stopped cry-
ing all together. He eased my pain in a way I
never thought possible and just in time for
me to help him with his. I would be eternally
grateful to him.
I rolled over towards my small bedroom win-
dow that faced Gray’s, trying to see if he was
in his darkened room. It only took a second
for his eyes to find mine. I watched him as
he turned on his bedside lamp. It illuminated
every chiseled facet of his gorgeous face
and body. A smile broke out on his face, and
I couldn't help but smile back. Against my
better judgment, I waved for him to come
over. In less than a second his light was off
and I could see his muscular frame crawl out

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of his window, sprinting straight over to mine.
I pushed up on the frame, while staring at
how his white cotton shirt hugged every
muscle across his chest and shoulders. Gray
was definitely something to look at.
He climbed onto my bed and discarded his
shirt onto my bedroom floor. I pressed my
back into his chest, letting his strong arms
consume my body. This was home but yet
again my comfort in this, in how we were to-
gether, would be leaving soon.
I breathed a heavy sigh before I whispered,
“Hi.”
“Hi yourself. You doing okay Button?” He
chuckled in my ear. Gray had been calling
me Button since the sixth grade, when he
dared me to stick a button up my nose. He
swore it wouldn't fit. Boy was he ever wrong.
My mom took me straight to the emergency

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room knowing damn well she couldn't get it
out herself. I was humiliated, but Gray
thought it was hilarious and the name has
stuck ever since.
“You know I hate it when you call me that.” I
nudged him in his ribs making him laugh
even harder. “I guess I'm okay, for now.” I
sighed.
“I know it's going to be hard Bennett but I
promise you, things won't change between
us. You’re my best friend and that I swear,
will forever remain true. I love you Button.”
He kissed the back of my head quickly and
gave me a slight squeeze. I nestled further
into his chest not wanting this moment to
end. He was my best friend and no amount
of distance could change what we've been
through, or what we mean to each other,
nothing!

74. 74/414
I woke the next morning to a cool breeze
blowing against my back. I shivered involun-
tarily and reached for my comforter. Instead I
stumbled across a piece of paper tucked up
under my side. I scrambled to wrap my com-
forter around myself and lay back to read
what good ol’ Gray had to say.
Sorry, I had early testing today and I didn't
want to wake you. I hope you slept ok, I
know I did;) I'll text you when I get done.
Love
G
I couldn't help but smile. I knew that we were
slowly but surely blurring the lines of our
friendship but I was beyond caring. I sat up,
closed my window and then headed out to
the kitchen for a bowl of cereal and coffee. I
so needed coffee!

75. Seven
My day seemed to drag by extremely slow
without Gray. I ended up cleaning my entire
house, which only took about three hours. I
tried to keep myself busy, but nothing was
working. Around 3:00pm my phone went off,
alerting me to a text message. When I saw
Gray’s name flash across the screen, I
began beaming. I didn’t want to, but I missed
him terribly. I just wanted to hang out with
him as much as possible before he left. I slid
the bar across the screen opening up the
text. A smile as wide as the Grand Canyon
spread across my face as I read his sweet
words.
HEY BEAUTIFUL, JUST FINISHED
UP AND WAS THINKIN ABOUT YOU.
YOU WANT ME TO COME BACK OVER?
G

76. 76/414
My stomach filled with butterflies. It was
killing me how badly I wanted to see him. I
sat against the couch and pondered whether
or not it was a good idea. I knew what my
heart wanted, but my head was fighting tooth
and nail to push him away. My smile fell
when I realized what I needed to do.
SORRY HON. I HAVE SOME ERRANDS
I NEED TO GET DONE BEFORE SCHOOL
STARTS, RAINCHECK??
I knew I was going to break his heart, but
better his than mine at the moment. I needed
to keep some of my dignity in tack. It wasn’t
all a lie; I really did have things I needed to
pick up for school. I just needed some time
to process and deal.
NO WORRIES, IF UR BUSY
UR BUSY. LET ME KNOW
WHEN YOU GET DONE.

77. 77/414
G
I knew he would be pissed and after his text,
I decided to leave it alone. I knew we would
hang out again before he left. I felt bad for ig-
noring Gray all day but I just couldn’t bring
myself to get wrapped up in, whatever it was
that was happening between us. My feelings
were growing way beyond friendship, and I
knew that was hopeless.
I turned onto our street at half past ten. I no-
ticed that his front porch lights were turned
off and I assumed he was in bed. Okay,
more like I was hoping he was in bed. Not
likely, seems how it was only 10:00pm on a
Saturday night. I didn’t know how to explain
any of this so Gray would understand.
I closed the door to my car as quietly as I
could. I stared in the direction of his front
door as I threw my hip into the door closing it

