A presentation made by Kerrie Hayes-Williams to the parents and friends of St Therese, West Wollongong on "Building Resilient Children Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety"

1. Building Resilient Children
Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety
Kerrie Hayes-Williams & Mark Woolley
Catholic Education Office
Diocese of Wollongong
25th March, 2009

2. Some Myths
 ‘I was bullied and it didn’t do me any harm’
 ‘He’ll just have to learn to stand up for himself’
 ‘Tell him to hit back – harder’
 ‘It’s character building’
 ‘Sticks and stones . . . .’
 ‘That’s not bullying! It’s just kids teasing.’

3. Australian Research Results
(Ken Rigby, 2006)
 1:6 is bullied on a weekly basis
 More frequent in primary school for both
genders peaking in years 4/5
 Reports of lack of support, isolation,
absenteeism (1:5 boys, 1:4 girls), feeling unsafe
 Health consequences – perceived or real

4. What is bullying??
‘Bullying and harassment happens
when people deliberately and
repeatedly use and abuse their
power to hurt, annoy, torment or put
down other people they see as
weaker or smaller

5. Bullying includes:
Social banter
hurtful teasing
pushing and shoving
malicious gossip
racist comments
exclusion
extortion
phone and internet abuse
sexual harassment
damage to property
physical violence
use of weapons
criminal acts
verbal threats
stalking
cyberbullying

6. Family Bullying
 Occurs when a person in a family uses their
power to control those with less power in
ways that are threatening and abusive.
 It includes:
 spouse/partner abuse,
 child abuse and neglect,
 parent abuse by adolescents,
 sibling threats and aggression, and
 abuse of older adults by caregivers

7. Normal Peer Conflict Bullying
Equal power between friends Imbalance or power between friends
Individuals often play together Individuals rarely play together
Happens occasionally Repeated negative actions
Accidental On purpose
Not serious Serious with threat of physical or
emotional harm
Equal emotional reactions Strong emotional reaction from
victim and little or no emotional
reaction from bully
Not seeking power or attention Seeking power, control, or material
things
Not trying to get something Attempt to gain material things/power
Remorse – will take responsibility No remorse – blame victim
Effort to solve problem No effort to solve problem

8. Ratting vs…
 Ratting is a child
telling about another
to get them into…
TROUBLE

9. …Reporting
 Reporting occurs to
protect one’s
SAFETY

10. Creating Caring,
Connected and Safe Homes
Negative Positive
Home Home
Environment Environment
Bullying and Teasing, Tolerance Caring,
Coercion Harassing consideration Supportive
• Teach social skills What happens when . . .
• Cooperative learning experiences • Expectations/consequences
• No ‘put-down’ zones • Opportunities for ‘healing the
• Develop empathy for others harm’ done to others
• Restore relationships

11. Girls Bullying Boys Bullying
 Starts in year 1-2  Typically use physical aggression
or by threatening to use it
 Typically use ‘put-downs’
 Usually about clothing, hair, or overall  Quick jab, push or shove, elbow
appearance or knee or head thrust into a wall
or locker
 Years 3-4 tactics change
 Isolation from group  Whatever it is – hurts and over
 Promise of inclusion for favours quickly before anyone sees.
 Cliques or groups taunt or harass at  Size and strength is intimidating
recess or lunch
 Years 5-6 situation worse  Create fear and a present threat
of harm from physical abuse
 Intimidating or threatening notes
warning of things to happen
 Boys see bullies as large, strong
 Gossiping and spreading damaging and powerful
and embarrassing stories
commonplace
 Can peak in year 4/5

12. Victim Profile
 Generally tend to lack friends
and social support
 More cautious, sensitive, quiet
and non-aggressive
 Often lack confidence in their
abilities
 If a boy –tend to be smaller
and physically weaker
 Considered by others as
‘different’

13. Possible signs of bullying
 Not wanting to go to school
 Avoiding certain activities
 Cuts and bruises
 Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced
 ‘Losing’ lunch money
 Falling out with previous friends
 Being moody and bad tempered
 Being quiet and withdrawn
 Refusing to talk about what happens at school
 Loss of appetite, bedwetting
 Aggression with brothers and sisters
 Doing less well at schoolwork
 Insomnia, anxiety
 Talking about not having friends

