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Conversation Skills
                               BY-Dr. Shalini Kalia

A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks
  to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who
                     talks to you about yourself.
What is Conversation?

 Speaking and listening in a sequence.
 Oral exchange of sentiments, observations,
  opinions and ideas.
 Social Context: informal talk in which people
  exchange views, feelings and thoughts.
 Professional Context: informal discussion of
  an issue by representatives of
  institutions/groups.
Element of Informality
 Element of informality distinguishes
  conversation from debates, public speaking,
  negotiations or business discussions.
 Relaxed and friendly without being restricted
  by rules of correct behavior.
 Spontaneous, friendly and casual.
 Employed for creating friendly togetherness.
Social Conversation
   Expresses desire to establish a sociable atmosphere.
   Shares feelings of togetherness, rather than communicate ideas or
    any specific meaning.
   Phatic communion-a type of speech in which ties of union are
    created by a mere exchange of words.
   The togetherness of the talking, is the most important element in
    social conversation, the subject matter is only secondary.
   Social error not to say these things even if we don’t mean them.
   Phatic utterances are used to break silence. Purpose is to initiate
    conversation.
   Eg: it was a pleasure meeting you/How are your parents?/ Do come
    again/how do you do?/take care/nice morning, isn’t it?
*Phatic: used to convey general sociability rather than communicating a specific meaning.
How to break Ice through Small Talk?
   Compliment others about what they are wearing, saying or doing.
   Ask others about things they told you in previous conversations.
   Be ready to ask open ended questions to learn more.
   Be enthusiastic about other people’s interests.
   Tell others something interesting or challenging about what you
    do.
   Present main ideas first and then add supporting details.
   Accept a person’s right to be an individual with different ideas
    and beliefs.
   Reintroduce yourself to someone who is likely to have forgotten
    your name.
    Start and end conversation with the person’s name and a
    handshake or warm greeting.
Direction of Conversation