78. 78/414
the rest of the way. I let out the air I was
holding and turned to head inside.
“Holy shit gray, you scared the Hell out of
me. What is your problem?” I smacked his
chest while clutching mine to catch my
breath.
“Me? Why were you being all sneaky, clos-
ing your car door all-quiet? Are you avoiding
me?” There was emptiness in his voice.
I slid my finger down his cheek, “No I’m not
avoiding you. I didn’t know if your mom was
sleeping or not. I didn’t want to go around
slamming doors. That’s all.”
LIAR!
My subconscious yelled at me. I made my
way around his tall figure, making my way to

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unlock my front door. He was right behind
me.
Damn it!
“Well, I’m glad you made it home okay.” He
started off towards his house then yelled
back across the lawn, “Oh yeah, Hannah
was looking for you earlier. Looks like you
were avoiding her too.” His long legs pulled
him further from me.
“Gray, wait.” I paused briefly, “You want to
come inside?” The words were out of my
mouth before I could stop them. Great Ben-
nett, let’s go ahead and complicate things
even more.
“No, that’s okay. I’m going to go out for a bit
with Vince. See ya later Bennett,” he yelled
right before he disappeared into his house.

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I stood on my porch, mouth agape. Did he
seriously just turn me down to hang out with,
Vince? I was utterly confused and disappoin-
ted. Gray never turned down the chance to
hang out with me. Maybe he was trying to
distance himself as well, or maybe, I was just
being that big of a bitch. I shrugged my
shoulders and made my way inside. I fixed
myself a frozen dinner and headed into my
room to finish getting things together for my
first semester at Connecticut University.
I set my food down on my desk and noticed
the note still lying on my bed. I crawled onto
my stomach and lay there staring at it, hop-
ing it would tell me what to do. I was beyond
confused with everything that was going on.
It didn’t help that my emotions were strewn
about all over the place.
I snuck a glance towards Gray’s window and
noticed him sitting at his desk. That’s weird;

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he said he was going out with Vince. Who
knows, maybe he changed his mind.
Vince had been Gray’s best friend since
middle school. They both played on the
same football team, and ended up playing
on our high school team. They were both
heading to the academy together, go figure.
Those two and their damn Bromance. I
chuckled to myself.
Vince was a good-looking guy. He was smal-
ler than Gray. Vince only stood at about five
feet ten inches, and he was tall and lanky.
He was fit, but had nowhere near the same
muscle structure as Gray. I used to have a
small crush on Vince in middle school. He
had naturally bleach blonde hair and light
blue eyes. He used to flirt with me a bit back
in the day, but Gray put a stop to that before
it could go anywhere. Not that I would have
ever dated Vince anyway, the minute he

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opened his mouth, he became such a
douche. I couldn’t even stand to be around
him half the time these days.
I didn’t realize how long I had been staring
until his brilliant blue eyes caught mine. I
blinked and tried to look away. When my
eyes came back to focus on his window
again, he was gone. I shrugged to myself
and went to my desk to eat my dinner.
Around eleven o’clock my phone alerted me
to a text message. I half ran to my bed to
see who it was. Disappointment clouded my
expression when I saw it was only Hannah.
HEY GIRLY. BIG PARTY
TONIGHT, YOU IN?
HAN
I really wasn’t in the mood to go to a party,
but I was so sick of hanging out at home by

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myself all the time. I let out a sigh before I
text her back.
I’M IN. COME GET ME
IN 20;)
I pulled myself off of my bed and forced my-
self to get a little dolled up. I only had twenty
minutes, so I had to make it quick. I sat at
my vanity and brushed mascara on my
lashes, and swiped some dark pink shadow
across my lids. I brushed some bronzer and
powder over my face and finished it with a
pale pink lip-gloss my mother had bought
me. I had straightened my hair earlier, so I
only had to run a brush through it to make it
look presentable.
I opened my closet door and stepped in, lost.
I had no idea what to wear to a party. Han-
nah always dressed to the extreme, showing
too much of, well, everything. I on the other

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hand, rarely showed anything at all. Every
time we had gone out over the summer, I
was sure to wear jeans and a loose fitting
shirt. I didn’t like the attention like she did.
Tonight I was going to throw caution to the
wind and wear the pink and black pin striped
halter top that Hannah had given me for my
birthday this summer. I didn’t give myself
time to talk myself out of it. I discarded my
bra on the floor of my closet and slid the silky
halter over my head. I zipped up the side
and pulled on my favorite pair of skinny
jeans. I grabbed my black boots and socks
and made my way to the kitchen.
I didn’t bother looking in the mirror before
leaving because honestly, I wasn’t trying to
impress anyone so I didn’t really care all that
much. A few minutes later, I heard Hannah’s
horn honk. I grabbed my purse off the hall
table along with my keys and locked up.

