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w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 2 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
An open letter to youth in foster care:
a young alumni’s perspective
by DANIEL J. KNAPP, FosterClub
I absolutely love the Holiday Season! I start listening to Christmas music a few weeks before young trick-or-treaters scout their
neighborhoods, dressed in the Halloween garb, looking for a favorite piece of candy. Some say I am crazy for listening to Christmas
music so early, but I just don’t think a month is long enough to thoroughly enjoy those great Holiday tunes.
The meaning behind the Holidays is more than stuffing your face with grandma’s homemade pecan pie or getting the year’s hottest toy
or even enjoying the music. What it’s all about is coming together as a family and enjoying and treasuring each other’s company.
As a foster kid I used to hate the Holidays because I wasn’t with my family. After my father died the Holidays seemed never the same.
While in foster care I was able to go home, but only on Thanksgiving day and Christmas day, I found that being with loved ones the
whole season is what makes the Holidays so special. Going home on just two days or even for the weekend wasn’t enough.
In those days, I often felt like an outsider because I was just a foster kid, especially during the Holidays. I struggled emotionally when
my foster family celebrated the Holidays because I wanted to feel what I thought they were feeling. Even though I was included in all of
the Holiday celebrations I often felt left out because to me I was just “borrowing” their family and ultimately their joy.
{ continued…}
“Holy cow. Holidays are hard. I mean, I spent Christmas bawling in my bed. I've been so
used to having all my brothers and sisters to make the holidays for, and I just feel
broken. I feel purposeless. I feel alone, and lonely. The holidays are truly hard.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r s t e e n e e 8 9 , a g e 1 7 , f r o m C a l i f o r n i a i n f o s t e r c a r e f o r 6 m o n t h s
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 3 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
The holidays never felt special. Worse than that, for me they were a time of regret and confusion. At Christmas time
I felt so guilty when my foster mom bought me gifts because I knew she didn’t have to and sometimes I felt like she
bought them because she was obligated to. If she bought gifts for me I felt guilty and if I didn’t receive gifts I would
have felt unloved. It was really a “no win” situation.
In my town we have something called “Artic League” that provides a bag of toys for needy kids to make sure they had
something to open on Christmas morning. It’s a wonderful organization and even though the presents weren’t
wrapped and came in a clear plastic bag I really enjoyed getting my bag of toys. Since the donor of the toys were
anonymous, I felt I didn’t owe anybody. Receiving the plastic gift bag was a clear indicator that I was needy, but I’d
rather feel needy than obligated to someone.
My foster family was my temporary family and I was just temporarily in their home until my mom could get her life
straightened out. My foster family was good to me and I appreciate all that they did, but my birth mom never did get
her life straightened out and eventually I was put up for adoption. My foster family became my family when they
adopted me a few years later. I was so excited to be in a permanent loving family!
{ continued… }
“Holidays to this day is very hard! I will sit back and remember they way it used to be when the whole
family was together, and I would shed a tear. I have my own family traditions now and I love it, but
it's still hard to remember the way it was. It makes me miss my brothers, sisters, and my other family
members (miss them more than anything).”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r k a t i e d i d , a g e 2 1 , f r o m F l o r i d a , i n f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 4 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
I was adopted right before the holiday season and I couldn’t wait until that season arrived. This was
going to be the best Thanksgiving and Christmas ever! I couldn’t wait to establish myself as permanent
member of the family. I desperately wanted to loose the foster kid identity that I had carried for the
past 5 years. I thought that the Holiday Season was the perfect time to accomplish this.
To my surprise it didn’t happen. I didn’t feel established as a permanent member of the family that
first year. Sometimes I wonder if it ever happened. I think the Holiday Season made me feel worse
because I began to search out in my mind all of the little things that I felt would change now that I was
“officially” part of the family. Those changes I sought after were subtle and I begin to wonder why my
cousins got more gifts then me. The amount of gifts never really mattered, I was thankful for every gift,
but I just wanted to be equal.
Being equal to meant I was part of the family. Being equal meant I wasn’t a foster kid anymore. I began
to push away, hoping that someone would care enough to push back. No one ever did and my
behavior was misunderstood and contributed to me being considered ungrateful or not wanting to be
a part of the family. That was 10 years ago and this is something I still struggle with today. Last year, I
decided not to go to Thanksgiving Dinner with family and spent the day alone. I just wanted to avoid
those old bad feelings.
{ continued… }
“I have never had a real family to spend the
holidays with, ever since I went into foster care I
have been in a different home every Christmas. This
one factor ruins Christmas for me every year.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r b a b y c a k e s 0 1 , a g e 1 7 ,
f r o m W a s h i n g t o n , i n f o s t e r c a r e 1 6 y e a r s
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 5 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
I am sure my story is probably different than yours, but I do know what its like to be a foster kid during the Holidays. I do know what its like to miss
bio-family and the confusing feelings that go along with the Holiday Season when you experience them with a “temporary” family. These feelings are
normal and I am sure a lot of you are experiencing them right now. It is okay to feel awkward observing the Holidays with someone who has different
customs and spiritual beliefs than you do. These feelings are normal and instinctively they cause us to push away from those who care for us.
Foster parents are put in a tough position during the Holidays because they have taken another child into their home and provide them with a “safe”
home during this season. They do their best and sometimes they don’t understand the feelings that their foster kids go through because they have
never been in a similar situation themselves.
I know my adoptive mother did her best and I know she would have done better if she had understood the complexity of my feelings. I am grateful for
her huge heart and her willingness to open up her home and her heart to me.
I know it is really hard spending the Holiday Season away from the ones you love but I encourage you to not push away from the ones who are caring
for you, even though it might be temporary. They might not say the right things all the time but you need to trust that they do their best.
I still haven’t mentioned why I love Christmas so much. For years I allowed life’s circumstances rob me of my joy. During my freshman year of high
school my grandfather was real sick, close to death, and he ended up loosing a limb to diabetes. As his life was in the balance he never lost his joy. His
faith kept him strong when life was at his worse. This was my grandfather’s character. As his health deteriorated in his old age his spirit never did. He
never let life’s circumstances get him down. He couldn’t control what was happening to him but he could control his attitude. He had every right to be
miserable and to complain, but he rarely did.