Rejection   Disagreement   Consideration   Agreement   Commitment



   Conversation moving to left depicts moving away
    from you and against you or towards the right
    from the point of consideration on to
    agreement and commitment.
Art of Managing Negative Responses
   Show that you do not doubt the positive intentions of the
    other person.
   Use expressions such as “ you are right, but…..”
   When in conversation we notice the signs and cues of
    doubt, disagreement or rejection, we should pause and
    summarize whatever has been so far discussed and ask
    the other person whether the summary is correct. The
    acceptance of summary is first act of agreeing with you.
    Use this psychological positivity for further agreement
    by asking what should be done further.
   Look for concern and feelings of other person and ensure
    they are fully taken care by you.
   Never get frustrated or angry when you confront
    rejection and disagreement.
To be Assertive Without being
Aggressive
 Assertive- not say yes when you want to say
  no, instead say no in a positive and firm
  manner.
 Indicate your response without hesitating in
  simple and clear words.
 When the negative consequences are
  foreseen as a result of expert critical
  thinking, its assertion is a valuable
  contribution to the discussion and decision
  making.
Conversational Attack and Controlled
    Response
 Answer emotion with cool facts only.
 Try to change the direction of conversation.
 Listen silently and respond with self control.
 Avoid using abusive language that may
  complicate the situation.
 Speak in a level tone.
 Avoid harsh, strong or insulting expressions.
 Don’t react emotionally. Draw attention to
  objective facts.
Conversation Control-skill of listening and
talking in a positive and meaningful way at an
appropriate time
Includes-
 Techniques of changing the direction of
  conversation smoothly.
 Ability to allow discussion to develop along
  key issues in an uninterrupted way towards
  the desired end.
 Helps us conclude our conversation
  effectively on a note of satisfaction as a
  result of mutual understanding and
  agreement.
Verbal and Visual indicators
 Verbal indicators-cues given and clues
  received
 Visual indicators-signs given and signals
  received
Ability to notice Cues and Clues
   Cue-keyword or phrase a person uses when
    he/she wants to indicate that something is
    important to him/her.
   Clue- word or set of words that someone else
    gives to us.
   Watch out for words- pressurized, concerned,
    angry, worried, annoyed, unhappy, enthusiastic,
    keen, excited, inspired, doubt, concern.
   Listen and carefully notice natural pauses
    persons use after saying something that is
    important.
Interpreting Signs and Signals
 Signs-frown, smile, eye movements… that we
  give to others.
 Signals –behavioral indicators others give us.
Parallel Conversations
 Countering the original statement with
  another statement just parallel to it.
 Two parallel statements cannot meet and
  can’t be linked together to resolve the issue.
 No dialogue, just statements shot at each
  other.
 No attempt to get to the meaning behind the
  words used by the other person.
Example-Parallel Conversation
X: It is necessary that we increase our export.
Y: I think it is most important for us to reduce
 our manpower immediately.
X: By increasing our exports we can build our
 brand image.
Y: By reducing the number of workers we can
 cut down our cost.
Sequential Conversation
   Converse in a skillfully controlled way
   Make statements in a sequence to what is said by
    other person.
   Logical link between statements made by speaker and
    listener.
   Listener receives carefully and waits for his proper
    turn to say clearly and forcefully.
   Carries forward the conversation in a connected and
    sequential form.
   Within a short time ideas and thoughts are developed
    in a structured pattern.
   Possible only when listener attaches some value to
    what is said by speaker.
Reflection and Empathy
   Show the other person that you are genuinely
    interested in his/her statements.
   Pick up the cue words and reflect upon their
    meaning.
   Play them back objectively, without changing
    or adding or altering them in anyway.
   Don’t criticize or question or add to what
    someone says.
   Body language should show real interest.
Inter-Cultural Conversation
 Besides language difficulty, the intercultural
 interaction is deeply affected by the lack of
 familiarity with business and social norms and
 conventions belonging to the respective
 cultural groups.
THANK YOU
Extra Reading



Chaturvedi, P. D. and Chaturvedi, Mukesh,
2009 reprint: Business Communication,
Concepts, Cases and Applications; Pearson
Education. (Chap. 7)