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Excitement was slowly starting to creep
through my veins as I jogged to the passen-
ger side of her car.
“Hey Han,” I yelled over the music she in-
sisted on blaring through the speakers. I slid
in and buckled my seatbelt not knowing
where we were going, and not really caring
for once.
Hannah reached to turn the stereo down a
bit before talking. “Hey girly, you look HOT!!
Every guy at this party is going to shit their
pants when they see you. Love the top.” She
smiled and winked at me knowing I had nev-
er dared to wear the top she bought me, be-
fore now. “Where’s Gray on this lovely even-
ing?” She chuckled to herself. “Isn’t he like
attached to your hip?”
I could see her roll her eyes. “He’s not at-
tached to my hip Hannah. I think he’s

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hanging out with Vince tonight. Who knows.”
I shrugged and continued to look out the
passenger side window. As much as I didn’t
want it to bother me, it did. I usually knew
where Gray was and what he was doing, but
he was acting so weird lately.
Hannah’s voice cut through my thoughts like
a knife. “Well, who cares? We are going to
have a blast. I heard about this party from
my sister. She says that it’s supposed to be
killer. She’s meeting us there. Its in the
dorms next to hers.” Hannah smiled the
biggest smile I had ever seen on her face. I
questioned whether a guy had something to
do with it, but knew better than to ask.
Thirty minutes later, we were pulling up in
front of Missy’s dorm at Connecticut
University. Hannah and Missy hadn’t always
gotten along like they did now. Missy was
four years older than Hannah and she never

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let Hannah forget it. They looked nothing
alike, and I always found it rather odd. Missy
was about my height and a bit on the pudgy
side. We used to tease her, saying that she
gained the freshman fifteen and never got rid
of it. She didn’t like that at all. They had the
same green eyes, but while Han had really
dark hair, Missy was platinum blonde.
She used to come home on the weekends
and take us out, until she became too cool
for her little sister to be tagging along. Now
that Missy was entering her last year of col-
lege, she seemed a bit nicer. At least until
we start attending school with her this
semester. I always thought that Missy was
secretly jealous of Hannah and all the atten-
tion she would attract from guys. There was
really no other explanation for the way she
treated her.

88. 88/414
I checked my lip-gloss and hair real quick in
the side mirror before exiting the car. The
night air had turned crisp, and I suddenly
wished I had remembered a jacket. The
leaves were just beginning to start to turn
their glorious brown and orange hues, and I
couldn’t help but notice some of the fallen
buds along the walkway. Connecticut was
definitely a beautiful sight to behold when fall
started coming around.
I walked briskly to catch up with Hannah and
looped my arm through hers as we made our
way to the doors. “Thanks for inviting me
Han, I really needed this.” I squeezed her
arm to my side in a half attempt at a hug. “I
know you do Bennett. Come on, were going
to have so much fun.”
Missy was walking down the hall towards the
party when we reached the top of the

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staircase. “Missy!” Hannah yelled to get her
sister’s attention but Missy just kept walking.
“What a bitch! Oh, I can see this is going to
be fun.” Hannah sighed.
We eventually caught up to Hannah’s sister
and she played it off like she never heard
Hannah. Yeah right! We entered into a big
four-room dorm. I had never seen one this
size before. Granted I had only ever seen
Missy’s room and a few others, but still this
place was huge in comparison. There was a
big open common room with a small kitchen
to the left and then four big bedrooms with
their own doors in every corner. It was the
perfect party pad that’s for sure.
When we walked in we didn’t notice a single
individual. We had only been to three other
parties in Missy’s dorm, but we usually ran
into the same crowd at every one.

90. 90/414
“Don’t worry, I’m sure we will run into
someone we know.” Hannah nudged me.
We headed straight for the drink table. I
wasn’t much of a drinker so I decided to stick
with soda for now and be DD. Hannah
poured herself a vodka cranberry, and an
extra shot of vodka to get warmed up. “You
sure you don’t want a drink?” Hannah yelled
over the music that a DJ was spinning in the
back corner. “We can always crash at
Missy’s if we need to.”
I shook my head, “No, I’m okay for now. I’ll
just stick to soda.” I smiled lifting my can at
her. She clanked her shot glass to my alu-
minum and waved for me to follow her onto
the balcony outside. The air felt at least ten
degrees cooler being up on the seventh
floor. I shivered and wrapped my arms
around myself.

91. 91/414
We ended up running into Leslie, a girl we
met at our first party. She was your quintes-
sential college party girl. She belonged to
one of the sororities and was currently dating
one of the most gorgeous guys I had ever
seen, and the star quarterback. She was
stunning. She looked exactly like Malibu Bar-
bie with long straight blonde hair, almond
shaped blue eyes and a rack that even I was
jealous of.
“Hey girls, how are you ladies doing? It’s
been far too long since we have partied.”
Leslie hugged us both, a little too tight for
comfort. I could tell she had been drinking
since way before now.
“Hey Les, we’ve been busy getting ready for
school next week. Where are all the hot guys
at?” Hannah shouted.