{ continued… }
“It's hard on me because my siblings are adopted out and I float around every year to different people's homes. Yet, I
still feel like an outsider. I don't get gifts and only give to people I know or have become acquainted with since I moved
here 1 1/2 yrs ago. It's hard on me. I miss my father who raised me and gave us everything we wanted for Christmas
when he was alive. I know how it is around the holidays when everyone else is happy yet I am remembering old times
and I’m not making any good new ones because I don't know how by myself yet..”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r d r e a m c a t c h e r , a g e 2 0 , f r o m G e o r g i a , i n f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 6 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
This was a valuable lesson to me because I began to realize that I couldn’t control life but I
was letting it control me. There are just some things in life we can’t control. I can’t control
my foster care history and I can’t control other people’s behavior but I can control how I
react to life’s circumstances. During the Holiday Seasons past I missed out on so much
because I was so focused on issues that were really out of my control. I had every right to
feel those feelings but it caused me to miss out on what the Holidays are really about. I still
struggle with some of those feelings today that I felt when I was younger and still in foster
care, but I don’t let them rob me from enjoying the Holiday Seasons.
I wish you joy and peace this Holiday Season,
Dan
Daniel J. Knapp, age 24, lives in Elmira, New York. He currently
serves as Program Director for FosterClub. Dan was 9 years old
when placed into the system and was adopted at the age of 14 by
his first and only foster mother. He is thankful to his family for their
lifelong guidance. Dan is a graduate of SUNY at Buffalo and
plans on attending graduate school next year.
“It is a very hard times for us around the holidays, it hurts like HELL. I have
been there so many times not having any family to go to for the holidays.
However it will get better because you can make your own family and do the
things you wish you could have done as a child. THINGS WILL BE BETTER.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r N o r i , a g e 2 1 , f r o m C a l i f o r n i a ,
i n f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 7 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
12 ideas for supportive adults to help
their young person through the holidays
1. Prepare the foster youth in your care for the holidays in your home
Have a discussion with the young person about your family’s holiday customs. Do you celebrate over multiple days,
or is there one “main” celebration? Are there religious customs? Will gifts be exchanged? What should they wear?
Who will they meet? What preparations need to be done in advance? Will there be visitors to the home? Will they be
taken on visits to the homes of other family or friends? And in all of these events, will your youth be expected to
participate? Knowing what to expect will help to decrease anxiety around the holidays. Avoid surprises and you will
decrease seasonal tensions.
2. Prepare friends and family before you visit
Let people know in advance about new family members in your home. Surprising a host or hostess at the door with a
“new” foster youth may set up an awkward situation — such as a scramble to set an extra place at the table —
making the young person feel like an imposition right from the start of the visit. Your preparation of friends should
help cut down on awkward, but reasonable questions such as “who are you?” or “where did you come from?”
3. Remember confidentiality
You may receive well intended but prying questions from those you visit with over the holidays. If your young
person is new to your home, it is natural that family members ask questions about your youth’s background.
Understand that questions are generally not meant to be insensitive or rude, but simply come from a place of not
knowing much about foster care. Think in advance about how to answer these questions while maintaining your
youth’s confidentiality. Use the opportunity to educate interested family and friends. Discuss with your young
person how they would like to be introduced and what is appropriate to share about their history with your family
and friends. (Remember, they have no obligation to reveal their past.)
4. Arrange meeting your family in advance, if possible
The hustle and bustle of the holidays can make it particularly chaotic for your young person to participate in your
family traditions. Anxiety may run high for young people already, and the stress of meeting your relatives may be a
lot to deal with. If possible, you can arrange a casual “meeting” in advance of “main events.” If it is not possible or
practical to meet beforehand, make a list of names of some of the people they’ll meet and their connection to you.
You can also encourage a quick call from relatives you plan to visit to deliver a personal message of “we are excited
to met you” so that your youth knows they will be welcome.
“Holidays are hard even
when u have found "new
family" because u still feel
awkward and ur mom and
dad are not there so though it
is easier it sill makes u sad
because u are reminded of
what u don't have.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r D i v i n e ,
a g e 2 1 , f r o m W i s c o n s i n , i n
f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 8 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
5. Have extra presents ready to help offset differences
It should not be expected that all relatives purchase presents for your youth. Be prepared with other small
gifts and for those family members that express concern over not having brought a gift, offer one of your
“backups” for them to place under the tree. Extra presents may be addressed “from Santa”, even for older
youth, to help offset a larger number of gifts other children may receive at the same time. Children often
keep count of the number of gifts received (right or wrong) and use it to compare with other kids, so
sometimes quantity is important.
6. Facilitate visits with loved ones
The holidays can be a busy time for everyone including foster parents and caseworkers. But it is especially
important during this time of year to help your young person arrange for visits with loved ones. Don’t
allow busy schedules to mean the postponement of these important visits. Try to get permission for your
youth to make phone calls to relatives (if long distance charges are an issue, ask if calls can be placed from
the foster care agency or provide a local business or individual to “donate” by allowing the use of their
phone). A youth may wish to extend holiday wishes to relatives and friends from an old neighborhood, but
may need your help getting phone numbers together. Use the opportunity to help the youth develop their
own address book.
7. Help them make sure their loved ones are okay
Young people may worry that their family members are struggling through the holidays. If homelessness
has been a regular issue, the winter season may bring cold weather and extreme hardship. Your youth may
experience guilt if they feel a loved one is struggling while they, the youth, are living in comfort. Knowing
that a biological parent or sibling has shelter from the cold or has their other basic needs met may ease a
young person’s mind through the always emotional holidays.
{ continued… }
“Up until this Christmas I had been in the system during
holidays and birthdays. And it was harder being at home for
holidays rather than being in the system. At least there,
people actually celebrate it and show love.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r b ec ca h 07, a ge 1 9,
fro m I ndi a na, in fo s t er c ar e mo r e t ha n 3 ye a rs
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 9 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
8. Extend an invitation
If it is safe and allowed by your foster care agency, consider extending an invitation to siblings or bio-
parents through the holidays. It need not be an invitation to your “main” holiday event, consider a
“special” dinner for your youth to celebrate with their loved ones. If this not a possibility to do within
your home, consider arranging a visit at a local restaurant (ask the caseworker is it would be appropriate
for the visit to be unsupervised or if your supervision would suffice). Extending an invitation to their
loved ones need not signal to a young person that you support their bio-family’s lifestyle or choices —
rather it tells a young person that you respect their wish to stay connected to family. You will also send a
message to the youth that that aren’t being put in a position to “choose” your family over their bio-family
and that it is possible to have a relationship with all the people they care about.
