Focus on Intentional Dialogue (for understanding) and Intentional Confrontation (for change). But looks at the concept of intentional conversation also in more general terms.
2. Communication
There are four basic forms of human
communication:
-Verbal
-Non-Verbal
-Written
-Visual
<We will focus on
Verbal and Non-verbal>
3. Intentional Conversation?
Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion
between two or more people where
(1) stakes are high
(2) opinions vary
(3) emotions run strong.
(Patterson)
In these situations, there is a desire
of one to change the mind of
the other or gain understanding
(of the other or from the other).
4. Intentional Conversation?
Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion
between two or more people where
(1) stakes are high
(2) opinions vary
(3) emotions run strong.
(Patterson)
In these situations, there is a desire
of one to change the mind of
the other or gain understanding
(of the other or from the other).
5. Communication with a Purpose
One-Way
Two-Way
Communication Communication
Teaching/
Seeking
Understanding Lecture
Dialogue/
Discussion
Seeking
Change
Argument/
Apologetics/
Confrontation
Preaching/
Polemics
We will focus on two-way communication, so we will
focus on dialogue and confrontation.
6. When is an Intentional
Conversation needed?
Whenever you
-feel uncomfortable,
-have second thoughts, or
-try to avoid saying what you need to say,
what you aren’t saying is your hard
conversation. (Abrams)
7. What if we need to have an intentional
conversations but don't?
-Our beliefs and our actions are not aligned
-We experience a high level of tension,
discomfort, stress.
-We give support to what is wrong through
silence and inaction.
-Our trustworthiness can be questioned.
-Relationships we want to protect become
strained and damaged.
8. Successful Intentional
Conversations require a
PLAN
Goal, Situation, Script
<As such, it will feel strange...
artificial... fake. But give it a chance.
Preaching and teaching utilizes
plans.>
10. 1. Goal
a.
b.
c.
d.
Seek to understand?
Seek understanding?
Seek to change?
Seek change?
<Should the goal be known by the other
or a surprise?>
11. 2. Situation
a. When would be a good time?
b. What would be a good place?
c. What would be the right
emotional state?
<Can a location of a meeting affect
the outcome?>
13. Intentional Dialogue
This is for gaining understanding.
Typically, the need for dialogue is related more
to understanding of values and feelings more
than about facts.
v
Typically, the need is to focus more on
perceptions than “truth” or blame.
14. Intentional Dialogue
<See Handout. Divide into groups and then into
2s. Others can critique.>
“A” share a BIG moment (happy or sad).
“B” Mirror
v
“B” Validate
“B” Empathize
15. Intentional Confrontation
Guidelines (Maxwell)
-Confront ASAP (right time and place)
-Separate the person from their actions
-Only confront what the person can change
-Give person the benefit of the doubt
v
-Be specific
-Avoid sarcasm
-Avoid words like ‘always’ and ‘never’
-Express feelings
-Give a “game plan”
-Affirm the person
16. Intentional Confrontation
A Simple 3-Step Plan is the “A.I.R.” Plan
“A” is for Awareness. Make the other aware of
the situation/concern.
“I” is for Impact. Make the other aware of the
v
impact on work/relationship/others.
“R” is for Request. Make the other aware of
what you desire to be different.
<Note: if no resolution is achieved, seek
collaboration. “What do you think can be done
to resolve this issue?>
17. Intentional Confrontation
<See Handout. The handout is a plan for
personal relationships. Break into groups and
then into 2s. “A” and “B”>
Frustrating Behavior
My Feeling
v
My Story
My Reactive Behavior
My Fear
My Childhood Response
My Desire
18. Intentional Confrontation
If you simply want to attack or blame... you don't
need intentional communication/ confrontation.
Intentional communication in confrontation is
beneficial when the goal is correction and
v
reconciliation.
19. Is Intentional Conversation
Always Successful?
NO!!!
-Intentional dialogue requires mutual respect.
-Intentional confrontation requires a willingness
for both parties to grow and reconcile.
(Mediation may be required).
v
Other types of intentional conversation can also
fail (ask any salesman... no words can
guarantee results).
All one can do is plan for success.
20. References
-Leverington, John and Becky. Marriage
Encounter Training Handouts. October 2012.
Narramore Christian Foundation. Chiang Mai,
Thailand.
-Maxwell, John. “Developing the Leaders
Around You.”
-Maybin, Sarita. “If You Can’t Say Something
Nice, What Do You Say?”
-”courageousintentionalconversations.ppt” at
http://2011e1690.wikispaces.com.