92. 92/414
“Oh, don’t you worry little lady, they will start
flowing in like water in no time.” She winked.
Hannah and Leslie stood off to the side talk-
ing about who knows what when I felt my
back pocket vibrate. I slid my phone out and
saw that I had a new text message from
Gray.
HEY SORRY ABOUT EARLIER.
HOPE YOUR NIGHT IS GOOD.
VINCE & I ARE HEADED TO A PARTY,
CATCH YA TOMORROW.
G
At that very minute I was beyond livid. I
pushed past the new bodies that had taken
over the back balcony, to smoke and
chitchat. I made my way over to the drink
table and poured a tall shot of vodka in a
random shot glass. I threw it back and
slammed the glass back down on the table.

93. 93/414
Once my distorted face went back to normal,
I filled up another and shot that one back
too. I could feel the warm liquid coating my
insides and I knew it was only a matter of
time before I would be feeling the effects. I
was in the midst of pouring myself another
shot when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
Thinking it was Hannah; I quickly turned with
a second shot in my hand ready for her. I
must have turned too quickly because one of
the liquid filled glasses was now all over
some guy’s shirt.
“Oh shit. I am so sorry.” I reached back to
the table for some napkins and absent-
mindedly started wiping off his shirt myself. I
slowly looked up from beneath my lashes
and my voice literally caught in my throat. It
was him!
“It’s you.” I finally stuttered.

94. 94/414
“It’s you.” He smiled, and I melted. His teeth
were perfectly straight and bright white. His
lush lips pulled up over them in the most per-
fect smile I had ever seen.
I couldn’t help but smile back. “It is me. I’m
Bennett by the way. I don’t think we ever had
a proper introduction.”
“Hi Bennett. I’m Raylon. Welcome to my
place.” He held his arms out as if I was sup-
posed to be impressed.
I laughed, a real laugh for the first time in
weeks. “This is a nice place you have here,”
I winked.
He laughed a loud boisterous laugh that
made me smile from ear to ear. My faded
memory of the first time we had met didn’t do
him justice. He was in incredible shape. His
black shirt hugged every curve and ounce of

95. 95/414
muscle that made up his upper body. His T-
shirt was paired with ripped jeans and a pair
of flip-flops. He was the epitome of sex, and
he was standing here talking to lil ol’ me.
“Are you okay?” I heard Hannah come up
beside me a minute later. “Oh my gosh have
you been drinking?” Her eyebrows were
pulled together, a smile tugging at her lips.
“Yes Hannah, I am drinking.” I couldn’t help
but smile. Hannah was always trying to get
me to drink. I never wanted to, until now.
“Well, thank the fucking Lord. It’s about
damn time you stopped being so good all the
damn time.” She wrapped her arm around
my shoulders while handing me a cup of
some concoction she had made. I could
already tell she was beyond drunk, but I was
quickly starting to catch up.

96. 96/414
I threw back the drink and reached for anoth-
er before I realized that Raylon was still
standing in front of us. “Oh sorry. Han this is
Raylon, Raylon this is my best friend Han-
nah. He’s the guy that ran into me in the hall
the last day of school.” I arched my eye-
brows at her.
“Oh...well Raylon, seems you left quite the
impression on our lil Bennett here.” She
smiled over at me, “Well, it was nice to meet
you Raylon. I’ll come catch up with you in a
bit, Bennett.” She turned and gave thumbs
up behind his back so he couldn’t see her.
“Sorry about my friend.” I said.
“Nothing to be sorry about. She seems like
fun.” He smiled while taking a sip from his
red solo cup.

97. 97/414
“She is. So, what year are you?” I knew I
sounded stupid but it was the only thing that
came to mind.
“Senior. I’ll actually be graduating in Janu-
ary, a couple months before all these losers.”
He chuckled as he waved his arms towards
everyone in the room.
I couldn’t help but laugh with him. His laugh
was contagious. “I see. Well then, maybe I
will see ya around for the next couple
months. I mean before you leave us losers.”
I feigned being hurt but then chuckled when
he leaned in to apologize.
We eventually made it onto the couch and
we talked about anything and everything. He
was the only child of a divorced couple. He
had lived with is mom, and his dad never
came around. He just turned twenty-three at
the end of summer. He had played football

98. 98/414
since he was six and he made it to Connecti-
cut University on a full ride scholarship for it.
He and his mom are very close. He talks to
her almost every day and he has only ever
had one serious relationship, in high school.
I started to tell him the Cliffs Notes version of
my life, leaving out all the bad when I heard
an all to familiar voice announcing his pres-
ence. I slowly stood up and rounded the
corner, when he came into view. He stood
with both arms up drink in one hand like he
was some kind of God at this party. I took
notice of Vince standing a little bit behind
him, and then I noticed the small redhead
directly underneath Gray’s arm. His arm
came down gently around her shoulder and I
watched as he kissed her on the top of her
head.
“Someone you know?” He had just wit-
nessed me staring, shit!

