1. Welcome to Magicland, where chapters happen super fast because I played too far ahead and now need to catch you guys up! Again sorry for the short length, I have a net connection with the strength of silly string. Last time (yesterday) Queen Susan of all that is Evil found herself a willing minion in the form of lumpy-faced Shea (apparently I have a thing for lumpy men) and set about procreating for whatever reason made sense in her Evil mind. Results? You betcha.

2. Life in the Nightmare household is settling down (sort of), and as usual for a young Sims with a dream for some bizarre career, this involved rather a lot of skilling. Neither ES or Shea need to reach their LTWs for the challenge, but I do worry that if she doesn’t get her way things may get slightly messy.

3. Of course, this was going much better for Evil Susan than her willing minion. Riverblossom folk were much more keen on sitting around waiting for their food to grow rather than running around after it, and so the tredmill is a bit of a surprise for him. I like to think the gnome has turned his back on him in disgust.

4. “ *Cheap shower haaaaate*” Shea’s also throughly enjoying the Drew Rule, meaning that we can only fix things at noon each day, and seeing as Evil Susan thought it was more sensible to buy good windows to make sure she can see her prey approaching, poor old Shea has to fix everything. Every day.

5. “ AAAAARGH CHEAP SHOWER HAAAAAAAATE.” This is becoming quite a common sight.

6. “ Ya stole mah tuurrrrrnips!” As is this. “ If I wanted a turnip, which I don’t, yours would be last I touch!” “ Ya lyin’ wee wench.” “ Ya ooogly ood geezer. Highland fling off, I’m in no mood to be poked today, I’m having even a worse day than usual.” “ Run ooot of turrrrnips have we?” “ BE GONE.”

7. But it’s true, Evil Susan really does feel like she’s having a bad day. “ I think my plan’s failed.” “ Which one ES? The one to forcefeed me cheese until I die?” “ Nope, that one’s fine Stupid Name – the baby one. I haven’t popped, I think you did something wrong. I’m Evil Susan, nothing goes wrong for me!” “ It was only last night, just be patient.” “ I don’t do PATIENT.”

8. “ *munch munch munch* told you *munch munch*” “ Munch once more and it’ll be your last, Lump Face.”

9. “ Oh my goat no way! You actually listened to me ES? Wow, now that’s a first. D’aww, congratulations!” “ Oh whatever, now stop grinning. It’s a horrible sight. But yeah alright, I am with child and all that just like you said.”

10. “ You said to just think of having children as an investment, right?” “ Mm.” “ So I am. These Riverblossom twits are clearly mental, and mental about their farms and junk. So using my Evil yet brilliant brain, I’ve come up with a plan.” “ Urm..” “ Why not just sell on the brats? Useless Face is always telling me how he had top hoe carrots since he was two, I bet these morons would pay big bucks for a little extra help. I’ve got to hand it to you Gin, sometimes you do make sense.”

11. “ No.” “ Okay, this is now one of the times when you don’t make sense.” “ Evil Susan, you cannot sell your offspring to be farmhands!” “ Why not? It’s not like anyone can stop me!” “ What about your conscience?” “ My what now?!”

12. “ Oh come on Monkey Face, what the heck does it matter anyway?” “ That’s really.. Evil!” “ Yeah, I know! I’m even willing to have three of the things like you suggested, three times the cash and all.” “ You haven’t even popped yet! I bet then you’ll change your mind, and I bet you’ll want to keep them all.” “ Well I could always steal them back and sell them again, no one would notice.” “ EVIL SUSAN!”

13. “ You sure I can’t out you down for a small one Gin?” “ No.” “ They even come with free fertiliser.” “ No.” “ Well shrew to you! I’m bored now, I’ve have some serious skilling to do if I’m to get the Cuddling Co. Contract in the morning. Feel free to reconsider my offer though.”

14. But skilling had to be put on hold for a few minutes, when at long last Evil Susan finally got the first pop that she’d been waiting for (for Evil reasons only of course). “ Rubbish Name!” “ Evil Susan!” “ Only half of me has popped, I still maintain you’ve done something wrong.” “ Riverblossom EVIL.” “ Oh yeah. Evil pyjamas it is then.”