9. Understand and encourage your youth’s own traditions and beliefs
Encourage discussion about the holiday traditions your young person experienced prior to being in foster
care, or even celebrations they liked while living with other foster families. Incorporate the traditions the
youth cherishes into your own family celebration, if possible. Use the opportunity to investigate the
youth’s culture and research customary traditions. If the young person holds a religious belief different
from yours, or if their family did, check into the traditions customarily surrounding those beliefs.
10. Assist in purchasing or making holiday gifts or in sending cards to their family and friends
Allow young people to purchase small gifts for their relatives, or help them craft homemade gifts. Help
send holiday cards to those that they want to stay connected with. The list of people that your youth
wishes to send cards and gifts to should be left completely to the youth, although precautions may be
taken to ensure safety (for example, a return address may be left off the package, or use the address of
the foster care agency) and compliance with any court orders.
{ continued… }
“We all get a little depressed
around the holidays usually more
than any other time... I know that
at times I cant help but cry when I
think of my family and what they
are up to and if they even think of
me at times like this but there
really is isn’t anything I can do but
pull myself together and pray that
they are safe and for God to give
me strength to be a good person
and know that one day this will all
be over and I one day will have a
choice in the matter....”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r
a s h m a n , a g e 1 7 , f r o m T e x a s i n
f o s t e r c a r e o v e r a y e a r
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 10 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
11. Understand if they pull away
Despite your best efforts, a young person may simply withdraw during the holidays. Understand that this
detachment most likely is not intended to be an insult or a reflection of how they feel about you, but rather is
their own coping mechanism. Allow for “downtime” during the holidays that will allow the youth some time
to themselves if they need it (although some youth would prefer to stay busy to keep their mind off other
things — you will need to make a decision based on your knowledge of the young person). Be sure to fit in
one-on-one time, personal time for your youth and you to talk through what they are feeling during this
emotional and often confusing time of year.
12. Call youth who formerly lived with you
The holidays can be a particularly tough time for youth who have recently aged out of foster care. They may
not have people to visit or a place to go for the holidays. In addition, young people commonly struggle
financially when they first leave foster care. A single phone call may lift their spirits and signal that you
continue to care for them and treasure their friendship. Be sure to include these youth on your own holiday
card list. A small token gift or gift basket of homemade holiday goodies may be especially appreciated.
“The holidays for me are very sad. I miss my family, My mom, and my three
sisters. My father? I could care less what happens to him. I haven't seen my
mom and my sisters for about 6 yrs. now. and I had to tolerate my father for
about 4 years. I take 2 years out because he was never around. I smile a lot
even when I'm not happy and on the holidays. People who know me think
I’m crazy and people who don’t think I’m shy. Mostly they think I'm weird
because I wear a lot of black and wear neat(weird) hairdos.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r Lo l it aS as uk e, age 15,
fro m T en ne ss ee, i n fo s te r ca r e l ess t h an 6 mo n th s
1. Stay connected to family and friends
Purchase or make cards to send out to family and friends
during the holidays. It’s a great time to create or update your
address book. Be respectful of a foster family’s privacy and
check with them to see if you should place the return address
of their house on the envelope or if you should use an
alternative, like the address of the foster care agency (some
people may have concerns about the safety of the home if too
many people have the address). Make phone calls to friends
from an old neighborhood or to previous foster families. (Get
your family’s OK first).
2. Speak up for visits
Let your foster parents and
caseworker know how important
visits are to you during the
holidays. Do what you can to help
arrange the visits, by being flexible
with your schedule or helping to
make the arrangements with those
you wish to visit. Understand that
the holidays can be a busy time for
everyone, so you may need to
“remind” foster parents frequently
to do what it takes to get a visit
arranged. If they need a little help
in understanding where you’re
coming from, give them a copy of
this publication to back you up!
3. Let ‘em wag
If you’re feeling a little lonesome and if you’re a dog lover, you’re in
a category with lots of other people who adore pets. Throughout the
holidays, your Humane Society may need help in adopting out
animals. During this rewarding work you can walk and bathe dogs,
teach them new tricks, and help them find good homes. Some
shelters hold photos sessions as fundraisers so pet owners can have
their dog or cat pose with Santa. Check with your local shelter or pet
store to see if they might be hosting a fundraiser of this kind and
how you can assist them.
4. Connect at church
If you belong to a church, check into all the
holiday activities that might be going on and
join in! Activities around the holidays might
include social gatherings, caroling (singing
around the neighborhood), volunteer efforts,
and extra services. If you do not belong to a
church but have been thinking about joining
one, the holidays can be a fun time to get
acquainted with a church or churches in your
community.
5. Write on
If you like to write, keep a daily journal
for the holiday season. Use your writing
as a way to vent feelings, work through
anxiety and worries, and to reflect on
the true meaning of the holidays. Some
find it helpful to write “letters”, even if
they will never be sent, to loved ones
you are missing or who have passed
away. If you are inclined, you can send
your stories to info@fosterclub.com.
7. Lend a hand
Volunteering can
unite people with
similar values. Offer
to help the Salvation
Army with their Christmas
dinner for needy people. Hold
reading sessions for kids at your
local library or bookstore where
you can read their favorite
holiday stories to them. If you’re
uncertain where to start, ask your
foster parent, caseworker or a
neighbor to help you research the
possibilities (who knows — they
may even join you!).
8. You’ll make it
Everyone appreciates a homemade gift.
Consider making holiday ornaments,
knitting scarves, or crafting bookmarks.