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Conversation direction

  • 1. Conversation Skills BY-Dr. Shalini Kalia A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.
  • 2. What is Conversation?  Speaking and listening in a sequence.  Oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions and ideas.  Social Context: informal talk in which people exchange views, feelings and thoughts.  Professional Context: informal discussion of an issue by representatives of institutions/groups.
  • 3. Element of Informality  Element of informality distinguishes conversation from debates, public speaking, negotiations or business discussions.  Relaxed and friendly without being restricted by rules of correct behavior.  Spontaneous, friendly and casual.  Employed for creating friendly togetherness.
  • 4. Social Conversation  Expresses desire to establish a sociable atmosphere.  Shares feelings of togetherness, rather than communicate ideas or any specific meaning.  Phatic communion-a type of speech in which ties of union are created by a mere exchange of words.  The togetherness of the talking, is the most important element in social conversation, the subject matter is only secondary.  Social error not to say these things even if we don’t mean them.  Phatic utterances are used to break silence. Purpose is to initiate conversation.  Eg: it was a pleasure meeting you/How are your parents?/ Do come again/how do you do?/take care/nice morning, isn’t it? *Phatic: used to convey general sociability rather than communicating a specific meaning.
  • 5. How to break Ice through Small Talk?  Compliment others about what they are wearing, saying or doing.  Ask others about things they told you in previous conversations.  Be ready to ask open ended questions to learn more.  Be enthusiastic about other people’s interests.  Tell others something interesting or challenging about what you do.  Present main ideas first and then add supporting details.  Accept a person’s right to be an individual with different ideas and beliefs.  Reintroduce yourself to someone who is likely to have forgotten your name.  Start and end conversation with the person’s name and a handshake or warm greeting.
  • 6. Direction of Conversation Rejection Disagreement Consideration Agreement Commitment  Conversation moving to left depicts moving away from you and against you or towards the right from the point of consideration on to agreement and commitment.
  • 7. Art of Managing Negative Responses  Show that you do not doubt the positive intentions of the other person.  Use expressions such as “ you are right, but…..”  When in conversation we notice the signs and cues of doubt, disagreement or rejection, we should pause and summarize whatever has been so far discussed and ask the other person whether the summary is correct. The acceptance of summary is first act of agreeing with you.  Use this psychological positivity for further agreement by asking what should be done further.  Look for concern and feelings of other person and ensure they are fully taken care by you.  Never get frustrated or angry when you confront rejection and disagreement.
  • 8. To be Assertive Without being Aggressive  Assertive- not say yes when you want to say no, instead say no in a positive and firm manner.  Indicate your response without hesitating in simple and clear words.  When the negative consequences are foreseen as a result of expert critical thinking, its assertion is a valuable contribution to the discussion and decision making.
  • 9. Conversational Attack and Controlled Response  Answer emotion with cool facts only.  Try to change the direction of conversation.  Listen silently and respond with self control.  Avoid using abusive language that may complicate the situation.  Speak in a level tone.  Avoid harsh, strong or insulting expressions.  Don’t react emotionally. Draw attention to objective facts.
  • 10. Conversation Control-skill of listening and talking in a positive and meaningful way at an appropriate time Includes-  Techniques of changing the direction of conversation smoothly.  Ability to allow discussion to develop along key issues in an uninterrupted way towards the desired end.  Helps us conclude our conversation effectively on a note of satisfaction as a result of mutual understanding and agreement.
  • 11. Verbal and Visual indicators  Verbal indicators-cues given and clues received  Visual indicators-signs given and signals received
  • 12. Ability to notice Cues and Clues  Cue-keyword or phrase a person uses when he/she wants to indicate that something is important to him/her.  Clue- word or set of words that someone else gives to us.  Watch out for words- pressurized, concerned, angry, worried, annoyed, unhappy, enthusiastic, keen, excited, inspired, doubt, concern.  Listen and carefully notice natural pauses persons use after saying something that is important.
  • 13. Interpreting Signs and Signals  Signs-frown, smile, eye movements… that we give to others.  Signals –behavioral indicators others give us.
  • 14. Parallel Conversations  Countering the original statement with another statement just parallel to it.  Two parallel statements cannot meet and can’t be linked together to resolve the issue.  No dialogue, just statements shot at each other.  No attempt to get to the meaning behind the words used by the other person.
  • 15. Example-Parallel Conversation X: It is necessary that we increase our export. Y: I think it is most important for us to reduce our manpower immediately. X: By increasing our exports we can build our brand image. Y: By reducing the number of workers we can cut down our cost.
  • 16. Sequential Conversation  Converse in a skillfully controlled way  Make statements in a sequence to what is said by other person.  Logical link between statements made by speaker and listener.  Listener receives carefully and waits for his proper turn to say clearly and forcefully.  Carries forward the conversation in a connected and sequential form.  Within a short time ideas and thoughts are developed in a structured pattern.  Possible only when listener attaches some value to what is said by speaker.
  • 17. Reflection and Empathy  Show the other person that you are genuinely interested in his/her statements.  Pick up the cue words and reflect upon their meaning.  Play them back objectively, without changing or adding or altering them in anyway.  Don’t criticize or question or add to what someone says.  Body language should show real interest.
  • 18. Inter-Cultural Conversation Besides language difficulty, the intercultural interaction is deeply affected by the lack of familiarity with business and social norms and conventions belonging to the respective cultural groups.
  • 20. Extra Reading Chaturvedi, P. D. and Chaturvedi, Mukesh, 2009 reprint: Business Communication, Concepts, Cases and Applications; Pearson Education. (Chap. 7)