A short story in powerpoint format by flash fiction writer david gaffney www.davidgaffney.org

1. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

2. Genetic factors in early-onset AD 40 17 (688)  -secretase (BACE) DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVV … EVKM TVIVITLVML… D AEFRHDSGYEVHHQK L VFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVV IA  -Amyloid aggregates 1 (672) 770aa Kunitz domain  -amyloid peptide Extracellular Domain APP mutants: Total 25  -secretase Nicastrin Presenilin-1/2 APH1 PEN2 TVIVITLVML… DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVV IA 42 DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVVIA PS1: >160 mutants PS2: 10 mutants APP mRNA AAAAA AAAAA APP mRNA APP promoter mutants APP gene duplication

3.  -secretase Nicastrin Presenilin-1/2 APH1 PEN2 TVIVITLVML… DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVV IA 42 DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVVIA PS1: >160 mutants PS2: 10 mutants

4. Phosphatidylcholine synthesis Choline kinase Phosphocholine Choline Phosphocholine cytidylyltransferase Phosphatidic acid phosphatase Acyl CoA synthase Glycerol-3-Phosphate acyltransferase Acyl glycerol-3-Phosphate acyltransferase Diacylglycerol phosphocholine transferase Phosphatidylcholine

5. IKK  IKK  IKK  IKK  p52 AAAAA NFkB p50 NFkB p65 CRE ATF P P P P p100 P p52 JNK Fra1 PU.1 P P MafB Runx2 ER E 2 P IKK  Hsp90 P cdc37 P Cbl PTEN Ras Raf GAB2 Sos Grb2 RANKL RANKL RANK Motif 1 Motif 2 Motif 3 RANK Motif 1 Motif 2 Motif 3 RANK Motif 1 Motif 2 Motif 3 TAB2 P TAK1 P P Tpl2 NIK Src TRAF6 TRAF6 RANKL PI3K Limd1 MEKK3 S526 TAB1 P OPG PDK JAK-1 STAT1 INF  R1 Box INF  R1 Y466 Y466 S727 Y701 Y701 Y701 Y701 Smad 2 TGF  RII Kinase TGF  RI Kinase TGF  RII Kinase TGF  RI Kinase S465 S467 Smad 3 S422 S424 GS T204 TGF  RANK, MEKK3, RIPK, IFN  , NFATc1, IL1  , IL18, Bcl-2 , Cathepsin K, TRAP CBP p38 NFkB p50 NFkB p65 I  B S32 S36 NFkB p65 NFkB p65 NFkB p65 Mek 1/2 Fos NFATc1 Ca Ca Ca Ca Ca Mitf PKB STAT2 JAK-2 Box STAT2 STAT1 STAT2 STAT1 Y701 Y701 Smad 3 Smad 4 Smad 2 P P P Smad 3 Smad 4 Smad 2 P P P STAT2 STAT1 Y701 Y701 INF  ER E 2 E 2

6. Kicking the whale Phosphatidylcholine

7. The options were clear. I’d set them out on a PowerPoint slide.

8. Plastic tongues Rubber tongues

9. Third party Manual Like that. Easy . Smad 3 Smad 4 Smad 2 P P P E 2

10. The government representatives, the regional development agency, the international nuclear bodies But everyone in the conference room was laughing. Smad 2 TGF  RII Kinase TGF  RI Kinase TGF  RII Kinase TGF  RI Kinase S465 S467 Smad 3 S422 S424 GS T204 TGF 

11. Colin Rushford red-faced sweating TVIVITLVML… All in fits of hilarity 42 me from the stage PS1: >160 mutants PS2: 10 mutants frantically tried to remove my slides from the screen and Futures Nuclear and the Executive Director of

12. to give me the job of head of internal communications The aim of my post was simple. in the workplace. All staff will display respectful behaviour I was to achieve this with a PowerPoint Presentation. Yet my prowess at PowerPoint presentations persuaded Nuclear Futures

13. APP mRNA APP mRNA The future of the UK nuclear industry Was in my hands No pressure then AAAAA AAAAA

14. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity tongue

15. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

16. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

17. The conference was in a country hotel. The conference was in a posh hotel Nice food, pleasant meeting rooms, and a disco so you could strut about to Come on Eileen with the off duty waitresses

18. Colin gave me some examples of the problems Nuclear Futures would like me to address. Tongues TONGUES Tongues

19. A pond containing highly-active spent rods began leaking in 1974 and the press had found out. It was too dangerous for divers, so there was nothing we could do other than to peer in through the eye of a robot and sigh.

20. Another problem was biscuits. At an internal meeting Colin had been served bourbons from a tin of Family Choice. Nuclear Futures must employ directional biscuits, he explained

21. Staff had been heard in the canteen making fun of the leaking pond, and of the new procurement rules for biscuits, especially the paragraph on home-baked versus home-baked-look Staff must be taught to respect the management team and the management team’s decisions

22. The options were clear. The presentation I produced addressed these problems

23. Plastic tongues Rubber tongues

24. Third party Manual Like that. Easy . Smad 3 Smad 4 Smad 2 P P P E 2

25. All presented in a neat PowerPoint package. In hindsight I don’t think Nuclear Futures were ready for irony because Colin was furious, and when the laughter died away, the nuclear industry funders, customers and decision makers were shaking their heads. 17 (688) Nuclear futures Tongues tongues tongues tongues 1 (672) Kunitz domain  -amyloid peptide Extracellular Domain

26. Re-enchantment To re-imagine the future, Mathew In my briefing Colin had explained that the nuclear industry needed…

27. People stopped imagining the future after the 1950s. Now, even the turbochoads in off-road sandals are saying nuclear power is good. The future hasn’t moved on. JAK-1 STAT1 STAT2 INF  R1 Box JAK-2 INF  R1 Box Y466 Y466 Y701 Y701 INF 

28. APP mRNA APP mRNA That’s the pig in the python Nuclear power with meer-cats and Jools Holland Popular up there AAAAA AAAAA

29. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity tongue

30. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

31. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

32. might be the wolf nearest the sledge but we need to speak Our enemies are all around us to all wolves everywhere Our own staff. But we’re just kicking dead whales down the beach The lefty press ..