Search the internet for ideas and instruc-
tions about making inexpensive holiday
crafts. Most everyone loves homemade
cookies or candies wrapped in pretty
boxes. And in case you can’t think of
anyone in the whole world who would
love your delicious and yummy home-
made cookies, FosterClub’s address is
753 First Avenue, Seaside, OR 97138. =)
visit us online: www.fosterclub.com | the national network for young people in foster care
6. Be Yourself
Chances are you’ll naturally be meeting and running into lots of people during the
holiday season. The simplest things can connect you to someone, and one of the
easiest places to get started is by being yourself and showing kindness. Compliments
always make people feel special and recognized. Start by noticing something unusual
or unique about the person. Admire a piece of their jewelry, or shoes they’re wearing,
or their impressive vocabulary. By pointing out something remarkable and singular,
you can easily start up a conversation or make a new friend.
Copyright © 2006 FosterClub, Inc. Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this page, so long as all portions remain intact. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
10. Connect at FosterClub.com
Be sure to visit the FosterClub message boards at www.fosterclub.com
and connect with your peers who may be feeling the winter blues or
struggling with the holidays. Post your feedback to an article written
by a FosterClub AllStar at www.fosterclub.com/topics/kidsLikeMe.cfm.
Let us know how you spend the holidays and give your own ideas
about how to find your own peace during the season.
9. Visit others who may feel alone
Older people in a retirement or nursing home may be away from
loved ones during the holidays. Check with the home or a local
hospital to find out if there are people who would enjoy having
company during the holidays. Consider bringing a favorite holiday
story to read aloud or load your iPod with a favorite Christmas song
(you may have to explain how you got the song in there!).
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 12 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
Best Ways to Give
We’ve listed FosterClub’s top suggestions for ways you can give to benefit
foster children this holiday season.
Toy Drives and Gift Trees
Check with your local foster care agency to find out about toy drives in the
area that will benefit local children in foster care. If you have trouble finding
a local place to donate gifts or wish to purchase gifts online, you can donate
to benefit Teens in foster care through FosterClub. Visit www.fosterclub.org.
Give a Gift that Gives Twice
Make a donation that honors the support you receive from a family member
or friend. FosterClub will send an eCard announcing your gift, or download,
print and mail one of our four holiday cards (or place the colorful card under
the tree or as a stocking stuffer). Your family and friends will appreciate the
thoughtfulness of making a donation in their name to benefit a child who
does not have much. And it makes a great last-minute, done-in-5-minutes
gift! www.fosterclub.org.
{ continued… }
“For many years after I entered into foster care holidays and birthdays have been
really tough on me. There have been times that I cried even if it was one of the best
days of my life. To overcome this feeling of isolation and rejection I tried to stay
focused on the positive things that were taking place in my life especially focusing on
the people who displayed real love and affection toward me.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r M a rjo r y, age 18, fro m O hio , i n fo s te r ca re mo re th an 3 y e ar s
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 13 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
...More Ways to Give
Scholarship Fund
The Orphan Foundation of America makes it possible for hundreds of young people in foster care to attend
college annually. Consider starting a family holiday tradition of pooling resources to sponsor a Family Scholarship
for a young person struggling to make it on their own without family support. Or challenge your co-workers to
develop a Corporate Scholarship. Individuals and companies may fund scholarships for $1000 a year or more.
www.orphan.org/sponsored_scholarships.html
Give Magazine Subscriptions
Looking for a great last-minute idea for gift-giving? Consider a magazine subscription! FosterClub has partnered
with Readers Digest to bring you a large selection of magazines — find something for everyone on your list. And
best of all, a large percentage of your purchase price will benefit the kids of FosterClub. Visit www.fosterclub.com
Red Scarf Project
Love to knit or crochet, or know someone who does? Send warmth and encouragement to America’s college-
bound foster youth. The Orphan Foundation of America needs thousands of handmade scarves to put in our
Valentine Care Packages to these parentless youth attending college on their own. Your handiwork will truly be
the personal touch in these packages and bring students the encouragement they need to move forward and
graduate to a brighter future. www.orphan.org/red_scarf_project.xhtml
Give Year-Round
Make a commitment to give to benefit foster children year-round. Your contribution will support FosterClub’s
peer support network for young people in foster care. Through FosterClub, you can arrange an automatic monthly
gift of $20 (or any amount you choose) to be automatically paid from your bank account. www.fosterclub.org
One other way to give…
Forward this packet to others you know who work with youth in foster care, foster
parent, or are concerned about the welfare or children. Make copies of the Youth
Tips in this packet and mail it out to youth in care or procide copies to the waiting
area of your local foster care agency.
“The reason I get sad on
holidays is because I have
no one to share it with and
I have never had anyone to
share it with since I was 2
months old, some people
may not realize it but its
hard to have never have
had a family. But what I
have to say to all foster kids
is we’re all SURVIVORS.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r
ta h ua hu a, ag e 1 5, f ro m C ali fo r ni a,
in fo s te r c a re mo re 1 5 ye a rs
w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e
< page 14 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact.
The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care.
About FosterClub
FosterClub is the national network for young people in foster care.
Every 2 minutes, a child’s life changes as they enter the foster care system. For more than 518,000 young people living in
foster care across the country, childhood has been interrupted by abuse, neglect or abandonment. At FosterClub, we
reach out to these children and youth. FosterClub is their club — a place to turn for advice, information, and hope. Our
peer support network gives kids in foster care a new spin on life.
At FosterClub’s WEB SITES, kids are asking questions and getting answers: www.fosterclub.com is for young people
and www.fyi3.com is designed for youth transitioning from care. FosterClub’s gateway for adults who support young
people in foster care is www.fosterclub.org. Our PUBLICATIONS supply youth with tools for success and also provide
inspiration and perspective from their peers who have successfully emerged from foster care. FosterClub’s TRAINING
& EVENTS are held across the country and feature a dynamic group of young foster care alumni called the FosterClub
All-Stars. OUTREACH TOOLS designed to improve communication with young people in care and engage them in
achieving their own personal success.
The members of FosterClub are resilient young people determined to build a better future for themselves and for other
kids coming up through the system behind them. Their success depends on the generosity of concerned individuals and
collaborations with partner organizations. If you would like to learn more about FosterClub or how you can support
young people in foster care, visit www.fosterclub.org or call 503-717-1552.
FosterClub is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. EIN 93-1287234.
“Well I am new to FosterClub and I would like to talk to other teens about being in foster care and
how I feel and I have been in foster care for about a year now and I have been in four foster homes
since May and I think no one understand me and maybe taking to other teens in foster care will
help. I wish things could go back when I was a little kid and things could start all over but with out
the abuse and neglect and things like that.”
