Quarrels and Disunity result from incompetence and reluctance to manage aggressive emotions, which in turn are provoked mainly by misunderstanding or misinterpretation (when someone is not understood well) and misdemeanour (when someone has not behaved well), but also by miscommunication and misrepresentation of the Truth. When in a conflict, examine yourself to know your drive behind your role in the conflict – are you driven by trust or fear, love or wrath, sympathy or revenge, pardon or passion, penitence or persistence. The goal in avoiding and resolving conflict should be to glorify God and bring yourself and others to point of repentance, restoration and reconciliation.

1. COMBINED MEN’S/WOMEN’S FELLOWSHIP
SEMINAR
October 10, 2016

2. Ven. Dr. Ifechukwu. U. Ibeme
Website: http://www.scribd.com/ifeogo

3. The seventh Beatitude is the peace
of God’s children and the church is
reconciled to reconcile.
Matthew 5:9
(9) Blessed are the peacemakers:
for they shall be called the children
of God.

4. 2 Corinthians 5:18-20
(18) And all things are of God, who has reconciled
us to himself by Jesus Christ, and has given to us
the ministry of reconciliation;
(19) That is, that God was in Christ, reconciling
the world unto himself, not imputing their
trespasses unto them; and has committed unto us
the word of reconciliation.
(20) Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as
though God did beseech you by us: we pray you on
Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God.

5. Romans 16:17-18
(17) Now I beseech you, brethren, mark
them who cause divisions and offenses
contrary to the doctrine which you have
learned; and avoid them.
(18) For they that are such serve not our
Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and
by good words and fair speeches deceive
the hearts of the innocent.

6. 1 Corinthians 3:1-3
(1) And I, brethren, could not speak unto you
as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as
unto babes in Christ.
(2) I have fed you with milk, and not with solid
food: for until now you were not able to bear it,
neither yet now are you able.
(3) For you are yet carnal: for while there is
among you envying, and strife, and divisions,
are you not carnal, and walk as men?

7. 1 Corinthians 11:18-19
(18) For first of all, when you come
together in the church, I hear that there
be divisions among you; and I partly
believe it.
(19) For there must be also heresies
among you, that they who are approved
may be made manifest among you.

8. The unity of any Church is meant to be
around her Leaders but ultimately unto
the Lord and in the Lord.
Hebrews 13:7, 17-18
(7) Remember them who have the rule
over you, who have spoken unto you the
word of God: whose faith follow,
considering the end of their manner of
life.

9. Hebrews 13:17-18
(17) Obey them that have the rule over
you, and submit yourselves: for they watch
for your souls, as they that must give
account, that they may do it with joy, and
not with grief: for that is unprofitable for
you.
(18) Pray for us: for we trust we have a
good conscience, in all things willing to
live honestly.

10. 1 Corinthians 1:10-11
(10) Now I beseech you, brethren, by the
name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all
speak the same thing, and that there be no
divisions among you; but that you be
perfectly joined together in the same mind
and in the same judgment.
(11) For it has been declared unto me of you,
my brethren, by them who are of the house of
Chloe, that there are contentions among you.

11. Quarrels and Disunity result from
incompetence and reluctance to manage
aggressive emotions, which in turn are
provoked mainly by misunderstanding
or misinterpretation (when someone is
not understood well) and misdemeanour
(when someone has not behaved well),
but also by miscommunication and
misrepresentation of the Truth.

12. The Church must be a leading light in
prevention and resolution of conflicts. When
Saint Paul was in conflict with the Judaizers,
he APPEALED to Jerusalem elders for
ARBITRATION recorded in Acts 15. When in
conflict with the Corinthian Church, he wrote
Second Corinthians as a DEFENCE and
reconciliatory epistle. When Philemon and
Onesimus were in conflict, he wrote Philemon
as MEDIATIONAL and reconciliatory epistle.

13. When in a conflict, examine yourself to
know your drive behind your role in the
conflict – are you driven by trust or fear,
love or wrath, sympathy or revenge,
pardon or passion, penitence or
persistence. The goal in avoiding and
resolving conflict should be to glorify God
and bring yourself and others to point of
repentance, restoration and reconciliation.