99. 99/414
“I thought I did but that’s not him.” I turned
and grabbed his hand so he would follow me
back to the table where the drinks sat. I
downed three more shots of vodka and then
made myself a cocktail, consisting of vodka
and a tiny splash of cranberry juice. I was
feeling better already.
“You might want to slow down a bit there,
kiddo.” He said smugly.
“I think I know what I can handle. Oh, and
don’t call me kiddo.” I spat back and turned
to find Hannah. She was still on the back
patio, only now with a tanned muscular arm
wrapped around her waist as she stood still
talking to Leslie.
“Oh Hannah, how you?” I could hear my
words starting to slur. I inched closer to her
spilling drops of the contents of my cup

100. 100/414
along the way. “I see you found a man,
hmm?” Nothing was making sense and I
could feel my body getting heavy and my lips
were becoming numb.
“Oh my God Bennett, how much have you
had to drink?” She grabbed the red cup from
my hands, throwing it in the tall black
garbage can in the corner. “Let’s get you a
water.” She started pulling me inside when I
stopped her.
“No! No! I can’t go inside.” I turned crossing
my arms over my chest.
“What do you mean?” As soon as the ques-
tion came out of her mouth, I saw her gaze
lock on his. “Oh shit Bennett. What is he do-
ing here, and with her?” I could hear the dis-
gust in her voice.

101. 101/414
Gray had only ever dated one person, well
besides Hannah. Bobby Jo Levingston, the
red headed firecracker who was a bitch to
everyone imaginable, especially me. Gray’s
friendship and mine was their final undoing.
He dated her for six months before she star-
ted making my life a living hell, and in return
Gray made hers one. Apparently, she had
forgiven him. I couldn’t help but watch as his
blue eyes looked into hers while they stood
grinding together on the makeshift dance
floor. As quick as I went to turn away, his
gaze caught mine. I could see the sadness
and apologetic look in his eyes, but I was
pissed and I wasn’t giving in that easily.

102. Eight
His hand was on my arm before I could
make it past the small doorway into one of
the rooms. I held my face away from him, not
wanting to cry. I could feel the tears welling
up behind my eyes, but I was damn sure not
going to let him see that.
“Bennett, look at me. I didn’t know you would
be-” his voice cut off.
I snapped my head around quickly sending
me off kilter. After regaining my sense of bal-
ance, I stared deep into his ice blue eyes.
“YOU’RE SORRY? You didn’t know I was
going to be here, right? That’s what you
were going to say. You made me feel like a
complete asshole for blowing you off today
and then you come here, with HER?” I poin-
ted in the general direction of where Bobby
Jo was standing. “How dare you. How dare

103. 103/414
you Gray. She treated me, your best friend,
like absolute shit the entire time you guys
were together and now you’re just going to
what? Take her home? Get her drunk and
then sleep with her?” I unleashed years of
frustration on him. I couldn’t stop myself. It
was something he had to hear.
“Bennett, please just talk to me. Not like this,
let’s go home and talk. Please!” He had me
wrapped in his arms so tightly; I couldn’t
squirm out of their hold. I tried to push
against his chest but nothing happened.
“Bennett you have to talk to me,” he
whispered.
I was about to give in when I heard his voice.
“I believe she asked you to let her go.” His
voice was powerful and in a second Gray’s
arms dropped to his sides with his hands
balled into fists. I knew what was about to

104. 104/414
happen. I positioned myself between the two
of them and tried to calm Gray down.
“Who the Hell are you?” Gray puffed.
“I’m the guy whose house you’re in. I’m also
the guy who is going to have to hurt you, if
you try to man handle her again.”
“ What the Fu-, oh I remember you. You’re
the guy who ran into her at school. I knew
you were going to be trouble. This has noth-
ing to do with you, so butt the fuck out.” Gray
reached for my hand but I was instantly
pulled behind Raylon’s muscular frame.
“I told you not to touch her.” Raylon poked
his finger into Gray’s chest.
“STOP BOTH OF YOU!” I screamed as loud
as my lungs would allow. I put a hand on
each of their chests trying to separate them.