— F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r te ea h, ag e 1 8, f ro m M ic hig an, in fo s t er c ar e fo r a y ea r

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Helping Foster Kids Through the Holidays

  • 1.
  • 2. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 2 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. An open letter to youth in foster care: a young alumni’s perspective by DANIEL J. KNAPP, FosterClub I absolutely love the Holiday Season! I start listening to Christmas music a few weeks before young trick-or-treaters scout their neighborhoods, dressed in the Halloween garb, looking for a favorite piece of candy. Some say I am crazy for listening to Christmas music so early, but I just don’t think a month is long enough to thoroughly enjoy those great Holiday tunes. The meaning behind the Holidays is more than stuffing your face with grandma’s homemade pecan pie or getting the year’s hottest toy or even enjoying the music. What it’s all about is coming together as a family and enjoying and treasuring each other’s company. As a foster kid I used to hate the Holidays because I wasn’t with my family. After my father died the Holidays seemed never the same. While in foster care I was able to go home, but only on Thanksgiving day and Christmas day, I found that being with loved ones the whole season is what makes the Holidays so special. Going home on just two days or even for the weekend wasn’t enough. In those days, I often felt like an outsider because I was just a foster kid, especially during the Holidays. I struggled emotionally when my foster family celebrated the Holidays because I wanted to feel what I thought they were feeling. Even though I was included in all of the Holiday celebrations I often felt left out because to me I was just “borrowing” their family and ultimately their joy. { continued…} “Holy cow. Holidays are hard. I mean, I spent Christmas bawling in my bed. I've been so used to having all my brothers and sisters to make the holidays for, and I just feel broken. I feel purposeless. I feel alone, and lonely. The holidays are truly hard.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r s t e e n e e 8 9 , a g e 1 7 , f r o m C a l i f o r n i a i n f o s t e r c a r e f o r 6 m o n t h s
  • 3. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 3 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. The holidays never felt special. Worse than that, for me they were a time of regret and confusion. At Christmas time I felt so guilty when my foster mom bought me gifts because I knew she didn’t have to and sometimes I felt like she bought them because she was obligated to. If she bought gifts for me I felt guilty and if I didn’t receive gifts I would have felt unloved. It was really a “no win” situation. In my town we have something called “Artic League” that provides a bag of toys for needy kids to make sure they had something to open on Christmas morning. It’s a wonderful organization and even though the presents weren’t wrapped and came in a clear plastic bag I really enjoyed getting my bag of toys. Since the donor of the toys were anonymous, I felt I didn’t owe anybody. Receiving the plastic gift bag was a clear indicator that I was needy, but I’d rather feel needy than obligated to someone. My foster family was my temporary family and I was just temporarily in their home until my mom could get her life straightened out. My foster family was good to me and I appreciate all that they did, but my birth mom never did get her life straightened out and eventually I was put up for adoption. My foster family became my family when they adopted me a few years later. I was so excited to be in a permanent loving family! { continued… } “Holidays to this day is very hard! I will sit back and remember they way it used to be when the whole family was together, and I would shed a tear. I have my own family traditions now and I love it, but it's still hard to remember the way it was. It makes me miss my brothers, sisters, and my other family members (miss them more than anything).” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r k a t i e d i d , a g e 2 1 , f r o m F l o r i d a , i n f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
  • 4. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 4 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. I was adopted right before the holiday season and I couldn’t wait until that season arrived. This was going to be the best Thanksgiving and Christmas ever! I couldn’t wait to establish myself as permanent member of the family. I desperately wanted to loose the foster kid identity that I had carried for the past 5 years. I thought that the Holiday Season was the perfect time to accomplish this. To my surprise it didn’t happen. I didn’t feel established as a permanent member of the family that first year. Sometimes I wonder if it ever happened. I think the Holiday Season made me feel worse because I began to search out in my mind all of the little things that I felt would change now that I was “officially” part of the family. Those changes I sought after were subtle and I begin to wonder why my cousins got more gifts then me. The amount of gifts never really mattered, I was thankful for every gift, but I just wanted to be equal. Being equal to meant I was part of the family. Being equal meant I wasn’t a foster kid anymore. I began to push away, hoping that someone would care enough to push back. No one ever did and my behavior was misunderstood and contributed to me being considered ungrateful or not wanting to be a part of the family. That was 10 years ago and this is something I still struggle with today. Last year, I decided not to go to Thanksgiving Dinner with family and spent the day alone. I just wanted to avoid those old bad feelings. { continued… } “I have never had a real family to spend the holidays with, ever since I went into foster care I have been in a different home every Christmas. This one factor ruins Christmas for me every year.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r b a b y c a k e s 0 1 , a g e 1 7 , f r o m W a s h i n g t o n , i n f o s t e r c a r e 1 6 y e a r s
  • 5. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 5 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. I am sure my story is probably different than yours, but I do know what its like to be a foster kid during the Holidays. I do know what its like to miss bio-family and the confusing feelings that go along with the Holiday Season when you experience them with a “temporary” family. These feelings are normal and I am sure a lot of you are experiencing them right now. It is okay to feel awkward observing the Holidays with someone who has different customs and spiritual beliefs than you do. These feelings are normal and instinctively they cause us to push away from those who care for us. Foster parents are put in a tough position during the Holidays because they have taken another child into their home and provide them with a “safe” home during this season. They do their best and sometimes they don’t understand the feelings that their foster kids go through because they have never been in a similar situation themselves. I know my adoptive mother did her best and I know she would have done better if she had understood the complexity of my feelings. I am grateful for her huge heart and her willingness to open up her home and her heart to me. I know it is really hard spending the Holiday Season away from the ones you love but I encourage you to not push away from the ones who are caring for you, even though it might be temporary. They might not say the right things all the time but you need to trust that they do their best. I still haven’t mentioned why I love Christmas so much. For years I allowed life’s circumstances rob me of my joy. During my freshman year of high school my grandfather was real sick, close to death, and he ended up loosing a limb to diabetes. As his life was in the balance he never lost his joy. His faith kept him strong when life was at his worse. This was my grandfather’s character. As his health deteriorated in his old age his spirit never did. He never let life’s circumstances get him down. He couldn’t control what was happening to him but he could control his attitude. He had every right to be miserable and to complain, but he rarely did. { continued… } “It's hard on me because my siblings are adopted out and I float around every year to different people's homes. Yet, I still feel like an outsider. I don't get gifts and only give to people I know or have become acquainted with since I moved here 1 1/2 yrs ago. It's hard on me. I miss my father who raised me and gave us everything we wanted for Christmas when he was alive. I know how it is around the holidays when everyone else is happy yet I am remembering old times and I’m not making any good new ones because I don't know how by myself yet..” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r d r e a m c a t c h e r , a g e 2 0 , f r o m G e o r g i a , i n f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