14. 1. Selfish and party Struggle for desirable
institutions: Denominational doctrine
and denominational government,
denominational personages.
2. Selfish and party Struggle for desirable
significance: Position, influence,
decision, recognition, accolades and
perquisites.

15. 3. Selfish and party Struggle for
desirable convenience: Preferences,
pursuits, programmes and projects.
4. Selfish and party Struggle against
undesirable threat: Protection of
personal or party secrets and fears,
pride and ego, besetting sins or
addictive flaws.

16. 5. Deviation from institutional statutes, values
and norms.
6. Demand for personal or party expectations
from others.
7. Poor sensitivity and poor communication
towards others.
8. Personal or party misunderstanding of
others’ intensions.
9. Discovery or suspicion of hidden agents or
ulterior motive.

17. 10. Human infirmities besetting so easily
require that rather than hypocritical
blame-game, we all do self-
examination and seek healing from the
Lord: impenitence, impatience,
incompetence, intransigence, iniquity,
inequity, infidelity, insatiety, immaturity,
irregularity, irresponsibility,
incorrigibility, insincerity, in….ty…

18. There are usually no conflicts
from Selfless and Saintly
submission for costly and
painful toleration: Sacrifice,
service, suffering, giving, loss,
love, repentance, forgiveness,
blame bearing, cost bearing.

19. Avoiding and Resolving conflict
and disunity amongst Christians
begins with realising that
engendering relational conflict in
the Church or the Home is not a
godly cause. Godly cause is the
pursuit of peace with all (Rom
12:18; Heb 12:14).

20. Greatest cause to pursue is to
love your family, love the
Church brethren (1Thes 3:12),
love and honour all men (1Pet
2:17), love your enemies and
bless your persecutors (Mat
5:44; Rom 12:14).

21. Requirements for deflating conflict include:
 COMMENDABLE CONSCIENCE toward God (1Pet
2:19) in Humility, Sympathy, Forbearance,
Forgiveness, Repentance.
 CONSIDERATE SENSITIVITY: remembering that we
all are frail to mix issues up and need succour for
our shares of pains, buffetings, failings, fears,
follies, anxieties, inadequacies, incompetency,
uncertainties.
 SKILFUL COMMUNICATION: incisive, insightful,
inspiring, edifying, comforting, converting,
convincing.

22.  LOYAL COMMITMENT to the LORD
(2Cor 5:9-10; 1Cor 4:1-4), to the
WORD (2Tim 1:13; Josh 1:8; 2Tim
3:16; 4:5), to the FLOCK (Acts 20:26-
31), and to the MINISTRY (2Cor 4:1-
4; Col 4:17).
 Purposeful refusal of resentment and
rebellion.
 Deliberate espousal of consideration
and toleration.

23. Church members should endeavour
to absorb one another and dowse
one another’s against provoked or
unprovoked tales, taunt, temper
and tantrum by readily seeking for
yielding to Compunction,
Correction, Consideration,
Compassion and Consecration.

24. (a) Compunction and admission of fault
when they disappoint each other’s
expectations or behave contrary to the
Faith. This requires sensitivity.
(b) Correction and apprehension when
one relates in a way not appropriate to
situations. This requires humility.
(c) Consideration and appreciation of
each other’s feelings and failings. This
requires sympathy.

25. (d) Compassion and affection when
the other spouse is under pressure or
burden of passion or fatigue, sickness
or sorrow, despair or depression,
anger or anxiety. This moves to charity
and eulogy.
(e) Consecration and dedication of all
dealings with the other spouse as
service UNTO THE LORD. This takes
the parties or persons to a whole new
and highly spiritual level.

26. Civil authorities are ordained by God to
execute justice, vengeance and wrath
(Rom 13) so they have officers for
legislative, judicial (tort and crime),
security, enforcement, jail and military
services.
On the other hand, the Church is
ordained by God to minister and
persuade for repentance, forgiveness
and reconciliation (Rom 12).

27. Though the Church needs
adjudicatory structure for resolving
internal tort conflicts, she does not
need enforcement, jail and military
officers, nor has she the
responsibility for criminal justice,
forfeiture, incarceration, corporal
and capital punishments.