105. 105/414
“Raylon you need to back off. You don’t un-
derstand enough to get in the middle of this.”
I looked up at him with a sympathetic look in
my eyes, hoping he would see that I was
sorry that I had to choose. “As for you,” I
pushed Gray towards the front door, “you
don’t get to come up in here with another girl
around your arm, and then try to protect me.
It doesn’t work that way Gray. You can’t
want all of me one minute and then only
some of me another. It’s not fair.” I looked in-
to his eyes and I could see that my words
were breaking his heart.
He hung his head before he finally spoke
back. “I was upset Bennett. I wanted to bring
you here with me but you blew me off, all
day. I thought we had an amazing night to-
gether. I was so excited to get done with
testing this morning and get back to you. I
had a whole day planned out. Then you just
brushed me off, like nothing happened. I
know you feel it Bennett. I’m not stupid, I can

106. 106/414
see it in your face.” His hands clutched onto
the sides of my face as he stared into my
eyes.
“Nothing was going to happen with Bobby
Jo, I swear it. I was just trying to make it so
every waking thought, in my God damned
head wasn’t consumed with you.” He threw
his hands up in the air exasperated. “Fuck
Bennett, what am I supposed to do?” His
hands fell to his sides in defeat.
I reached for his shoulder to turn him to-
wards me, but he evaded my touch and star-
ted walking towards the stairs. “Tell Vince
I’m going home. I’ll get a hold of you tomor-
row. Good night Button.” He was down the
stairs before I could even catch my breath
enough to speak. Why did things have to be
so complicated between us?

107. 107/414
I made my way back in to find Hannah, when
Raylon stopped me in the small hallway
leading to the common room. “Are you
okay?” He sounded truly concerned, but I
just didn’t have the patience to deal with this
kind of situation tonight.
“I’m fine, but I need to find Hannah. I’m
sorry.”
I moved around him and Hannah was stand-
ing waiting for me by the first bedroom on
the right. “You ready to go Calamity Jane?”
She was joking, but I couldn’t help but swal-
low back the lump starting to form in my
throat.
“Just get me out of here, please?” She
wrapped her arm around my shoulders and
pushed our way to the front door. I didn’t
look back to see if Raylon was looking my
way. Honestly, I didn’t care.

108. 108/414
The car ride was eerily silent. I couldn’t pro-
cess what had happened through my drunk-
en haze to have a coherent thought. Hannah
knew not to push it; she just kept the radio
up enough for some background noise. A
little bit later we pulled into my driveway and
I couldn’t help but notice that Gray’s truck
wasn’t in the drive.
A part of me was almost hoping he would be
waiting for me. I should’ve known better.
When Gray was upset or mad, home was
not the first place he went.
I waved good-bye to Hannah. My wobbly
knees carried me to the side gate leading to
‘our’ backyard. I wanted to go straight to the
tree house. That was where I felt the safest,
and right now I was feeling anything but. My
vision was still blurry making me stumble
across the grass in search of the ladder. I
could barely make out the shadowy figure,

109. 109/414
when my knee slammed right into the edge
of it.
“Ouch!” I cursed under my breath. I reached
out and grabbed hold of one of the metal
slats. I pulled up my leg to go climb, but fell
again. This time I fell onto the grass.
“Son of a bitch!” This seemed impossible. I
reached out one more time determined to at
least get half way up. I made it to the second
step before slipping again and falling flat on
my back onto the wet ground. The sprinklers
must have just gone off before I got home
because my ass was slowly getting wet. I
gave up and decided just to lay there in my
drunken haze, not caring about anything.
I heard a laugh and immediately sat up look-
ing around. When I heard it again I searched
the dark backyard, stopping when I saw his
face through the doorway of the tree house.

110. 110/414
He was here. Wait, what was he doing here?
And who did he think he was laughing at
me?
“Oh you think this is funny, huh?” I couldn’t
help but laugh along with him. It was kind of
funny.
“If the roles were reversed, you know you
would be laughing your ass off.” He exten-
ded his arm out for me to take his hand. I
tried more than once, but failed miserably
and fell back onto the grass laughing hyster-
ically. After Gray stopped laughing at me, he
finally came out to help. I reached my hand
out for him to take it, but in a second he had
me in his arms and he was walking up the
ladder.
Once we were inside he sat me down on the
couch and went to the mini fridge, coming
back with a bottle of water for me. I nodded

111. 111/414
in appreciation and gulped down half of the
bottle before taking a breath. As I leaned for-
ward to set the bottle down on the small cof-
fee table, I felt his strong arms wrap around
my waist. He pulled me back onto his chest
and kept his arms where they were. I rested
my head back against him wrapping my fin-
gers through his.
“I like this.” I mumbled.
“So how much did you drink tonight there, lil
miss?’ It came across like a joke, but I knew
he was being serious.
“Not a whole lot.” I lied.
“Uh huh, I bet. You seemed pretty tanked
when I showed up.”
“How would you know? You were busy with
your paws all over that redheaded skank.”