33. The conference was in a country hotel. I suggested that staff may need more development opportunities. ‘ The problem is, Mathew, our staff have too many skills.

34. the billion pound Reprocessing contract Y701 we lost That’s why STAT2 STAT1 another. Staff with Japan knew how to cut and paste from one excel spreadsheet to

35. high-level skills and self-motivation. staff with We don’t want our downfall carbo Triglicerides and Malonyl-CoA That’s been (PPAR  coactivator)

36. APP mRNA APP mRNA We need strategies to de-skill our staff strategies to de-skill our staff staff our staff to de-skill our staff AAAAA AAAAA

37. constantly working at the outer edge of their abilities. 17 (688) make them feel worthless, ignorant, … EVKM TVIVITLVML… complicated, impossible tasks 1 (672) APP mutants: Total 25 TVIVITLVML… Make them feel out of their depth, and their roles seem pointless, so nothing makes sense. Give them as if they are

38. Take us on a journey to hopelessness. Did you know, Mathew, that in the old days subordinates used to salute senior staff in the corridors? Even serve food in the canteen? A hopeless workforce shows respect. JAK-1 STAT1 STAT2 INF  R1 Box JAK-2 INF  R1 Box Y466 Y466 Y701 Y701 INF 

39. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity tongue

40. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

41. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

42. The nagging piano riff of New York, New York drifted up from the bar, and I imagined Colin and the senior management linking arms and kicking their legs. I looked at the PowerPoint template, the oblong gaping for its heading, the box below aching for pin-sharp bullet points. Tongues TONGUES Tongues

43. It excited me that business life could be diced up in this way; Genetic factors in early-onset AD 40 17 (688) subheadings, … EVKM TVIVITLVML… headings and 1 (672) 770aa Kunitz domain  -amyloid peptide Extracellular Domain APP mutants: Total 25  -secretase Nicastrin Presenilin-1/2 APH1 PEN2 TVIVITLVML… Clipart, quotes, sound 42 I was Orson Welles PS1: >160 mutants PS2: 10 mutants About to make Citizen Kane Poised over PowerPoint

44. New York, New York spluttered into Sade. I began to fill the boxes with words. I wondered if fat grey-haired Colin would dare to slow dance with a waitress, and imagined him singing gruffly into her hair that her love was king 17 (688) Nuclear futures Tongues tongues tongues tongues 1 (672) Kunitz domain  -amyloid peptide Extracellular Domain

45. Options for the continued delivery of a high quality arse-licking service to the senior management team.

46. Exercise: the tongue in the arse-licking machine needs to be replaced. But before we arrange this there are various options to consider; Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue action

47. Plastic or rubber tongue? Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue action

48. Plastic tongues More durable and longer lasting, but offer a less pleasurable, less subtle sensation.

49. Rubber tongues Higher lick variation, but tougher to clean and need replacing more often.

50. I asked staff for their comments on a return to the old days of manual licking Manual licking Smell Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue action P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans

51. “ the directors had special chairs with holes and we would lie underneath. We had nice velvety rests for our heads. This company knew how to look after its staff then.” Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue action development opportunity

52. taste salty fishy the machine. Lacks the personal touch. Down on the shop floor we don’t understand the directors the way we did when it was manual” We knew the of each director; the ones, the oily ones, the ones, the It’s all so clean and simple now, since ones who didn’t wipe

53. Externalise arse-licking, get an outside provider in. The final option is third party Tongue action quality AAAAA AAAAA whimpering hybiene procurement

54. I sat on the grass verge outside the hotel waiting for my taxi. I was wrong about these business junkets. You can achieve a lot on a management away day. I would miss the lunch. The lunches had been good. IKK  IKK  IKK  Hsp90 P cdc37 p38 P NFkB p50 NFkB p65 I  B S32 S36

55. After a few weeks the order for the chairs would arrive, the holes would be drilled, the velvety head-rests fitted, and everyone would return to their places as if A PowerPoint presentation can knock your mind through into another room. nothing had happened. IKK  IKK  IKK  Hsp90 P cdc37 p38 P NFkB p50 NFkB p65 I  B S32 S36

56. 40 DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVV  -secretase Nicastrin Presenilin-1/2 APH1 PEN2 TVIVITLVML… DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVV IA 42 DAEFRHDSGYEVHHQKLVFFAEDVGSNKGAIIGLMVGGVVIA PS1: >160 mutants PS2: 10 mutants

57. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity tongue

58. Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue

59. Kicking the whale Smell P172 whimpers saliva CBS CBS CBS CBS Moans Lick velocity (Glucose transporter 4) Lick pressure (Phosphofructokinase} Penetration depth (Insulin Receptor substrate 1) Lick oscilation (Nitric oxide synthase) Tongue action Lick frequency (Glycogen synthase) Angle of approach Director position development opportunity Tongue