2. “Yeah, Viduka and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink are interested in joining the K’s.” Jordan Mullen, 06/12/09 1/28
3. “Was the first goal the one when Dobbo ran to France ?” Alex ‘Gregs’ McGregor, 13/12/09 Getting his facts right for the match report away to Kimpton Rovers. 2/28
4. “It was awesome. I wish every night was like that !” Tim ‘Lux’ Luxford, 20/12/09 Reminiscing over the K’s xmas do. 3/28
5. “Coolio, I’ll bring some cheese...” Alex ‘Gregs’ McGregor, 15/12/09 Discovering his lift share buddy would be Mouse, aka Mike F, the piss-artist formerly known as Michael Fisher. 4/28
6. “Haha ! I guarantee he will be ‘busy’...” Kieran ‘Hufflepuff’ Hufford, 10/12/09 When asked if Jordan would be joining us for a run. 5/28
7. “Important game today so I’d like to see you ditch the tracksuit in favour of wearing a brown polyester suit with shiny elbows. Only a suggestion but why not replace phrases like ‘tails up’ and ‘go hunting’ with ‘don’t dolly it’, ‘Dessie, hold it’ and ‘bite bite bite’. Where’s that helpline, need to talk to Frank...” Lewis Coward, 17/04/10 6/28
8. “Not gona be able to make training this week – it’s the mother-in-law’s birthday and I’m under strict instructions to be at her meal. My ball and chain is getting heavier !” Russ Kearney, 27/12/09 7/28
9. “Mine is awesome – got a design your own beaver and wanking kit. Plus I got some extra small condoms for Mullen.” Nick ‘Dobbo’ Dobson, 17/12/09 Response to being asked to bring his work secret Santa gifts. 8/28
10. “Hello Princess, are you feeling better ? I came through training unscathed and I’m fit for the weekend. Training was okay, King of the Cat People took it.” Alex ‘Gregs’ McGregor, 02/12/09 9/28
11. “It wouldn’t be a very good secret would it, seeing as there is only me and my dad.” Jordan Mullen, 17/12/09 Response to being asked to bring his work secret Santa gifts. 10/28
12. “I confirm – if Calum’s nan lets me out !” Martin ‘Sloandog’ Sloan, 30/12/09 Raising the alarm that he’s being held captive by Calum McHardy’s nan ! 11/28
13. “Mullen, as much as it pains me.” Mouse, 02/01/10 “Fuck it. I don’t want to but, Mullen held the middle today, he gets it. Long haired gay boy.” Alex ‘Gregs’ McGregor, 02/01/10 Jordan Mullen proving you don’t have to be popular to win match of the match votes... and his modest response... “Big game player, Gaffer, that’s all I can say.” 12/28
14. “Good. I’ve never been on a losing side there, and I’m touching wood right now that that streak doesn’t end this weekend.” Luke ‘Benno’ Bennett, 15/03/10 Too much information, Benno, too much ! 13/28
15. “Don’t make me give Mullen the armband – you know he’s my favourite !” Stuart ‘Gaffer’ Biddle, 30/12/09 Threatening Griff with a demotion. 14/28
16. “Ah, can’t they decide today so I know if I can get off my nut on crack tonight or not ???.” Kieran ‘Hufflepuff’ Hufford, 01/01/10 Frustrated by the indecisive grounds man at Cheshunt. 15/28
17. “Little midfield role wouldn’t go amiss. Or a Pave role would be nice.” Simon ‘Brooksy’ Brooks, 02/04/10 Thinking of reinventing himself as a playmaker ? 16/28
18. “How early do we need to go to bed and are you going to read us a story ?” Alex ‘Gregs’ McGregor, 01/01/10 17/28
19. “Mullen didn’t show. And it was his idea to have a party !!!” Kieran ‘Hufflepuff’ Hufford, 01/01/10 Disappointed the star guest failed to show at his NYE party. 18/28
20. “I’m in ‘Landan’ to see Mama Mia with the fam.” Luke ‘Benno’ Bennett, 27/12/09 A shameful response to an availability text, when a simple ‘no’ would have sufficed... 19/28
21. “I had boyfriend duties to perform... Which I did with a massive hangover and even worse wind !” Alex ‘Gregs’ McGregor, 15/02/10 20/28
22. “Saw Macca at lunch, now Brendan Holmes on the train... I’m getting all nostalgic... maybe Martyn Bond will pop up smoking a cigar.” Lewis Coward, 15/01/10 Harping on about the good old days... 21/28
23. “Thanks fuckers ! Nights like that just show what a great club we have built. As usual... run on Thursday & I’ll be in touch about Saturday... hopefully I’ll have finished picking the black bits out of my arse by then !!!” Stuart ‘Gaffer’ Biddle, 19/01/10 If you weren’t there... don’t ask ! 22/28
24. “Oh shit ! I didn’t mean to put a kiss.” Sam ‘Dappy’ Stephenson, 30/01/10 Showing the love. 23/28
25. “Oh, I still have the ball pump, and no, it doesn’t work as a penis enlarger. I have tried.” Alex ‘Gregs’ McGregor, 16/04/10 24/28
26. “Smash and grab tactics today – smash 2 centre forwards and grab 3 points. Come on the K’s !” Nick ‘Dobbo’ Dobson, 06/02/10 25/28
27. “I think we should just swap squads – Standon & Puckeridge Reserves are better than Walkern.” Del Cripps, 15/04/10 26/28
28. “If Mullen gets an award, I’m leaving the K’s. His ego is big enough without rewarding his average ability !” Kieran ‘Hufflepuff’ Hufford, 13/05/10 27/28
29. “Hope it’s a class evening tonight. If I don’t get wanker of the season for running into that metal man during Lucozade then I want a recount !” Richard ‘Boyo’ Boydell, 15/05/10 Richie trying to secure an award just hours before the presentation. 28/28