112. 112/414
My hands flew over my mouth realizing what
I had just said. “Sorry Gray.”
“Trust me Bennett, I noticed you.” I knew he
was rolling his eyes.
“Where’s your truck Gray?” I turned my head
slightly to listen for his response.
“Uh, I was drinking Bennett, I took a cab. I
can’t afford to get popped with a DUI right
before I head off to the police academy.”
I felt like an asshole for even asking, now
that I thought about it. “Me too. Well, not the
cab part but the drinking part for sure.” I
giggled.
“I figured as much.” He chuckled.
“Whatever Gray, I’m aloud to drink if I want
to.”

113. 113/414
His arms squeezed my waist tighter before
letting go completely. Just as I was turning to
object, his lips crashed into mine. In an in-
stant I was on my back on the couch with
Gray hovering above me. There was pure
lust in his eyes as I pulled his face back to
mine. Our kisses started out soft and gentle,
familiarizing ourselves with one another
again. But they quickly turned heated. When
my lips fell open, Gray took full advantage.
Our tongues massaged one another’s in a
loving motion. Our pace became faster and
he began nibbling my bottom lip, slowly mov-
ing down to my chin. He kissed me along my
collarbone, making my heart rate skyrocket.
Every inch of me was a live wire and on fire,
for Gray. I pushed my hands into his hair
and gave a small tug. He responded by pep-
pering kisses all down my sides while slowly
lifting my shirt up.

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I heard the zipper on the side of my halter-
top and froze. I was suddenly very nervous
for what was going to happen next. Gray
must have sensed my nervousness because
his lips were suddenly on mine. This kiss
was different. I could feel the yearning
pulling at him. My worries melted away as
we intertwined our tongues again. I raked my
fingernails down his back, and found the
hem of his shirt. With one swift move I was
pulling his shirt over his muscular back and
head. Once he discarded his shirt on the
floor, I continued to run my hands over every
crevasse and muscle I could find.
My insides were yearning for him to touch
me. I wanted to feel him all over me. His fin-
gers fell to the button on my pants, and I
wiggled them down my hips and off my legs.
He gently laid me back down and hovered
above, just staring at me. I was all of a sud-
den feeling very insecure. I didn’t move a

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muscle, even though my mind was yelling at
me to cover up. He slowly shook his head
and leaned in right next to my ear, “You are
absolutely stunning.” He kissed right below
my earlobe and I could feel it all the way in
my core.
I could feel the wetness starting to pool in
my panties as I wriggled underneath Gray,
wanting him to touch me anywhere and
everywhere. I’m guessing Gray could sense
my anticipation because in the next second,
he was ripping my halter from the zipper up
and throwing the shreds that were left, on
the table next to us. Our kissing became
more intense and I pushed my hand down to
his waistline while he was preoccupied with
my mouth. I fumbled with the button and zip-
per, mostly due to my inebriated state but
also because of my nerves. Gray laughed
under his breath and reached down to give
me a hand.

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A moment later his pants and boxer briefs
were on top of my clothes on the wood
planked floor. Our hands ran across every
inch of each other’s bodies. I wanted to
know every last part of him, while committing
it to memory, in case this was our only time
together. Our breathing became more rapid
as he slowly entered me. He pulled back a
little bit to make sure I was okay and with a
nod from me, he pushed himself in further.
I could feel my walls starting to clench
around him and I knew I wouldn’t last long.
Gray stayed at a steady pace and never took
his eyes off of mine. It was the most intimate
moment I would ever share with a man, and I
couldn’t believe that the man I was sharing it
with was Gray Weston.
We both found our release together a mo-
ment later. Gray pulled out of between my

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quivering legs and laid his head on my
chest. As our breathing began to even out, I
reached for his face for him to look at me.
“I am starving.” I whispered and he began to
laugh.
“I was afraid you were going to ask me to
leave.” He gently rolled off of me and
handed me his shirt. “Here put this on. Let’s
go inside and get you something to eat.” He
kissed my forehead before reaching for his
jeans. I couldn’t tear my eyes away as he
pulled his jeans over his muscular thighs. I
couldn’t help but stare at this amazingly
handsome man in front of me. He left his top
button unbuttoned, accentuating the ‘v’
muscles as he reached for my hand to help
me stand. “How are you feeling?”
I was quite sore but I didn’t want Gray to feel
like he had hurt me, so I decided to lie. “I feel

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great. Never better.” I smiled as we headed
into my house.
Gray cooked us up some omelets and we
ate in silence. My mind was moving about a
million miles a minute needing time to pro-
cess what had just happened. I didn’t regret
having sex with Gray, not for a minute. But,
had I just given myself to a man who couldn’t
give himself back?
“You sure you’re okay?” He glanced at me
as I shoveled the last bite into my mouth. I
nodded, not wanting to lie to him. I knew
how hard it was going to be for me to have
him leave. If it was going to be that hard for
me, I could only imagine how hard it would
be for him. I scooped up both of our plates
and ran them under some hot water before
placing them in the dishwasher.

