Unfinished Business The Movie has all the answers you need to mitigate the disaster, cover up the destruction and, above all, deny the entire thing when human resources comes calling. Want more advice from Unfinished Business? Check out our other decks here: http://www.slideshare.net/UnfinishedBusiness

1. BROUGHT TO YOU BY
CRISIS
MANAGEMENT
HOW TO COVER UP AFTER YOU’VE GONE BALLS OUT

2. INTRODUCTION
• As Warren Buffett proclaimed: “It takes 20 years to build a reputation
and five minutes to ruin it.”
• In order to prevent the bad from getting worse, you need a foolproof
plan to mitigate the disaster, cover up the destruction and, above all,
deny the entire thing when human resources comes calling

3. AVOIDING A DESTRUCTION
OF PROPERTY CHARGE
• 28% of vandalism charges can be reduced to a misdemeanor,
provided you hire a lawyer who has represented at least one former
child actor
• If the destruction of property is accidental you are not guilty of a crime
• Three foolproof “Not Guilty” excuses to ensure you cannot be charged
for your actions, which could include but is not limited to, busting a
window, tagging a building (or person), and trashing a hotel room:
“I slipped
on a used
condom”
“I was
sleepwalking
at the time”
“It was my
evil twin that
I haven’t met
yet”

4. WHEN SEXTING GOES AWRY
• At least 1/3 of the US population aged
18 or higher is involved in some form of
nude sexting
WHERE DO SEXTS GO?
Share
17%
Lie About Sharing
83%
Of those that admit to sharing,
55% share them with one or
more person. In other words, if
you’re sending your junk, lots
of people are seeing it.
Top Tips
• Know your angles – avoid
showcasing visible tattoos,
hideous scarring, identifiable
freckles or your company logo in
the background
• Less is more. (No one needs to
see your O-face)
• Filters are your friend – Dick pics
look bigger in sepia tone

5. SO YOU’VE KILLED AN ANIMAL
WITH YOUR COMPANY CAR…
• Estimated number of animals
killed daily in the United
States: 1 million
• Odds of killing something
when driving: 1 in 23
• Odds of killing something
when you’re late and
desperate to get somewhere:
1 in 2
• Odds of being able to
“repurpose” your road kill:
1 in 9
Ignore it
and keep driving
Hide it in a ditch
and keep driving
Problem solved!
Determining your
Post-Accident POA
Is the animal you hit bigger
than a bread box?
No Yes

6. DEALING WITH HR
Top Tips
• Do not be yourself. Always lie.
• Deny any and all office hookups
• Uncomfortable, unwavering eye contact will get you everything
• There is no such thing as a “risk-free” workplace. Find the flaw and
exploit it for any questionable injuries sustained “on the job”
• If you’re (literally) caught with your pants down, claim sexual
harassment, discrimination or fake an epileptic fit

7. SUMMARY
Remember the three golden rules and no crisis will
ever ruin your rep:
1. Live like a boy scout.
Always be prepared.
2. Hide any and all evidence.
3. Deny, deny, deny…
and then blame someone else.

8. You’re Welcome.