  • 6. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 6 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. This was a valuable lesson to me because I began to realize that I couldn’t control life but I was letting it control me. There are just some things in life we can’t control. I can’t control my foster care history and I can’t control other people’s behavior but I can control how I react to life’s circumstances. During the Holiday Seasons past I missed out on so much because I was so focused on issues that were really out of my control. I had every right to feel those feelings but it caused me to miss out on what the Holidays are really about. I still struggle with some of those feelings today that I felt when I was younger and still in foster care, but I don’t let them rob me from enjoying the Holiday Seasons. I wish you joy and peace this Holiday Season, Dan Daniel J. Knapp, age 24, lives in Elmira, New York. He currently serves as Program Director for FosterClub. Dan was 9 years old when placed into the system and was adopted at the age of 14 by his first and only foster mother. He is thankful to his family for their lifelong guidance. Dan is a graduate of SUNY at Buffalo and plans on attending graduate school next year. “It is a very hard times for us around the holidays, it hurts like HELL. I have been there so many times not having any family to go to for the holidays. However it will get better because you can make your own family and do the things you wish you could have done as a child. THINGS WILL BE BETTER.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r N o r i , a g e 2 1 , f r o m C a l i f o r n i a , i n f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
  • 7. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 7 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. 12 ideas for supportive adults to help their young person through the holidays 1. Prepare the foster youth in your care for the holidays in your home Have a discussion with the young person about your family’s holiday customs. Do you celebrate over multiple days, or is there one “main” celebration? Are there religious customs? Will gifts be exchanged? What should they wear? Who will they meet? What preparations need to be done in advance? Will there be visitors to the home? Will they be taken on visits to the homes of other family or friends? And in all of these events, will your youth be expected to participate? Knowing what to expect will help to decrease anxiety around the holidays. Avoid surprises and you will decrease seasonal tensions. 2. Prepare friends and family before you visit Let people know in advance about new family members in your home. Surprising a host or hostess at the door with a “new” foster youth may set up an awkward situation — such as a scramble to set an extra place at the table — making the young person feel like an imposition right from the start of the visit. Your preparation of friends should help cut down on awkward, but reasonable questions such as “who are you?” or “where did you come from?” 3. Remember confidentiality You may receive well intended but prying questions from those you visit with over the holidays. If your young person is new to your home, it is natural that family members ask questions about your youth’s background. Understand that questions are generally not meant to be insensitive or rude, but simply come from a place of not knowing much about foster care. Think in advance about how to answer these questions while maintaining your youth’s confidentiality. Use the opportunity to educate interested family and friends. Discuss with your young person how they would like to be introduced and what is appropriate to share about their history with your family and friends. (Remember, they have no obligation to reveal their past.) 4. Arrange meeting your family in advance, if possible The hustle and bustle of the holidays can make it particularly chaotic for your young person to participate in your family traditions. Anxiety may run high for young people already, and the stress of meeting your relatives may be a lot to deal with. If possible, you can arrange a casual “meeting” in advance of “main events.” If it is not possible or practical to meet beforehand, make a list of names of some of the people they’ll meet and their connection to you. You can also encourage a quick call from relatives you plan to visit to deliver a personal message of “we are excited to met you” so that your youth knows they will be welcome. “Holidays are hard even when u have found "new family" because u still feel awkward and ur mom and dad are not there so though it is easier it sill makes u sad because u are reminded of what u don't have.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r D i v i n e , a g e 2 1 , f r o m W i s c o n s i n , i n f o s t e r c a r e m o r e t h a n 3 y e a r s
  • 8. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 8 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. 5. Have extra presents ready to help offset differences It should not be expected that all relatives purchase presents for your youth. Be prepared with other small gifts and for those family members that express concern over not having brought a gift, offer one of your “backups” for them to place under the tree. Extra presents may be addressed “from Santa”, even for older youth, to help offset a larger number of gifts other children may receive at the same time. Children often keep count of the number of gifts received (right or wrong) and use it to compare with other kids, so sometimes quantity is important. 6. Facilitate visits with loved ones The holidays can be a busy time for everyone including foster parents and caseworkers. But it is especially important during this time of year to help your young person arrange for visits with loved ones. Don’t allow busy schedules to mean the postponement of these important visits. Try to get permission for your youth to make phone calls to relatives (if long distance charges are an issue, ask if calls can be placed from the foster care agency or provide a local business or individual to “donate” by allowing the use of their phone). A youth may wish to extend holiday wishes to relatives and friends from an old neighborhood, but may need your help getting phone numbers together. Use the opportunity to help the youth develop their own address book. 7. Help them make sure their loved ones are okay Young people may worry that their family members are struggling through the holidays. If homelessness has been a regular issue, the winter season may bring cold weather and extreme hardship. Your youth may experience guilt if they feel a loved one is struggling while they, the youth, are living in comfort. Knowing that a biological parent or sibling has shelter from the cold or has their other basic needs met may ease a young person’s mind through the always emotional holidays. { continued… } “Up until this Christmas I had been in the system during holidays and birthdays. And it was harder being at home for holidays rather than being in the system. At least there, people actually celebrate it and show love.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r b ec ca h 07, a ge 1 9, fro m I ndi a na, in fo s t er c ar e mo r e t ha n 3 ye a rs