15. I’m all for Evil pyjamas, but surely they’re more commonly found in bed at 7am? “ Not when there’s a promotion to be had, I’m not letting Snuggly Buildings Ltd getting their hands on this contract, that not part of the Evil plan.”

16. But- “ Ridculous Name gets to go to work, so I don’t see why I don’t.” But- “ EQUALITY.”

17. I’ve read more than enough horror stories to know that leaving the gnome unguarded is never a good thing, far too many good and pure guardians have been stolen away in the arms of strangers, never to return. Sniffle. So no ideas, you. “ What? I’m merely being confused by the Ornery Flamingo and wondering about his opposition to conformity.”

18. So I reckon some guardian of the guardian is better than nothing, and made an executive decision on behalf of Evil Susan to get this little guy here. Apparently he’s a phoenix. Or something? Sadly ES just glared at him and pronounced him a tramp.

19. So Tramp become our guardian’s guardian, and was speedily taught the ways of the house.

20. Pop number two! “ ..I hate my pyjamas when they’re blue.”

21. “ Whatcha doing?” “ Oh for goat’s sake, you haven’t left me alone for two days! I’m making lunch. Alone. Lunch for one. BAT OFF.” “ Aww, come on ES! Just making sure that the mother of my children is properly taken care off.” “ I don’t need to be taken care of you berk, I need to make this cheesey foodstuff I’ve become oddly fond of, thank to your town’s awful ways. So kindly piss off and don’t talk to me for the rest of the week!” “ Oh! ..Fine. Are my kneecaps in danger again.” “ Yes.”

22. True to his word, Shea left Evil Susan to it. Of course, this would be the time she finally chose to bring forth some kidlets into the world and as we all know, Daddy Sims are a vital requirement of this event, where would we be without the twiddly hand waving?

23. Ah well, at least she had Tramp. “ Awrk, gnome stealing alert! Gnoooome on the run!” “ NOT HELPFUL.”

24. “ HA, I knew I didn’t need any help. Aww, fishpies – it looks Lumpy Face.” Well, the baby boy did as much as in he has blonde hair and brown eyes like his Daddy. (I gave ES her recessives from Strangetown, grey eyes and red hair, because I thought with only three gens it’ll be a bit more interesting and like, yay for geeeeenes!)

25. “ See, I don’t even need anyone to hold this thing for me.” Hold? What do you mean hold? Oh Evil Susan..

26. Cheers for that. “ Well thank you very much for giving me jeans that don’t go pop.” (June – I know you asked and I’ve just this sec remembered, the jeans are from the H&M stuff pack, hence no popping!)

27. “ Right, now I’ve got a matching one, where do I get to dump the little resource suckers? Hmm, I think Oddly Named was building something this way the other day, maybe it’s a cage or something? Whatever, it’ll do.” Thankfully, Shea had actually built a proper nursery and the similarly coloured little girl was dragged along there with her twin brother.

28. For Shea, it was the happiest moment of his life.

29. In the morning, when he finally realised he now had children, Shea was surprised to already find their mother in the nursery. “ Two? That’s awesome ES, well done! You could have called for help though.” “ Pfft, Evil doesn’t need help. I’ve already decided this one is a blight on my existence, and this one burns my eyes.” “ Sure thing. So what are we going to call them?” “ I JUST TOLD YOU.”

30. “ Hang on just a minute here-” “ I want another one now.” “ Evil Susan, you’ve just had two!” “ I know, buy one get one free, it was an excellent deal but apparently I need one more to lock things down.” “ You sure about that? Because I don’t know..”

31. “ .. Are you defying me?” “ No, I was just-” “ Because people who cross me fail to have the use of all organs ever again.” “ I know, but think about it-” “ I AM EVIL SUSAN. DO AS I SAY.”

32. As Evil Susan stormed off to be as far away from her children as possible, Shea decided to actually get to meet them. “ So you must be Blight then? And you sister over there is Burns? Well, I’m not going to argue with you Mother about that. Apparently we don’t see eye to eye on names..” And actually deciding to be a useful parent, Shea made sure to it that both twins were always fed and clean, much to his aspirational delight.

33. Although sometimes, a rather peculiar look come over Evil Susan’s eyes and she could be seen feeding or even cuddling one of the babies. “ Can’t sell.. Don’t want to sell.. Must play with..” It was a bit of a demented look to be fair.

