Pragmatics of Complimenting

1. Complimenting
Appropriately
GBUS 495, Fall 2012
Ms. Quinones

2. Overview
 What are compliments?
 Why give compliments?
 How are compliments constructed?
 When are compliments used?
 Do’s and Don’ts of complimenting.
 Responding to compliments.

3. What are Compliments?
Compliment (Source: Wiktionary)
 n. An expression of praise, congratulation or encouragement.
 n. Good wishes.
 v. To pay a compliment; to express a favorable opinion.

4. Why Give Compliments?
 You can make someone’s day (make them smile)
 It increases your positive outlook and that of others around
you
 It comes back to you in different forms – builds positive
relationships
 It makes you more attractive to others (in a variety of ways)
 It is enjoyable to do

5. How are Compliments Constructed?
Compliment Formulas
Top three compliment formulas (Manes and Wolfson 1981, pp.
120-121) and examples:
 1. Noun Phrase + is/look + (really) + Adjective
 Your blouse is really beautiful. Your hair looks great!
 2. I + (really) + like/love + Noun Phrase
 I really like your dress. I love your new apartment.
 3. Pronoun + is + (really) + Adjective + Noun Phrase
 That's a really nice rug. That's a great looking car.

6. How are Compliments Constructed?
Additional six formula examples:
 4. You have such beautiful hair.
 5. What a lovely baby you have!
 6. Isn't your ring beautiful!
 7. You (really) did a good job!
 8. You (really) handled that situation well!
 9. Nice game!

7. How are Compliments Constructed?
Ingredients for a Good Compliment:
 Sincerity
 Specificity
 Acknowledgement of character
 Acknowledgement of Affect/Effect
 Follow-up Question
 Appropriate Timing

8. Ingredient 1: Sincerity
To be believable, compliments must be sincere.
 Your tone, facial expression, and body language go a long
way in conveying how sincere you are.
 If you don’t truly mean it, don’t say it.
 No compliment at all is better than false or insincere
compliments.

9. Ingredient 2: Specificity
The best compliments are specific.
 Instead of just a vague “you look nice today”, say something
that shows you’re actually noticing the person.
 Rather than you look ‘nice‘ try a sincere “that’s a lovely scarf”
 Instead of “you’re a good cook” try “that was a great lasagna.”

10. Ingredient 3:
Acknowledgement of Character
When complimenting an accomplishment, don’t just focus on
what the person did.
 Acknowledge who they had to be in order to accomplish it.
 Point to character traits, such as perseverance, kindness,
thoughtfulness, loyalty, humor, creativity or courage.
 For example:
 “It took a lot of courage for you to speak up like that”
 “You are so creative. I love the way you put together your outfit.”
http://dscottangle.com/9-steps-perfect-compliment/

11. Ingredient 4:
Acknowledgement of Affect/Effect
 “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” – Mark
Twain
 Go beyond the action/change/result and talk about how it
makes you feel or the effect produced:
 It meant a lot to me that you took the time to…
 That necklace really highlights the color of your eyes.
 Your getting that work done means we have time to go out and…
http://dscottangle.com/9-steps-perfect-compliment/

12. Ingredient 5: Follow-Up Question
Don’t just give the compliment and leave it there, show
interest by asking a follow-up question.
 When you show actual interest by following the compliment
with a question, you show interest in a person and it drives
the conversation – is it new?
 “The color of that scarf is perfect for you. Where did you find it?“
http://dscottangle.com/9-steps-perfect-compliment/

13. Ingredient 6: Appropriate Timing
 Consider the setting.
 Compliments should be appropriate.
 It’s wonderful to tell a bride that she’s beautiful, but
congratulate her on losing 100 pounds some other time.
 It is sometimes best to compliment a person when you notice
something, provided it is convenient.
 Sometimes if you wait too long the moment can be lost.
 Always think first, then compliment.

14. When are Compliments Used?
Essentially compliments can be used anytime but here are
a few suggestions.
 Compliments make great openers for any type of
conversation.
 They also are helpful in the workplace or when breaking the
ice with someone.
 You can use them in passing just to make someone smile.
 You can use them to make a graceful exit.
 They are helpful when making indirect requests.

15. Do’s and Don’ts
 Safe Things to Compliment People on:
 Style
 Smile and Laugh
 Sense of Humor
 Intelligence
 Pets
 Objects/Possessions
 Homes/Decorations
 Character traits
 Skills

16. Do’s and Don’ts
 Unsafe Things to Compliment People on:
 weight
 hygiene
 body shape/fitness (unless it is good)
 money related things
 Something that would normally be unspoken
 *Beware of backhanded compliments
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw-rS0nnG2s
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOzuWBWYGgI

17. Practice
 Evaluate these videos to see how appropriate each
compliment is.
 (Complimenting Strangers)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFJuw9qAU28
 (Compliment Guys)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I4bixh_MPg
 (Big Bang Theory)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Sglky042g

18. Responding to Compliments
 4 Possible Responses
 Downgrading
 Questioning
 Shifting Credit
 Returning

19. Responding
 Downgrading: minimizing the validity of what was said
 A: “That’s a nice shirt”
 B: “Well, I just got it. It was pretty cheap.”
 Questioning: shows doubt or a need for more praise
(depends on tone)
 A: You did an excellent job on your presntation yesterday!
 B: Do you really think so?
 A: Oh yes! It was fabulous!

20. Responding
 Shifting Credit: gives someone else credit
 A: I love your clock! It looks great in your living room!
 B: Thanks. A friend of mine brought it to me from Oregon.
 Returning: reply with a compliment
 A: You’re looking well!
 B: Thanks. So are you!

21. Questions?