14. Persistent bullying can result in:
 Anxiety and depression
 Low self-esteem
 Shyness or lack of confidence
 Humiliation & mental anguish
 Poor concentration
 Poor academic achievement
 Avoidance or absenteeism
 Rejection and isolation
 Thoughts, threats or attempts
of self-harm or suicide

15. A typical bully is a person who:
 Values power and the rewards aggression bring
 Has a desire to hurt and expressed in action
 Someone is hurt
 Lacks compassion and empathy for others
 Lacks guilt for his or her actions
 Believes it is OK to treat others in a cruel fashion
 Likes to dominate and be in charge
 Thinks it’s OK to be abusive in order to get something
 Avoids adults and plays/spends time out of adult sight
 Is verbally convincing
 Projects problems onto others
 Enjoys the interaction

16. The Bully’s Target
Eyes: red, teary, weepy, Verbal retaliation: blabbering,
narrowed, looking down or away criticising back, blaming
Head: down
Face: white, red,
tense muscles
Voice: very quiet, angry,
Upset, muffled, a grunt
Lips: tight or mouth open
Shoulders: slumped, Demeanour: doing
bent over, pulled back Nothing or being
powerless
Body movements: Feelings demonstrated: fear, anger,
Frozen, stuck, paralysed, rigid, fidgeting, hurt, hate, embarrassment, teariness
walking away
(HO)

17. Impact on the Bully
 Learned behaviour  Escalated aggression
 Becomes a ‘way of life’  Suffer higher rates of
 Limited social skills depression
 Poor relationships  As adults treat their own
 Higher chance of children in a dominating
and emotionally abusive
juvenile delinquency
manner
 More likely to turn to
criminal activity as adult  Acts as role models for
their children

18. Impact on Bystanders
 Lowered self-esteem
 Loss of control
 Feeling of powerlessness
 Often scared and isolated
‘ He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it’
(Martin Luther King)

19. What stops children?
 Common urge at times that can involve:
 A sense of shame (motivational force)
 Worry about parents’ reactions/disapproval
 Concerned about the peers judgments
 It is not cool in their group
 Witnessing the pain and hurt of victims
 Learning social and emotional skills for
managing relationships

20. Steps to Help Your Child. . .
 Listen . . .
 Talk to your child about why some people act like bullies/
victims
 Empower and teach your child to be part of the solution
 Build resilience & interpersonal skills (communication skills,
conflict resolution & encourage friendships)
 Focus developing attitudes (unprejudiced, cooperation, empathy, resisting
negative group pressure, self-acceptance
 Work collaboratively with school to solve it

21. Faulty beliefs/ attitudes to change
 I’m not good enough
 Being different is bad
 I am to blame
 I have the right to be sensitive
 I can’t accept the truth
 I can do it my own way
 People should be fair
 Nothing works
 No-one can help
 I think it is a waste of time

22. Behaviour
(Actions)
Feeling
(Emotions)
Thinking
(Self-Talk)
Positive Negative

23. I’ll never get help, I’m tired and
I’ll just keep paddling and eventually
someone will come to help me I can’t do this anymore!

24. The Secrets of Relating
for Children
 Secret 1: Understand why you are bullied
 Secret 2: Build your self-esteem
 Secret 3: Become a confident communicator
 Secret 4: Create your own ‘power pack’
 Secret 5: Develop a support network

25. Creating Caring,
Connected and Safe Homes
Negative Positive
Home Home
Environment Environment
Bullying and Teasing, Tolerance Caring,
Coercion Harassing consideration Supportive
• Teach social skills What happens when . . .
• Cooperative learning experiences • Expectations/consequences
• No ‘put-down’ zones • Opportunities for ‘healing the
• Develop empathy for others harm’ done to others
• Restore relationships

26. Safe environments
 Everyone should be treated with respect.
 Children need to be held accountable and
responsible for their actions.
 When actions occur that affect safety, quick
intervention is needed.
 We must work together to stay on target!

27. Talking with staff at St. Therese
 List what happened.
 Be clear and firm about the suffering
 Be prepared to name the bully
 If persists – WHO, WHAT, WHERE & WHEN
 Follow school policy and procedures
 Collaborate with school on a plan of action
 Keep in contact until bullying or harassing stops

28. Together we can
make a difference