34. And true to her threat, Evil Susan did manage to persuade Shea into once again partaking in the Evil Dance of Nakedness. I don’t think it took much persuading though, he seems rather fond of it, even if it does have a few uncomfortable after effects. “ There’s noise coming from the holding room, go sort it. I need to angry dance in my knickers.” “ No! You just tried to remove my rather precious eyeball ES, YOU go over there and sort it.” “ No. I’m too Evil to do awful things like that.” “ Evil Susan! I’m blind!” “ ..Fine.”

35. “ Hurry up, hurry up you annoying little thing.. I’ve got better things to do! Evil things. .. Stop looking at me like that. It’s making me feel strange. I don’t WANT strange, you hear?”

36. “ Ah right, it’s that kind of strange. It’ll do I suppose. Now, where did that other one go?” A whinge from the floor reminded Evil Susan that she’d dropped one of her current babies on the floor so she could cuddle her tummy. Not that could tell which one it was. Thankfully, it was quickly time for the twins to get a little more independence.

37. “ I’m having to touch it! I don’t like touching it. Hold it for me Lump Face.” “ No. This won’t take a second anyway, and then there’ll be much less carrying everywhere – or so I’m told.” “ There’s better be, but then again I can always just lock them under the sink for a while if they start to annoy me.”

38. “ Then let’s hope they learn to pick locks quickly..” “ Well whatever it is, just make sure you do all the teaching. I’m going to blow out the candles and then get the heck out of here, I still need another skill point before the morning.” “ As you wish.”

39. “ You broke it, you moron! You turned one old before her time!” “ Hm, that is a bit odd. Never mind, we’ll fix it won’t we honey?” “ That better be it you’re talking to.” “ Aww, you sure you don’t want me to start calling you Honey Susan?” “ Bugger off. Now sort this thing out as well, I have better things to do.”

40. After sorting out the rather bizarre hair choices, I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that the twins are adorkable. Just.. D’aww! Right, stats and things. I’m assuming all the kids will be Leos and not overly varied in personality because ES and Shea are exactly the same, but you never know. Blight (Boy! With River hair!) Leo – 4 10 4 7 1 I have a feeling him Mum’s going to be rather proud of him.. Burns (Girl! Not River hair!) Leo – 4 10 5 4 5 Ah, she’s winning the nicest in the house contest thanks to some freak extra points. Poor love, I’m sure she’ll manage to cope. As they’re twins, both have B names under the Boolprop Naming Scheme. And Evil Susan still has to have a third pregnancy, muahaha!

41. Shea is more than happy to take on the majority of twin-care-time, and as part Family Sim he was thrilled to be the one to take time off work and take care of the little blondey babies.

42. Both the twins are proving themselves to be absolute sweethearts, so I’m not sure Evil Susan would even recognise them as hers anymore! ..Not that she’d mind. Even Blight with his one nice point is full of smiles and light! But then again the light could be from the smartmilk that Shea was constantly throwing down their throats as he encouraged them onto the skilling toys rather that the toilet.

43. Meanwhile Evil Susan was perfectly happy to get on with her skilling and music building and ignore her children completely. She felt it was the best if she had to have one inside her that she didn’t need any extra around her. Rockin’ tunes would suffice.

44. Ah. Apparently it doesn’t matter whether she speaks to them or not, their Mother’s Evil influence still seems to have penetrating one twin at least. You can’t keep an Evil gene down 

45. Burns on the other hand seems to be immune to the Evil genes at the moment. “ Daddy has lumpy face!” “ Indeed I do sweetie, and if you’re lucky maybe you’ll have one someday too!” “ Good. Love Daddy.” “ Love you too honey. But you stink to high heaven, so it’s time to dunk you in some water.” “ Love Daddy no bath?” “ Love honey but bath.”

46. “ See, isn’t that better?” “ No!” “ One day you’ll have better judgement kiddo, trust me.” “ NO! Mummy play now?” “ Hmm, maybe. Let’s find out if the solar system’s starting going backwards shall we? Hey, MUMMY! You coming to play or what?”

47. “ BOG OFF! I’m in my rubbish jeans again and have to fix the tub that YOU broke and it thankfully happens to be midday. You get the brat, and I get to wave big heavy spanners! Actually, I’ve got the best deal. GET ON WITH IT.” “ WILL DO.” came the call back.