  • 9. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 9 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. 8. Extend an invitation If it is safe and allowed by your foster care agency, consider extending an invitation to siblings or bio- parents through the holidays. It need not be an invitation to your “main” holiday event, consider a “special” dinner for your youth to celebrate with their loved ones. If this not a possibility to do within your home, consider arranging a visit at a local restaurant (ask the caseworker is it would be appropriate for the visit to be unsupervised or if your supervision would suffice). Extending an invitation to their loved ones need not signal to a young person that you support their bio-family’s lifestyle or choices — rather it tells a young person that you respect their wish to stay connected to family. You will also send a message to the youth that that aren’t being put in a position to “choose” your family over their bio-family and that it is possible to have a relationship with all the people they care about. 9. Understand and encourage your youth’s own traditions and beliefs Encourage discussion about the holiday traditions your young person experienced prior to being in foster care, or even celebrations they liked while living with other foster families. Incorporate the traditions the youth cherishes into your own family celebration, if possible. Use the opportunity to investigate the youth’s culture and research customary traditions. If the young person holds a religious belief different from yours, or if their family did, check into the traditions customarily surrounding those beliefs. 10. Assist in purchasing or making holiday gifts or in sending cards to their family and friends Allow young people to purchase small gifts for their relatives, or help them craft homemade gifts. Help send holiday cards to those that they want to stay connected with. The list of people that your youth wishes to send cards and gifts to should be left completely to the youth, although precautions may be taken to ensure safety (for example, a return address may be left off the package, or use the address of the foster care agency) and compliance with any court orders. { continued… } “We all get a little depressed around the holidays usually more than any other time... I know that at times I cant help but cry when I think of my family and what they are up to and if they even think of me at times like this but there really is isn’t anything I can do but pull myself together and pray that they are safe and for God to give me strength to be a good person and know that one day this will all be over and I one day will have a choice in the matter....” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r a s h m a n , a g e 1 7 , f r o m T e x a s i n f o s t e r c a r e o v e r a y e a r
  • 10. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 10 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. 11. Understand if they pull away Despite your best efforts, a young person may simply withdraw during the holidays. Understand that this detachment most likely is not intended to be an insult or a reflection of how they feel about you, but rather is their own coping mechanism. Allow for “downtime” during the holidays that will allow the youth some time to themselves if they need it (although some youth would prefer to stay busy to keep their mind off other things — you will need to make a decision based on your knowledge of the young person). Be sure to fit in one-on-one time, personal time for your youth and you to talk through what they are feeling during this emotional and often confusing time of year. 12. Call youth who formerly lived with you The holidays can be a particularly tough time for youth who have recently aged out of foster care. They may not have people to visit or a place to go for the holidays. In addition, young people commonly struggle financially when they first leave foster care. A single phone call may lift their spirits and signal that you continue to care for them and treasure their friendship. Be sure to include these youth on your own holiday card list. A small token gift or gift basket of homemade holiday goodies may be especially appreciated. “The holidays for me are very sad. I miss my family, My mom, and my three sisters. My father? I could care less what happens to him. I haven't seen my mom and my sisters for about 6 yrs. now. and I had to tolerate my father for about 4 years. I take 2 years out because he was never around. I smile a lot even when I'm not happy and on the holidays. People who know me think I’m crazy and people who don’t think I’m shy. Mostly they think I'm weird because I wear a lot of black and wear neat(weird) hairdos.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r Lo l it aS as uk e, age 15, fro m T en ne ss ee, i n fo s te r ca r e l ess t h an 6 mo n th s
  • 11. 1. Stay connected to family and friends Purchase or make cards to send out to family and friends during the holidays. It’s a great time to create or update your address book. Be respectful of a foster family’s privacy and check with them to see if you should place the return address of their house on the envelope or if you should use an alternative, like the address of the foster care agency (some people may have concerns about the safety of the home if too many people have the address). Make phone calls to friends from an old neighborhood or to previous foster families. (Get your family’s OK first). 2. Speak up for visits Let your foster parents and caseworker know how important visits are to you during the holidays. Do what you can to help arrange the visits, by being flexible with your schedule or helping to make the arrangements with those you wish to visit. Understand that the holidays can be a busy time for everyone, so you may need to “remind” foster parents frequently to do what it takes to get a visit arranged. If they need a little help in understanding where you’re coming from, give them a copy of this publication to back you up! 3. Let ‘em wag If you’re feeling a little lonesome and if you’re a dog lover, you’re in a category with lots of other people who adore pets. Throughout the holidays, your Humane Society may need help in adopting out animals. During this rewarding work you can walk and bathe dogs, teach them new tricks, and help them find good homes. Some shelters hold photos sessions as fundraisers so pet owners can have their dog or cat pose with Santa. Check with your local shelter or pet store to see if they might be hosting a fundraiser of this kind and how you can assist them. 4. Connect at church If you belong to a church, check into all the holiday activities that might be going on and join in! Activities around the holidays might include social gatherings, caroling (singing around the neighborhood), volunteer efforts, and extra services. If you do not belong to a church but have been thinking about joining one, the holidays can be a fun time to get acquainted with a church or churches in your community. 5. Write on If you like to write, keep a daily journal for the holiday season. Use your writing as a way to vent feelings, work through anxiety and worries, and to reflect on the true meaning of the holidays. Some find it helpful to write “letters”, even if they will never be sent, to loved ones you are missing or who have passed away. If you are inclined, you can send your stories to info@fosterclub.com. 7. Lend a hand Volunteering can unite people with similar values. Offer to help the Salvation Army with their Christmas dinner for needy people. Hold reading sessions for kids at your local library or bookstore where you can read their favorite holiday stories to them. If you’re uncertain where to start, ask your foster parent, caseworker or a neighbor to help you research the possibilities (who knows — they may even join you!). 8. You’ll make it Everyone appreciates a homemade gift. Consider making holiday ornaments, knitting scarves, or crafting bookmarks. Search the internet for ideas and instruc- tions about making inexpensive holiday crafts. Most everyone loves homemade cookies or candies wrapped in pretty boxes. And in case you can’t think of anyone in the whole world who would love your delicious and yummy home- made cookies, FosterClub’s address is 753 First Avenue, Seaside, OR 97138. =) visit us online: www.fosterclub.com | the national network for young people in foster care 6. Be Yourself Chances are you’ll naturally be meeting and running into lots of people during the holiday season. The simplest things can connect you to someone, and one of the easiest places to get started is by being yourself and showing kindness. Compliments always make people feel special and recognized. Start by noticing something unusual or unique about the person. Admire a piece of their jewelry, or shoes they’re wearing, or their impressive vocabulary. By pointing out something remarkable and singular, you can easily start up a conversation or make a new friend. Copyright © 2006 FosterClub, Inc. Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this page, so long as all portions remain intact. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. 10. Connect at FosterClub.com Be sure to visit the FosterClub message boards at www.fosterclub.com and connect with your peers who may be feeling the winter blues or struggling with the holidays. Post your feedback to an article written by a FosterClub AllStar at www.fosterclub.com/topics/kidsLikeMe.cfm. Let us know how you spend the holidays and give your own ideas about how to find your own peace during the season. 9. Visit others who may feel alone Older people in a retirement or nursing home may be away from loved ones during the holidays. Check with the home or a local hospital to find out if there are people who would enjoy having company during the holidays. Consider bringing a favorite holiday story to read aloud or load your iPod with a favorite Christmas song (you may have to explain how you got the song in there!).