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His taught arms wrapped themselves around
my waist as I closed the dishwasher door.
Before I could react, his hand was sliding up
the inside of my right thigh. I let my head fall
back against his shoulder, wanting to soak
up every touch. As his hand reached my
mound, a small moan escaped my lips.
“Are you sure you feel okay enough to go
again?” He whispered in my ear and it sent
goose bumps down the whole right side of
me.
“Mmmmhmmm,” was all I could manage to
say.
Gray wrapped me up in his arms and made
his way down the hall to my bedroom. He
gently laid me on my bed, sliding his shirt up
and over my head. He tossed it aside, along
with his jeans and then he was back on top
of me. He brushed the hair away from my

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face without ever breaking eye contact. I
could feel him looking into my soul and my
body shivered in response. This is what it
was like to be loved. True. Honest love.
As Gray’s hand slid between my legs, my
hand reached down and found his excite-
ment pressing against my thigh. I wrapped
my hands around him and slowly moved it
up and down his length. A small moan es-
caped from between his glorious lips as I
continued the motion. His hand found my
mound again and began circling over my
wetness. I arched my back into his body,
needing to be closer. My hand slowly made
its way back up over his chiseled abs and
over his chest and around to his shoulders.
As he lowered himself over me, he pushed
into me with full force. My nails dug into his
skin over his shoulder blades, as if I was
holding on for dear life. He eased back and

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again pushed into me, this time with more
force than the first. My nails dug deeper, and
I let out a painful but pleasurable cry. Again,
we found our release together. I buried my
face in the crook of his neck as he stilled
himself with me wrapped in his arms.
I could feel his hot uneven breath against my
neck, as we lay intertwined with one another.
His breath began to become more even
when I heard him whisper something. I didn’t
hear him the first time, so I asked him to re-
peat himself.
“I love you Bennett. I'm head over heals in
love with you.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. Of course I
loved him, I always have, even if it took me
this long to admit it. I knew if I responded
with the same heartfelt emotion, that
everything would change for us and that

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worried me. I quickly decided that I was done
worrying, if I had learned anything in the last
two years, it was that life is too short. I was
done trying to deny myself the same love
that I knew he had always felt for me, so I
gave in.
“I love you too Gray.” With those three
words, I felt my heart melt and I finally found
a piece of happiness.
Gray pulled the comforter up over my bare
back when I started to shiver. It was getting
to the point in the year where the heater was
going to become a necessity at night. I lay
my head across his chest, listening to his
heartbeat underneath me. It was a soothing
and comforting feeling to have him this
close. His hand traced small circles across
my back and I could feel my eyelids getting
heavier with sleep. I was just about to drift off
when he cleared his throat.

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“Gray, are you okay?” I whispered.
His hand stilled for a minute but then contin-
ued caressing my back before he answered.
“Honestly Button, I don’t know. I thought I
had my whole life planned out. I knew I
wanted to be a cop the minute my dad made
detective, and it was only affirmed after he
died. But this, you and me…. this is what I
have wanted since the first day you slapped
me.” A small laugh vibrated through his
chest and bounced me head. “I feel like I
can’t have both.” He let out a loud sigh.
Inside, my heart was breaking. I have always
known that there was something between
Gray and me; I could just never admit it to
myself. When he finally told me how he felt I
pushed it away, thinking it was absurd. Now,
he was all I wanted but the thought of pos-
sibly losing him killed me.

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“We can try.” My voice came out smaller
than I intended and lacked the conviction I
wanted him to hear.
He was immediately pushing himself up into
a sitting position, bringing me along with him.
He grabbed both of my hands in his and
looked me right in the eye. “Really? You
would do that for me?” I could see the ex-
citement pulsing through him. This is what
he was hoping for, and who was I to take it
away?
“Of course. I’m not promising it will work, but
I am at least willing to try. I meant it when I
said I love you Gray. I want this just as much
as you do.” I pulled one of my hands from
his and brushed my thumb across his bottom
lip. “Just promise me that I am enough.” I
pushed my lips against his and quickly
pulled back waiting for his answer.

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“You will always be enough for me. You’re
more than enough Bennett.” His lips found
mine and I could feel him putting all of his
emotion behind this kiss. He meant it. I could
feel it in my bones.
We both lay back down on the bed to settle
in for sleep. “I love you Bennett.” He
whispered as he kissed the top of my head.
“I love you too Gray.”