Remaining friends in marriage

REMAINING
FRIENDS
IN MARRIAGE
Friday, October
11, 2013
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Friday, October 11, 2013
2
 The closest person in marriage
relationship after God is your
spouse. He/she is your closest
friend. The start of the relationship
that leads into marriage is
friendship. We all start from there.

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 Marriage based on friendship can
last forever. Over a time there is
building of capacity as our
marriage relationship deepens. We
support each other more and
comfort each other. This requires
what I call 2Ts .

4
 TRUST is built over TIME. We get
into marriage with high hopes and
expectations and we can only stay
together if we are committed to the
friendship. When TRUST erodes ,
the friendship weakens and we
start having marital difficulties.

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 Marriage is the most important
human relationship a man and a
woman voluntarily commit to in
love. It was designed to survive
raising kids to adulthood and all of
the stresses and strains involved
in family life.

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 Obviously, the marriage friendship
doesn't just automatically out-last
all of these things. It must be
lovingly nourished if it's to handle
the demands placed upon it.

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 The blessing of friendship and
tenderness in marriage honors an
unchanging truth: A wife's loving
companionship was designed by
God to meet her husband’s
number-one relationship need.

Friendship is a High
Investment
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 Marital friendship thrives with the
companionship, shelter, and
support we give our spouse. Like a
garden, it must be wisely tended,
watered, weeded, and harvested.
Done well, these responsibilities
require a generous investment of
time, effort, and energy.

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 Jesus affirmed, “For where your
treasure is, there your heart will be
also” (Matt. 6:21). Husbands/wives
know when their spouses treasure
them. They see it in their eyes,
hear it in their voices, feel it in
their touch.

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 When we honor our husbands
/wives with our time, attention, and
presence, we give them the
opportunity to understand why their
feelings, passions, life experiences,
and well-being matter to us. Above
all, we invite them to trust that our
love for them is non-negotiable.

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 Think back to a time when a friend
gave you the gift of his/her time,
attention, and comfort. How did
you feel? What did he/she do or
say that was especially meaningful
to you?

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 Meeting your spouse’s God-made
need for physical, emotional, and
spiritual connection with you will
require a certain amount of
flexibility, patience, and
understanding.

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 The blessing of friendship and
tenderness is a priceless gift.
Spouses who have received it from
their spouses say that nothing else
compares with the kind of intimate
companionship only their spouses
supply.

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 Spouses who have given it smile
with satisfaction when asked to
describe what they like most about
their relationship with their
spouse. It is a friendship worth
nourishing and cultivating.

BEING ONE
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 Embracing God together involves
spontaneity and structure. Get to a
place when you have time for
prayers, Scripture reading, service,
and more. Go slow if you have to,
but do it. And remember, there is
no perfect style.

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 Stay focused on your purpose.
 Come to God with a spirit of
expectancy.
 Don't set each other up for failure
by trying to do too much.
 Don't be critical of each other's
efforts.
 Don't quit!

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 The concept of “two becoming
one” provides a permanence to the
spiritual intimacy. The spouses'
lives take on a shared meaning.

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 They also revel in the shared
journey they are making
together.... It's no longer two
individuals involved in competition
and evaluation of one another.
They're in this marriage together,
and they're in it for the long haul.

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 Communion with God. A shared
meaning. A shared journey. Those
are the basics of becoming one.

You are Friends
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 Marriage without friendship cannot
work. Friendship has to be
nourished and nurtured regularly
or it faces the danger of becoming
a business relationship. Couples
that don't give attention to
developing their friendship often
come apart. It also creates an
opening for marital infidelity.

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 A lapsed friendship can be
restored with intentionality,
sacrifice, perseverance, and
especially prayer. A good first step
is to find activities that you like to
do together – and then make the
time do it.

Friendship doesn’t just
happen
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 While it may come easily during
the early stages of a relationship,
after time other responsibilities
crowd in and friendship requires
greater time and attention. You
cannot passively sit back and
expect friendship to appear, any
more than you would with other
relationships.

Friendship requires time
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 We may say that friendship is
important to us, but if we don’t
give it the time it deserves, it
simply won’t happen. Friendship
is, after all, a relationship.
Friendship is a dynamic, ever-
changing relationship. It never
stays the same.

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 Scripture has much to say about
friendship, and in fact is filled with
stories of friendships. None are
perhaps more poignant than Ruth
1:16-18 who cared for one another
in a deep way.

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 Ruth 1:16-18
 “But Ruth said, "Don't force me to
leave you; don't make me go home.
Where you go, I go; and where you
live, I'll live. Your people are my
people, your God is my god; where
you die, I'll die, and that's where I'll be
buried, so help me GOD-not even
death itself is going to come between
us!" When Naomi saw that Ruth had

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 What is so touching to me about
this caring relationship is the time
and energy both invested in each
other. They made sacrifices to be
with each other and meet
emotional and physical needs. We
must model our friendship after
their patterns of interacting.

Friendship can always be
cultivated
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 It is never too late to cultivate, or
re-cultivate your marital friendship.
Do this by taking an active interest
in your spouse. Ask questions
about their day, anticipating the
issues concerning them and the
excitements that they carry in their
hearts. Care enough to know what
your spouse is passionate about.

Friendship requires fun.
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 Break out of your routines and do
something spontaneous with your
mate. Boredom is the product of
doing the same things, in the same
ways at the same times. Have some
fun.

Friendship requires that YOU
be friendly
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 Friendship is built upon the small
things of everyday life. Don’t
forget to smile at your spouse,
encouraging them at key
moments, laughing about the
craziness of life. Be a friendly and
interesting person and your
spouse will likely be one back.

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 FINALLY
 DO ALL THAT YOU CAN TO
REMAIN FRIENDS. THIS IS THE
KEY TO ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE.

Remaining friends in marriage

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