28. It is therefore the divinely bounden
duty of the Christian to fulfil their
civic duties: to be peaceable and
law abiding, to pray for and respect
civil authorities as well as pay taxes
to sustain the State (Rom 13:4-7;
1Tim 2:1-4; Tit 3:1-2; 2Pet 2:13-
17).

29. Christians should always seek to
make peace (Rom 12:18; 1Pet
3:11): whether we have any
accusation against others, for which
we should offer forgiveness (Mat
11:25) or others have any
accusation against us for which we
should seek forgiveness (Mat 5:23).

30. When a Church member feels
offended by another or is felt to be
offensive to another, he/she should
be quick to settle the conflict in
order to either offer or obtain
repentance and restitution,
remission and reconciliation.

31. When we are offended by others
(though every offender is instantly
under divine wrath, woe and
judgment Mat 5:22; Luk 17:1-2), we
should always forgive the penitent
offender in order to attain common
concord and obtain divine mercy (Mat
6:12-16; Mar 11:25-26; Luk 17:1-4;
1Pet 3:9-13).

32. 1. If we are the offenders against
others (in every conflict we all
are always offenders to some
extent), we should make quick
personal move to show
penitence in order to obtain
forgiveness and settlement (Mat
5:22-26).

33. 2. If the offender in tort, contract,
marriage, succession and property
matters does not do well (in
showing humility and penitence) to
resolve or settle the matter at
personal level or the offended party
is not willing to accept apology to
forgive/forfeit and reconcile, we
should proceed further to involve
our close circles (Friends and
Family).

34. 3. If the close circles settlement also fails, the
matter should be taken to the wider Church
leadership (Ecclesiastical Court or Tribunal)
level for more objective and authoritative
adjudication. In scandalous matters, at least
two witnesses must be involved in bringing
the accusation and after due procedure of
adjudication, proportionate deterrent
discipline should be imposed if the accused is
proven guilty (1Tim 5:19-21). However if the
guilty accepts his or her guilt and repents, he
or she should be pardoned (Luk 17:3-4).

35. 4. If the Church is judicious (and not
shamefully shabby, inept and unjust
1Cor 6:2-4) and yet the offender fails
to comply with the Church’s
judgment, the Church should
sanction, ban or excommunicate the
recalcitrant offender or implacable
offended by divine authority (Mat
18:15-18; 1Cor 5:11-13; 2Thes
3:13-15; Tit 3:10-11).

36. 5. Such banned recalcitrant offender or
implacable offended could thereafter be
taken to the tribunes of secular authorities
and government establishments or civil
courts (preferably those headed by
Christians) and when indicted or convicted
by such civil authorities, institutions and
courts, shall have to pay full damages or
bear the full wrath for his/her guilt
according to any civil sentence (Mat 5:22-
26; Luk 12:57-59; Rom 13:2-5).

37. 6. Also in the event one offends against
the Church in misdemeanour or
scandal, there should be proper
inquiry into the merits and the
demerits of the matter before
appropriate discipline is given, while
holding out pardon for penitence
(1Cor 5:1-8; 2Cor 2:6-11; 2Thes
3:6,14).

38. In 1Corinthians, St Paul’s guiding principles
for Christian morality, charity, liberty and
unity are based on COMMANDS (7:10),
CONCESSIONS (7:6), and COUNSELS (7:12).
It was Rupertus Meldenius who in AD 1627
first wrote this popular unity maxim similar
to that taught by Saint Paul:
“In essentials, unity; in nonessentials,
liberty; in all things, charity.”

39. 1. COMMANDS (e.g. no divorce)
require unity and conformation,
2. CONCESSIONS (e.g. may marry or
not marry) require liberty and
consideration, and
3. COUNSELS (e.g. better not marry
in distress) require charity and
consecration.

40. It is important to recognise that
while COMMANDS are plain and
simple to follow, CONCESSIONS
and COUNSELS require maturity
in understand and commitment
to analyse for decision.

41. Often decision is made on behalf
of others by their leaders and
teachers, but this should be clear
to the congregation that such
choices are not final because
they are not commanded but
decided by spiritual wisdom.

42. We must beware because often,
our wise or anxious, zealous or
scrupulous CIRCUMSTANTIAL
CONSIDERATIONS may tend to
go contrary to God’s
COMMANDS, CONCESSIONS and
COUNSELS.