  • 12. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 12 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. Best Ways to Give We’ve listed FosterClub’s top suggestions for ways you can give to benefit foster children this holiday season. Toy Drives and Gift Trees Check with your local foster care agency to find out about toy drives in the area that will benefit local children in foster care. If you have trouble finding a local place to donate gifts or wish to purchase gifts online, you can donate to benefit Teens in foster care through FosterClub. Visit www.fosterclub.org. Give a Gift that Gives Twice Make a donation that honors the support you receive from a family member or friend. FosterClub will send an eCard announcing your gift, or download, print and mail one of our four holiday cards (or place the colorful card under the tree or as a stocking stuffer). Your family and friends will appreciate the thoughtfulness of making a donation in their name to benefit a child who does not have much. And it makes a great last-minute, done-in-5-minutes gift! www.fosterclub.org. { continued… } “For many years after I entered into foster care holidays and birthdays have been really tough on me. There have been times that I cried even if it was one of the best days of my life. To overcome this feeling of isolation and rejection I tried to stay focused on the positive things that were taking place in my life especially focusing on the people who displayed real love and affection toward me.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r M a rjo r y, age 18, fro m O hio , i n fo s te r ca re mo re th an 3 y e ar s
  • 13. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 13 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. ...More Ways to Give Scholarship Fund The Orphan Foundation of America makes it possible for hundreds of young people in foster care to attend college annually. Consider starting a family holiday tradition of pooling resources to sponsor a Family Scholarship for a young person struggling to make it on their own without family support. Or challenge your co-workers to develop a Corporate Scholarship. Individuals and companies may fund scholarships for $1000 a year or more. www.orphan.org/sponsored_scholarships.html Give Magazine Subscriptions Looking for a great last-minute idea for gift-giving? Consider a magazine subscription! FosterClub has partnered with Readers Digest to bring you a large selection of magazines — find something for everyone on your list. And best of all, a large percentage of your purchase price will benefit the kids of FosterClub. Visit www.fosterclub.com Red Scarf Project Love to knit or crochet, or know someone who does? Send warmth and encouragement to America’s college- bound foster youth. The Orphan Foundation of America needs thousands of handmade scarves to put in our Valentine Care Packages to these parentless youth attending college on their own. Your handiwork will truly be the personal touch in these packages and bring students the encouragement they need to move forward and graduate to a brighter future. www.orphan.org/red_scarf_project.xhtml Give Year-Round Make a commitment to give to benefit foster children year-round. Your contribution will support FosterClub’s peer support network for young people in foster care. Through FosterClub, you can arrange an automatic monthly gift of $20 (or any amount you choose) to be automatically paid from your bank account. www.fosterclub.org One other way to give… Forward this packet to others you know who work with youth in foster care, foster parent, or are concerned about the welfare or children. Make copies of the Youth Tips in this packet and mail it out to youth in care or procide copies to the waiting area of your local foster care agency. “The reason I get sad on holidays is because I have no one to share it with and I have never had anyone to share it with since I was 2 months old, some people may not realize it but its hard to have never have had a family. But what I have to say to all foster kids is we’re all SURVIVORS.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r ta h ua hu a, ag e 1 5, f ro m C ali fo r ni a, in fo s te r c a re mo re 1 5 ye a rs
  • 14. w w w . F o s t e r C l u b . o r g t h e n a t i o n a l n e t w o r k f o r y o u n g p e o p l e i n f o s t e r c a r e < page 14 of 14 >Permission is granted to reproduce and distribute this publication, so long as all portions of the document remain intact. The Youth Tips page may be reproduced on it’s own. May not be reproduced for profit. Thank you for your support of young people in foster care. About FosterClub FosterClub is the national network for young people in foster care. Every 2 minutes, a child’s life changes as they enter the foster care system. For more than 518,000 young people living in foster care across the country, childhood has been interrupted by abuse, neglect or abandonment. At FosterClub, we reach out to these children and youth. FosterClub is their club — a place to turn for advice, information, and hope. Our peer support network gives kids in foster care a new spin on life. At FosterClub’s WEB SITES, kids are asking questions and getting answers: www.fosterclub.com is for young people and www.fyi3.com is designed for youth transitioning from care. FosterClub’s gateway for adults who support young people in foster care is www.fosterclub.org. Our PUBLICATIONS supply youth with tools for success and also provide inspiration and perspective from their peers who have successfully emerged from foster care. FosterClub’s TRAINING & EVENTS are held across the country and feature a dynamic group of young foster care alumni called the FosterClub All-Stars. OUTREACH TOOLS designed to improve communication with young people in care and engage them in achieving their own personal success. The members of FosterClub are resilient young people determined to build a better future for themselves and for other kids coming up through the system behind them. Their success depends on the generosity of concerned individuals and collaborations with partner organizations. If you would like to learn more about FosterClub or how you can support young people in foster care, visit www.fosterclub.org or call 503-717-1552. FosterClub is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. EIN 93-1287234. “Well I am new to FosterClub and I would like to talk to other teens about being in foster care and how I feel and I have been in foster care for about a year now and I have been in four foster homes since May and I think no one understand me and maybe taking to other teens in foster care will help. I wish things could go back when I was a little kid and things could start all over but with out the abuse and neglect and things like that.” — F o s t e r C l u b m e m b e r te ea h, ag e 1 8, f ro m M ic hig an, in fo s t er c ar e fo r a y ea r