48. What? NO! Don’t run away Shea, I need you so I don’t end up with whole army of accidental Bad Apples! “ Actually, I’m just off to get the gnome. The flamingos seem to be multiplying at a rather alarming rate, and they kind of need their guardian.” Oh. Right. You do that.

49. But unfortunately, Shea’s gallant gnome hunting efforts mean that a very reluctant Evil Susan is left to look after the twins. “ Oh crap.. He hasn’t taught you to talk yet as he? Moron.. Right. Fine. I suppose I’ll give it a go. If I must. Right then, how the heck do you do this.. You are a blight upon my existence.” “ Me Blight! Mummy Evil! Mummy great!” “ Huh, well that’s actually true. Well done child, that’s enough speaking lessons, you seem to know all you need to get by.”

50. “ Mummy Evil!” “ Daddy nice!” “ Sister smells nice!” “ Brother huggle goooooood.” I think they’ll be fine *nods*

51. “ I think the brats might actually be sensible, possibly even verging on Evil.” she reported happily when Shea returned, joyfully with gnome intact. “ Really? I think you’ve been drinking organic liquids again.” “ Nope, so I’ve got high hopes for this next one, army of Evil here we come. Maybe I’ll keep them all, more minions are always good, especially if they can be taught the ways of Evil from an early age!” “ Does this mean you’re going to change diapers now then?” “ I’m Evil, not stupid.”

52. “ ..and also slightly in pain.” “ AWRK, bombs away!” “ YOU TRAMP.” “ Awrk.”

53. “ Hey, I actually get to watch this time – awesome!” “ Lump Face Stupid Name, that is far too creeepy and I am displeased. Get lost!” “ Heck no, you think I’m going to miss the birth of my third child?” “ Grr.. Quick! The Old Mill is on fire!”

54. “ Huh? Where?” “ I always said he was a thickoid. Oh great goat, this thing is gaping like a dark pit, there is something very wrong with it. It’s an Occult Demon Child!” Well whatever Evil Susan thinks of him, her third child is a boy with black hair and brown eyes.

55. “ It may be truly disgusting, but at least that’s me done now. Three awful children right? I can leave this hole soon?” Oh, if only she knew.. But Occult here is going to be this generations Bad Apple, so I won’t be able to click on or control him at all until he reaches university. And with his parents, I’m slightly worried about just how ‘Bad’ he’s going to be.. Gulp.

56. “ My thunder!” Yes indeed, not to be left out of the evening’s excitement, Blight manages to max out his charisma with a whole day left until he grows up. Good cute child!

57. I’m beginning to feel a bit bad, with all the child care Shea’s aspiration’s been a bit sucky lately, so I finally let him spend a day outside Meeting Someone New to his heart’s content. “ Wanda baby, you know you kind of match our rather huge flamingo army? Please be my friend, clearly I’m desperate.” “ Oooh, what a sweet offer, how could I refuse?” Bluewater love! Peace out.

58. Maybe it’s the need to have longer legs to run from Wanda, maybe they’re finally jealous of all the grilled cheese being scoffed, or maybe they just feel the need to spend time at school away from their parents – but the twins chose this afternoon to grow up. “ Those are silly reasons.”

59. “ I just want to do the crazy hand staring thing! And finally get to see through the magic window into the kitchen that’s there for no reason!” Well, that’s good enough in this house Burns.

60. “ Hello slightly larger child.” “ Hi Mummy! You look pretty.” “ No, I look Evil and you look filthy. Go and do the washing up.” “ But-” “ GO. Child, go!”

61. “ MY turn, MY turn! NOW NOW!” And now it’s Blight’s turn, who’d have thunk?

62. “ YES! Excellent, there’s way more I can do now.. Hey Burns, I’ve got something to shooow yoooou..”

63. And I shall leave you with Shea being less competent than Evil Susan. As we all are  So I’m speeding along rather nicely, hopefully managing to entertain other people as much as I’m making myself laugh! Hopefully things’ll be slightly more interesting now the kids are on their way and growing up – I already adore them, squeee. At this rate I’ll sure they’ll be another mini-bit sooooooon. Ta ta!